I ended up not focusing on the humor as much as I wanted to so it’s not very funny but hey it’s a scene.
Context: Klaus attempts to kill Stan to marry Francine. Stan makes his way home in plot B. This is the final scene.
No title available
Cosimo Galluzzi
styofa doing anything
almost home
Peter Solarz

★
Xuebing Du
RMH
YOU ARE THE REASON
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sade Olutola

ellievsbear
Not today Justin

Andulka
🪼

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Product Placement
d e v o n

seen from Japan
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seen from Malaysia
seen from Bolivia
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands

seen from China
seen from Singapore

seen from Belgium

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from Germany
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@atomickittenwrangler
I ended up not focusing on the humor as much as I wanted to so it’s not very funny but hey it’s a scene.
Context: Klaus attempts to kill Stan to marry Francine. Stan makes his way home in plot B. This is the final scene.
WEEK 10
• Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident • Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action • Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
I second Jas’ love. Great banter between Rita and Jamie - one can tell there is a history between then from the dialogue alone. The point at which Jamie passes out is also a wonderful humorous point in the piece. What a stellar way for Jamie to get out of answering that question about sexual history too!
The physiological, morphological change creates intrigue and hooks the reader to find out more about where the transformation will lead to. I am definitely hooked.
Boy, there’s a lot going on. I love it. The humour in this is so wonderful - that playful back and forth between Rita and Jamie is a reaction to the danger of the situation. It’s an instinct for him, which is marvelous character building.
Also, you haven’t over described anything. It’s precise and concise and I can’t wait to see how you develop this intriguing story.
Dialogue is fantastic I think break up some of the big print, there are too many chunks of it Great work
10-12 pager - response to inciting incident, obstacle #1, response to obstacle #1
Gosh, Thora is an absolute force of nature! Really well characterized. You can tell through her dialogue that she’s much more that a purely spiteful guard - that said there is definitely some antagonistic spite in there which makes her all the more terrifying. Only thing would be to make sure she doesn’t become the main character!
I love how the characters are well thought out and developed, definitely continue along that path but make sure we don't spend an excessive amount of time on each character
Carmen Inciting Incident
Wonderful. You create Carmen as a wonderful ingenue. She battles between being accepted or abiding to her sense of virtue, propriety or even fear.
Fear of the unknown is always a crippler and for her to no know what might happen or how she might feel if she followed through in a moment of physical intimacy is a very resonant feeling.
Exchange between Gerald and Carmen is resonant of a teenage encounter. Gerald has an underlying sense of sinister to him ‘get on your knees’ which creates intrigue and we sense that this will be the start of Carmen’s reputation building up for better or worse. Great stuff.
Wow, hearing you describe the way this would go irl, I held Carmen on such a pedestal that the idea of her on her knees, even for a faux situation, really shocked me. I always had some hope that there might be an air of grace about how she gains her reputation, but given the nature of her world and the people she’s with, that’s not a possibility. Watching her enter that world, both in search of popularity through notoriety while simultaneously preserving her innocence really makes her an interesting character and sets a clear idea of just how crafty she can become.
Boi. Nice.
I agree, very nice I want to see more of how this character will develop from the inciting incident in a realistic but interesting way
Carmen Inciting Incident
Wonderful. You create Carmen as a wonderful ingenue. She battles between being accepted or abiding to her sense of virtue, propriety or even fear.
Fear of the unknown is always a crippler and for her to no know what might happen or how she might feel if she followed through in a moment of physical intimacy is a very resonant feeling.
Exchange between Gerald and Carmen is resonant of a teenage encounter. Gerald has an underlying sense of sinister to him ‘get on your knees’ which creates intrigue and we sense that this will be the start of Carmen’s reputation building up for better or worse. Great stuff.
Wow, hearing you describe the way this would go irl, I held Carmen on such a pedestal that the idea of her on her knees, even for a faux situation, really shocked me. I always had some hope that there might be an air of grace about how she gains her reputation, but given the nature of her world and the people she’s with, that’s not a possibility. Watching her enter that world, both in search of popularity through notoriety while simultaneously preserving her innocence really makes her an interesting character and sets a clear idea of just how crafty she can become.
Boi. Nice.
