"Why Self-Publish Under Fascism?" by Marc Fischer, Public Collectors #96, May 2025, contact: [email protected] / www.publiccollectors.org
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JBB: An Artblog!

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"Why Self-Publish Under Fascism?" by Marc Fischer, Public Collectors #96, May 2025, contact: [email protected] / www.publiccollectors.org
Random things that are Hermes worshipper/devotee core:
Carabiners
Satchel bags
Carrying literally everything with you because it might come in handy
Similarly, always having Tylenol/hand sanitizer/cough drops/snacks on you whenever your friends ask
This might just be specifically me but having the talent of shoving as many objects as possible into your wallet
Taking public transportation everywhere
Talking a million miles a minute
Being a pro at directions (and the designated google maps person)
Jewelry with wings on it
Getting excited whenever you see wild bunnies or turtles
Leaving food out for birds
Raccoon plushies
Hayden!! As my pirate doll prince ⭐
My contribution to the @fandesignfanzine !!!
I've enjoyed my time in zine, in all honesty!! From conceptualizing, to gaining inspiration, to each stage of the artwork, it made me dive into the SynthV community a bit deeper than I initially began in. And through all the processes of talking and waiting for production, I got to discover more vocaloid and voice banks that have captured my heart! All in all, it was such a fun experience, and I'd love for everybody else to see mine, and other artists' hardwork in making this zine come true.
Support the official zine, everybody!
Fandesign Fanzine: a free vocal synth zine to higlight your personal creativity!
A singing silhouette with a ponytail? That's fun and all, but... Two pink and green letters...? But her voice has so much personality, and I like character design, so...
36 artists have drawn their own visions for VOCALOID and Synthesizer V voicebanks with no official designs!
The Fandesign Fanzine is available in three formats: a 41-page PDF, a 78-page Accessible PDF with image descriptions, and a website to view all the pieces as a gallery!
• Download the PDF here • Download the Accessible PDF here
Note: the accessible PDF contains the same pieces as the first PDF, but with the addition of image descriptions. The zine's introduction and image descriptions should be read easily by your screenreader. Please don't hesitate to inform me if issues with the OCR analysis or the zine's publication method prevent you from accessing the zine in its entirety.
I recommend downloading the PDF for safekeeping, but you can also, at any point, visit the Fandesign Fanzine's own website!
WOOHOO LET'S GO!!! Absolutely amazing work everybody, and I'm glad to have been part of this zine!!
Noticeable personality changes (as a helpol?)
Warning: a long journaling/shadow work post.
Has anybody experienced or seen noticeable changes in their personality, temper, demeanor, disposition or whatnot after beginning to work with their deities, and especially with a particular one? Something along the lines of seeing yourself beginning to display similar traits as them, or qualities/values they represent?
I haven't heard other people's testimony on this happening quite yet, so I'm hoping there's some out there who can relate!
Apart from the usual cognitive and emotional development milestones that a teen bombarded with hormones and rapidly changing social environments and life experiences undergoes, I personally notice some "inserts" of traits that I haven't seen in myself before, or maturing qualities that already existed that are enhanced due to me being a worshipper of Apollon and Hypnos. I am beginning to see traces of them in how I act around others and treat them, far more than any other influence in my life.
Long before I began this spiritual journey, I have always been intelligent, goal-oriented and sharp. My passion is balanced by pragmatism and a will to do what I need to do if it was my responsibility to fulfill it. I did things in only two manners: my way, or nobody else's way. That was always who I was. If I knew what I wanted, I was smart enough to get it.
But as I began to mature, and rebuild myself as a person beyond the (frankly) horrific psychological circumstances that shaped me and the manner I thought and acted, alongside beginning to take my practice seriously, I realized two things: I was indeed becoming somebody new as I grow older, and I began to embody the deities who helped me realize that most.
Lord Hypnos, Lord Apollon.
Paradoxically, despite being (admittedly) kind of a procrastinator and lazy, I can honestly say that I work very hard. I work even when I don't know I'm already doing it. I serve when the duty calls. People call me helpful, capable, hardworking. And I am always tired.
