Free fall in my sea of thoughts

Not much to say. So many thoughts at bay.

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[avis-aeternus]

Do you remember?

You made me climb that mountain,

It was never a plan of mine.

I pushed you further when you’re aching,

Pulled you even harder while it’s raining.

I made a promise didn’t I?

The new plan everyday is to make you smile.

I made friends all the way up,

But you told me you’ll leave me if I can’t keep up.

I happily said they can help you too,

And you made sure that you won’t talk to me too.

When the storm came you were out of sight,

In the cold I was screaming your name out of fright.

Did you hide somewhere?

You didn’t, you swear.

But did you hear me?

You didn’t, you swear.

You broke my light that night,

And all my stars and guide left me with your disguise.

I begged you to please just let me leave,

You then dragged me up the cliff while I heave.

I kept asking what happened,

Is this for real or is this half meant?

Disillusioned was I to trust your touch,

One last time, you pulled for a greater push.

I was crying ‘cause I’m falling,

“This is all your fault!”, I heard you screaming.

I was crying ‘cause I’ve fallen,

“How is it my fault?”, I kept asking.

I kept asking, and asking, and asking,

While the waves come crashing.

I kept crying, and crying, and crying,

While my heart grew tired of asking.

My body now rots by the scars that you made,

My mind is empty from the questions you left,

My heart doesn’t beat anymore to the tune of your truth,

But my soul still burns like wildfire under the storm.

I shall BURN, BURN, BURN!

Burn until I’m ashes again,

Burn, burn, burn!

Until I’m whole and new again.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

- - -

AvaHaine

1.4.2020

[avis-aeternus]

I’m going through my spirit journal right now, and noticed that I haven’t actually done any reading forecast for this year!

Annually I work on my forecast for the whole year which is the 12 month spread, and then for clarifications I usually do pyramid.

For current energy reading I do the 9 card spread.

All of that by using just a single, plain deck of playing cards. Cartamundi, to be precise.

Blew my mind!!!

See? It was never my intention to do lightwork the previous months before December 2018.

NOT. A. CLUE.

Epiphany only struck me by the time I got hired at the company I’m currently in (VPI). By the time of my first day, February 6, 2019, I realized the energy inside our office was very low vibrational that I actually felt my throat locking and the intense heat around my neck and the chest pain, it felt like I couldn’t breathe normally. I thought at first that maybe it’s the ventilation but then I realized it’s actually the energy around me.

It basically is the main reason why I asked around why they’re so serious all the time and that I can’t see anyone laughing or joking around with each other - SERIOUSLY - it was so insanely damn serious that I thought to myself,

“Sh*t, I’m not gonna last.”

but then they told me about what happened a few weeks before I got hired. Total conflict. Clash of egos. Drama. Drama. Drama.

Vibes that I don’t really wanna dwell in. But then there’s this PUSH, somehow I AM NOT WHO I USED TO BE ANYMORE.

Like daaaaamn, gurl, why are you so LOUD and suddenly EVERYWHERE.

I couldn’t believe it myself. Even now that the year is almost ending haha

It felt like I needed to break everybody’s bubble just to get them to laugh and be loud and talk with everyone, because I am BECOMING MORE AND MORE POSITIVE THAT IT KINDA ANNOYS ME AT TIMES BECAUSE THAT’S NOT THE USUAL ME, but then OKAY UNIVERSE if this is what I have to do in exchange of my second life, then I’D BE VERY HAPPY TO.

At first I read palms for fun, it started as an experiment and then almost everybody began showing me their palms! It was crazy and hilarious seeing their reactions because it was always on point and to them it was exciting and thrilling.

Then I introduced them to my cards!

That’s how my Lightwork journey began.

The atmosphere midyear was very high vibrational compared to when I first started, all was good, but then you know, people forget easily about their spirituality, therefore some negativity started to happen.

I know it was out of my control and it was not my duty to fix their issues about each other, but it greatly affected me, because I was the one in the middle of some of those people.

They confided in me. Told me things I shouldn’t know about. Secrets and their lies about each other. The hate, the envy, the pride, all of those soul eating sins we have in this mundane world of ours.

It f*cked me up. I swear. I wasn’t able to eat normally, I feel like I’m throwing up day by day trying to get rid of those negative energy.

Normal cleansing wasn’t enough if you got exposed to those people, but that is why someone needs to tell them what they’re doing is wrong.

It was very crucial. I am only by myself. I am the only one who knows about this perspective. They don’t know this, they don’t even care, AND THAT IS OKAY, IT’S PART OF THE JOURNEY, PART OF THE WORK.

They need someone to absorb their darkness. Lift their souls, carry the burden, take it away from them, little by little, everyday.

Smile at them, laugh with them, make them laugh, make them feel appreciated, ask about their day, if they’re even okay...

