You're secretly one of the funniest guys I know. Well, that secret, you don't have to keep.
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@bl3hbleh
You're secretly one of the funniest guys I know. Well, that secret, you don't have to keep.
📍 a dark scary alley in Mtl
Do you think in one point in labour with Niko shane was struggling to use or not use the epidural because he didn’t want to disappoint Ilya?
of course that was a thought that wasn’t even close to what ilya was thinking, he would never support anything that hurts Shane.
But shane with all the weakness he was feeling he was starting to doubt.
i actually think he was struggling not because of necessarily disappointing ilya, but because he was just really resistant to changing his birth plan 🤔 i think he was pretty adamant to ilya that he did NOT want an epidural. he wanted to be in control of his body, to "tough it out" (oh shane...). and so i think when he was reaching the point of realizing he really, really wanted an epidural, he was struggling making the final call and saying he wants it (i think again partly because he told ilya that was the birth plan he wanted, so he didnt want to change it)
i think ilya was struggling with not wanting to say the wrong thing, but he was starting to tell this was getting too much for shane and did want to gently remind him that an epidural is still an option 😅 i think it did reach a point where ilya just had to ask shane if he wanted it, and at that point shane was just like "yes. give me the fucking epidural"
my favorite genre of ilya is ☹️
from shifty eyes stealing a glance to openly checking Ilya out (insp.)
womb to womb
ilya being 35 and exclaiming ‘before 20 i had done coke off my best friends ass, now i cannot have black tea with jam past 3pm or i won’t fucking sleep’ and shane says ‘before 20 you did what’
Some art about coffee and certainly nothing else
ilya is in one of his depressive episodes and shane tries to cheer him up by telling him about all the things shane loves about him. ilya is quiet for a moment and then mumbles, mainly to himself, "noo don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy aha" before bursting into laughter and shane has no idea what’s going on but it’s the first time he‘s seen ilya even so much as smile in days, so he‘ll take it
although yuna and david love both of their sons equally, they’re also entirely aware that shane has had them for 25+ years. Ilya’s never had unconditional love like this.
so yuna and david show up to every Centaurs game wearing Rozanov jerseys instead of hollander. they had to buy so many new ones and ended up donating a bunch of shane’s they never wore anymore.
david always calls and asks Ilya what he’d like for family dinner, but never asks shane. shane will pull out frozen meal prep without complaint if he doesn’t like ilya’s choice, while ilya marvels at whatever david cooks up for him. “what is this you say? marriage chicken” ilya asks. “Marry Me Chicken,” david answers. “this is gravy, yes?” Ilya says, shoving half a chicken breast into his mouth
at christmas they have to get new stockings made, because the hollander’s traditional stockings are too old to buy a matching one for Ilya. Ilya cries fat tears when he opens them on christmas eve. Shane pouts because he’s going to miss his Santa stocking from childhood, and Yuna smacks him upside the head until he shuts up. They also have a stocking made for Anya <3
when both ilya and shane come down with a nasty flu at the same time (one in montreal one in ottawa), yuna and david camp out with ilya to help him through his convalescence instead of shane. because they know ilya is a big baby when he’s sick while shane will refuse any help and would prefer to be left alone
when ilya goes through a particularly bad depressive episode, yuna and david call up Galina and ask for advice on how to care for him, and pull out every trick in the book. ilya is too raw and embarrassed to thank them but cries into shane’s chest every night because he feels so loved but also so guilty
shane knows exactly what his parents are doing for Ilya, but sometimes teasingly complains that ilya gets special treatment. he still lets Ilya make ‘favourite son’ jokes constantly without a peep, because really, he is the favourite.
shane has eczema and his knuckles are sandpaper with cuts and blood in the winter. ilya puts his hand cream on him every night before bed because shane hates the way the cream feels on his palms
ilya walks over to shane who is reading his book on the couch and places his noice cancelling headphones on him before he starts vacuuming
shane snaps at ilya at costco because he’s putting water guns and pool floaties in their cart when they are supposed to be stocking up on their protein powders and supplements. ilya wanders off to the food court and comes back with a loonie dog for shane, with the exact right amount of ketchup and mustard
shane, who can tell ilya is getting antsy at home one night, calls wyatt and bood and gets them to take him on a night out, and then picks them up at the club afterwards and shane lets ilya say the most disgustingly gooey drunk romantic things in front of their teammates
shane, on his way home from practice, picks an injured ilya up a mcdonald’s coke because he knows it will cheer him up, but crosses the line at a big mac and makes ilya a lovingly prepared homemade burger instead
shane, who can tell when ilya’s working up to a depressive episode, calls in sick for both of them and plans an outing. “we are not going to practice?” ilya asks in the morning. “it’s optional practice,” shane clarifies. “what are we going to do?” “we’re going on a hike at rock dunder.” ilya looks confused and teary eyed. “why hollander?” and shane just hugs him while ilya cries silently into his shoulder, and then they head for their hike and take a selfie at the summit to send to yuna and david
mean bitchy pregnant shane anon here… let’s take a walk. picture shane having swollen fingers and not being able to put on his ring and just looking at ilya with a 😾 expression. baby kicks too hard and ilya made the wrong decision to speak while that’s happening. shane being hungry but everything making him sick so he’s mad at ilya. being mad at ilya for being so attractive when he knows shane doesn’t have the stamina for sex anymore.