I agree, very nice I want to see more of how this character will develop from the inciting incident in a realistic but interesting way
indust. persp. 10-12 part 2
Characters response to inciting incident - Mary begging
Obstacle 1: Harold’s violence
Reaction: Attempt to drug him
Pls roast me I need the wake up call
omg yes I love it. The action in the beginning really gets you going - it’s quick, it’s real and it’s raw. It grabs you by the balls and engages you. And despite this, you still manage to establish a kind of melancholy through your writing, a sense of subtle tragedy that fits Erin. She seems so unfazed by everything, so careless, so lacking control as things in her life begin to spiral. I can’t wait to read more!
I am immediately engaged in the story, like I really wanted to continue reading However, I think you need more setup before the inciting incident, that way it doesn't feel so action packed and then nothing but her going to work or checking her phone I want to know the character a little more first, so I'm even more shocked she took the knife rather than just a stranger taking it
I forgot to upload this.
I love the format in the second scene, everything is clear and economical I think the first scene has a lot of big print that could be broken up I'm not sure when the song is playing, is it playing at the beginning of the first scene or over the montage? Really good dialogue and subtext tho
I forgot to upload this.
I love the format in the second scene, everything is clear and economical I think the first scene has a lot of big print that could be broken up I'm not sure when the song is playing, is it playing at the beginning of the first scene or over the montage? Really good dialogue and subtext tho
Week 9 Industry Perspectives.
Cringe.
This is magnificent! I love how you are using Venice as a backdrop. The world, characters and events are extremely original and well defined, and I think you are working with gold here, Jordan! I am excited to read more!
Alive!
Absolutely beautiful and atmospheric description of the world and a lovely backdrop to such an interesting character dynamic. One thing though, I think perhaps I would’ve liked the inciting incident to be a little clearer.
Lovely and a good read Maybe too literary? Some of the large chunks of big print are a bit overwhelming on a script And the man's emotional change is confusing, we don't really get a real reason from this as to why he changes his mind so quickly, the inciting incident needs to be more tangible I think
very first draft of set up (meeting Mary and Harold) and inciting incident (Harold forbidding Mary to leave)
pretty terrible and rushed so feel free to not read or comment
yeah, it’s bad :(
Week 8 (9?) - sketch of plot
A story change? Shocker. The other story was just too ambitious, and this idea seemed much better for a 10-12 pager. Just a quick redo of the blog assignments on setting and character so this piece makes sense (no, you don’t have to read it. That’s Luke’s honour):
In this world, every person is assigned a guardian angel, whose duty it is to follow them until their death. When they do die, they submit the soul of the person to a grim reaper, who can only identify the soul because their guardian angel essentially ‘submits’ them to death. We follow Grim, a grim reaper who was once a guardian angel to a young boy, who he was incredibly attached to. Knowing that the child will suffer a horrendous death, Grim uses his powers to ‘postpone’ his death. This violation of the rules costs him his job, and he is demoted to a grim reaper instead. As a result of his actions, the child also suffers a more horrific end (WOUND). With that burden, Grim carries out his duties determine to never grow attached to a human being ever again, as it will mean that he will also not have to be hurt again (FLAWED BELIEF).
Set-up
Grim Reaper is waiting at the base of a cliff, waiting for the three souls who need to be collected throughout the night.
Inciting Incident
He collects his first soul, but soon after, an unlisted soul in ghost form – a woman with no memories – also arrives, having committed suicide. Unable to identify her, and therefore unable to reap her soul. They are both incredibly confused and at a loss as to what to do.
Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident
Unable to reap her, Grim takes the ghost to the Grim Reaper Association to his supervisors. The only way that a soul can be identified is through their Guardian Angel, one of which is assigned to every person until their death. However, the woman has no sign of a Guardian Angel’s imprint, and therefore cannot be identified. Souls who die early often do so due to a clerical error, and their true timing of death is rarely a long time away. The only solution is to wait for Grim to have a listing that comes up empty – that listing would assumedly be the woman. Once she is identified, her soul can be reaped. As a result, the ghost has to accompany Grim until her listing comes up.
Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action
The ghost is forced to accompany Grim until the time comes for her collection, but is incredibly prone to getting into trouble. Grim initially keeps his distance, or leaves her in one place and comes when his duties are over for the day. However, in a world plagued by demons who feed on uncollected souls, she is a constant target.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
After saving her after several near-death (pun unintended) experiences with demons, Grim is left with no choice but to have her with him around the clock. His initial agitation with her eventually fades, and the two begin to form a bond – the first time Grim has ever allowed himself to be vulnerable and care for another being in over a century. He affectionately calls her Bloody Mary (as she has no name and her suicide left her ghost with blood-stained clothes). With her ‘death’ impending, Grim is forced to confront the reality that he will once again be hurt because of his attachment to humans who he will never see again.