Part of learning to grow and change my personality was learning how to stop working. Well, not entirely stop, but to take a break. To cool off, understanding that the world will not leave me behind if I calm myself and to just exist beyond my roles and responsibilities. In order to begin healing and changing for the better, I had to learn how to rest. To rest doesn't only mean to have a little break or a vacation. To rest means to allow myself to exist without extreme expectations, to remove anything that will unnecessarily exhaust myself.
When I did that (alongside the horrid amount of therapy, self-help and shadow work, plus reworking my actual toxic behaviors and cutting people off that only harmed me more), I began to see just how much I've embodied him, despite keeping or developing my good traits.
I am still sharp and goal-oriented. But in place of cold pragmatism, my logic is tempered by responsible pathos. I get to ask, "why would this be the decision that would create the best outcome for all persons?" instead of "how much can I get away with without harming anybody?"
I am still melancholic, and feel things to a sorry, almost darkly sensitive degree. But these feelings are straightened by a mature self-awareness that seeks to confront instead of confine these emotions. Instead of going "I need to get away from these feelings", I face it head on and go "why does this make me feel so upset, and why does it affect me to this degree?"
I am continually breaking boundaries and setting higher standards, but I am keenly aware of my own limitations, and in return have become more forgiving to others when they cannot achieve what I can. Instead of remarking "this is so easy. Why can't you do this when I can?" I instead think "We will all struggle over things others have no issue learning or doing. If nobody tries after their first failures, nobody will be able to do anything at all."
With being able to rest, I also became softer. And that's not in a bad way, at all. If I was mellow in the way a lifelessly exhausted man yearning for sleep years ago, I am now mellow in the way someone newly awake and refreshed is.
I love many things. I can safely say I love people now. There are people I am willing to protect, to admit that they have my affections, I can even make peace with the fact that I fall in love with others easily (not romantically. Each person is lovable in their own manner. The concept of a person I can know, with so much to discover about them is even lovable to me.)
I have almost become like a grandpa (lol) of sorts. I've found myself unironically enjoying sitting out in the backyard to just watch the birds and greet the morning sun. I began to appreciate the simple pleasures that creature comforts give: a nice, healthy meal will never disappoint. Cold water refreshes so well. Having enough sleep at night actually doesn't seem corny at all. I began to seek solitude and find my peace where I thrived not as somebody destined to be greater, but someone destined to be alive.
I've realized many things about my personality grow and change rapidly for the better as I healed. Good and bad, obvious and subtle, human and beyond what I understand. All I know is that, though I've worked so hard to heal myself, I knew I wasn't the only one helping me. And I have to acknowledge them too, for all they've done, whether I noticed or not.
[beginner-friendly] insight from darker practice: diction and intent, in terms of hexing and cursing incantations
before anything else, always practice proper magical and mental hygiene! Keep yourself away from unnecessary risk. Cleanse, ward, block if you must. Talk to somebody, think it over and make sure that this is something you are willing to go through with. Malediction is a commitment, after all.
Witchcraft is not all love and light, and it is capable of harm. I may no longer dabble too much in that path (I personally focus on more harm reduction, preservation, cleansing, warding, and such just because it's my preference), but I've been there. Additionally, I am a writer, artist, and academic. Words bear the weight of my power in all aspects of life. And as a witch, it is all the more relevant.
Verbal components are quite necessary in that, despite the potent existence of intent, without a solid foundation, it does not afford a complete guarantee. It may be difficult for many to grasp the balance between pure intent and manifestation, and the stronghold of magic through the meaning of words, the formation of sentences, syntax, and diction.
Hexing and cursing are not easy, quick, or costless procedures, and if you'd prefer to cast magic that packs a painful punch, you often do not do it alone. Many variables come into play, and though you may not understand or discern everything with incredible foresight, it is better to try to acknowledge and determine as much as you can. You do not want to follow through with baneful magic, or any magic for that matter, without first understanding what makes it work, and what (or who) gets it to work in your favor.
So without further ado...
Formally acknowledge the exposed and hidden forces at play, and call upon that which affects the circumstances behind and beyond your target.
Is it a no-brainer? Upon first glance, yes. Most of us know that. Acknowledge the universe and spirits and such. All the usual stuff of any spell. But what I mean is to cover all ground.
