Come imagine something funny with me, if you'd like
You know how in the Hobbit sometimes the Dwarves had to pick up and carry Bilbo because he was too slow / tiny to keep up with them? And to get him into the trees that time? Yes?
What if, somewhere while wandering around Erebor (after Smaug's gone, the goldsickness hasn't started yet, on their way up to the outside, probably somehwere in the chapter Not at Home) there's some massive bit of broken steps and the Dwarves scramble up fine but Bilbo's too short-legged for that so Thorin pulls him up. Thing is he expected the Hobbit to be, shall we say, dense: like a Dwarf. But he is not, being a Hobbit. And so Thorin shoots him up in the air (you know when you thought a bag would be heavy so you put way too much effort into lifting it, and end up lauching it and your hand three feet in the air? Yeah Thorin does this to Bilbo.)
And both look at each other, Thorin still holding him up off the ground over the broken rock. Thorin looks embarrassed, Bilbo frightened.
"What was that for?!" he demands.
"Sorry about that, Master Baggins," Thorin says placing the Hobbit on the ground beside him. "I did not expect you to be so light."
Bilbo turns red, splutters in incoherently for a moment (to accuse a Hobbit of being "light" is a terrible insult.) "I say!" he manages "I am a perfectly normal weight, considering the circumstances, thank you very much indeed. You can make your own food from now on, I shan't be helping." (A devastating Shire-ish insult. Might as well have called the King a gobshite.)
Thorin, baffled, "Well Bombur did a good enough job on his own, I'm sure we could make do."
"Oh so that's it, is it?" Bilbo replies, even more outraged. "I really thought you'd come to respect me after all. Well, so be it. At least you've told me in plain terms you don't think I'm of any use now that I got you all to the Mountain. A Hobbit likes to know where he stands, you know. And you would not be standing here if it wasn't for me Mr. Oakensheild."
"You are the most respected member of our Company, Mr. Baggins. And we appreciate very much your heroic efforts which resulted in our being here today. I have no idea what you are insulted over, but given that a dragon may be coming home any minute I suggest we hold this discussion for some other time and place, and let us march on."
"I should have left you in Thranduil's dungeon, that's what I should have done."
Continue this as you like
tangentwithtanner
amandla
vaporwave
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
