Officially Shit

nyc gay

[dryad-knifeplay]

Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days

[deep-state-partisan]

[fallout-lou-begas]

[squeakitties]

[thyrell]

[woosh-floosh]

[silliest--billiest]

[jealous-side-hoe]

[pro-prin-prinny]

[0v9]

[0v9]

[galvanisticinhuman]

[yorumatsu]

[fullmetalcirclejerk]

[sonicxshadowgenerations]

[kaaladins]

[hetcharacterof2day]

Heterosexual Character of Today:

Severus Snape from the Harry Potter Series

[boss-of-armadildos]

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

[were--ralph]

Pixar movie about a dick who is too big to fit in with all the others

[were--ralph]

Hes an guy with a Prince Albert and his hood makes him stand out but he learns that you can be big and stand out and thats fine you don't have to fit in

[were--ralph]

His two best friends are a vagina and a t-dick and eventually he meets the most popular guy with a hood and they have their first kiss which is just docking

[were--ralph]

The climax of the movie is him going to Anal University and plugging up the butt that is flooding the whole town and he learns that big or small there's a place for everyone to fit in and love wins

[were--ralph]

His name is Cockand Balls and his dad is named Sir Cumcision and the bully is named Meatus and the guy he falls in love with is named Glans Shaft

Everyone is played by Adam Sandler

[were--ralph]

Hi. I did not take my meds, as you can tell.

[ankle-beez]

[lammergeier-spitfire]

This felt like a punch to the throat

[lobo-cansado-de-ojos-rojos]

On one hand, this would exasperate any Frenchmen within earshot, so good for her.

[averycooldad]

I will never stop referencing this iconic moment in animation history

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[dostoyevsky-official]

good morning. don't forget this

[valtsv]

i feel like the term "radio host" should be more literal. if you're a radio host you should have to host that thing inside your body until you fuse together like two symbiotic organisms.

[studentofetherium]

[schizsune]

i dont hate bugs and stuff but their weird ways of moving low durability and lack of individuating characteristics remind me that all life is vile grotesque alien meat and that im an unwelcome guest in one and my body is just one dying cell in a sickly superorganism

[schizsune]

crabs should just walk forwards normally because i really dont like it how they do it right now

[schizsune]

im a big guy and i know in some small way, how fucked up it is. but there's just. trillions. of tiny guys that don't know how fucked up they are. how fucked it is that they're just building nest or stealing my bread crusts. they dont even know how fucked it is that they're so small that they can't comprehend how fucked up they are. that's fucked.

[schizsune]

flies live for like 2 or 3 weeks tops. and yet they will spend an entire morning buzzing in your face. that would be like if a human took a whole year off to dedicate their entire existence to cow tipping. they don't even fucking care. its like they relish the chance to drown themselves in half drunk mugs of tea. they like doing that. they reincarnate to do it again.

[fairycosmos]

does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse

[akashicrecord]

you ever been milked big time?

I was the only almond at Silk for 5 years

[kushblazer666]

[mn12platform]

[ottermatopoeia]

[coolxatu]

[spacelazarwolf]

call him jesus the way i make him bred and whine

HELP

[greek-orthodox-priest]

call me holy trinity the way I father a son in his hole n ghost

[greek-orthodox-priest]

I have been hacked.

[deanwinchesterapologist]

your abstract concept fucking bit me

[roadhogsbigbelly]

miss piggy is an honorary faggot

[roadhogsbigbelly]

miss piggy invented poppers

[mercuryfountain-deactivated2024]

Poppers pigs are referred to as such in her honor. Know your herstory.

[roadhogsbigbelly]

miss piggy is a she/her pig with a fistable twink boyfriend we all know this.