I think I broke my brain

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#apples #new #messure #app. It’s amazing. This #couch is merely 7 & 1/2 #inches. #unbelievable I’m #able to fit all 6’2” of me on it. #messureappfails at #dickpicmeme #gohomeyouredrunk https://www.instagram.com/p/BoYTU-2n41c/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12lzja5m6wi17

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#beforeandafter of the shot I took today.

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#day17. A friend enjoys buying me these #metal #diecut #dungeonsanddragons #dice. I’m not complaining. They’re fucking #badass. The #gold ones are the newest #set. #simplyhdr #hdr #psexpress #dnd #mrmeseeks #necromancer #undead #jakethedog #dicebag #adventuretime #chrome #shiny #d20

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#day14. #pandorasbox #demon #box #godofwar3 #puzzlebox #treasure #chest #simplyhdr #hdr #psexpress

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#day9. Things you never notice at @koots907. #rocker #woodensculpture #woodwork #trumphair #simplyhdr #hdr #colorsplash (at Koot's)

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@gasstationdisco doing a #shotski. #purpledrank #3rdandbird (at Koot's)

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#day7 my #skeleton copilot.

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#day6 another #selfie. Yep lazy day. Basically wanted a picture before sundown. #simplyhdr #psexpress #hdr (at Koot's)

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#day5 #dungeonsanddragons day! #mrmeseeks #necromancer #undead #gremlins #spike #simplyhdr #psexpress

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#day4 hope I don’t have any #gremlins show up in my #soundboard. #simplyhdr #hdr #glowy

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Covey & I went on an #adventure. November 17, 2017.

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Oh my. (at Koot's)

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#day2 @alleywaygrille. One of the many #mascots in the kitchen at @koots907. #yellowbird #putabirdonit #photoshopexpress #simplyhdr #hdr #smiles #monster #siracha #3rdandbird (at Alleyway Grille)

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Saw a #TEDtalk on the facespace the other day about creating new #goodhabits & it starts small. This is #day1 of 30 if taking a picture a day. I was busy working so this one is a #selfie. Only thing I could think of. (at Koot's)

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Reflections of a Fox

So, it’s been years since I posted a new blog. I believe the last one I posted or actually written (as opposed to a repost from previous site I no longer use) was Adventures in monster making part 2 . Well, lots has happen since 2011(?). Not sure of the date since apparently Tumblr doesn’t add the year, but it’s a ballpark I guess. There’s been a lot of fun, a lot of heart ache & in fact that guitar from that previous blog is no longer in my possession. You see, at some point at the end of 2017, the singer for that band (that I made that guitar for) committed suicide after murdering his girlfriend (per the police report, which leaves me suspicious since it was an open casket). Well, after that band broke up somewhere between 2012-2013. I began to dislike that guitar. So, the amount that I used it grew less and less. Needless to say, it’s now buried with him. He did love playing in that band and I felt it only necessary. 

Hesitant of the oncoming year (2018), I’ve decided to try and start blogging again. For those of you who still follow me (which is probably no one) you might remember that I usually didn’t tell much about my life, so, I thought I’d start this comeback with a refresher (or at least of what I can recall) of the last 7 years. 

2011-2012

So, after building “Frankenstein”, Unseen Empire played for a while. Opening up for the Sick Puppies, playing during the filming of Frozen Ground. Funny thing about Frozen Ground is that we were playing in one of the bars that The Butcher Baker may have frequented. I guess to keep the movie as authentic as possible they did quite a bit of filming around this block. During our set we were asked to stop playing due to the crew about to film in the alley behind the bar. In fact I was employed by this bar at this time & later served John Cusack, who is a lot taller than you might think. I’m 6′2″ by the way.  Working at this bar I met many people. One of which was a romantic interested that came in every once in a while. Well, one day she came in asking to talk to an owner about a job. I wasn’t really interested in helping her really, until she pursed her lips and dilated her pupils in those beautiful light brown eyes & asked, “If you can get him on the phone so I can talk to him I’ll have to kiss you!” I did as just any good bartender would do. I did it & held her up on her bargain. We started hanging out quite a bit after that & I always brought up that she owes me that kiss and she always just looked at me the same way. One day, she was over at my house while I was repairing a friends guitar. She comes to me and interrupts what I’m doing, “I got you something!” she says, “close your eyes!”  She kisses me. It was pretty fun for a few months until one day she says that she’s pregnant & was going to abort. I didn’t like that, so we argued. Eventually I grew a distaste for her and ended up not talking to her anymore. Years later I find out that I wasn’t the only one she was sleeping with. That’s probably one of the reasons why she wanted to abort. Not only did she not know who’s it was out of embarrassment, but she wasn’t ready in many aspects of life for another life to care for. She was one of the reasons Unseen Empire broke up with which lead to my bassist saying he was going to shoot my in the face with a .40 caliber revolver. 

