ONE wizard steals ONE riding lawn mower and suddenly there’s no wizards allowed in the shop. This is bullshit.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@ballerwizard
ONE wizard steals ONE riding lawn mower and suddenly there’s no wizards allowed in the shop. This is bullshit.
oh your pronouns are he/they?
well that’s mathematically incorrect becuase you can still simplify the fraction since both sides have “he”
making your pronouns technically 1/ty
>:)
I’m releasing The Most Beautiful Woman You’ve Ever Seen into your enclosure, please be on the lookout for her in the next few days
Dude stop putting my wife in other people's enclosures you're stressing her out.
Was talking the other day about the formative sexy wizardesses of my youth, and here we are.
maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them
starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost
At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again
Got a new curse for y'all.
This one makes you important at your workplace so you suddenly have a lot of responsibilities that you don't feel qualified for. The stress'll gray your hair in no time flat.
How does the wizard councik feel about using magic to steal from babies? It's fine, right?
Asking for a friend.
the fact that the bottom part of this was cut off and reposted and and almost nobody knew is one of the biggest cases of bi erasure in history
I'm out of wizard shitposts right now, check back in after the E T E R N A L W I N T E R for more random garbage, the E T E R N A L W I N T E R shouldn't be that long anyways.
INSTANT BALLS
A small slime just showed up and asked if it could be my apprentice.
I... I don't think slimes usually have apprentices? I think that's usually a wizard thing? I mean, and a blacksmith-and-other-tradesmen thing, but I'm not that either. I am not even sure what a slime apprenticeship would encompass if it was a thing. I think either this slime is confused, or I am.
Okay, here's my pitch. I take you on as my apprentice (Union rates, room and board, correspondence courses, the works) and then that way you have a trade you can pass on to YOUR apprentice. Foolproof.
Hey, sorry I didn't reply to this earlier, but, uh, do you mean like a wizard apprentice, or some other trade? Because if you mean a wizard apprentice, first I'm not sure I really have the attention span to learn to be a wizard, but more importantly I'm not sure I could anyway because my own magical nature kind of... has a tendency to interfere with spells in the vicinity.
But if you mean some other trade, I mean I don't know I guess maybe it wouldn't hurt to like pick up some skill in bookbinding or blacksmithing.
We'll find you something. Scribing perhaps. And then you can teach whatever I tell you to your apprentice. Like some kind of tetrahedron plot. Foolproof.
I mean... it's been long enough that the little slime who asked to be my apprentice isn't here anymore, though they've been stopping by occasionally so I guess they'd probably be back.
Actually, I guess the one trade I have been interested in learning is alchemy; I mean, having been created through alchemy myself I figure nosce te ipsum and all that. I don't know if that's something you teach, though.
As long as the check doesn't bounce, then as far as you know I'm qualified to teach anything.
Why are you me? I'm me.
Knew I shouldn't have bought that sentient mirror.
A good thrift shop deal is often hard to pass up.
peasant visionary: & then it stood before me, a towering wheel of flame that beheld me with 10,000 shimmering eyes!
me: idk man it still sounds like an ocular migraine
peasant visionary: #MyGrain
My dungeon is so boring lately. Maybe if I capture more queer people the cries of those trapped down there would be more interesting and varied. But then it feels kind of homophobic. But I also want a more interesting dungeon.
This is why it is so hard being an evil wizard.
Okay, so, what you do is, recruit a few queer folk as your minions, then capture their exes. Diversity win! The spiteful ex-lover who's sentenced you to an eternity in the wizard's dungeon is gay!
you are not an endearingly rude and unfriendly cartoon character you need to be nice to people
coming from a place of love btw i still have to remind myself this often. i’m very autistic i know what it’s like to think of yourself as like a lovable character with quirky flaws because your sense of identity comes from fiction but you are a Living Person and that’s not how it works to be a living person
not enough people are reblogging this version which is fine but i think they should. I Know Ball i still struggle with this i Get It