Why am I still on this website

Jess, 20. Queer. She/her pronouns. I reblog too many puns for my own good, blame John Mark.

[meganwhalenturner]

[viterbofangirl]

@shaelit​ @themoonstarwarrior​ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[acollectionofhalftruths]

Padme “no concept of my own mortality” Amidala teaming up with Anakin “no impulse control” Skywalker to catch her own assassin. There’s no way this can go wrong

[acollectionofhalftruths]

Ah. And their friend Obi-wan “try to kill me, I dare you” Kenobi.

[like-crazy-cakes]

[cottoncanyon-deactivated2018012]

The best part of this which people often don’t realize is that Dwight was the one who took the family picture of them. So him seeing that picture is even more startling to him.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[somenerdthing]

[ddeathspell]

[khatoblepas]

There they are, the two genders.

[samael]

only a cis deals in absolutes

[cornchipz-revival]

all of life and history aligned for that one joke we’re done everyone go home

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

oh thank god 

[whitepeopletwitter]

[mothsplaining]

when dogs are scary smart

over the last several months, we have been implementing a protocol to eliminate karybelle the sheltie’s barking surrounding her mealtimes. we have accomplished this by initially introducing an alternate activity during prep time (stuffed kong) and religiously giving her a time out gated in the yard if she stops that activity to bark, thus delaying her dinner until she’s quiet. this has been extremely successful; she’s gone from barking literally 100+ times during meal prep to barking 0 times, and only occasionally slips up. the behavior she has chosen to replace her meal-prep-screaming (after all, that energy has to go somewhere) is frantically - but silently - running circles around the coffee table to finally slam into a perfect down-stay as her bowl is set down.

this evening as the food was coming out, karybelle seamlessly slipped into her silent circling routine. except after a couple of reps, she abruptly changed course, yeeted herself out the dog door, barked once, and immediately jumped back in to resume her circling.

if that isn’t a demonstration of crystal clear understanding of criteria, i...don’t know what is lmao

[tchaikovskaya]

literally the canine version of this

[guerrillatech]

[filmgifs]

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) dir. Gore Verbinski

[shiftythrifting]

It was an entire cookbook dedicated to nothing but tatertot recipes. The book was too hard to photograph opened (it reminded me of a board book for toddlers??) but they even had tot gumbo iirc.

[memescomedy]

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[brawltogethernow]

*turns off the light*

my cat, who can still see perfectly, watching as I bump into a table: Ah, she has toggled the switch that controls whether she is stupid.

[mens-rights-activia]

[rainbowrecesses]

Advice I wish I would’ve followed or been given.

[crowsandcooks]

And you can still do it now

[bethanyactually]

fun fact: one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp is to continue learning new skills as you grow older! it’s never too late to learn how to make your own clothes or resurrect the dead or grow beautiful flowers.

[leupagus]

Um

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]