mean bitchy pregnant shane anon you always arrive when i need you most. i really enjoy our walks together. this is very very good
also imagine that ilya maybe started working out MORE and being more conscious of what he ate during the pregnancy (wants to be at his best for the baby <3) . so hes extra fit and has like an 8 pack during the pregnancy. which just pisses shane off more. shanes just like how does he look even hotter now when his stupid parasite baby is making shane feel like shit
They're so in love in here
for one of their anniversaries shane gives ilya a receipt for two burial plots side by side and he tells ilya that not even death could separate them or something along those lines
everyone who hears this is like wtf shane that’s so morbid and creepy
meanwhile ilya is clutching the paper to his chest sobbing because he feels so loved and revered by shane in that moment that he tells him they might have to use his gift earlier than expected if he keeps pulling on his heart like that
Obsessed with Ilya struggling to straddle Shane for a second bc Shane's first instinct after being pushed onto a bed is to spread his legs
I think we moved on much too quickly from Shane giving Ilya little scritches to wake him to tell him their ???-year plan. That’s his baby.
My autistic Shane Hollander headcanons (all props to anyone who inspired some of these but I've read so much HR stuff that at this point I have no idea who said what first):
Shane likes it when Ilya lays on top of him like a weighted blanket (but better)
Shane likes to bite/chew on things (Ilya first notices this when Shane is mildly upset and is absentmindedly gnawing on his hand, then starts paying attention and notices him chewing on the inside of his cheek) (Ilya will sometimes let Shane chew on him, but also buys him fidgets specifically for chewing on)
Shane is really smart but sometimes the most obvious solution to a problem doesn't even cross his mind until Ilya or someone else suggests it
Shane eventually starts happy flapping around Ilya, something he's never allowed himself to do before (Ilya watches with the same expression as when Shane first folded his clothes before they hooked up or admitted he hired a stylist)
Shane sometimes vocal stims in Ilya's accent (like when he was at the hospital) and sometimes Ilya will purposely say those words/phrases for him
Ilya helps Shane figure out ways to deal with gross textures and stuff that isn't just powering through it like he's done for years (like wearing gloves to do the dishes)
Shane likes small spaces when he's overwhelmed. Like how he crouched down and leaned into Ilya at the cottage? He likes feeling small and squished. Mostly this translates to sitting in a corner with his knees drawn to his chest--extra points if Ilya comes and sits on his other side
Sometimes Shane will walk on his tiptoes (especially if he's barefoot and there are Textures on the floor like sand or something) and Ilya can't get over seeing his buff record-breaking hockey player husband walking like he's a ballerina (and then promptly vacuums away the textures)
Shane thinks it's funny sometimes to pretend he's taken something literally and see how long he can keep the gag going before the other person realizes (Ilya tries to convince him to do this to interviewers, but Shane refuses) (but he does do it when people chirp him or to bigots online and Ilya can't get enough) (this leads to more people realizing Shane is just as bad as Ilya just better at hiding/getting away with it)
Shane picks at his skin when he's stressed and it's the one stim that Ilya actually minds because he's afraid Shane will hurt himself (he tries to get him to pick at shirt hems and stuff instead)
Shane trained himself out of t-rex arms because he thought it was more obviously weird than having them awkwardly at his sides but he starts doing it again around Ilya
Shane needs a minute or two to decide if he wants to do something he wasn't specifically planning on, otherwise he'll automatically say no, so Ilya makes sure to tell him he doesn't need to choose right now (like if Shane's just lounging, and Ilya asks if he wants to play a board game or something, for example)
Shane doesn't listen to music much, so when he's overstimulated he puts on old hockey games from before he was in the NHL, ones he's heard so many times he doesn't feel the need to pay attention. He also has an hours-long loop of just the sounds of skates on ice and a puck being passed back and forth for when he needs something calmer
Shane has a sensitive sense of smell. He doesn't really care about the locker room after an intense game, but he can always tell when Ilya tried to sneak a cigarette, and if it's strong enough, the smell alone makes it feel like it's hard to breathe (he is also the kind of person who can smell ants)
Shane and Ilya get into the habit of prefacing questions/random facts/etc. with "Question: [...]" or "Random, but [...]" or "Complete subject change, [...]" because it helps Shane know how he should respond and that there's no subtext, and it helps Ilya understand the English because he knows where it's going. (The Centaurs eventually start doing this too.)
He adores Anya, but sometimes when he's already overstimulated her dog noises are too much, her panting or licking or the way her collar clinks. He feels kind of guilty about it, because it's not her fault and she can't understand, but he can't help it either. Ilya will either take her for a walk, or, if he knows Shane needs his support, will put her in a different room for a while.
Shane sometimes puts on headphones without music, not noise cancelling ones, but just enough to muffle noise without making people unintelligible (someone gets him earplugs with the same purpose, like ones musicians use, and he likes those, but sometimes he prefers the way headphones feel, the weight and press of them)
Sometimes he asks questions that might sound stupid when he's doing something a bit new, and he knows the answers, but he likes to double- and triple-check he's doing everything the right way. Similarly, he'll sometimes ask how the other person does it to try to pick up tips or tricks.
I'm going to keep adding to this as more ideas come to mind.