ALL OF THOSE THINGS.

Whew! Looking back, I suddenly felt everything again.

I’m still learning and adjusting to this work. Hopefully my spirit guides and fairies never fail to push me whenever I feel like I’m pulling myself to the void.

I’m really looking forward for future knowledge and spiritual renewals.

I also need to harness this skills and magic, and love, and everything peaceful! I don’t want to go back to my dark self again. No. No. No.

I’m very thankful that I became who I am today.

HIGH FIVE, HIGH VIBES!

KEEP BURNING!

❤️🔥

[avis-aeternus]

Does A Dimming "Light-Work"?

Madali akong kausap.

Pero kung pahihirapin mo lang ang napakasimpleng issue dahil lang sa insecurities and shits na hindi mo maayos-ayos on your own, don't expect me to come begging for you.

For you to actually make an effort to LISTEN and THINK CLEARLY.

I don't waste time and energy for those who can't AT LEAST help me work on what needs to be fixed.

HAPPINESS is a choice, though a lot of people stops just there, not really thinking about the REAL POSSIBILITIES and what comes after.

WE CANNOT STOP AND STAY IN JUST ONE MOMENT OF HAPPINESS, I wish we could, but NO.

We BREATHE even though we want to die most of the time.

We MOVE our limbs even though we lack of energy to get through one day.

WE'VE GOT TIME.

WE ARE OUR OWN TIME.

Yet you chose to stay frail and sick and drag everybody else into your void of shattered dreams.

DREAMS ARE FOR THOSE WHO ARE ASLEEP.

YOU HAVE YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN, yet you chose to be blinded by the darkness of your own negativity.

Nalulungkot ako kapag kasalanan ko dahil hindi ko naexecute ng maayos yung goal ko or yung effort ko sa isang tao na kailangan ako.

Pero mas nakakalungkot isipin na kahit nag-effort ka, dahil lang sa kasakiman nilang mas mabigyan sila ng halaga bukod tangi sa lahat ng mayroon ka, nagmumukha kang masama sa mundo nila.

Totoo man o hindi, I can't blame them.

Masarap kasing mabuhay sa mundo kapag pakiramdam mo espesyal ka even just for a day. Paano pa kaya kung madalas?

Pero naisip kaya nila? Isa lang ako.

Mortal. Napapagod. Nahihirapan. Tumutulong.

May sarili akong buhay at hindi ako limitado para lang sa iisang tao.

Hindi ako limitado para sa iisang direksyon lamang at kulay. I appreciate everyone and see them as who they really are.

Nanumpa ako kay Gaia na gagawin ko lahat ng makakaya ko maliwanagan lang lahat ng nasa dilim as long as nagkukusa silang magtiwala. Nanumpa ako kapalit ng paninirahan ko dito.

Vowed that as long as I live and breathe, I will make this life worthy for those who needs light-work. Every time I think of giving up, I will pay them light.

Pero mahirap talaga to.

Iba-iba kasi ng expectation ang mga mortal.

Likas na sakim at mapanira.

Ikukulong ka nila sa ideya na hindi mo naman katotohanan hanggang piliin mo na lang maging masama.

I ALWAYS GIVE THEM CHANCE YET I ALWAYS STAND CORRECTED BY MY OWN SENSE OF CARE AND JUDGMENT.

This is why I dislike rudeness and negative people.

The fact that I can easily absorb everything makes me vulnerable to those that continuously creates havoc even at the most sound and peaceful place. They are my disease.

BUT WHEN THEY SMILE?

Knowing I've caused them a tiny spark of light?

Knowing at least for a moment, the negativity was gone?

It's all that I need to keep going.

Sabi ko katawan ko lang ang susuko pero hindi ako mapapagod.

This is why I push myself to work harder.

Not everyone will make an effort to make you feel special.

Not everyone can do the same for me but at least I can for them.

OR SO I THOUGHT 😔

[avis-aeternus]

[avis-aeternus]

[avis-aeternus]

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[avis-aeternus]

I silently laugh at my own cenotaph, And out of the caverns of rain, Like a child from the womb, Like a ghost from the tomb, I arise and unbuild it again. - Shelley #rain #poetry #streetlight #light #ray #video #vlog #street #urban #traffic #city #streetphotography #gift #inspire #wisdom #love #rainyday #july #photooftheday #motion #citylights

[avis-aeternus]

E&D-estiny

Do you by any chance believe in the thing called Destiny? Or perhaps Fate?

I do.

I believe in them as much as it doesn’t show... I mean, you won’t see those things when you look at me. But try, because I did.

February 25, 2017 Event: Komiket

I am too tired to get up that day. Last night was exhausting, it was my Aunt’s wake. My body felt heavy but my mind was awake and constantly thinking, like always.

I was able to get up and then pondered about going or not going to Komiket. I thought I should go because MAYBE, something good will happen.

