Fascinating how what's considered feminine and what's considered masculine can change over time. The rebranding of being a horse girl into being a stereotypical feminine girly trait needs to be studied.
Look at classic children's novels. As recently as the 50s and early 60s, being obsessed with horses as a girl was depicted as strange and tomboyish, and the very concept of being obsessed with horses from early childhood and loving toy horses and desperately wanting your own horse being a "little girl thing" and not a "little boy thing" would send someone from the 1800s and earlier into a coma.
There's maybe a point to be made here somewhere about how when keeping and riding horses stopped being necessary to the functioning of society and became a more "frivolous" thing, it was rapidly rebranded as silly and girly and for women, but what do I know.
Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
I should also add- I ran into my rabbi and explained the situation. I then asked, earnestly, if there was a remedy. A mikveh of sorts, or a beit din, or something.
He turned to me, sighed, and said in a very deadpan tone-- "Plants don't have covenants, Joy,"
So Dorothea's a free agent according to rabbinic opinion. I guess I'll permit her to be Roman Catholic.
"youre not always nice but youre kind and youre not always perfect but youre good" is the perfect analysis of supergirl's character and its such a beautiful message for young women
everybody leaving tags on my letterboxd roundup like "they didn't do the nobody scene??" we're so fucking past that i need you to catch up. i went into the movie knowing they wouldn't do the nobody scene and frankly i had made peace with it like okay if you don't want odysseus calling himself outis because you don't feel like the joke translates well enough WHATEVER you dont need to film every line of the poem. what i was NOT prepared for is that THEY DON'T SPEAK TO POLYPHEMUS AT ALL. they don't steal a giant wheel of cheese, they don't get him drunk, odysseus doesn't taunt him after their escape, AND he doesn't cry out to poseidon or the other cyclopes on the shore. it's "revealed" that he can speak in the cave before their escape as he prays to poseidon. someone asks odysseus "should we try to reason with him?" and ODYSSEUS says "we're past that." resulting in an adaptation where odysseus does not use wit or trickery to escape polyphemus at all-- which is the case with every single obstacle he meets. this guy does not lie and he does not play tricks. his intelligence is restricted to battlefield tactics, the administration and direction of his men as units. You have to poke polyphemus so he opens his eye before you can stab it! I am very smart. the only point at which he could be described as "tricking" polyphemus is when-- because the movie is allergic to making odysseus look stupid or silly in any way-- they tie straw to their backs to be mistaken for sheep instead of riding the undersides of the sheep, and we are presented with an action sequence of trousered and armored soldiers somersaulting and army crawling under polyphemus' gently dangling hand. which i hate because it is a less clever solution that only works if polyphemus is extremely stupid (shepherd who doesn't know how many sheep he has) -- and more importantly because it removes IMO the most emotionally efficient moment in the odyssey, which is polyphemus talking to the one sheep that's walking slow because it has odysseus on its belly like "oh no are you feeling okay today? you're moving so slow, maybe you're upset because i'm in pain? you're the best sheep in the world and i love all of you my sheeps" like that scene is supposed to instantly retroactively humanize polyphemus and make you realize odysseus has been torturing a person with feelings who basically just wants to be left alone with his pet sheep and it's extremely good at that in every translation i've ever read. but not one of odysseus' enemies are allowed an inch of humanity in this entire adaptation which seems to be a veiled metaphor for the vietnam war so what can you expect. and yes because odysseus never does anything wrong or stupid or silly, OF COURSE he would never reveal his name and allow polyphemus to curse him, and his crew only "believes" that he's been cursed by poseidon thereafter, which removes the ENTIRE MAIN ANTAGONIST of the story and changes the central conflict from man vs. god to man vs. ????
DPC and DPL. Dead People’s Clothes and Dead People’s Leather.
Their toys, their paintings of half naked, naked, screwing men. The statues. The leather. The sling. The posters. The ... all of it.
We’d literally Straighten homes. Depending. Some families knew and were fine. Or more ok. But pictures of other guys on phones was the least of it.
I have... leather that’s been passed through three or four men who’ve died before getting to me. They’re the heirlooms now, passed down chosen families.
Sometimes there were crews. We’d show up as soon as possible, as a unit. We’d hit the bedrooms first. Clear out closets, under beds, bedsides. We’d donate, throw out, take mementos. Pass on. Secret lives and secret, us only treasures.
Then we’d leave. For some family’s you never talked about it. They never knew. It was better all around.
I have vests, gloves. A belt. Arm bands. Paintings. T-shirts. Photos, undeveloped film that’d I’m still somewhat terrified to try to get developed (lol). We live on in the living rooms of others.
From the Nashville Zoo’s fb page! Here’s the petition, please please please take a moment to add your name (even if you’re not from Nashville!). If you are from Tennessee, contact your representatives and make it clear that the people do not want this data center. This is an AZA accredited zoo which is home to several species of critically endangered animals, we NEED to protect it. Make your voice heard!