2012-2013

Before Unseen Empires demise I also started playing with another band, Gimme Gimme Gimme. We were a Tribute Band to The Best Cover Band in the world, Me First & the Gimme Gimmes. We also covered some of our own choices of songs changing them into pop punk songs like Me First. I have no links for Gimme Gimme Gimme since one of the members got upset enough to delete our page. Although, I believe you can still watch this here, which is us opening up for the Dropkick Murphys. That was quite fun in the parking lot of Koots. I also joined a new original metal band named Cain Vs. Abel which seemed really promising. A lot of the band had recording gear, capable finances to compliment achieving merch, touring, ect... but, even though with all these advantages (not to mention what I thought to be great music) there was a huge backlash. The vocalist had a problem of being a fool and using our names as a foothold and just making us look bad in general. Which led to more of the music community having a sour taste in their mouth. Also, I don’t know why, but there’s huge stigma about christian metal. I mean, We weren’t a “Christian Metal Band”, although two fifths of the band were in fact Christians, our message had nothing to do with Christianity. “Cain Vs Abel” was a great name, yes it’s christian derived, but it’s a struggle. Good verses Evil. Man verses his Demons. 

2013-2014

One day, tending bar (oh forgot to link, Avenue Bar. Yeah, if there are old readers of my work you would know that I usually ad pictures and shit & I may do it later, but there’s something I can’t figure out about the code just yet, but I digress) two beautiful girls walk in, one of which I knew, the other had some serious googly eyes for me going on. (I try to leave out names but this is how we met so I’ll say....) “Hey, Foxy!” the girl I know says. “This is <{I am Bender. Please insert girder}>.” She looks up at me, still googly eyed & moves a little closer than she probably should’ve, but I’m a sucker for eyes. Her’s were huge and green & were a little too close together, which I found cute & slightly pointy as if from Asian decent. Turns out she was half Japanese.... [insert El Scorcho here]. I was definitely in lust. In fact I took her home that night & it was quite a good time. We started hanging out a lot & I started liking her. A month or so had passed before I heard about her making out with my vocalist (in Cain vs Abel, remember about making us look bad, yeah people didn’t like that) & I wrote her off immediately. (As I’ll come to find out later she take medication that does not mix well with alcohol.) She didn’t like that. I kept ignoring her for a few days before she showed up at my door step (that I wouldn’t answer) crying in front of it for hours before I finally had enough. I ripped into her a bit harshly about how she was seeing me and then does that with my own band member in public. The tears flowed harder and then she proceeded to confess her love and pleaded for forgiveness with promises. I succumbed. I didn’t want to because time and time again I’ve had run ins with promiscuity from my previous partners. (I have a problem.) So a commitment was made. 

2014-2015

The weird year where I was gluten free. It wasn’t so bad. I lost a lot of weight, I looked great, I felt great. I came to realize that I was not a celiac towards giving up on the diet. Although, I still have triggers that are wheat derived I can’t eat a lot of it without problems. Cain Vs Abel decided to have a couple small tours in Alaska. Well, one actually led us out of Anchorage a few times the other was just in town. I believe this is the year that our drummer in Gimme Gimme Gimme lost his job which would eventually lead to the demise of the band soon. The Half Japanese girl (Aka Bender) & I were living the happy(ish) couple life. Staying home watching movies, making dinner for each other, going to the movies, buying stuff to improve the apartment, ect... I was still working in the bar, so we still drank a lot. This is where I think the relationship began to turn. She would often get to the point I had to literally carry her home & when she wouldn’t come home on time I was suspicious. So much in fact that one night after closing the bar. I get home to find she’s not there. I didn’t leave the bar after close right away. I stayed had a few with my staff and decompressed the night & then I called my cab home. Upon reaching home, I find she’s nowhere to be found at 4:00am. I call her and she answers as if she had just woken up & I ask where she is, “In the bathroom at the Woodshed.” (it’s ok, it doesn’t exist anymore.) I say, “Bullshit! I just closed my bar and that one usually closes before we do!” She stuck to her story and I eventually told her to come home. Having to open the bar the next day (yeah, after closing it the night before, uhhhg) I’m still a bit upset. One of the mangers at the time for the WoodShed walks in as he usually did before his shifts & it triggers my interest since I’m still a little upset about it. I ask him, “So. Anything interesting happen at the Shed?” He says, “Yeah! The alarm went off early this morning. Apparently it was some woman who was still in the bar.” She wasn’t lying. I apologize when I see her later. Nights like those happened often. I eventually asked her to stop coming to shows I had to perform, which offended her (which I get), but she would argue with me and bring me down between breaks. Which left me not performing as well as I should’ve been. Plus if she did end up getting to the point of where someone would have to take care of her, I wouldn’t be able to do so being as it was basically my job to perform. At the end of this year I would be let go from my position at the bar.  I started doing Sound Engineering as a professional, as opposed to just helping out the bar since I was employed there. I was doing sound for anything I could pick up. Outdoor events, Weddings, random shows & places such as the Palmer City Alehouse, Hardrock Cafe & even the previous bar I was working at still wanted me doing their sound. I also found a full time job that taught me the art of Wrapping Vehicles which would eventually lead to me being promoted to one of the lead graphic designers, since I already had so much experience with editing programs. (I’ve been editing images as a hobby since CS3 circa 2006). Well, atop of all that I also started playing in an additional band, Thee Homicidal Supermodels. 

