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@aromantic-afamilial
So at this point I've come out to a few people irl and I think I'm pretty happy abt it. I think I am definitely arospec and being on the aro spectrum has affected me for a very very long time. Even before I came out to myself.
No way did I just read the intro to a book about adoption and see parents uncritically called the "owners" of their adopted child.
happy pride to my fellow aromantic allosexuals this year ^-^ you're all awesome! i often feel like a horse when it comes to my own identity... perhaps this will identify with whomever else is out there. have a wonderful pride. get louder about aromanticism or die <3
I wish I took a better pic of this writing in a bar bathroom in toronto bc I think of it so often. Be So Completely Yourself That No One Is Attracted To You Or Wants To Employ You
this was originally going to be a draft but i typed the whole thing up and decided "fuck it i've publicly vented about worse on this website." but fuck i hate being cupioromantic so much.
i'm constantly in this weird cycle of "i love love but i'm fine without a romantic relationship personally but i want to be someone's person so badly but not in a romantic way but also not in a platonic way but that's too complicated for the majority of people to understand and it's not like i'm objectively attractive enough to even be desired in a romantic or sexual way but also that's a good thing because i don't want either of those (aroace gang) but i'd lie in a heartbeat if it meant i could be someone's priority but i also know that's selfish and horrible of me but i almost don't care because i know no one will ever love me in the way i love other people and i would rather lie to myself and someone else than be alone for the rest of my life because the way i love people is wrong."
idk too little, too late has me feeling things rn. i know that's NOT what the song is about in the slightest but. it's making me feel things.
I have said this so many times but I think I need to say it again FRIENDSHIP IS NOT LESSER THAN ROMANCE
As soon as you say you value sex more than romance everyone stares at you like you're the Devil. Let people have preferences...
Tbh I’m so fucking tired of all those posts from alloros who have been in non-romantic relationships (especially sexual ones or fwbs and the like) with aros, expected it to turn romantic at some point, and got pissed because it didn’t, who’ll then whine about how they were "lead on" because their aromantic ex-partner… did exactly what they said they did? And didn’t develop romantic feelings, like they said from the beginning?
Like idk, dear alloro, it sound like you were leading them on. It sound like you were the asshole and only kept them around in hopes for something that wasn’t agreed upon while lying to their face about what you wanted and felt for them. Sound like a fucking you problem to me.
"But they did [thing] for me and that’s obviously romantic 😭"
Did you tell them that you view it that way? Did you communicate your emotions and how you perceived their actions? Or did you expect them to just know how you felt and respond accordingly? And then got mad when they couldn’t read your fucking mind? And now you’re expecting everyone to feel bad for you and call them an asshole?
Like tbh at some point alloros really have to understand that sometimes they are the problem, and not the victim. But I guess a little tiny bit of introspection is just too much to ask for 🤷
Right so,
Met a cute lad over the weekend and kinda wanna sleep with him.
BUT
I am afraid in case he's alloallo and takes offense if I proposition him. What do?
Aroalloblr pls help
this is alloarophobia
also the top comment on this post about alloaros being somebody going "well im aroace-"
Days before I'm due to meet my fwb to have sex a 2nd time he goes and gets a boyfriend and calls it off. I'm happy for him, but my god I am feeling very aroallo rn :(
for aro-spec/aro allosexual folks or just anyone who wants to play! enjoy!
I got 3
for aro-spec/aro allosexual folks or just anyone who wants to play! enjoy!
Tumblr Advisor Board
I think it could be cool to put together a board of the top Tumblristas in the world, that could see previews of what's coming up and advise on strategic direction. Who should be on it?
Okay, look. We're gonna do it like this, Matt. I used to work in market research. This one is free, next time I expect a month of free premium and if there's a third time I expect a job.
TO EVERYONE ELSE:
A series of ten reblogs is about to follow, since you can only have one poll per reblog. Please answer all ten polls. If you don't see them all, check the notes (this shouldn't take me long so if it's more than like, fifteen minutes since I posted this one they should all be there.)
1) What is the PRIMARY thing you do on Tumblr?
I mostly reblog others' posts
I write original posts
I make/post memes
I make/post images or gifs
I make/post videos
I run a poll blog
I run a gimmick blog
2) how long have you been here?
Under twelve months
1-2 years
3-4 years
5-6 years
7-8 years
9-10 years
More than ten years
I don't remember
3) how old are you?
Under 18
19-28
29-38
39-48
49-58
59-68
I'm one of the Tumblr grandparents
4) thinking about the recent Tumblr feature release/rollback, what did you find most frustrating?
There was no communication before the fact
I felt like the feature didn't take Tumblr users' wants and needs into account
I felt like the feature showed a lack of understanding of Tumblr culture
I felt the feature would hurt Tumblr culture
I felt the feature would hurt Tumblr artists and small makers specifically
I wasn't bothered by the change
It happened so fast I didn't even know until it was all over
5) thinking about the recent Tumblr feature release/rollback, what satisfied you most about the response?
Tumblr staff responded quickly
I felt like we were heard and listened to
It was nice to see our concerns were understood
I wasn't bothered by the change
It happened so fast I didn't even know until it was all over
Other
6) thinking about features you use on Tumblr, what would you like to see improved?
The recent UI changes to reblogging are too confusing
I'd like tagging to be easier
I'd like to see the tagging system overhauled
I'd like to see the reporting/adult tagging system improved
I'd like a separate page for my communities
I'd like to be able to mark posts as for my followers only
I'd like to see the blocking system improved
I'm happy with Tumblr as it is
Other
7) with the understanding that Tumblr needs to attract new users or convert more current free users to paying users in order to stay online, what do you think of Matt's "top tumblrista" idea?