Story ending – Reward or Reversal? And why?
Reward – even though her eventual time arrives, Mary leaves Grim with the life lesson that, even though she will move on, he doesn’t have to be hurt. Instead, he can use their good times to keep him going, and accept that if he’s tried his best, it is enough.
In the end, Grim continues with his duties feeling positive, no longer burdened by guilt.
Naz, bro, what a great characterisation of the Grim Reaper. To humanize him is great and elicits various feelings of compassion and emotion from the reader. We often see deathly characters as one-dimensional due to their association with death- an often feared aspect of the life-cycle. But this particular take on the Reaper is refreshing and has depth which I love. Now I musn’t forget that the Grim Reaper needs to love too. Kudos, bro.
The idea of death being so powerful and painful, it even affects the bringer of death is fascinating.
I love the idea of the grim reaper taking her to his supervisors, it has the potential to be really comical, showing something as all mighty as a grim reaper having a boss, reminds me a lot of the Mighty Boosh ‘Bollo’ episode where we meet a Grim Reaper who mixes up the wrong dead person or something
Week Eight Blog - Industry Perspectives
Set Up
Wesley and his dad watch his mother’s coffin get cremated.
Later they work on their farm in rural Australia.
Inciting Incident
The inciting incident has happened before the story with the death of the mum.
Obstacle #1
Wesley’s inability to deal with the concept of death and to get over that fact makes it hard for him to grief properly.
Reaction
Over time he learns to come to terms with it and enter the grieving process.
Obstacle #2
The father tries to distract Wes from thinking about the mum (subconsciously to distract himself) which only masks his true feelings and emotions and stops him from grieving properly.
Reaction
It stops both of them from grieving properly and achieving their goal of getting over the pain, forcing them both to learn to come to terms with the death and open up about their feelings in order to move on.
Conclusion
Because they both finally learn to embark on the grieving process properly they can start to return to normal life and look back on the mums life fondly.
A profoundly emotional tale. From what you read of this in our tute I believe you have the makings of an amazing story about these two characters. Grief is such a powerful theme that inspires so much action, so much emotion, and is something that impacts people on different levels and is coped with in many different ways. I specifically enjoy that this presents the father as an antagonist, but one that we as an audience can’t help but sympathise (and empathise, really) with. There’s a marvelous simplicity to this that story, in tandem with your writing style and the complexity of these characters and their emotions, that has me looking forward to seeing the rest of this unfold.
The wound and themes of this are universal to everyone which is such a brilliant idea, it makes I think pretty much anyone who reads this want to read this script or see this film
With something as abstract as an emotion, I think you need to make some of the obstacles involve something tangible or external from the characters so that the audience can see visually the inability for them to get over their grief. Such as constant reminders in the form of belongings, photographs, flashback memories, the funeral, etc.
Blog Entry - Week Eight
Set up:
Like most things, natural resources are finite and eventually the mine reaches its endpoint. The mine has sucked itself dry and their most coveted gemstone is in scarce supply. The mine can no longer find any new jade pieces - a symptom of relentless culling of the mine quarry for the past twenty years.
Miners and guards alike anticipate the worse and are prepared to face a shutdown of the quarry.
Thora is the sole female guard of the mine quarry, the only female guard in her team. The mine quarry is barren and dry. Its main export is jade stones.
Thora is illiterate. However, this does not deter her from her professional duties. She is good at what she does. Her core duty is to keep the miners in- check and to make sure that every jade stone makes it to the crate.
Inciting incident:
Some miners do not see the point of continuing their labour. They toil under brutal conditions and in their eyes, to continue in this fashion would seem redundant – especially when they face the likelihood of redundancy and a mine shutdown. In response, the miners start to riot and rebel in turn.
Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident:
The riot erupts in the mess hall and Thora spots a jade piece in the hall, amidst the rabble – a place where a jade piece shouldn’t be. Thora deduces that some miners may be thieving, more than usual, and commences her usual method of carte blanche investigation to hunt down the thieves and salvage the stolen jade pieces.
She hopes that through this, the retrieved jade will fill up the crates and keep the mine alive and running.
Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action
Yastar, a miner, is a match for Thora in cunning and wit. He takes clever albeit extreme measures to hide the jade from her. He does not, however, steal it for his own selfish gain. He steals it for his young daughter, who has recently sustained injuries from a mining-related explosion.
