Georgia's VCA Blog

[doorperson]

Background for the scene: Goldie has been in the attic for a week or so now, and her and Baby Bear are starting to become friends. (Goldie being an agent and Baby being a 10-year-old Austrian kid who looks heaps like her).

Mama Bear saw someone get taken away in town or maybe saw a poster of a missing rogue agent, and has had the idea of offering her services to the occupying forces i.e. help in the kitchens, wash their uniforms, essentially enlist. Papa Bear is overcome with worry, pleading with her to run, out of fear for her and their family. They had a fight about it earlier.

[cybiont]

Really touching stuff, you weave a very sweet dynamic between Goldie/Baby and Mama/Papa. But it’s not just touching! It’s funny, and political - achieves a lot in four pages with a really consistent tone and feeling about it. I did have to read it a second time to understand two time periods and two locations cutting between each other in the way you wrote it, but that’s okay. Really beautiful writing x

[cappychino49]

Blog Task - Plot - Pataphysical Film

The story is set in German-occupied Poland during the Second World War.

Golde E Lochz is a trained field agent and is a member of the German secret service.

During a previous assignment, Golde refused to carry out executive orders due to a crisis of conscience and subsequently released an Allies prisoner of war, allowing him to escape across enemy lines. He was a high-ranking officer of the British Forces and was very valuable to the Germans.

Her act of defiance did not go unnoticed and the Gestapo subsequently declared her as a traitor to the Motherland.

Since then, Golde E Lochz has been on the run and the authorities have been trying to track her down ever since. The Nazis fear that she will defect and share the German Secret Service’s intelligence with the Allied forces. And that is exactly what she intends to do

Where we pick up is when Golde E Lochz has taken refuge in the Bears’ house. She has stayed there for a period of time. During her time there, Golde and the Bears have grown to know each other and they regard each other with a level of mutual respect and perhaps affection, of a familial sort. They live a rather harmonious life until someone comes knocking on their door…

Intentional referencesmade to certain films include: Inglourious Basterds, X-Men First Class (prologue), Leon:The Professional.

[cybiont]

I LOVE this. It’s full of tension and delight. The words on the page are evocative and beautiful, and I can just feel the strength of the bear family from such little details.

It seems so ordinary and gets real very quick. And while the bears seem distinct in their species, they blend in with humans like regular characters do.

Not to mention the action and the humour! Man!

Marvellous!!

[cybiont]

CODENAME: G.O.L.D.I.L.O.C.K.S

COMNG OUT THIS SUMMER

[cybiont]

Sorry this is terrible and rushed. The essay. You know how it is.

What this is supposed to be is an ‘assassins creed’ type thing. Into the body of her ancestor, where she unlocks the key to destroying their common enemy.

Anyway.

[regular-old-plumbus]

This was a painful exercise.

[cybiont]

Roger’s dialogue is tight as hell, and the jokes come in at a really good pace. Somehow this has an uplifting feeling about it too. ¿how do you do it?

[giordano-david-blog]

Blog Task 1 - Comedy

Like Rosie O’Donnell, I’m not funny. #itried

[cybiont]

oh my god this is hilARIOUs. Bullshit you’re not funny! I think you used the repetitive joke style really effectively. It just kept getting so much funnier.

Oh, and the little wince at the green smoothie. Very clean.

[atomickittenwrangler]

I ended up not focusing on the humor as much as I wanted to so it’s not very funny but hey it’s a scene.

Context: Klaus attempts to kill Stan to marry Francine. Stan makes his way home in plot B. This is the final scene.

[wentocolesandstolemeat]

You nailed the comedic style of American Dad completely - Encapsulated perfectly in the gag with the ‘Nicaraguan boy’ (”In many ways he was my home and I his”). LOVEEEE ITTTT 

[cybiont]

Fantastic timing and rapport between the characters. The jokes are unexpected and phresh man!! killing it!

[cybiont]

[cybiont]

Week XII Industry Perspectives

Scream

Scream was a fantastic screenplay to start with. I love the way Kevin Williamson uses space in the writing and inserts crafty little jokes in between him and the reader. It really is beautiful, sardonic fun, and actually scary. I still go back to it for advice.

The Big Lebowski

The dialogue really is the best in The Big Lebowski. I’m always wary of being predictable in my writing and this - certainly isn’t.

Psycho

Psycho is the only adapted screenplay I’ve listed here. I think it did that - its adaptation - really well. It was slow, but highly cinematic, and twisty. The characters didn’t at all feel like real life people, they felt Hollywood. For visualisation, page to screen, Psycho did the best job for me.