And then there they are, standing. Two of them so bright and their smiling faces are the warmest thing I’ve ever seen since this year started. Somehow those smiles made me STOP.

I asked myself, ‘What’s with them? How can they smile like this? What’s their craft?’

I am really captivated by the first set of comics on their table: Clowder.

But all of their works kind of speaks to me in an ethereal kind of way. I often feel this way whenever I am faced with something different. It’s weird, but it’s beautiful. And the best thing about all of it, is that, the Artists are warm. They are really enthusiastic, and will tell you everything you need to know about their stuff.

I am in love with darkness, and emotions that makes us human. Their craft represents those things.

They told us that the series can be read online, but I really want to take one home with me. I want a remembrance that I can hold, that I can keep, a book that I can smell because its real and it speaks to me...

There goes E & D...

I actually don’t care at all that day what story it holds. I just want to take home one of their crafts, because I like them, I like that they are so inspiring, and so I did. I bought E & D.

But I wasn’t expecting everything I read inside.

It broke me.

I am Elise.

I wasn’t expecting something like it. Its too powerful for someone like me who grew up without a father. It ripped my childhood. Broke every memories I have inside me into pieces. Again, I am broken.

Physically, I was more like Dennise, short haired little girl and her adventurous schemes. Ms. Guada was able to divide my two parts in a one shot comic book. How terrifying was that? It’s not. Only it made me see how I was before that it scared me.

Alone. Hated by the other kids, because ‘I’M DIFFERENT’, because I don’t have a father and they all have theirs. I don’t have a playmate. I live inside this world full of crayons, coloring books and my dreams of becoming an Artist.

I remember going to the cemetery every Anniversary, visiting father’s grave. But unlike Elise, I am calm. I like going to the cemetery. I like the quiet and the stories each grave holds. Unlike Elise, I never get the chance to meet my father. I only have his pictures and the stories about him from mom and the people who knew him.

I remember I used to talk to old people too, like the two of them. It’s kind of my thing back then, talking to adults. Asking them about their childhood, and the happiest memories they could tell me. Stories are my friends, and stories are what I write at the age of ten.

I remember talking to myself because I have no one around to talk to. But it made me who I am today, not needing anyone to be by my side when I feel bad about things and PEOPLE.

The scene where Tep told Elise that he saw everything, and that frame with the child Elise staring at her reflection, talking to herself made me burst into tears.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe because deep down I was hoping that SOMEONE somewhere could notice, and see who I really am. What made me like this. Why my thoughts are so confusing. Why I often think of ways to give up living.

I can’t explain how I felt, I wish I could, but it really made me feel touched, IT FELT LIKE I HAVE BEEN FOUND.

E & D made me realize what I really want in life. That I have to do it because I know deep down it will make me happy. All those years I was studying and practicing to be an Artist, and now I have a career in Graphic Design, but it’s not fulfilling. Now I know why.

I always wanted to be a published writer. But now I’m aiming for something bigger than that.

I know the time is near that the Universe will be finished working on its magic, and this story, along with all your works and creations, will be widely known.

You deserve love and appreciation.

Thank you for writing this story.

Thank you for giving it life.

You have heart.

You have light.

- - - - E&D Comics Story & Art by Guadix Read their works:  http://kurosakustudio.blogspot.com/ - - - -

[avis-aeternus]

TULAmhati Ika-isa

Sampung ulit sa sampung daliri. Ipinangako mo sa sarili mong hindi na mauulit pa ang ganitong pangyayari.

Isang dangkal na mga sulatin na ang naisulat mong naglalaman ng hinanakit sa araw-araw at mga pangarap na tila ba kay hirap abutin. Ilang dagat ng luha pa ba ang sarili'y nais lunurin? Ilang kilometrong nagbabagang bato ang dapat mong tawirin?

Hinagpis at tuwa ay laging magkasama, sa bawat pagluha ang kasunod ay ligaya.

Ngunit sumpa mong itinuturing ang bukal sa loob na galak, pagka't delubyo ang nakasunod sa iyong mga yapak. Yaman lang din at ika'y pinanganak mag-isa, nararapat lamang na sa kalungkutan ay walang makasama.

Pinilit mong landasin ang daan na sing linaw at puti ng kalangitan, daang tinatahak ng bawat mangmang sa sanlibutan, Nalagpasan mo ang kanilang kababawan, ikinatuwa mo ang kanilang kahinaan, mga bagay na hindi mo kailanman tutularan.

Sarili mong landas ay iniiwasan ng iba, putik, matatalim na bato at laging tag-ulan, minsan lang umaraw sa iyong nilalakaran, Hanga sila sa lalim ng iyong isipan, walang nakaaalam ng iyong kahinaan, mga bagay na iyong kinalulunuran.

AvaHaine -6.17.15-