The thing about radical kindness (or any kindness, for that matter) is that there are going to be times when someone or something makes you regret it. There are going to be times when you show someone empathy and grace that they don't "deserve". There are going to be times when someone takes that kindness and uses it against you. The world doesn't magically transform into a perfect place when you decide to choose kindness and people will take advantage of it. People will continue to be shitty.
But the thing is...that's not a flaw of kindness. That's not a you problem. That's a them problem. People who are happy with themselves and their lives don't go out of their way to misuse someone's kindness or grace. The "normal" response to kindness or empathy is not to find a way to exploit it. People who are happy with themselves don't look for ways to hurt people for no reason. Kindness will never be the problem. No matter what some shitty person decides to do with it. It should go without saying not to be a doormat, yes. Don't allow people to treat you badly just for the sake of being kind. But also don't let shitty people make you bitter because of how they treated you when you were kind.
Adding because I think it's easy to get this twisted (or to have people twist if for you): Not having boundaries is not kindness. Not having needs is not kindness. Part of being kind to yourself and others is being honest and clear about what your needs and limits are.
I would say this is one of the primary differences between being "nice" and being truly kind. Niceness goes along to get along. Niceness avoids conflict. Niceness sets people up to violate your boundaries because niceness doesn't tell where they are. Kindness risks people crossing your boundaries knowingly, but it also gives them the opportunity to respect them. Kindness also allows others the opportunity to be patience, gracious, generous and above all kind to you in return.
This does mean being vulnerable in some ways, and some people will be shitty about it. But as stated above, that is a them problem.
It took me a long time to realize that.
Unfortunately, most people are not happy with themselves, or emotionally healthy enough, and in many circumstances they will mistake your kindness for weakness and that will put you in a position of vulnerability.
So, you are allowed to tread carefully until you better understand the terrain. You don’t have to walk around with smiles and an open face everywhere, that’s not a requirement for being kind. Specially if you are a woman or already in some kind of vulnerable situation, that kind of behavior can make you seem like a target. Do not put yourself at risk needlessly. It is not noble to act foolishly.
You are allowed to send signals or straight up tell people off if they treat you badly or in any way step over your boundaries. You are allowed to step away from situations where you are not appreciated. You are allowed to no longer be kind to someone who hurts or disrespects you. It is not noble to be passive before abuse or disrespect.
You should take your own safety, physical and mental health into consideration always.
Choosing kindness is not synonym with stupid. It shouldn’t be a radical act, but it often is, and if you want to keep your ability to continue to be kind you have to treat yourself with the utmost respect and that requires knowing when to protect yourself.
When you know who you are and what you stand for, you realize people’s reactions are a reflection of who they are, not of you, and it is easier to not take offense to heart. But not allowing others to dictacte how you’ll feel about your actions does not mean ignoring their response. Genuine human interaction is a two way street. You know what you can give. They know what they can receive. Adjust accordingly.