[cybiont]

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover Moodboard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiY83H9kOGw

I tried to do all I could in these pictures without ripping off the clear and wonderful images already in the film. For me, The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover balances cleanliness, rot, movement, colour, fashion and disgrace clearly as its main themes. It is erotic, beautiful and disgusting. The movement is left to right, and this ant path was the only way I could think of putting this. I think it’s appropriate - there’s always something dirty and subservient about the restaurant the movie mostly takes place in, and something so fresh and humble on the outside.

The movie puts clean, new silverware in the same place as dirty dishes. As the same kind of greed. The purest things are poor, silent, desperate and doomed. Everything evil is extravagant. This fashion, the dahlias, the silverware and the ripe strawberries are like that. Beauty emerges in a way from the stench and rot that come in time to beautiful things, in their destruction.

I’m not sure what I’m saying, but go see this movie as soon as you can. It’s beautiful.

[cybiont]

Week 11 Blog

[regular-old-plumbus]

This really needs to be emphasised more on the page, I know, I know.

Reaction to inciting incident: Escape

Obstacle: Lack of direction/ being alone

Reaction to obstacle: Acceptance

[cybiont]

Sharp! Witty! Affectionate! Professional! Moody!

I feel so attached to this! But so cold toward Frederick. Lex is humble and Ellie is round and human. Oh god. You’re so good. I think I give up

[cybiont]

WEEK 10

• Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident • Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action • Protagonist’s response to Obstacle

[latenightprosciutto]

The set-up/inciting incident runs until “What’s it called?” - it’s a bit long, but hope ya droogs like it. 

[cybiont]

Boy oh boy am I eager to read this whole thing.

Ok, some feedback:

The beginning, with the windows, is sexy but confusing. At first I was thinking “doesn’t this need new scene headings” thinking it was different shots. I got it in the end, but it took me a little mental acrobatics.

Bits like “elephant in the room” and “the thing Pete’s avoiding” - I’m not sure if that qualifies for the “telling, not showing” problem. As in, you’re not putting a physical elephant in the room there. I think you can be a bit craftier with your writing there, crafty like you were when you:

Brought Claire back home. I really felt sympathetic for her, like “yeah. you enjoy that window shopping part of your day, Claire, you deserve it, your home life is shit.” That all came through with her and Pete’s dialogue, very nicely.

That said I think the end of page 2 - middle of page 3 caught me a bit off guard. they feel a bit prophetic or something. Like I think you can afford to hold your cards closer to your chest - don’t have to do things like the “this has happened before”. I don’t know. That’s the only part where I wasn’t engaged and excited by the writing, knowing what it was doing, what it was getting to.

Oh, last page - really nice tension. clever stuff. and the “Until -”!!?!?!! Max how dare you do this to me. The suspense is too much.

Nice work, champ

[arithesocialmedialover-blog]

yea changed my story again. floris back tho. but more badass. maybe i can fit this one into 10-12 pages. okbye gtg

[onepageold-blog]

Savage sums it up nicely. 

A compelling action scene with some lovely and vivid description. Particularly like the punchy one-word sentences - made the read feel like we were falling through the same fast moving landscape as Floris and Ella. Would’ve like a bit more of characterisation Floris - right now she sounds a tiny bit like the stock lost, little girl, but I’m sure that’ll come. Also is the VO at the end meant to be from Floris or Ella?? 

[rubidavis]

faaar out ari - yes i totally get this. i love how you’ve completely reversed the ‘stepford wives’ vibe and given it a more dark, apocalyptic tone. you are my saviour <3

[cybiont]

You’re VERY good at writing action! Damn! It took me a sec to get the last line (where it was coming from) so maybe a bit more clarity would be good - but thinking about it that line is very clever. It tells me that the story is going to be about Floris’ protection of Ella and their triumph over the robot war’s hardships. Really clear visuals here as well, by the way. (especially the robot part sewing up her skin.) Very tense. I want to see this on screen!

[rubidavis]

‘Rough Crowd’ - Set up and Inciting Incident.  (A lot of you might have already read this as I based it off a script I did for a PSW task a while back pls don’t judge me)

[shewastoldtowrite]

omg yes, yes. Just yes. I love the dynamic between Jack and Todd, and how well they balance each other out. The melancholy of their situation, which they’re aware of but aren’t willing to be consumed by, is also balanced out well with the humour. Love it, just love it.

[cybiont]

yeeeeahahhhhhhHHHh i think one of the real strengths of this is that you’re defining the kind of comedy really early on (whispering to god, god whispering back.) Like i think I know what I’m in for. I’m also never bored reading this, everything’s happening nice and fast, jokes keep slapping me in the face, nice work, love your stuff, so funny, yeahh

[cybiont]

WEEK 9 10-12

The setup and inciting incident