Don't Dream It be It

[strange-aeons]

Hello humans I have a bonkers request for video content. I want you to write me some Tumblr fake stories. I know that your cringiest 2012 self is still in there clawing to be free and i want you to let them out. Do your absolute worst.

I plan to select 10-15 ish stories (depending on length) for a video. I haven’t decided yet if its gonna be something along the lines of “can you tell which of these are real or fake” or just “look at these hot new tumblr fake stories by my audience”

Please comment on or reblog this post with your fake story. If you post yours as a separate post just make sure that you leave me a link to it in the comments of this post or I might not be able to find it.

[bookthewyrm]

just so you know, yourr wrong.

I kno everybody hates my Immortal which means you hate it to. but you’re wrong! my Immortal is practicly better than than og book. its full of real emotion and real life stuf that harry potter never talk about! Like s*x, and killing.! real, raw things. Jk rowling was to focused on money to risk it big with real things.

i love love love harry, because if we didnt have harry we wouldn’t have me Immortal!! but I also hate it. it’s complex, and i dont want to splain it all. and i know it for real, because………..: well let me tell you!!

first you shold know im an actor and i do all my acting in outfits from my Immortal. thats anoyher reason its so good because of the details. i can make the exact outfits for my acting because the writer was so descripting with what ebony darkness dementia raven way (aka Enoby) worr all the time. i dont get alot of acting jobs because not everyone wants Enoby clothes but thats okey cause the acting i do is very nich and based on love and emotion. i know people who like it like it and thats all i need. if i made to much money i would be angry cause i dont do it for the money i act for love and s*x (real stuff!!!)

i got an job at harry potter universal studios once!! they were making ads before it opend so they needed alot of EXTRAS. normally i dont do extra acting, but it was for harry fr*eakin potter so i thought it was a good idea. i even got to wear an Enoby outfit!! black lace-up boots with high heels with ripped red fishnets and a black leather minidress with all the corset stuff on the back and front and matching fishnet on the arms. they wanted real people to visit the park so they wanted real outfits people wear and I wear it all the time so…………..

anyway at the job. i got to see everything first before anyone else got to go to the park and it was ANAZING!!! diagonal ally had an actual dragon and they sold butterbeer. we got free butterbeer while we were being extras. it didnt taste anything like I thot it would but it was still pertty good.

it was a lot of walking and i didnt get to ride on any of the rides because they werent going yet. but i got to see the dragon breathe fire……………until it didnt!!! the dragon broke while i was there. i saw it moving and hear noises but no flire.

im not a handygirl (im an actor!!) but id hear alot of stories about kicking a compiter to make it work again so i thought……………………….. maybe i could fix it and be a hero!!

i went in to the bulding and went up and up and up the stairs (sneaking so no one would see me) and found the dragon room where all the computers are. and and there i found……………

………………!!!

Jk rowling!!!!!!!

she was eating a mustard sandwhcih in the compuiter room and spilled some on the keyboard. that was probably why the fire stopped.

i screamed! i was very excited and also very angry. its complex. i love love love harry potter but it didnt have enough real things in it (s*x and killing) and id always wanted to ask Jk about it.

she looked at me and i could see she was confused. “Ebony?” she whispered.

thats when i knew. shed read my Immortal!!!

“do you like it” I asked her. she seemed angry then and also sad. “yes but you can’t tell anyone! i hate it to. its the book i wanted but it doesnt really matter. I needed money. and now harry potter has his own theme park!! my Immortal is more emotional and humanity but if it gets popular i dont know what will happen to harry.”

I was VERY angry then! I worked for passion and real things and i was doing just fine! (except for this extra gig and that was different) I told her that, and she got very angry then to. “it doesnt matter!! with all my money i dont have to care abymore!!”

i was so angry i wanted to slap Jk. i didnt and instead i left. i walked away and i…. gave her the f*nger! she shouted at me but I was already gone.

and thats why i know my Immortal is better. and yourr wrong about it. Jk rowling HERSELF said so. i ledt the park before i got paid because real things are more important to me than money. i went home and tried out every single outfit from my Immortal just to feel better.

i know it sounds crazy but if you just look at the ad you can see me in the background. (i didnt get paid for it but they used me anyway!!! yuck!!) and that’s proof right there.