"Covering ground," - as I called it back then- was considering and fully outlining, before casting or creating any hex or curse, and as a precursor to such spells. It is, in a way, a full declaration, and can be blended into a spell itself or stand alone as a spell. Covering ground is to ensure that you can employ the power of your words and intent at their most efficient, and aid you in achieving and clarifying your intended outcome.
I also have to preface that most, if not all, spells take from you in return, typically in the form of energy. This is also a way to budget, manage, and prevent excess energy from being drawn from you and risking depletion or weakening. Think of it as a list of what you want to spend your resources on and what you are saving yourself from.
Here are some examples of factors you can go over and secure:
the situational factors (current physical and spiritual circumstances, reality as it exists, the potential actions of the person in the past, the people around them and how they may affect the spell through energies, etc.)
the rationale (the reason or explanation for such a spell, your intent, your justification, resolve and the effect you would like to see projected onto the universe.)
the hidden/known players (those for or against your actions, the unknown physical and spiritual entities or beings that may influence or impede its completion, the changing nature of intent and manifestation, etc.).
parameters and boundaries (effect durations, conditions set, possible contracts, necessary spiritual negotiations and arrangements, what you are willing to endure/dealbreakers, who are to be affected/protected, etc.)
Let's create a short, non-specific sample down below for these, shall we? If you were to write a full, specific version, it may be even longer, but for now, this is a vision of how it may appear as a way to show how it functions. This is merely a vague, purposefully non-specific example, and there is no full intent or power imbued in this, so if you plan to use my example as an actual incantation, I highly advise against it unless you know how to specify, alter, and prepare it.
[Person] has harmed me/others in a manner that wounds physically and spiritually, and their presence leaves me in a stasis, unable to recover or move forward. They have left a mark in my life that has distressed me to this extent, and I cannot lay their misdeeds to rest until I am to give myself restitution in this manner. They have done [action/s] against me and [actions/s] against others that I cannot pardon. The pain they have caused to others and I have left us unwilling to stand their injustice, and may their intolerance triumph over the denial of those who defend [Person] and run to their aid, and may they turn against [Person] if within them, they believe in standing against the harm they have done.
I am honing my power in the means I can, to [example reason:] send a message that I will not allow myself to tolerate their behavior and their wrongdoings against me/others, if not to end their cruelty for once, then to continually remind them of what happens when they commit such misdeeds. They have shown no intent to change and no sign of realizing the harm they have done, and if it shall be, then I will create a means to do so. May what they bring to the world return to them, and may the energy they have thrown to the world come back to bring the same effect. May they be harmed in a manner that brings them such pain as we have felt and greater. And may they feel the despair of the injustice they brought in their wake.
I call upon the spiritual aid of [spirits/entities around] and bring forth the weight of my pain and [optional, others' pain] into this spell, to bring myself and others deliverance when they cannot do it themselves. May our combined grief awaken the help of [spirits or entity/ies] that bid our well-being, and I call upon the strengthening resolves of the afflicted, and for spirits who guard my cause to deliver what [Person] is due. Deliver what [Person] has done to me/others and let them feel the fullest extent of their actions. May those who would defend [Person] in this reality understand our pain, and beyond this realm, may they allow us this chance. Until [Person] cannot learn the nature of the grief they have created, I wish only grief upon them. I wish grief upon them even as I heal and as others forget and forgive.
This will last for as long as their stubbornness will lend them more pride than understanding, the marks of their actions shall trail behind them and weigh them down, the greater they harm, the heavier they shall feel in return. If they cannot change from guilt alone, they must suffer even without remorse, and even with it. Protect those whom they have harmed, and may the future harm they bring to others bring more harm to [Person] than to their victims. [optional but good to specify time frames such as three months, specific dates, or significant events, etc.]. May these continue, but if it shall be so that I will experience [undesired side effect/s], I shall rescind my influence, but not the effect. May this cycle of harm and destruction continue to bring [Person] their deserved downfall, though I may sever my ties to them.
Oh and for the record, a short tip concerning diction. You can also use the top process as a guide as to how to format a potent spell. A loose example:
Instead of: "May the spirits honor my word and bring [Person] the [desired effect], turning our pain and the suffering they have caused into theirs, and endure the consequences of crossing me and others."