Data centers have been recorded creating constant noise at a frequency outside the human range of hearing but which still causes severe issues. This could be even worse with animals that have more sensitive hearing than humans do.
We don't need to wait years to find out these things cause real harm to the communities near them, we have proof already.
Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.
So imagine you have a job as a maid and you get assigned to this rich girl. Her parents picked you to kind of keep her in line, she definitely has some anger issues but she's also really sweet and silly when she's not being kept down by her shitty family. Like, they keep locking her up whenever she does anything they don't like and you're like, I just work here, but you do feel for her.
Then one day they finally assign her to be part of the family business and she's really stoked until she sees the environmental impact it has and she tries to get her family to stop and honestly you are falling so hard for this woman. She loves nature and animals and neither of you have any idea how to run anything, like, you're literally just a maid, but you're in charge of this whole huge shebang.
You both try to convince her family to cut back on production but it's a no go and they're pissed that they finally gave her responsibility only for her to immediately cause new problems. Once her family says fuck off to her efforts to preserve the environment she's just like, okay, fuck it, and she dons a disguise to fight them off as a mysterious rebel and she says it was your idea and you think you were probably joking when you said it but she's so happy so you're like, yeah, okay, let's like, destroy your family's interest in this site.
So then you're just like rebels together and you finally confess how you feel and she feels the same and you are so happy. There's a ton of horrible war going on but she sees you as more than a decorative maid. She convinces you to help her fake her own death and you really don't want to but you're so stupid for this woman so you do it. Her family are so fucking pissed that they just fucking nuke the site, but even after her family drops a radioactive bomb that distorts and destroys pretty much all the ambient life you guys are kind of happy anyway, at least you have each other.
Only then she meets this absolutely useless beach bum musician, falls head over heels for him and dumps you really abruptly. Then she dies in childbirth to bear this absolute goober's baby that you promised to raise.
And you still love her and miss her and her kid is a lot like her and that hurts pretty much all the time and that's basically why Pearl in Steven Universe is Like That.
Hello! I've got two questions which are kinda related to each other, so I'm putting them in the same ask. Please don't feel pressured to respond if you're not comfortable though!!
Do you have any advice for managing ADHD/symptoms of ADHD as a Proper Adult (tm)? I'm a Newly Minted Adult (19), and I haven't been diagnosed one way or another, but I have a lot of the symptoms of ADHD (executive dysfunction, difficulty estimating time, constantly fidgeting, getting focused on something and feeling unable to put it up for hours, probably some others I'm forgetting). I have systems in place that help mitigate some of this (longform journaling, physical to-do lists and chore charts, playing music while cleaning, backing up when I'm trying to get out the door so that when I do eventually leave I'm (close to) on time, pomodoro timers, and so on), but I still feel like I'm treading water, especially as the things I'm responsible for keep growing in number. A lot of things will also work great... for two weeks, and then I'm back where I started. I'm worried that my life is going to end up being controlled by these symptoms (particularly executive dysfunction) and I'll never be able to feel like it's *mine*--ironically enough, the actions I struggle with the most are the ones that I *want* to do, like crafting or replying to a letter. You seem like you spend a lot of time doing things you enjoy and have made a life that feels like your own, so I'm hoping you might have some perspective/advice about this.
2. Do you have any advice for accepting/coming to terms with having to actively manage mental health for the rest of your life? I recently realized that what I thought was Me Doing Fine was actually Me With Mild Depression, which like. What the hell, man. I'm kinda thinking of myself as being whatever the mental health version of immunocompromised is, where I *can* have good weeks or even months, but a) it takes me more effort than most people to maintain and b) it's much easier to slip back into depression. I know it's better to realize this now than realize it ten years down the line, but I'm still feeling this weird combination of denial/anger/sadness/resentment/fatigue about the whole thing (like, you're telling me I have to do extra work?? Just to not feel shitty all the time?? For 60+ years?!?!?!). Similarly to pt 1, you've mentioned having depression but still seem to enjoy much of your life, so I'm wondering what your take on it is.
Okay that's it!! This turned out way longer than I expected, oops 😅 Thank you for the various wisdom you share, and please pet your kitties for me :)
Heya, Anon! Sorry it took me a while, but, you know.. I also suffer from executive dysfunction. XD
On managing ADHD as an Adult
My advice here is what works for me, someone who is AuDHD (and also a hoarder, to up the difficulty challenge).
At 19, you are in a place where you can learn new skills, but your systems are still going to carry you throughout most of your life. And that is fine. The most important thing to learn is when and how to meet yourself as you are, and how to graciously accept your limitations while still pushing yourself to do better.