[bisexual-tradwife]

This! This is the story I've been looking for from the video!!!!!!!

[cipheramnesia]

If I was a wasp, I'd sting you. If I was a venomous snake, I'd bite you. If I was a lion, I'd maul you. If I was a swamp, I'd poison you. If I was a mountain, I'd fall and crush you. If I was the ocean, I'd drown you. If I was a cat, I'd never let you touch me. If I was a dog, I'd run away. If I was a horse, I'd never let you break me. If I was a farm, I wouldn't grow for you. If I was a fire, I'd burn out without warming you. If I was a home, I would fall apart around you.

If I was harmless and small, and easy to hold, you would love me. If I was a worm you could put me in the soft earth and I would be helpless in your care. Of course you could love me, but could you love me if I stung you, bit you, pulled against you, hid and didn't understand you but wasn't harmless or helpless at all?

Could you love something for what it is, when that means you can't touch it or show kindness, maybe even never be near it, and it might never, ever love you back? Is it okay to exist and not belong to anyone, to not be useful to anyone, to be dangerous or poisonous or a failure but a part of the world all the same?

[gallusrostromegalus]

I know this is a metaphor, but if you take it kind of literally, there is an answer to this.

We build wildlife preserves. Often explicitly for the protection of animals and ecosystems that can and have killed humans.

Whenever a whale gets stranded on a beach, CROWDS show up ad risk getting bludgeoned to death trying to get it back into the water.

Every Zoo has a reptile house full of venomous snakes and a team of humans dedicated to giving them the best quality of life possible.

There are volunteer beekeepers who will travel for miles and miles and hours and hours to relocate an entire hive.

There are people who rehabilitate dangerous dogs and horses

There are people who restore structurally unsound houses

There are people who study the way that fire burns so it can rejoin the ecosystem and not be smothered on sight.

Every day, millions of people get up and devote themselves to things that can and will kill them by their nature. Things they can't touch or show kindness to. Things they can't go near. Things that are wholly incapable of loving them back.

And they do it because they love them.

Everything dangerous, everything poisonous, everything 'useless'- absolutely everything has someone, often many thousands of people, who loves them exactly as they are, without expectation that their affection will be returned.

It is alright for anything, even you, to not belong to anyone, to not be useful, to be frightening and dangerous and not adhere to any standard of success. It's all alright. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.

[bisexual-tradwife]

When I have kids I am going to construct a wire mother in my home so that when they're bad I can tell them they've lost cloth mother privileges and send them to it to think about what they have done!

[the-muppet-joker]

Croaker, I have written a document that chronicles the timeline and important details of the various plot arks of your blog. It is over 100 pages long. Would you like for me to share it with your followers?

What is wrong with you. Yes absolutely

[randomcanfly]

The Croaker

A Muppet Joker Odyssey By: AL Trigger Warnings: Furbies, Muppet Sex, Bodily fluids, Violence, Pregnancy, Cannibalism, Daddy issues, Horse

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16dqe8TzlnnWWtrYAEQ51WA87Q3u-0xfY1mUJHuyuShI/edit?usp=drivesdk

Bon Apetit. If something doesn't work let me know! Probably could be formatted better but OH WELL

[bisexual-tradwife]

Super sad my bio class is over mainly because my professor is the nicest person ever and also her teaching style just clicked with me. Alas onto more challenging bio classes that I will also love.

[bisexual-tradwife]

Are there any other biology majors on Tumblr?????? I did a hard shift in my college career and now I have no one to talk to about all of the cool things I'm learning! It is a true struggle pivoting into the major of big big words with no one around me who knows them....

[c3rvida3]

Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the perfect, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

[c3rvida3]

Now I'm eating croutons straight out of the bag.

[le-panda-chocovore]

Still no homo ?