You could write something like: "May the past, present and future impact [Person] brings to this world fuel their own rightful punishment, culminating into a consequence that brings their undoing. May the circumstances be in the favor of those they afflicted, and their misfortunes as a direct or indirect result of [Person] return back to [Person].
Just a tip though, not doctrine you should 100% follow all the way.
good luck, and stay safe, spell makers.
RISEN FROM THE HIATUS ASHES ANNOUNCEMENT
with all the business proposing, research consulting, stage producing, and the powerpoint-making I've been hellbent on, I haven't been so focused on the things I love, but anyways! I am now finally achieving one of my bucket list items for this year, which is...PARTICIPATE IN AN ONLINE ZINE!!
Specifically, the @fandesignfanzine (cue confetti pop). I've been meaning to explore SynthV fan designs and delve deeper into the community surrounding them. And now I have the chance! I also now have a serious commitment and a full-blown art project that will keep me busy and happy for about two months. I was notified of the official start date, and now I am back to making art, nyehehe... So here is a random, poorly-cropped screenshot from an unserious warmup doodle with the alpha version design, before I actually get into the real nitty-gritty of it all.
I won't reveal the character I chose until the final piece is actually revealed, but I am very happy about being able to draw them because I absolutely adore their voice.
RESOURCE UPLOAD!!!
As promised, I've finished encoding, editing, and archiving one of the entries from my book of shadows. Here it is in a google doc.
for those who don't want to go to google docs for any reason (honestly, same.) I will drop some screenshots here!
yippie yippie!! have fun.
Me & Lord Hermes up to some shit
For some context, I am a heavily isolated individual, and it has been that way since childhood. I am not sheltered, nor was I "hidden from the world" Tangled style. I just never experienced a childhood that was revolved around the outside world, where I played out in the neighborhoods, or had childhood friends, or any friends outside of school for the matter. I never went to sleepovers, or other people's birthday parties, and I didn't have any reason or incentive to go out unless my family was with me or it was something my family signed me up for.
So I grew up pretty much just existing inside my own little world, inside my home, inside my bedroom. And because I was very much content with being inside (and due to my mother's paranoia with the idea of even allowing me outside our property), it never occurred to me that I could just...go out, without always having to ask for permission. I shouldn't always have to ask. I always prided myself in being independent but turns out, I haven't been living up to my code a lot.
Independence may have to be earned in some less obedient ways, Lord Hermes says.
I know what I can do and can't do, I am responsible and sensible enough to know my limits, he reminds me.
I can't always rely on my parents to wean me off of the safety of home. Sometimes it has to be me that weans them off of the idea that they should shadow me at all times, he remarks.
Walk around the neighborhood, just ten minutes, just so I can see that it's not as terrifying as one thinks, he urges me.
You don't have to tell your mother (but do be careful and respectful by still telling your dad, so he knows where you go), he suggests.
I really didn't have to tell her, at all. My father trusts me enough to know that I'm responsible and capable of fending off for myself. I don't do substances, nor do I have any interest in some risky business, that much they know. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell her.
So I didn't tell her.
I went out and took a short little walk to the corner store and bought 25¢ ice cream and rejoiced. And nothing terrible happened, like my mother feared would. Just me returning home with ice cream and a light feeling of somehow achieving a milestone in my life?
It seems so pathetic, some people younger than me have more independence and could even roam the city freely if they wished, but I'm not afforded the luxury of being permitted to do so, even until now. This is a very small act of mischief, and rebellion, and practicing crossing the street without getting hit by cars, and buying from a store without cracking my voice in anxiousness of messing up what I wanna say.
Thank you, Lord Hermes!!!
INTEREST POLL!
Apologies for not posting as much, I am mentally preparing for a senior thesis.
Apart from journaling, discussing stuff and posting writing prompts, and whatever else craziness I make, I am indeed an actual witch outside of being a writer and Hellenic Polytheist, and I have my own practices. Part of it is keeping a book of shadows, especially because I am entirely self-taught, experience-based and have fairly niche/specific areas of practice that I can't find a lot of resources on and so...
I have many topics and some dive deep into different specific things, but I'll just pick three of the common ones to start this:
what stuff would you like to see from my book of shadows?
location/place/physical space magic
nontraditional ways to do tarot divination
the power of words, and accidental spellcasting
And I'll be vanishing for another week or so unless I've got more to note down, which I likely will.
