Surrounded by Baboons aka People

A simple blog about idiots I work with and shit that happens in my day

[babooncity-blog]

2015 TV shows SUCKSSSSSSSS

I was anxiously waiting for the new TV series season so that I can finally enjoy TV once again as it has been a very longgggg and boring summer without great TV writing. So Sept rolled around and I excitedly started watching all the continued series like Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How to get away with murder, Blue Bloods, CSI Cyber and so so so many more including new ones like Code Black, The player, Quantico, Heroes Reborn, Blood & Oil and much more

The sad thing is, all of them and I truly mean all of them suck, what happened to all the shows? it's like watching the same thing but with different actors and maybe a twist in the storyline so it sounds and look a bit different from the rest; when in reality it's all the same

What happened to good TV? Im 6 to 7 weeks in and the plot line just seem Blaaaaaah, where is the oomph? where is that plot line that gets you excited and want the next episode to be Now!!!!

Did everyone just get too boring or did I just get too good at guessing what is coming next? and by the way, What the Hell is wrong with the president in SCANDAL, like C'mon already, get your penis back in your pants, maybe use your other head to rule the country let alone use it to think?

I give up with today's TV shows!!!!

[babooncity-blog]

Inappropriate work attire much?

[babooncity-blog]

I just don't get this, Casual Thursday Fashion?!?!

I love love love denim but one thing I will never do is wear denim on denim. Yes, its kind of cool as a concept and maybe on celebrities but in my opinion the normals "normal people like you & me" will not really be able to pull it off.

My advice, stick to one denim clothing item at a time, the reason I am bringing this up is because today is "Casual Thursday" and the looks everyone is trying to pull off in the office is just ridiculous; here are a list of clothing items idiots here think is coolDenim on

1) Denim on Denim.... like WTF seriously?!?! you haven't had a chance to wear denim this whole week and decided to wear them all at once? C'mon you look like you just exploded out of a 90's catalogue..

2) White /Light linen pant suit on men... You do know I can see your boxers through them?!?! and you do know "Miami Vice" is no longer a hit?

3) Long T-shirt on a guy.... What happened, did you put yourself in the Dryer and shrank? Or did you think your super tall and needed an extra long T-shirt? You are not even in your 20s to pull this off...

4) Big Hair.... unless you make money from hairspray sales... You no longer live in the 80's, you might look 80 years old but it doesn't give you the freedom to get your hair super big that you hurt the ozone layer with the amount of hairspray you have on... You are NOT MADONNA to pull it off

5) The Bonobo came to work in such inappropriate clothing that I am shy on her behalf; I mean a 2 dollar hooker is better dressed (I have no disrespect to any profession)... All i want to say to her is "Like for fuck sake take 2 dollars from me and go buy yourself some real clothes"

With no joke, the Bonobo was dressed in something like this (but her blouse had flowers on it and thats the only difference between her and the pic below)...

Seriously why the fuck do I work here? I don't think I can stomach anymore funky casual styles & fashion here... let me excuse myself to go and vomit

[babooncity-blog]

Seriously!!! the infectees sound and look like this

[babooncity-blog]

My office is infected with the "I Think I'm Cool" Disease

Almost three quarter of the office are going to a Jon Bon Jovi concert tonight; this has caused everyone to go through what I like to call "I think I'm cool" disease; now beware as the diseased stricken patients go through symptoms of random singing of  "shot through the heart" all day long; due to the patients' fuck-all voices; the patients will literally all sound like cats in heat, wrongly fucked by an estranged dog!!!

So, to know if you have been wrongly infected or not, all you have to do is to notice yourself and see if you are going through any of these symptoms, they are as follows:

You sound like a feline who wants to get an orgasm but got fucked by a lifelong enemy and through the wrong hole

You sing all day long, for no apparent reason

You think you are in a musical

Your body is moving a lot; making your mind think that you are dancing when in actuality you are having a seizure

You sing stupid, old assed songs from the 90's that doesn't deserve this much excitement

You think Jon Bon Jovi, is the coolest person alive

You think that Jon Bon Jovi, is the sexiest man alive even with his balding head and sagging knees

In the case that you go through any of the above symptoms, consider yourself a loser and please just go shoot yourself or just simply jump off a cliff as you will make this world a much better environment

[babooncity-blog]

Me !!! after hearing today's office news

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!! "But Howwwwwwww????"

