bleh‼️‼️

hola

[rozanauff]

How was Ilya in the birthing room when the kids were born?

i have a headcanon but i want to know hahaha

💖💖💖💖

aww haha now i really want to hear your hc!!!

ilya was great in the birthing room 😎 like yes he was panicking (esp with niko) bc shane was in pain and oh god this is really happening, but he did a good job at keeping his cool and giving shane counterpressure and remaining Quiet and telling the nurses/staff to Be Quiet and not hover and to give shane space (just like shane wanted <33). he was a trooper as shane cussed him out and nearly broke his hand from grabbing onto it so hard lol. he didnt complain once. he also didnt sleep at all during all the labors. if shane cant sleep, neither can he 🙂‍↔️ (same with eating, he didnt eat bc shane couldnt eat)

with mila's birth, when they found out shane would need a c-section, ilya did start getting teary eyed and really really scared and was trying sooo hard to hide it and not freak shane out but it was showing when he was putting on the gown, his hands were so shaky :( and shane was like make sure he doesnt see behind the curtain, he'll pass out. and ilyas like i would not! (he definitely would. luckily he does not see shane getting cut open lol)

[hollanov-words]

I know it's fun in fics but I truly don't think Shane/Ilya would be that open about their sex lives in the Centaurs group chat, they'd really want to keep it professional, but I do think it would take the Cens like half a season to notice that they often both went radio silent in the chat at the same time or disappear from a party at the same time. So the joke is that they're leaving to have sex. They're not texting back because they're having sex. But it's really not serious, they're probably just having lunch without their phones or watching Netflix in the hotel room. Like yeah it's funny to wiggle their eyebrows suggestively when Shane/Ilya come back from the bathroom together but obviously they weren't hooking up in the bathroom, that would be unhinged.

Except, you know, they definitely fucking are.

[deja-b00]

the first couple of practices with boston, ilya keeps hearing his new teammates call out “big red.” he’s still learning english but he knows enough to figure out it’s a nickname. and by the end of the week, he is annoyed and is like, “this is dumb name. not funny at all. you call me ‘red’ because i’m russian? so lame.” and then his teammates have to be like, “no, no dude. ‘big red’ is our nickname for marly because his first name is cliff, which is short for clifford.” and ilya’s like ???

and that’s how the entire team ends up spending their friday night watching clifford the big red dog with 19-year-old ilya rozanov.

[ellisonwongparty]

the way rr/tierney introduce ilya is so funny to me because when you first see him you're just like jeez this guy is such an asshole why is he like this. and then seconds later it's just like um it's because he has a 1) dead mom 2) who killed herself 3) an abusive dad 4) with alzheimers 5) a brother 6) who verbally abuses him on the phone 7) when ilya refuses to wire him 50 bands all at once 8) all while he spends new years eve all alone in the grossest motel you've ever seen 9) and he's bisexual.

and you're just like. well shit. that will do it i guess.

[rozanauff]

you hate people asking for updates on your writing and it makes you go longer without wanting to even think about writing (not me self projecting on you)

you read me to filth....

[scriptiodaemon]

everyone knew ilya is insufferable.

so when they started officially dating, shane was preparing himself for what he's gonna do when ilya will catch a flu. it was challenging enough managing with his own... body fluids (HA!). and he genuinely didn't know how he's gonna react to ilya's mucus all around. but he was much more scared that a disease would turn ilya into a catastrophe.

he was very dedicated to be a good boyfriend and do whatever needs to be done, though.

what a shock he had, when he figured out, that when he's sick, ilya turns small, trying to hide in the darkest place and disappear. he is quiet, lying in the bed curled into a ball and shivering with fever. shane heart broke, when ilya started to apologize, almost crying, that he couldn't make him food and he's a shitty boyfriend.

never shane wanted to kill more, understanding that this is how probably ilya's family treated him every time he got sick since his mother died.

shane hugged him tightly, peppering his damp with sweat curls, mumbling tender words and promising himself he'll never let his baby feel sorry again for feeling bad.

[penandinkprincess]

alright so in regards to Vegas Shane Anaphylaxis Angst. Once you have enough reactions you get pretty used to using an EpiPen on yourself, so you’re the one going “no big deal” while everyone else flips their shit. Shane’s probably used an EpiPen before but Ilya has no idea what to expect, which makes the negative BETTER. so. here’s what anaphylaxis feels like, for both the person reacting and the person wondering what the fuck is going on!

Part One: the initial reaction. A rash on the chest, neck, and sometimes face, a swelling throat, difficulty breathing, and nausea. Sometimes the nausea leads to vomiting while your throat closes, and this is the worst feeling in the world. Also, it freaks people out.