2016

The Supermodels wasn’t the typical band you join as a hobby. It was a Job, 5 nights a week. Not to mention all the songs I had to learn to fill 4-5 hours a night. All of this put a huge strain on my relationship with Bender. What with the time I had to put forth to The Supermodels to learn songs and play them 5 nights a week, a full time job and doing sound here and there. Also, still playing with Gimme Gimme Gimme and Cain Vs Abel. All this revolving around her vehicle since it was the only means of transportation I had & no longer just could walk to work. She started spending time with a “Friend”. (Now, if any of you know me. You exactly how I feel about this way of saying “friend” & what that means.) I mean she couldn’t just stay home and do nothing while I was never there so I don’t blame her. I was merely too busy & making lots of money. So much in fact that I decided to start fixing and building my credit. Boy was that a mistake. This “Friend” was pushing his kool-aid on her like some sort of juicy crack dealer, I assume. She ended up leaving me. Taking my way of transportation, companionship that lasted 3 years & left her half of the bills for me to deal with along with the debt I was using to help my credit. It hurt. In more ways than just the heart.  I ended up not being able to run sound for any place I had to travel far for anymore & picking I was contract gigs here and there at Koots. Now by this time the Drummer for Gimme Gimme Gimme had moved hours away just to be able to take care of his kids. Practices and rehearsals were few & far between and eventually wasn’t financially worth it much and more. So, the towel was thrown after a few shows here and there. I juggled Thee Homicidal Supermodels and a full time job with no vehicle for a few months before Koot's would offer me a on staff position as their Sound Engineer. Which left only Sound after I was replaced for reasons unbeknownst to me from Thee Homicidal Supermodels. They then changed to The Supermods after that. Then I met her. She started working at the club at a point I must have missed, but I saw her this night & introduced myself. The instant she touched my hand I knew, I loved this woman. Even still to this day, I can tell when she’s touching me without looking. I immediately began to court her. She was single, at first, then the story gets redundant with and ex boyfriend getting out of rehab, prison whatever... & was no longer available to date. Things are on and off for them while she continues flirting and swoons me while we work together at the club. Until he came in and things got heated leading to him being 86′d from the club and them eventually going separate ways-ish. Leaving me excited to go to do sound or even be at the club to see her and sneak off to make out and fondle each other. Well, My desire to spend as much time with her as possible led to more drinking and staying out far to late to make it to my full time job more often and often. They eventually let me go. Extreme stress sets in. So, now I have Sound which is barely making the bills & a girl who insists she loves me but won’t commit only causing more mental anguish & depression. Then, we start having sex without of any sort of commitment (and I’ve fallen hard by this point), only furthering the fear of not having to hold her and starting a relationship. Drinking gets heavier. Onlookers begin to get involved, because they see how much I care and what seems like she doesn’t. One night, while working, I had a bit too much to drink. A conflict ensues and it eventually leads to me being let go from the club and a huge scene between her and I that I have no recollection of.  The idiot I am (as I mentioned above, I have a problem, lol) I continue talking to her, but never seeing her due to the struggle to find a job and no transportation. Things are seen, via whatever.Things are said by both her and others & we argue leading to me not talking to her & blocking her on everything. The pain was too much to take to see it.  At the end of this year I lose a dear friend on Christmas Eve due to murder. 