[babooncity-blog]

Lucifer's mistress just got promoted !!!

So, new news from my office, it's promotion season now since we are nearing the end of the year and guess what?!?! well if you recall from my earlier post, I spoke about her quite a bit and she's known as Lucifer's mistress aka The MULE aka bitch from hell, today she got promoted!!!

No one knows why or understands it or understands how an idiot can actually climb up the corporate ladder especially since she is too dumb to even know what a ladder is...

Seriously my office is filled with people who are just too stupid and everyone just enjoys back stabbing everyone; if this world was a better place, I would just leave this god forsaken place, of course I'll nuke it, before leaving but for now all I have to do is have patience and wait till I find something better

Honestly though, how can one place gather up and hire so many, many, many idiots? and then turns around and promotes them? Does this exist anywhere else? or does this just exists in a horror movie or maybe a sitcom? It's mad, if you ask me and I can literally feel the vomit creep up to my throat from this news.... ukhhhhhhh,

Even “Ryan Reynolds” is shocked by this !!!!

[babooncity-blog]

Why oh why do we need to facebook everything?

I usually dont check my facebook very often, in fact I check it twice a year, once around my Bday and the other time is around Xmas as I feel the need to thank everyone for the Bday wishes and of course to wish everyone else in return on Xmas (C'mon it's rude not to write a thank you note back)

Today of all days, due to sheer boredom, I decided to check out my FB page, to see what's going on in the world, as I really don't know how fucked my friends' lives are (I agree, I am naive and retarded); anyways, back to the FB posts, I realized that people are way too stupid for my liking, as there is a need to like everything and of course put up everything that occurs in one's life, nothing is private anymore!!! whatever happened to keeping things behind closed doors? so the repeated stupid posts I've seen while browsing (from almost everyone)...

people's family members dying; of course with the whole community "liking" the post, how fucked up are you to "like" your friend's mourning state?... and you Mr. Friend why the fuck would you put up that someone in your family is dead?

people popping out babies; I get your happy over the new family member, but is there a real need to advertise how the baby has popped out of you (or your wife)? are you really that stupid to think preganancy glow still lasts post delivery?

people breaking up with their fiance one day, then in 2 weeks time found another new replacement love, of course expressing how life never existed before this new replacement... are you really that emotionally fucked up?

people showing off their muscle growth... why do I need to see how you flex your muscles? is it really a muscle? or did your head just shrank next to your puny biceps?

people's selfies... too many issues for me to comment on

people's comments on world issues... I get the whole world is in chaor due to wars, politics and natural disasters but do I really care that you know about them? then to see that you fucking "like" this too?

last but not least, the most annoying of them all, people's feeling... why would I care that you are feeling blessed or happy or even blissful? go fuck your happiness and shove it up your ass...

I uderstand that FB is a form of socializing but do you really want the whole world to know you are fucking blessed? I think God is a bit too busy to bless you, as God, needs to deal with famine occuring in Africa let alone global warming, since we all royally fucked earth

I say; just share videos of cute little kittens or puppies doing something funny or even a baby doing something smart & adorable, now thats free entertainment; everything else you can keep to go fuck yourself!!!

[babooncity-blog]

The Emmy's - Veep and other crap series !!!

I still can't get over the Emmy's from the other night, like how did most of the winners win? based on what?

Dont get me wrong, a few of the winners deff deserved it but let's talk about the elephant in the room? what's up with the Comedy Category and lets say "Veep", I have repeatedly watched this series but for the life of me, have no idea how this is funny at all, be it satirical or dark or sarcastic, it ain't any of these, so what is it then? cuz I ain't laughing my ass off, let alone give it a smirk, keep in mind they won for comedy!!! The only feeling I ever get is the fact that the whole team are just retards (ahhh yes, I do end up learning new ways to put the word "Fuck" into sentences)... Is this why they won? When did the world get so dumb to have an "ehh" series win an Emmy for comedy? do we no longer know what comedy is? comedy in my book should make the viewer smile and / or laugh, it's the act of moving the lower and upper jaw muscles simultaneously... The only award they should have won is for the "best series to make GIFS online"... Ok, ok to all you "Veep" lovers out there, this series does have 1 or 2 lines in the episodes that are useful / funny but for the love of humanity, "that's like trying to use a croissant as a fuckin' dildo!"

