the gray ace community is so scattered that there's not really such a thing as 'gray ace culture', and i would argue that our experience and the general ace experience have almost as many differences as they do similarities. plus a lot of even well meaning people misunderstand gray asexuality and don't fully believe it's real.
also, it's ace awareness week! 💜☁️♠️ and i want some awareness! so i'm gonna do this myself i guess! even if i'm kinda scared to open up like that!
here are some gray asexual things. i arranged them into a numbered list. the numbers don't mean anything - it's just easier to digest that way, and if you want to reference something in a response, you can just put the number. if you're not gray asexual, i hope you learn something. if you're gray asexual but you don't relate, that's fine! we're all still different and we're both valid. but if you do relate, please tell me so i feel less crazy. and if you're questioning, maybe this'll be of help in figuring it out! (also keep in mind i'm alloromantic and that colors my experience)
wildly fluctuating between sex repulsed, sex favorable, and sex indifferent
some crushes, even super intense ones, are fully asexual. others aren't. some start out one way and end up another. you might have asexual crushes on aces and sexual crushes on allos. or you might not. everything is different all the time and it's weird.
saying you're ace without the gray part so people don't assume they have a chance with you because let's be real, they probably don't
not saying you're ace at all because you feel like you'd be lying or that it's tmi to bring it up (internalized aphobia hello)
when you do feel sexual attraction it absolutely destroys you because of the contrast with the total absense of it that you feel most of the time. you just never really get used to it. your brain crashes
liking highly stylized or dramatized sex scenes in movies or books but not getting the appeal of porn
as a matter of fact, the buildup/tension is usually more fun than the action
being uncomfortable with the concept of sex in general but much more cool with a few specific acts/kinks
trying to be horny but quickly getting super sidetracked (literally what i'm doing rn! i was in the middle of reading smut when i decided to write this post. now i don't think i'll come back to it)
you heard of asexuality pretty early on, but assumed it couldn't possibly apply to you and continued feeling broken and alienated
saying "they're hot" without really knowing what you mean
being romantically interested in someone and realizing you'd have sex with them while not being sexually attracted to them
being sexually attracted to someone and thinking about them in sexual ways but you can't imagine having sex with them
genuinely having no idea if you're sexually attracted to someone
being freaked out and uncomfy when other people are sexually attracted to you
when you talk about sex you talk about it as if it's something that doesn't at all concern you
you'd be comfy dating a sex repulsed ace person, even if you feel like you might miss out on something
on the other hand, you're scared to date allos because what if you can't keep up with them?
you don't actually know what or who you're into. there are some patterns, but mostly there's not enough info for a decent analysis. maybe you'll figure it out eventually. right now, when you get asked the question, you just gesture vaguely and hope they have the gift of telepathy
seriously you have no idea
it seems so fucking random
being more attracted to clothed people. esp people with a good sense of fashion
some of ya'll can really look at a still image of a naked person and say if you're attracted to them? b- but you haven't gaged the Vibe!
the sexual melds and becomes one with something else to the point where you can easily substitute it (an example for me is certain types of music)
if you did have sex you would probably do it in the dark, speaking in hushed tones, not just for insecurity reasons, though that might also be a factor. the real reason is, bright lights and loud noises might break your desire
it's so fragile, any wrong word or action or thought might break it. you're far easier to turn off than you are to turn on.
not feeling like you fully belong on either side
having the power of invisibility
it took you so long to get here
you really wish people would leave you alone and stop questioning you
to aphobes/exclusionists/anti micro labels: don't even fucking breathe on this post. i will engage in combat with you 🗡️
to my label siblings, happy ace week! remember: the gray stripe is ours.
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
areudirty
dededos
izzy806
