[galaxywarp]

obsessed w this fucking tweet

[nothingdoingcomic]

Nothing Doing no. 66

[quasi-normalcy]

I don't remember finding fart jokes particularly funny even when I was a child.

[quasi-normalcy]

Five year old me, watching a movie with fart jokes: "Oh, how gauche. They're pandering to the lowest common denominator."

[orteil42]

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

[dorothygale]

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

[hussyknee]

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

[ozempicofficial]

[jihadibarbie]

genuinely me

[theharlotofferelden]

Okay but the article is fucking sending me

[fluff-e-boy]

One of the most important images of all time

[wiseguynephile]

flashback to when I got a little too gnc in my new profile pic, and my mom caught on that I had The Gender (which she was super supportive about, tbc), but didn't want to ask about it outright. so she started making up never-before-seen euphemisms

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

Tried to tip a tumblr blog at 1am and it was such a suspicious transaction it immediately put a full fraud freeze on my account

Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.

This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it

Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life

-

Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog

Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?

Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose

-

Caah: and this person asked you for money?

Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"

-

Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *

Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..

Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny

-

Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?

Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is

I think in the end Cash decided there was no saving me from myself

[dungeon-moss]

[oupyfactory]

maybe the single funniest twitter comment I've ever seen

[parakavka]

Today a very friendly Golden Retriever came up to me and I said "hey buddy :D" and the owner asked "do you know each other?" like his dog had a social life he didn't know about

[monsieurenjlolras]

This is your regularly scheduled reminder that "Life finds a way" is about the dinosaurs becoming transgender

[wrenvi]

my favorite genre of bearded vulture images is middle aged people cradling them like babies

[loreleywrites]

im always saying this

[spiralstaircased]

Me when I'm old as fuck and my grandkids talk to me: this reminds me of a post. I gotta go find the post

Grandkids: grandpa sit down you don't need to show us a post

Me: (not listening) Now where was that post....