Part Two: the epi-pen itself. You open it, jab your leg, and hold for three seconds. The relief is nearly instant, and you can breathe as soon as you take the needle out of your leg. The rash also goes away. You have to put the empty pen in a bag or sharps box, or just hand it off to your panicked friend while they call an ambulance, or, if you’re American, a taxi. If one dose isn’t enough, the second dose goes in your other leg.

Part Three: this is where you start to get side effects. Now that your airway is clear and you’re no longer vomiting, you start to feel the consequences of a massive dose of pure adrenaline. You feel very hot and very cold, all at once. You start sweating, and your skin turns red, though it’s not itchy anymore. Your hands shake and your teeth chatter, which makes speaking difficult. Your heart rate increases dramatically, and you can feel your own pulse in your ears. You may get a stuffy nose when the increased blood flow reaches your sinuses. Also, that much adrenaline makes you feel like you’e just done three haunted houses and a rollercoaster. This freaks people out because it looks like you’re reacting again even though the opposite is true. You do not need another dose, not unless you still can’t breathe. It looks much worse than it is.

Part Four: you go to the emergency room. You need five hours of monitoring to make sure the reaction doesn’t persist and the adrenaline doesn’t give you a heart attack. A nurse may give you a low dose steroid which will make the redness go away. Now you sit and wait until you stop shaking. The adrenaline crash will make you very tired. Your friend will have many questions, such as “what the fuck”. Unfortunately, you cannot answer them, because you are asleep.

Bonus: if you’re American you get charged $500 for the ER visit and then $600 for a replacement EpiPen

thank you for your service to the lore of shallergies 🫡 soz about the american healthcare system of it all 🫡

[itskurwanumber5]

Tbh I'd love to read a hollanov mpreg fic where Ilya's postpartum depression is SO BAD he's on active suicide watch, and Shane just goes NOPE we are going to Florida for like a year, you are not breastfeeding anyone, baby food exists for a reason, here, darling, have some ADs, mj, brownies, cocaine, do you want cocaine?!

[snowsmoked]

Ilya never gets dementia. He worries about it, with his genetic predisposition and his frequent head injuries. But he never gets it.

His brother does.

His brother calls him, forgetting that Ilya went no-contact with him. Ilya's silent on the phone, listening to Alexei's wife softly explain it to him and take the phone.

He texts Ilya, asking when where he is. Asking who he's playing next game.

Ilya's been retired for over 20 years.

He knows Shane wants to say something, but he never does. He's just quietly supportive.

One day, it's Alexei's wife that calls him. She apologizes for calling. She tells him Alexei doesn't remember her anymore. Or their daughter. He only asks about Ilya and their parents. She offers to delete Ilya's number from his phone.

Ilya declines.

After that, he starts answering the phone. And talking.

Alexei asks where he is. Ilya tells him he's coming home soon. That seems to make Alexei happy.

Alexei asks who Ilya is playing. Ilya says Montreal. Alexei tells him to win or papa will be angry.

Alexei tells him mama made him soup. Ilya tells him that was his daughter. Alexei laughs, he doesn't have a daughter.

He doesn't remember how cruel he was to Ilya. He doesn't remember how much he loved drugs and drinking.

He was so much like Ilya's Alexei, before he started taking after their father. Before he let his anger at their mother consume him. Before he caught Ilya and Sasha and allowed his fear for his little brother to turn into anger and disgust.

One day Ilya offers his wife, Natalia, to have them visit. Their daughter has visited more than once, even stayed with them for a summer after high school. His and Shane's kids tried to teach her hockey.

Natalia regretfully tells him Alexei is not well enough to travel.

Ilya can't travel to them, not while he's married to Shane.

But their phone calls are enough.

About once a week, he gets to speak to a version of his brother than he had dearly missed. He gets to talk about his mama like she's still live, not dead for over 50 years. He gets to talk about the rink he and Alexei used to play hockey at. To talk about the stray cat he and Alexei once hid in their bedroom for a week.

He finds himself looking forward to the phone calls.

And dearly missing when they end.