[c3rvida3]

I'm gonna level with you, friend: I am eating these croutons gay style.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[dogpuppy]

[bisexual-tradwife]

The duality of Tumblr replies

[twoofcups]

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

[b0ggyb1tch]

[dadmech]

[twinky-dinky-doo]

[thegreenmeridian]

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

[ishgardenjoyer]

[eightalenkos]

[salty-red-mage]

[tlirsgender]

Weird peeve time. Calling lab grown gemstones “fake” is stupid because it’s the same shit just not formed naturally. An artificially grown diamond is the same shit as a natural diamond it is the exact same material bro it’s all fuckign carbon

[tlirsgender]

It’s carbon it’s pretty and it didn’t involve slave labor what’s not to love??? Hi I’m having geology opinions tonight apparently. And I’m right

[tlirsgender]

There is so much bullshit in the diamonds industry to be mad about tbh. It also ties into the bullshit of the wedding industry as a whole but we don’t have the time to unpack all that

[val-ritz]

not even going to lie, the day i learned i could get like 15 lab grown rubies the size of dimes for $20 is the day i spent $20 on rubies, and i have never once said to myself “man, i wish this cost $1,600 and the lives of eight children to produce”

[fuckyeahmineralogy]

We are a pro-lab-grown mineral blog here, not only is it massively cheaper but massively more ethical as well in many cases.

[thegreenpea]

another very cool lab grown gem is Moissanite. It has a 9.25 on the mohs hardness scale where diamond is a 10. Moissanote also has a 2.69 refractive index in comparison to diamond’s 2.419 and here is the difference 

and the best thing about moissanite? It is all lab grown and it costs only a fraction of what diamond costs. So fuck the diamond indsutry and buy lab grown gems which cost significantly less

[rubixpsyche]

Also it’s just cool to think of some mad scientist lookin person doing shit against the law of the universe and making pretty gems for you. Like cmon. This shouldnt be allowed probably. But humans really be like on gOD i want some shiny an just started MAKIN em

[zathechaosgod]

for years people wanted alchemy, well now we have alchemy and we’re making gemstones out of it and suddenly “it doesn’t count” anymore

[sicktekkers-deactivated20150829]

man door hand hook car door is honestly still the best story i’ve ever read

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!

[halfhardtorock]

WHAT IS THIS???

I didnt order for this

Straight to jail

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm happy as a lark dude!! a particularly happy lark at that. lark on a good day

[chadgamer]

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

[lesbianredpanda]

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

[martian-martian-martian]

Your brain’s about four times the size of a cat’s

[hzs-modblog]

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

[lawbreaker13]

Your lungs can hold 5.5 liters of air

[dreamsanddabs]

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

[lawbreaker13]

The soles of your feet can never grow hair

[ineedtostopchangingmyusername]

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

[lawbreaker13]

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

[theswedishelf]

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

[lawbreaker13]

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

[theswedishelf]

SPONGEBOB…

[lawbreaker13]

SQUAREPAAAAAAAANTS

[theswedishelf]

*~deedlee-doot-dee-doot doo-oot~*

[spongebobheritageposts]

date of origin: August 9th, 2018

[ghost-postables]

The unbridled joy of seeing this pass by again, spotting the little red heart like “ah… my old friend. Spongebob Human Anatomy Squarepants.

[ludmithjacques]

I love the use of the phrase 'some strange alchemy' as a descriptor for a process you don't understand.

'Through some strange alchemy(crochet) they turned a bundle of yarn into a stuffed giraffe'

'Through some strange alchemy(bad cooking) they turned a perfectly marinated steak into a charcoal briquet'

'Through some strange alchemy(good cooking) they turned a pile of slop into the fluffiest bread loaf I'd ever seen'

'Through some strange alchemy(bad reading comprehension) they took my polite statement and turned into a disgusting act against the poor'

and so on

[stitchposts]

[bisexual-tradwife]

Thinking about how while I photoshop little beepo my cells are doing the Krebs cycle just so I can. Some days I love being alive

[the-muppet-joker]

I only have sexual chemistry with women who hate me or men who are muppets. Maybe I should expand my horizens. Maybe I should become a contestant of the hit dating show Love Is Blind