What has helped me:
Be ok that not all of your systems are going to be aesthetic. If I regularly dump my clothes in a pile in a specific place on the floor, I either need to put a basket there, or completely block the space. If I forget what is in a container or in a drawer, it needs a label. I am going to take better notes at work in the notepad app vs by hand in a leather-bound journal or some hyper-optimized note taking program. And so on.
Understand when routine can lead to a type of time/clutter blindness. If the chore board is collecting dust and you're skipping days, it's time to reboot and remix the routine. Don't force yourself into a system that isn't paying off. It's better to jump from system to system if they work, even for a few weeks, than doing nothing at all.
Convenience is worth the expense/investment. Automate bills if possible. Have 2 bathrooms? Buy duplicate cleaning supplies and put them in each room, so everything is *right there*. Got to where you have some extra income? Grocery delivery, meal boxes, housekeeping, lawn services -- all of those remove cognitive load off your shoulders and are not "giving up", even if you are capable of doing these tasks.
Get some use out of your fidgeting. I pace when I have bees in my brain. When I'm in that mode, I try to look for any trash I can pick up, a counter to wipe, anything to quickly tidy. Something that takes no more than 30 seconds. It really helps with keeping the clutter down in my working areas. I also have some exercise equipment that is fidget-friendly -- an under-desk pedal machine and an indoor rebounder.
Body double when possible. This is like parallel play, but for work. Have someone else in the room, or in a voice/video chat while you work on a task. A lot of folks find they focus well this way.
Rewards cannot be something you regularly do. My reward for doing big projects and deep cleaning is to listen to an audio book during the chore. I cannot listen to an audio book at any other time, because I'll just skip the chore and go straight to the book. This is because I am lazy and my internal boss is a big pushover. So, the reward MUST be special, not something routine like "30 more minutes of video game time for the day."
Don't tell people about big plans if it gives you a serotonin hit. I have learned that telling people about my planned projects gives me almost the same amount of satisfaction as showing off finished work. Then, I just never actually begin. So, I hold off until I've put enough work in to commit.
Don't wait for Big Stuff to practice locking in. Practice with something low stakes. I have been doing my nightly GOOD NIGHT cat photos for like a decade now with about 99% reliability because it is low stakes. And it's proven to me that I can indeed commit to a regular task.
The first 10 minutes will suck. Get used to it. I love to hike, I love to make things. But the first 10 minutes are absolute ass. But enough repetition and I can convince myself to start because I am now confident there will be a payoff.
Don't try to do everything all the time. Half-assed is also better than no-assed. Some days, it's cereal for dinner so you have the spoons to clean the toilet. It's better to negotiate with yourself than do nothing at all.
Be honest with the people in your life that you trust + take responsibility for when your mental health makes you do dumb shit. I have an awful memory. My partner knows this and I have to delegate some things to them to remember for me. I get agitated when my routine and plans get stalled and I go non-verbal or get snappish. My partner knows I am not angry at them, but I still apologize for my behavior as soon as I am able to.
Know when less is more. Regularly declutter your living space. Lack of space and too much stuff can make you over-stimulated. Don't worry about sunk cost . Things that never worked out, like old organization systems, old hobbies -- these can find a new life with someone else. If you find yourself routinely having decision paralysis, remove the number of options. This could mean shrinking your wardrobe, doing a craft room purge, etc.
Remind yourself that you are not an optimization problem to be solved. You will fuck up, you will need more time to recover, etc, etc. It's fine, just adjust your commitments whenever you can to give yourself room to breathe. Burnout is far more difficult to recover from than taking pre-emptive mental health breaks.
On the grief of living with a disability
I've written about this kind of grief before. You are doing yourself a kindness to admit that some things are not going to get better. It's ok to be angry at a future you felt got taken from you.
This grief will never go away. It can sometimes motivate you -- living well out of spite, for example. It can lead you to form lifelong community bonds. And sometimes, it just sucks ass.
Don't let the grief turn into toxic stoicism. Many big problems can be broken down into more manageable little problems. Seek professional help where you can -- get medicated if necessary, hire a professional organizer, go to therapy, join a support group, etc. Like my advice about housekeeping, this is not a form of "giving up". Trying to think your way solo out of a mental disability is akin to trying to run a marathon with a freshly broken leg.
What also helps me is documenting the good times in my life. That way, I have something to look at when I feel like the past year was just a haze.
So what I take the same dozen hiking and museum photos. So what if my crafting documentation skips steps or fizzled out. I still have all these artifacts that help me remember a live well-lived.
Notice I said well-lived, and not necessarily *productive*.
Because remember that you are not an optimization problem to be solved. Even if I didn't have ADHD, I wouldn't be able to do all the things I want to do. So, I try not to beat myself up about *only* reading so many books, making so many arts, etc.
I hope all this helps. It's easy to turn self-awareness about your mental health into self-loathing, so above all, give yourself grace. <3
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
gracieabrams
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
izzy806