—love, thio.
Poll has closed, with location/place/physical space magic.
And fortunately for the people who voted, I have 9 pages worth of a full entry about a specific location magic topic, based on my own field studies— the different kinds of "hauntings", or so they're called/thought to be by non-practitioners.
I will be encoding it into a document and editing when I've got the time, but watch out for that >:3
—love, thio
INTEREST POLL!
Apologies for not posting as much, I am mentally preparing for a senior thesis.
Apart from journaling, discussing stuff and posting writing prompts, and whatever else craziness I make, I am indeed an actual witch outside of being a writer and Hellenic Polytheist, and I have my own practices. Part of it is keeping a book of shadows, especially because I am entirely self-taught, experience-based and have fairly niche/specific areas of practice that I can't find a lot of resources on and so...
I have many topics and some dive deep into different specific things, but I'll just pick three of the common ones to start this:
what stuff would you like to see from my book of shadows?
location/place/physical space magic
nontraditional ways to do tarot divination
the power of words, and accidental spellcasting
And I'll be vanishing for another week or so unless I've got more to note down, which I likely will.
—love, thio.
I love being friends with prostitutes and transsexuals and artists and drug dealers and perverts and queers
Excerpts from my Childhood Journals #1
4th Grade Gender Vanity Schadenfreude
Apart from being aware, accepting and part of the queer community, plus being a rabid trans/nb ally long before I realized I myself fell under the trans umbrella...
I was a frivolous, pretentious and overtly vain child with a shape of personality in the Oscar Wilde variety. I didn't have a huge ego nor thought so highly of myself in a genuine manner, but while that is all true, I was a proponent of insane egotistical satire and irony, and so I wrote this, word for word, unchanged in my diary as a 4th grader:
The war about the boys and girls sticking to being just men and women is so funny. I just enjoy my hot chocolate and watch all of you put yourselfs where you're not even satisfied. Dumbasses.
Me? I'm not loyal to one sex. Why should I do that anyways? The more is better. You guys just aren't talented enough to see the possibility of girls turning into more handsome guys than even the hottest dudes born boys can ever be. Because you can't think outside of that boxhead of yours HAHAHAHA!!!
Honestly, better than bigotry at least.
It shouldn't be a shock that I am enby: an unserious multifandom consumption retrospective
So yeah, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, and others, that I ended up this ambiguous gender-wise. I had no concept of what things, toys, characters or shows were "for girls" or "for boys"— as far as I was concerned, they were "for me".
Here's a random rapid fire of the media I consumed as a child, with my experiences with them:
Frodo is shota bait and if you didn't bury your ass deep in the trenches of delusionshipping him with sam you would understand like the rest of us that its the case
Uh, hi Anon. You are the very first person to have given me an ask and...
Anon, what side of (what I assume) LOTR shipping discourse Tumblr kicked you so hard you ended up with the Hellenic polytheists? Because I'm not an LOTR, shipping, or discourse blog. I still welcome you in if you're interested though. With that in mind, I have so many questions:
Why is Frodo shota bait?
Did Tolkien even know what a shota was enough to consciously make a character who is shota bait?
How does one bury ass?
What's delusionshipping? What even counts as delusionshipping? I have NEVER heard of that term before.
Who is "the rest of us" supposed to be??? There's more of you??
Stay strong out there (?) [😭]
– thio
HELPOL JOURNALING/REFLECTION PROMPTS — heavy shadow work prompts, Olympian edition.
Featuring lesser-discussed aspects or sides of the gods. Massive "read to filth" warning!!
ZEUS – Forming pacts, promises, and oaths to others is an obligation, an action that puts integrity and trust on the line until what is agreed upon is fulfilled. Breaking an agreement breaks spirits and stability in relationships. So what have you promised yourself in the past that have never been put to fruition—any resolutions, goals, that you never got to fulfill? Why were they never completed?
POSEIDON – The very soil you stand on is supposedly the safest place to be, but the earth moves and shakes unapologetically, taking down all that towers above it. Have you had moments where what you built and stood for crumbled to the ground mercilessly, and you were left to pick up what had been destroyed? Could you have stopped it from breaking even if you couldn't prevent it from happening?