He is driven to steal a few jade pieces to pay for her treatment and prevent her from being succumbed to fatal injury.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
Thora struggles to catch Yastar red-handed with the jade. So she uses her keen eye and methods of entrapment to try to catch him out (e.g. gives Yastar a plate of chicken to eat when she suspects Yastar is hiding the jade pieces in his mouth; she sits and watches to see if he will spit any jade pieces out) She even persuades a miner to betray Yastar and share information about Yastar’s stash and whereabouts in exchange for a reward.
Obstacle #2 encountered in the course of taking action (if appropriate)
Occasionally, Thora’s illiteracy gets in the way as there are some clues which present themselves in written form which Thora cannot interpret.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
She attempts to bypass this by relying on her other senses of investigation and tracking although her inability to read does chip away at her confidence a few times which also reminds her of her futility if the mine closes down.
Story ending – Reward or Reversal? And why?
When Thora finally catches Yastar and discovers that he is stealing the jade pieces for his daughter, she lets him go. She lets him keep the jade pieces that he’s stolen, with the intention that the jade pieces will go towards restoring the daughter back to health.
Through previous encounters, Thora realises the daughter is bright and intelligent and has real potential to leave the poverty cycle and make a life for herself, something that Thora can no longer do.
Reversal: She goes against her initial goal of hunting down thieves and lets Yastar escape. The crate of jade may not be full however, she feels good for letting someone go who will put the jade to good use.
Nicee Danni. Love the exploration of an antagonist that we can empathise with and Thora’s own transformation through the story. I’m really interested in how you will show this transformation from ‘give back the jade or I kill u’ to 'o wait u actually have a good reason and I can appreciate that’. Thora’s character appears inherently authoritarian so I’m wondering how softened she will be by Yastar’s little hero-but-kinda-disrespectful story. Perhaps there is a wound in addition to her illiteracy that would give her even MORE of an incentive to help Yastar out!
I agree with Ari about the wounded aspect for Thora
This piece is really great and I think the script has the potential to be a really intelligent study of Thora as a character
Tram ride plot descriptions
Set-up
We find Adachi in the middle of an experiment, totally in control, ordering scientists from behind a reinforced viewing screen. We can hear otherworldly shrieks from the room they are observing. Adachi is in his element here and all the other scientists have nothing but respect for him.
Inciting Incident
Adachi orders a certain type of stimulus to be introduced into the experiment (say a chemical injection or an object placed in the room) - Something slams into the glass barrier, it breaks as a surge of power runs through the facility - destroying much of the control panels. Adachi is faced by a hauling mass of teeth and fur emerging from the room (MO345).
Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident
Pull out to reveal a disheveled Adachi watching the archival footage over and over again - trying to find out how MO345 escaped, or at least, how he survived. We see the ‘Eugene Adachi - archive clerk’ sign on his cubicle
Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action
Tapping through the footage he catches a glimpse of a very thin dark entity between himself and MO just as MO goes to attack him. He recognises it, another entity, SO236, Slim.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
Shaken, he runs to find the archival footage of the prisoners he tested with SO236 (Slim) - each black and white reel starts with a short description of SO236 and the prisoner. He watches D'Arcy, the former hitman, who cries out 'I didn’t realise’, sobs, became catatonic and overnight tried to strip out his own veins. He watches Dee, the teen who murdered the priest she accused of abusing her, who merely cries quietly when with the room with Slim. (During the footage his assistant Margaret is filming and she is sycophantic towards Adachi and he is clearly her boss and is introduced in the footage as head researcher. He is formal, serious, and unconsciously dismissive of the SCPs and prisoners).
Obstacle #2 encountered in the course of taking action (if appropriate)
As he watched the experiment logs over and over again, Margaret comes by and throws a file down on his desk. She is wearing an ID tag (head researcher). He quickly turns off the projector, but she’s seen it. Saying something condescendingly kind about him needing to stop reliving the past Margaret forces Adachi to hand over the tapes he’s watching and from his failed experiment ‘for his own good’. She also warns him about having to let him go if he doesn’t focus on his new job. Adachi mutters something about SO236 being behind the escape of MO345 but she just scolds him more - it was his fault, no one else’s. She also mentions that it was a miracle MO suddenly decided to crawl back into it’s cage - seemingly terrified of something.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
Unable to consult the tapes, a desperate Adachi sneaks away from his desk and makes his way for the cell in which Prisoner Dee is located. He asks her about SO236. He still speaks like the SCP’s are vicious and not to be trusted. Dee is not helpful but drops the hint that he has no idea about the SCPs and studies them like insects/viruses, rather than sentient beings. On his way back he notices the tapes on Margaret’s empty desk - he sits and watches the failed experiment once again, this time with a new perspective. Suddenly - it becomes clear that SO236 was guarding him from MO, moreover, it shows that MO was only returned to its containment after because SO236 managed to touched it.
