I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs
Excellent story in the tags from @angiethewitch
Alt text: #omg there's a jackdaw outside the cafe I work at called Stephen #some farmers named him that #he has a bad foot so he makes people feel bad for him and they feed him #and when someone tosses him a piece of bread or whatever the entire flock descends #they literally send their disabled friend down to manipulate us
