Listen, I could be working on the next instalment of the Death Metal AU, or Yoga Teacher!Geralt, and I really really need to work on the one where Eskel and Lambert unknowingly try to seduce Jaskier while Geralt is on a contract but instead y’all are gonna be subjected to the musings of
Jaskier wants everyone to understand that this isn’t his fault
How was he supposed to know he was adopted, no one ever told him!
And okay, the ridiculously slow aging maybe should have tipped him off, but he takes care of himself dammit, he bathes with clockwork regularity and all the running from monsters has done wonders for his physique, not to mention that a good half of his waking hours are spent bouncing on Geralts cock, let’s see what your arse looks like after two hours of riding a Witcher like he’s fleeing from a mob.
He’s thirty seven years old, in the best physical shape of his life, so what if this is when normal men his age start to slow down, he’s Julian Alfred Pankratz, renowned troubadour and lover to all, he is exceptional
He can acknowledge that a sudden increase in virility for a man pushing forty isn’t typical
Geralt, what if it’s a curse?
Geralt, what if it’s a sex curse?
Those are a thing, right?
Geralt blearily mumbles some nonsense into the pillow his face is currently smashed into, then proceeds to roll over and continue snoring
Leaving him alone to deal with his horrible sex curse alone, the traitor
This is what twenty years of delightful companionship gets him how dare he
It’s spring, Geralt what if it’s the pollen, sex pollen is something right, he remembers it from a salacious book he read in his youth
It’s two weeks later when he’s pushing into Geralt for the fourth time in as many hours that Geralt’s Witcher medallion starts to hum
But then Geralt comes so hard he passes out and it goes forgotten until the next day
Geralt can’t take much more of this, he has Witcher stamina and Witcher healing and he can’t keep up sexually with a middle aged bard, something is wrong with this picture on about sixteen different levels
Off they go to the local healer, who refers them to a mage who refers them to a hedge witch of all things, deep in the forest
Who takes one look at the bags under Geralt’s eyes and the tent in Jaskier’s trousers and proceeds to laugh in their faces
A quick test to confirm, but it turns out Jaskier isn’t technically as human as he thought
In fact, by sex demon standards, he’s not much more than a spotted faced teenager who gets hard if a breeze happens to blow in just the right way
Geralt wants to run into the forest and scream when the amused witch informs them this is likely to get much worse before Jaskier is able to settle down and control himself like a proper succubus
Because this isn’t just a regular libido increase
This is sex demon puberty