Obstacle #3 encountered in the course of taking action (if appropriate)
Returning to his desk with this new revelation he is confronted by Margaret and a number of security personnel waiting for him. He tries to raise his suspicions with Margaret that SO236 tried to help during MO’s escape. She dismisses him as the idea of a helpful SCP is unheard of. Instead, she fires him - suggesting that the accident has affected his reasoning.
Protagonist’s response to Obstacle
As he is being escorted out, Adachi makes a run for it, breaking away from Margaret and her team. He runs towards the control panel for all the containment quarters. Locking himself in the room he does the unthinkable and opens SO236’s containment. Story ending – Reward or Reversal? And why? Outside we hear the crying of the team as SO236 makes its way towards the door. All is quiet. The Alarms turn off. Adachi opens the door and the the team is waiting for him completely calm. Margaret watches him. SO236 appears in the middle of them. Aaaand something happens (gotta iron this one out)
I love where it’s heading, well thought out and exciting read. I feel like the tone of this story requires a definite reversal but that’s my personal opinion
Plot for Ten to Twelve Pager
A village discovers its land is sitting on a plethora of jade and a mining corporation pledges to buy their land in exchange for employment for the villagers and improved infrastructure e.g. school for the kids. The village votes and the village is turned into a mine.
A well-read girl called Thora excels in the school and is tipped to be the first to leave the village and pursue higher education and have a future. She is incredibly intelligent.
A mining-incurred landslide occurs and she is buried underneath. Many fatalities occur. Her parents perish in the disaster. She survives but sustains injuries to her head to the point that she can no longer discern letters clearly, a severe grade of dyslexia. She realises she can no longer go beyond the walls of the mine and pursue a better life or education. She is trapped. The head of the mine and his wife are barren and childless and decides to take her in and raise her as their own.
Twenty years later. The girl becomes a guard of the mine and is exceptional at what she does. As the sole female guard in her crew, she earns her place amidst a barrel of men and seeks to skin alive anyone who tries to rob the mine of this coveted gemstone.
Even twenty years later, the demand for jade continues to rise in response to the boom of the middle-class. Excavation has been relentless and the mine is slowly culled of all its natural resources. What remains is scarce and the mine company grows nervous as it faces the uncertainty of its future.
Miners and guards alike start to realize it will be the end of their careers too and they start to go awry, stealing the jade for themselves, becoming more self-seeking, more self-indulgent in order to secure their own future once the mine closes down for good.
Thora also is uncertain of what she is going to do if the mine closes down. There are not many options out there for an illiterate woman. With added rigor and almost desperation, she continues to do her job. She culls down more miners (even corrupt guards!) and searches them for jade, beating them, even killing one or two in the hope that what she salvages from these suspected thieves will be enough to fill the coffers and keep the mine open. On the side, she decides that she must learn to read just in case and is taught by an older miner, Yastar, who has a young daughter. Yastar is a good miner, loyal and trustworthy. He is one of the few who does not steal and actually wants to remain in the mine so that his daughter can continue to go to the school. The young daughter is precocious and bright and excels at her studies. Her intelligence and insight reminds the guard of herself, when she was young.
An excavation on the hills reveals a barley bush: the only thing that grows on the dry land. The guard decides to dig underneath it. She knows that when there’s moisture, crystallization and stone formation could potentially be nearby. She digs and discovers there is jade underneath the barley bush. Jackpot. They begin to mine it out. The guard and the rest of the crew insert TNT explosives to carve out a tunnel for the excavation to take place properly. The TNT is detonated and an explosion occurs - only later to realize that the miner’s young daughter had been playing on the hills and has now been caught in the explosion.
The young daughter is severely injured, shattered ribcage and intense fever. The doctor tells Yastar that there is a medicine that may dampen the fever and prevent it from getting worse. Doctor tells him of the cost. Yastar cannot afford to pay for the medication as he does not have enough wages and does not know what to do. Out of desperation, he goes back to the barley bush in the dead of night and steals a handful of jade, but just enough to cover the costs of the medication. No more, no less.