2017

These months were a blur of drinking and depression. Debt sky high, no job, no transportation, tears and abandonment issues left and right. I eventually found a job under the table that helped get my bills paid for a while (a couple months or so) before I found a good job professionally wrapping vehicles at a reputable performance shop in town. I also, started practicing in a band for a show that was coming up later in the year. That is called The Five Horsemen. I continued on just doing these things for quite a while. Riding the bus to work and getting rides to the practice spot. Also, the drinking. The sting of heartache breaking me daily and having to mentally over power it was exhausting and all I had to release the stress of that and the ever still building debt was to just forget about it at the end of the day. This went on for a few months before, BAM! Another band is born. Friends With Benefits! Another full time house band full with all the covers you love to hate. So, I start playing the club again & there she is... Trying everything to get my attention. I ignored, avoided and lucked out when she would call in because she couldn’t take it sometimes. (Sick my ass.)  Then for another reason unbeknownst to me, our slots get cut from 5 nights a week to just weekends or just the Rock-e-oke nights. (That’s where we had a list of songs and you could get up and sing any one of them you like. Cool huh? INQUIRE ABOUT IT!! GET IT BACK FOR US!!!) Then Rock-e-oke was no more and all we did were weekends almost like an on call thing. Around this same time I was laid off from the wrapping gig. I still technically work there. The work just got too slow to be able to have me on payroll. So, I went back to under the table gig. Which again wasn’t cutting it. One day I was asked by one of the members of the club if I could cover them (sound) that night. I agreed, staying away and hiding from her. I eventually got more and more gigs doing sound for the club again & Friends With Benefits was playing there off and on, so I eventually start talking to her again. (u_u’) Things seemed nice. She was still unwilling to commit and at this point I wanted anything I could get. Her touch so infectious and addicting I was like a junkie. This was also about the time my old vocalist from Unseen Empire died in a murder suicide & not even a full 2 weeks later a dear friend that I refer to as one of my Jersey Girls has to be taken off life support because she wasn’t winning the battle with cancer. In my off time I stayed home playing video games and drinking with the lady on the couch. (A totally different story of it’s own.) Eviction! Yep, not because bills weren’t getting paid because they were, barely. No, because I asked about the black mold in the house. The Landlord decided he needed us out to fix it. So, I had to move with no money and really no idea where to go. A friend offered, saying it wasn’t much but it was a place. So I took her up on it. A couple of months go by and it’s Dividend time!! I buy a car! I feel great about it! I’m making it to work on time everyday I have freedom to go anywhere I want. It felt so good to have that again. Inquiring about my pay one day at the under table gig. My boss says,”Yeah, I’ll get your money, but how much money did you make me?” I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. “MMMOKay...” i muttered. He drove me to the bank and paid me & we went ways after that. Angry I decided to go to the bar in hopes of seeing her that night. Well, my boss shows up mentioning that we have work that needs to be done and not to stay out all night because I need to open the shop in the morning. I do so. The next morning I open on time and he never even shows up. This isn’t the type of job that I’m “lined out” in. I can’t just go work. He needs to produce the work so I can do it. 4 hours go by and I leave, never to return. I figured, I don’t need to be treated like that. About a month goes by i think and another dear friend dies from an infect that reached her heart, stopping it in her sleep. So now I’m left with only the sound gig again, while still talking to her in secret, which didn’t seem like a secret or something. Then for some reason she gets let go from the club. We start having sex again. Yeah, I know. Apparently I’m a glutton for punishment. I won’t go into detail, but I wasn’t the only one & the minute one of her other placeholders found someone new & was going to move away she shifted her attention. So, I wrote her off, again.  2018

That’s where I am now. Two years of heart strings being playing like a harp, no money and needing to find a new place again. So, I’ve decided to avoid drinking when I can. Not only because of my declining health, but I simply can’t afford to. I have that car now and if I lost easy means of transportation I don’t know what I’d do. I’ve also decided that I can’t rely on anyone anymore. She always mentioned how much she wanted to help me and this & that. You know something a caring person would want to do. Too many times has she let me down. Others too. I’m fed up. No longer will I leave it “up to” someone else.  I start this year with self realization and leer for trust. It’s time to rebuild, I’m just exhausted. So wish me luck!

I’m sure I left a lot out, but it’s been a wild ride and I’m still not out the storm yet. Also, in case you were wondering Cain Vs Abel can found on Spotify & iTunes

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#photoshoot with #thegirls. #I order from the left by #oldest to #youngest is: #1 #ESP #LTD RS-200 (The Impaler). #2 ESP LTD MH-250 (White Noise). #Dean Les Paul style, not really sure, but I painted & reshaped it, (Frankenstein). Dean #Razorback (no name). Dean #acoustic (no name). #Schecter C-1 #classic (no name, yet...). #Kiesel #Aries (Ghost). #guitarporn flames #spiderman #musicianlife

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#mockup for adding my #mesaboogie mark V #switch onto my #skb #pedalboard along with my new #boost #pedal the Fat-Boost by #fulltone. Let's see if it works. #shurewireless #korg #decimatorii #mxr #ernieball #dunlap