I’m apart of a couple really progressive queer groups (pro xenogenders, pro lesboys, pro microlabels, ect.) and it really sickens me how some people treat those who identify as a certain identity/label due to trauma. Especially as someone with PTSD.
I’ve seen some people be super aphobic towards aspec people who identify that way due to trauma- saying that they weren’t ’really aspec’ or should just ‘go to therapy’ instead of identifying that way, (ESPECIALLY if they identify as specifically caed[sexual/romantic/platonic/familial/ect.]). I’ve also seen people imply that we are just ‘wearing their identity as a costume’ to cope and that we will become non-aspec after we heal (<- as if it’s a bad thing for identities to change AND acting like trauma can always be healed and is not something that can permanently affect your identity).
I remember there was this one post made by an individual who was looking for a term for someone who used to be a transmasc but, due to trauma, they are back to identifying as a girl (specifically in a detransitioning way). The person admitted that them identifying that way may come across as ‘taboo’ but they still wanted to find a label.
Out of like probably 30 comments (can’t remember I think it was like a year or so ago) I was the ONLY ONE who respected them and actually tried to help them find a label for them. The rest of the comments ranged from trying to be sympathetic/empathetic towards them and their trauma to people either saying or implying that they should not be identifying that way, refusing to help them because it was going to ‘hurt them’.
This is the general idea (again, it’s been like a year or two so I can’t remember my exact wording) of what I had replied on that post;
‘As someone who has trauma and has had their identity affected by it, I can definitely sympathize with how you feel. I understand where the other comments are coming from, and I do hope you are able to heal your relationship with trans masculinity if you want to in the future, but it definitely is not wrong for you to identify in a way that your trauma has affected, and it is just as valid as any other sort of identity. Even if other people perceive it as harmful.
You asked for help finding terms similar to your experience so I found some that you may like [links to a couple labels.’
It really aggravates me when non-traumatized people act like we are incapable of (or should not be capable of) making decisions for ourselves when it comes to the topic of expressing our trauma and how it affects us. If we embrace and accept our trauma non-traumatized individuals sometimes will become aggressive and say things like “your trauma doesn’t define you! You shouldn’t let it affect your identity!” or “You shouldn’t identify that way it’s really harmful and bad for you :(“ to people straight up saying we are faking being traumatized because ‘real’ traumatized people would want to do anything to forget our trauma and not be identifying with labels that would remind ourselves of it.
You want to know what that sounds like to me? “Noooo don’t bring up your trauma in MY safe space :(( it makes ME uncomfy 😢”.
People need to get comfortable with us traumatized folk REAL FAST because it is unacceptable how some of you treat us now.