Absolutely not--this is very famously the influencer-hating site
Absolutely not--this site is too diverse for that to work
Absolutely not, for other reasons
I'm actually liking this poll method
The poll method is clunky but something similar would be great
I think the panel of "top users" would be great
I have no opinion on this
8) if you don't currently pay for use of a Tumblr feature, why not?
I have paid Tumblr features
The price point is too high for my wallet
The price point is too high for what's offered
There's nothing offered that I want
I wouldn't pay even if something I wanted was offered
Other
In the following question, "pre-social media" refers to platforms like LiveJournal, forums, alt.net boards, early MySpace, and similar spaces.
9) thinking about the given definition of "pre-social media," how much do you agree with the statement "I think most tumblr users I know would prefer pre-social media to modern platforms like Facebook and X"?
"Strongly agree" is not strong enough
Strongly agree
Agree
Kind of maybe agree?
Neutral/I don't know enough about pre-social media to say
Kind of maybe disagree?
Disagree
Strongly disagree
"Strongly disagree" is not strong enough
10) do you think Matt should just hire me to do this so I don't have to squeeze it around my break at work?
Yes, this was awesome
Sure, you're not perfect but this was way better than what they've done til now
No, but someone should do this
Honestly I'm just sad you didn't give us nuance/bald/vanilla extract/tickybox
I love the irony that if that new reblog change had actually happened, @prismatic-bell would have been getting all the notes for this post, making it completely useless for @photomatt for any sort of research purposes, because he happened to get reblogged by a more popular blog and would have not gotten all the notifications when people added comments
Like, I hope this clears up why we all hated that idea
This is an excellent point. I genuinely hope @photomatt looks at the answers here and finds them informative even though I definitely could have done better if I wasn't cranking it out in an hour while waiting for my machine at work to come back online.
I especially love that as of right now, almost 70% of respondents agree he should hire me. I'm being wasted in this 90-degree factory, Matt, I have no degree but I do have a good grasp on Tumblr culture and how to generate useful data. Listen to the people 😎
I think the fact that you made these polls in the first place, on your own time, really highlights what sets Tumblr apart from any other social media platform, which is that Tumblr users actually LIKE Tumblr
We don't see this platform as a means to an end, like how influencers use other platforms to make money off their followers and don't actually care what platform they're on, as long as it pays them... we see it as a community we are all part of, and that we want to see improve without losing the community aspect
Every other social media is just using algorithms to feed us non-stop ads, pumping out the most far-right Nazi content, and being completely overtaken by bots and AI. There's no "social" aspect left to most of them.
Tumblr also has a Nazi problem, and dealing with that would be a great change to implement, but aside from that, Tumblr is pretty much the only place you can go and interact with real people, without being sold to non-stop.
Influencer culture is dying out everywhere... this is NOT the time for Tumblr to hop on that bandwagon. It would literally kill this website... no one is going to join Tumblr because it become more like the other platforms that everyone's already sick of, and the more it becomes like Twitter or Tik Tok or whatever, the more current Tumblr users will abandon it, just like they did with every other platform.
Actually, that would make a good additional poll, I think:
What social media platform do you use DAILY, excluding Tumblr:
Twitter (yes I will keep deadnaming Twitter til the day I die idc)
Tik Tok
LinkedIn????
Other????? (are there more??? I don't even know)
More than one of the above
None of the above, and I never have used any of them
None of the above BUT I used to, and have since deleted my accounts
I have accounts for one or more of the above, but RARELY use them
I have accounts for one or more of the above, but NEVER use them
... for the purpose of this poll. rarely means more than never, but less than daily, I guess
I am not a market researcher, but I do love polls lol
I actually meant to have this as a question and then forgot it because I was doing it off the cuff rather than actually writing out and tweaking it ahead of time, because it's a deeply important one. So thank you for adding it.
I think I'm non partnering cuz I still want casual sex but I don't want to label it as a committed relationship or I'm a player who knows
starting a new theory that all "players" are actually aroallos who, because of amatonormativity, cannot be honest with their partners that they are not looking for a romantic relationship
We don't talk enough about how so many prospective adoptive parents are themselves dealing with massive trauma, which they have a high risk of then passing that onto their adopted children (if their recovery is unmanaged).
I'm an adoptee and my (estranged) adoptive parents were abusive, themselves abused by their parents. They were only considering adoption because they'd exhausted any other means of having a child (IVF etc.). The trauma of trying to get pregnant and failing was in no way addressed by 2002 (the year I was adopted).
When we think about who is the most likely to adopt, it's mainly heterosexual couples who can't conceive or it's LGBTQ+ couples. The latter of which also deal with massive trauma and abuse due to being queer and wanting to raise a child.
Adoption is often a tragedy - and I'm speaking as a white adoptee. I know a black transracial adoptee who frequently regards their being put up for adoption as a tragedy. The UK is finally introducing therapy support for current adopters and adoptees. But for those of us failed by the system? Now we have lifelong trauma that runs deep.
We need to change the way adoption is viewed. It's not a last resort when you can't have kids of your own. It should be seen as an equal to biological children from the get-go.
Check out the AFAM BLAST community on Discord – hang out with 4 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.
Drops it and runs. [Please be nice I'm still figuring out an automatic role bot and there's no verification for users yet. Haha]