Enough of my ranting on, lets move along to another category; I decided to also watch some of these mini series that were nominated, like "Houdini" and OMG does this movie suck in terms of editing and even, dare I say it, the writing; did anyone watch this? what's up with the Mother french kissing her Son, they aren't even French, let alone work out a french kissing scene in there? Now a days, I feel that movies just want to squeeze in a couple of kissing / sex scenes for the sake of having it in there, like its a pre-requisite to being a good movie... it's not a pre-requisite like algebra for you to move on to a higher class in college

Conclusion... was winning based on fucking someone or just cuz it was now their turn to win? Enough ranting, I just needed to share the fact that I wasted a few hours of my life watching these "ehh" series and mini-series, when I could have done something better like sleeping!!!

[babooncity-blog]

Surprise...

Woke up this morning to find out it was a public holiday... so no work!!!

I thank my lovely old aged brain for giving me this great surprise for the day

So many things that I could do today, clean up my room, the closets even, doing laundry pre weekend, grocery shopping, ahhhh the many options that I have in hand...

Screw it, Im gonna rest my frail mind for the next 10 more hours... YAYYYYYYY!!!!

[babooncity-blog]

Failed exercise attempt today

Visited my bestie today; to see and celebrate her new place; we ended up chit chatting about all the dummies we work with and then ended up having a yummy dinner, although I promised myself I wouldn't overeat, guess what? I overate as I always do, Yup! I had a HUGE plate of creamy pasta followed by some chips then a chocolate bar (no, I was not PMSing)

By the time I reached home, I felt guilty overindulging so I decided to save my body and attempted to burn a few calories after this feast; I managed to play my yoga DVD and ATTEMPTED to do YOGA, it was a big fail, as this was what I literally was doing versus what I thought I was doing...

My brother caught my yoga poses on his i-phone and showed me pictures proving how similar my plank moves were to this cute little elephant; ok, so you guessed it; 4 mins into the DVD and I gave up, yes as I have previously mentioned, I am a well rounded fat ass and proud of it...

BTW; in the case you are wondering, my ass is as big as this cute elephant's... till my next attempt to yoga, I guess :)

[babooncity-blog]

I'm "farewell" broke

The amount of office farewells we are throwing on a weekly basis is just killing my wallet. Its unkind if you don't pitch in, as you will get the look from everyone if you don't drop in the donation envelope at least $30 and if you do then your broke for the day...

At my office, the amount of baboon turnover is mind boggling, we go through baboons like as if it was toilet roll, this past month we have had 3 resignations which tallies to about $100, which is just too steep for my wallet

With this last one, I literally hid from the envelope passing around the office, the first time, I hid in the ladies room then the second time around, I skipped out to lunch thinking I was smart but these fuckers eventually caught me, the fucking baboons found a way to track me down in one of my meetings post lunch. Head baboon literally walked into my meeting and asked me to pitch in as they were waiting for me before they handed the envelope to the departing baboon

Learning from this story; you can't run away from blood thirsty baboons, only solution is to go home, taking a half day sick leave with the excuse of period cramps... getting your period, just wont cut it anymore cuz anyone of these dumb-assed baboons would offer a pad or a tampon to get you to stay in the office... Either cough up a $30 or fake period cramps in public

[babooncity-blog]

Can we use a hairbrush please!!!

I am a TV addict, hence I ended up watching the Emmy's the other night and while all these hot celebrities were walking the red carpet and receiving awards I noticed that almost every single one of them (both men and women) had weird messy hairstyles...