HERA – Life is a journey traversed through both familiar roads and unpaved paths. These journeys can be literal expeditions and long travels to be in new places, and for some, it is a long-winded path to a less physical but equally beautiful destination. Write a letter about your travels to your past self, who was yet to begin their long journey just to get to where you are now. Thank them, thank yourself.
HESTIA – Transparency is the lesser mentioned but equally important partner of communication as a key aspect of negotiation and bureaucracy. Is there ever a time when you or somebody else had twisted the truth or altered the manner in which to express it to raise the chances in your favour, or has somebody else done it against you? Do you think it was worth it to do so?
DEMETER – Abundance is never ensured or constant, and there will be inevitable periods of darkness and drought where one feels as if they are losing everything and gaining nothing at the same time. Whenever you are hopeless and feel as if nothing good will ever replenish all that you have lost, there are reasons as to why you're still here despite it. What or who are these reasons that stayed even when all else has vanished from you?
ARES – Respect for another person's inborn dignity is respect for human life and existence. Most of us attempt to be gracious and polite to preserve the dignity of others. Ignoring your own, and therefore disrespecting yourself, is not an exception to the rule. How many times in the past six months, up to a year ago, have you shamed yourself, been self-deprecating, and been cruel to yourself?
HEPHAESTUS – As much as our passions and specialties fuel us, there will be inevitable times when burnout exists. In periods of creative rut and artistic block, even the greatest artisans feel as if nothing they create is good enough. In the worst cases, these periods may last so long and so painfully that they stop altogether. If you are still a creative now, how do you get over these artistic dry spells? If you've given up and dropped an art form, is there still an ember of passion within you, or has it truly died out?
ATHENA – Intellect is not merely measured by academic excellence or the ability to quickly solve a problem on paper with genius skill. It also involves displaying a deep understanding of concepts and experiences, and the ability to apply learnings in profound ways. What are the greatest realizations, revelations, or life lessons you have had in the past year? Do you think understanding these has made you a smarter person about your life, or at the very least more aware?
APHRODITE – Passion and love are forces with no morality, only power. When harnessed healthily, these can fuel perseverance, healing, improvement, and even renewal. When left uncontrolled and unsupervised, they can quickly corrupt and turn irrational as fast as they can influence. Are you somebody who allows themself to be thoroughly ruined by its intensity, or do you attempt to rein it in as much as you can help it?
APOLLON – The excess of anything good becomes bad, and the indulgence in something seemingly beneficial can be blinding. Potent medication is administered with specific doses for a reason. And many good things in life are not meant to be had all at one time, though it is undeniably irresistible. Do you have any guilty pleasures or vices that you struggle with working on or experiencing, and are you aware of their long-term effects on you? Do you still take care of yourself regardless of or because of it?
ARTEMIS – Many people look down on others for reasons they cannot prevent, deny, or remove from themselves. Race, gender, sexuality, conditions, you name it, and some people feel the need to belittle those who are different from others. If you are not part of these minorities, or if you are somebody who experiences some forms of discrimination, how do you advocate and fight for yourself and those who are alienated by others?
DIONYSUS – Merely realizing the utter chaos and clamor of life can render even the most well-adjusted individuals in society to develop an existential crisis that uproots their motivations and reasons for being. In this ever-changing, ever maddening, potentially meaningless existence we live in modern day life, how do you keep grounded to reality, experiencing it, shaping this reality to be distinctly suited and meaningful to you?
HERMES – Luck is a leap of faith, and you never know which side of the probability you will end up having. There are times when the world leaves us no opportunity to choose wisely, and we are thrown into a fit of quick decision-making that may or may not end in catastrophe. Usually, they do end up horribly, but on the rare occasions that chance is on your side, recall a time you made a reckless, potentially dangerous, and non-advisable decision that, by a stroke of luck, ended better than expected. Would you ever dare do it again with the same stakes at hand?
I'll probably make more of these but with specific themes soon >:3. Khaire, self-love and enlightenment be with you! Happy journaling!
a message for the collective, from Lord Dionysus (and... Lord Hermes? They're in tandem with this):
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TEXT POST BUT IT HAS BEEN INTERCEPTED AND HIJACKED. GIF INCOMING