Several incorrect facts about Isopods (pill bugs) (just the land ones)
Isopods - the only truly apolitical animal
Fact 1: isopods are a type of very small bug (I am only talking about the little land isopods in this listing, water isopods are very bad and far too large). An average isopod is about the size of a medium-sized pill bug. To put that into perspective, an average-sized Pill bug is slightly smaller than a slightly above-average-sized slater.
Fact 2: Very little is known about the isopod aside from the fact that, on account of their small brains, isopods are incredibly stupid. And they are very stupid. Their small brains should not be brushed aside and leave the isopods extremely limited, particularly in fields like number theory and basic arithmetic. Isopods are not very good at theoretical physics.
Fact 3: No Isopod has ever had potential. Anyone who underestimates an Isopod is right to do so. They are the underdogs for a reason. Under no circumstances should an Isopod be recruited to a wild card baseball team under the assumption that it was being unfairly dismissed by other coaches who assumed it would be bad at baseball because of its very small brain. The other coaches are right, the Isopod is not an undiscovered talent or a flower waiting to bloom. Nor will an Isopod player be just the pick-me-up your grassroots team, who may not have the best equipment but has real heart, needs. Even if the Isopod does well in trials, its Isopod father will almost certainly miss the big game, demoralising the Isopod and ruining everything you worked so hard to build. Best to avoid Isopod players entirely.
Fact 4: The Isopod goes by many names that vary from region to region… I will not list them here.
Fact 5: are there any interesting facts about the Isopod? No not really. Although after the recent reclassification of Platapus, Octopi and Ducks as Echidnas, the Isopod is now the only known mammal that lays eggs. Aside from that the Isopod is of really little relevance, however, the mega nerds over at Big Science like to argue about it anyway.
Fact 6: There is an ongoing debate in the scientific community as to whether an Isopod is a Millipede with dwarfism or the lower half of a Centipede. This is very stupid as the Isopod is very clearly a once athletic crab who got into miniature war gaming and lost all of its muscle mass as a result.
Fact 7: Earlier I said there are no interesting facts about the Isopod, I lied, I am not sorry and I will do it again.
Fact 8: Many people, particularly the chronically annoying, like to make the claim that everything is political. Much like me, these people are liars. Isopods have nothing to do with politics, this is because their hands are too small to vote. Instead of admitting to this weakness, isopods pretend to be better than everyone else by never having any opinion on anything ever.
Fact 9: Alone in the animal kingdom, the Isopod is entirely unconcerned with the affairs of man and general politics. Even the Isopod’s closest living relative, the Heyna, got into crypto for a bit, which is sort of like politics for the incredibly stupid. The closest any Isopod has ever come to being political was when one of them once referred to the general public as “the great unwashed” but it only said that beacsause it was copying a character from a TV show it liked.
Yes, the Isopod is entirely Apolitical, or is that just what THEY want you to think?
Fact 10: Isopods have been known to be avid enjoyers of books and literary media, They crawl all over any book they can get their hands on and literally devour it. They of course claim to enjoy all books, but will avoid the ones that get “too political”. But what is “too political” for the Isopod palate? Isopods have been noted devouring media like Hunger Games or Harry Potter which get pretty political at certain points but the same Isopods have refused to chow down on works like Angie Thomas’ THUG. Why is that?
Fact 11: And why did the Isopods specifically avoid eating the November 2021 issue of Son of Kal-E, when they had been noted as enjoying all previous issues. Surely if the Isopods were truly against all politics they would avoid Superman in general, not just the comics with his gay son.
Fact 12: What's with this pattern? The answer is obvious. The Isopods only have a problem with politics, or see something as political when it deviates from the political norm, or at least what they see as the political norm. Minorities are no more inherently political than majorities but the isopod simply can’t see that. And instead of confronting their own biases, the isopod hides behind a shield of false centrism, using the idea that they are apolitical to deflect any legitimate criticism of their prejudices or beliefs. The Isopods are just as political as the rest of the world, they’re just jerks about it.
Fact 13: Everything really is political. I owe the radical left an apology.
Fact 14: every fact in this listing, including this one, has been a lie.
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