When did the world get so weird to turn hair like this into a style? don't get me wrong, as I am sure that all of them spent shit loads of money and time to get their hair done before the awards to look like they just walked out of bed, got into their outfit and drove to the awards

As mentioned in some of my earlier posts, I have a slight touch of OCD and hence these hair-dos just make me wanna barf, let alone run down to each one of them and comb their hair down

Seriously, when did the "I wake up like this" look become the norm? it's just so annoying.... why oh why, do you want to look like a troll? I just don't get it... my idiotic brother (yes, I have one of these in my life) also does this, he wakes up every morning and looks like crap with his hair all over the place, showers and then spends about 45 mins on his hair to walk out of the house an hour later looking the same as he did when he first woke up, the only slight difference, he now smells of hair products...

BTW; did anyone notice, the only decent hairstyle to walk the red carpet was Lady Gaga's??? go figure... what is this world coming to?

[babooncity-blog]

Diet much?

Realization of the week, the fact tat my ass is way too big to fit into anything that I own (I broke a nail in the process of getting my jeans on, all the jumping didn’t help my ass to wiggle into my pants either); so I have 1 of 2 choices, either I change my entire wardrobe or I actually get on a diet

After serious thought and basically looking at my online bank account, I decided to go for the latter, yes the harder option which is the DIET; mind you, I have always prided myself in staying away from the norm of the world and just eating whatever makes me happy, at the end of the day I am a foodie and proud of it. I literally have the talent to tell you what every ingredient in a dish is after just one bite; of course I will polish off the entire dish as an excuse to tell you what is in it ;)

So after hours and hours of research, I decided on a “no carb 14 days diet” which seems to have good reviews and a positive effect on everyone who tried it…

Next day and 5 hours into this diet, I am a bit moody, annoyed, tired and fucking hungry… I had one tiny insignificant bowl of mush for breakfast… 6th hour into the diet…. Wait for it, yes you are right!!! I managed to have eaten my 13.5 days diet meal plan for lunch…. hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray; I am a fat assed baboon !!!

Conclusion, I am out of food and can’t wear anything to go get dessert, solution?

To go online and buy some new clothes and order delivery; win-win situation for me but my bank account will have to deal with this fucked up decision and man up…

[babooncity-blog]

What keeps me from going to jail - No more blowdrying my Hair :(

[babooncity-blog]

What keeps me from going to jail

Aside from complaining and writing about the idiots that I work with… I realized that I subconsciously do 5 things that keeps me from literally strangling the baboon aka idiot in front of me or stabbing this said creature with my blunt number 2 pencil in the neck

The 4 things are

I imagine stabbing them and think about all the post stabbing clean up… I have a slight case of OCD and all that work is just too much

I repeatedly and continuously breath as they talk which eventually helps me in zoning out their voices (exactly what yo do when your parent lectures you) - Try this out (but beware of giggling, as idiots talking without sound is entertaining as hell, they literally look like dumb assed morons making faces)

I think of all the pretty purses I will be able to buy with my next paycheck, of course this will only happen if I am not in jail

The fact that in jail, I will only be allowed to wear orange for the next 20 years to life (which is totally not my color); and not allowed to wear heels, get a manicure or blow dry my hair

[babooncity-blog]

What would you do?

What do you do when you are put in a situation and you have no clue what to do...as you will be fucked either path you take (no I am not talking about espionage or a love triangle)

Last week, it was 3:30pm and I was dreading the fact that I still had two and a half MORE FUCKING hours to go till I could get out of this miserable hell hole and start my weekend. No matter what I did, time was just creeping away and only seconds would pass even though it felt like an eternity, ever had that feeling? and Yes, that is what Hell will feel like...

Well, as the day was just getting by, ever so slowly, the Bonobo decided to ask the entire team if we should just pack up and have our weekly week-end meeting at the bar over drinks; obviously all the baboons jumped to this opportunity of bunking work; literally I never saw a bunch of idiotic baboons pack up their stuff and are at the door in 4 seconds flat (maybe the only other time; was when I threw a banana at the conference room door).

Anyways; I was stuck.... on the one hand I hated everyone in the team (so why would I spend nonobligatory time with them outside of work) and on the other hand I really just wanted to get out of the office...

If you were in my place, what would you do? keeping in mind that the situation could get nasty as drinking with 2 idiotic baboons, the bonobo & the lemur is as painful as sticking a fork up your nose passing through your eye socket and into your brain