The guard inspects the crate of jade that is about to be shipped off to the marketplace. With the barley bush find, the crate has been filling up nicely. Now, it’s nearly reached the brim but one of the guards tell her that they are a few pieces short. The guard frustrated goes out to the barley bush mine and notices fresh footprints on the ground.
The guard sets out to find who stole the pieces and a game of cat-and-mouse commences. A party is held that evening in the mess hall, to celebrate the new jade discovery. The mess hall is filled with miners and guards celebrating. They pat Thora on the back but Thora has other things on her mind. She is set to spot the thief who is stopping the crate and their futures from moving forward.
After a series of cat-and-mouse continue in the hall and Thora chases the thief which is a shadow running on the hills. Thora tracks him down and shoots him in the back. The shadow falls but is still breathing. She turns him around and reveals that it is Yastar. Yastar’s jacket contains exactly ten pieces of jade and Thora extracts them from his jacket. Inside the jacket is also a map to the hospital and a wallet picture of him and his daughter. Yastar confesses and kneels down. Thora looks at the contents of his jacket and looks out at the city beyond the hills. She struggles to read the signs of the billboards speckled out there in the night and realises that there is a little girl out there who can read and may have a chance of recovering, and getting out of the mine’s confines in a way that the guard never could.
Conflicted, she starts to point the gun at Yastar’s head, pauses, then places the gun in his hand and lets him go. She gives his jacket and his photo. Aghast, he staggers then collects himself and takes off into the night.
A few days later, the guard receives a parcel which contains a note saying ‘Our gift to you’. She struggles to read what the note says but unwraps the parcel. It reveals a book ‘Call Of the Wild’ by Jack London, a book which she noticed on the bookshelf in Yastar’s cabin room during one of their lessons. She opens the book and something falls on her lap. It is a jade piece with a bullet in the centre, the jade piece in Yastar’s jacket that stopped Thora’s bullet and gave her time to decide to spare his life.
Awesome job Danni, so well thought out and intelligent plot. I think you could perhaps shorten this plot outline to one paragraph because this is a lot of words for me hahaha
Industry Perspectives: Week 8
Brief plot outline.
Norah is a young girl living the quiet life in a suburban town. Her divorced father, a man who she absolutely adores, has recently acquired a new girlfriend. This new love interest is a veterinarian and makes life for Norah less-than-pleasant. Norah is used to her father’s constant affection, but due to his attention being shifted towards his new girlfriend, she is left feeling lonely and unappreciated. One day at school, Norah is forced to dissect a frog by her science teacher for an assignment. For the first time, Norah feels in control of a situation, and experiences joy bringing pain to the very thing that her dad’s new girlfriend loves most- animals. Norah begins murdering the neighborhoods pets: dogs, cats, hamsters and even goldfish. She buries them in her backyard, behind the shed. Norah figures that if she kills all the town’s beloved pets, her Dad’s new girlfriend will run out of clients, and be forced to relocate her veterinary business. To Norah’s horror, a tornado rips through the town and lifts the dirt off the graves of her victims, swirling the dead animals through the sky. In an act of despiration, Norah pins the murders on the girlfriend. Under investigation, it is discovered that the girlfriend runs an illegal fur-trading business, and is also wrongly found guilty of the animal murders by default. Norah has succeeded in eliminating the girlfriend from the picture.
Oh my GOD WHAT DID I JUST READ. That was twist after twist. I think it’s interesting that Norah, although beginning her murder spree due to a twisted thought, has all the groundwork of a psychopath. Nice jobbb
At least tell me she sits on a tack at the end 😣. Such disturbing and fantastic imagery, and not to mention oozing with originality. Picturing that tornado has me putting money in a savings account for when this hits the screen.
Oh my god. I can’t wait to read the picture of dead animals swirling around in the sky in more depth. It’s such a juicy story, the ending is so original as well, so out of the blue… Oh Norah…
like I said when you read your pitch out in class, I adore the concept, em! it is original and darkly fascinating, and I think you have the opportunity to develop really complex and intriguing characters. look forward to reading xxx
I love it, its very “Raw” and I am excited to read the full story. It’s very dark and I feel the tension.
However, I don’t understand from this what her wound is and how it has healed, she has solved the issue of her stepmother but isn’t that more her superficial goal, I want her to have a revelation at the end that her actions being wrong, or the stepmother being just a normal human being like her or her father not loving her any less, etc.
I hope that in the 10-12 pages the escalation between dissecting a frog and murdering animals is not abrupt and that there is a clear parallel between her murdering animals and how it affects the stepmother.