[grabmybush]

something something shane nagging ilya about eating healthy and quitting smoking and ilya just needs a fucking nicotine hit and (softly) snaps ‘why do you care so much? i’ll just do it outside and shower after’ and shane looks him dead in the eye and says ‘im not letting you chip years off your life when we’ve already wasted 9’ and ilyas just like yeah oh fuck he wants me for as long as he can get me and quits smoking and starts doing yoga even when it feels like his legs are going to fall out from under him because he doesn’t want his last thoughts to be regret for time lost

[hollanovbiter]

something something ilya being obsessed with shane’s tummy continued:

ilya is absolutely infatuated with shane’s stomach. shane is an avid moisturizer thanks to yuna, so he’s soft all over, but the skin on his stomach is especially smooth. ilya is obsessed with rubbing and kissing it during sex obviously, but it’s more than that.

anytime they’re cuddling, ilya’s hand is up shane’s shirt. he’s scrolling on his phone, rubbing a hand firmly up and down shane’s stummy. sometimes he’ll shove his head under shane’s shirt so he can lay on his stomach. shane gets nervous and takes the shirt off when ilya’s been under there for too long because he doesn’t want him to suffocate.

when shane’s making dinner, ilya is constantly yelling at him to take off his shirt. if shane refuses, he comes over and does it himself, planting a kiss on his belly.

he loves his hard abs in the morning, but also how his stomach distends a little after dinner. he loves that he can hear shane breathe and his organs work to digest when he lays his ear on his tummy.

he especially loves watching shane workout shirtless in their basement gym, hot and sweaty and panting. watching his breath go in and out behind his bellybutton makes him feel mushy inside in a way he can’t put into words. he watches as it goes from in and out and in and out to a more slow in out as shane cools down.

years after they retire, naturally shane gains some weight and doesn’t keep up with his grooming as much as he did when he was constantly naked in the locker room and doing photoshoots all the time. and ilya dieeeesss. he loves the little trail of hair up from his groin and the softer give to his stomach. the skin is still just as soft and still makes a good pillow.

shane wakes up for the 1000th time with his shirt pushed way up around his neck, ilya’s hand protectively splayed over his bellybutton.

[sweetangelfart]

Ilya really adores the pike kids but I think he adores and is a bit more protective of little Arthur just a tiny bit more.

Arthur who doesn't like loud noises, is moving with his tiny palms covering his ears as the TV blasts either a game or some Disney movie ruby has picked

Arthur who prefers staying indoors and playing with his Legos while his sisters chase after Anya in the backyard

Arthur who really doesnt like it when the food on his plate touch each other

Arthur who has a blinky thats almost chewed up but throws a fit if jackie tries to wean him off it.

Arthur who likes the buzz lightyear puzzle that shane and ilya gift him so much that he wants to do it every night

Arthur who loves his crocodile stuffy? Toy? , Chompy and cries everytime jackie puts it in the washing machine

Arthur who is sensitive to light but is also sacred of the dark cause his sisters have told him that monsters come out during bedtime

Ilya is the only other person apart from Jackie who is capable of bringing him from a meltdown

Ilya who brings him toys and puzzles which don't trigger his sensory issues

Ilya who loudly announces during the BBQs the pikes are throwing that all the adults are boring him and that he's gonna go and hang out with Arthur and build Legos spaceship with him. The relief on Arthur's face is visible from space.

Ilya who carries Arthur with such ease that people who don't know him believe that he might be the father of atleast 3 more babies

Ilya who can put little Arthur to sleep by rocking him back and forth with his beefy arms wrapped so delicately around the tiny little bundle of joy

Ilya who coos and softly sings russian rhymes to Arthur while he's in the bassinet

Ilya who crosses the threshold of the pike residence only to be tackled in the leg by Arthur who looks up at him with his big hazel eyes and 4 tiny baby teeth poking out of his gums and ilya swears he doesnt tear up when shane points it out

Ilya who is sure that his heart skips a beat the first time Arthur exclaims 'eh-yah!' While stretching his arms out with a big big smile on his face, waiting to be scooped up by ilya

Ilya who is the person Shane and Arthur sort of drape themselves on when things get too much and they need a breather

I could go on and on....I just love little Arthur and his uncle ilya ya know?

[ilyapasta]

Shane shouting "davai!" along with his normal "let's go!" at Ilya on the ice when he scores a goal or gets an assist with the widest fucking Canadian diphthong made even worse by his huge fucking goofy grin

Ilya: :D :D :D :D Hollanderrrrrrr *epic helmet headbutt to end all helmet headbutts*

[shilyas]

today I am thinking about Ilya’s love for the freckles Shane has on the back of his neck. I am thinking about them cuddling, Ilya’s face in the crook of Shane’s neck & shoulder, squeezing him tightly & sighing happily bc that little group of freckles mesmerizes him.

[ilyapasta]

Don’t think too hard about loverboy Shane Hollander. Don’t think about him, full of relief and anticipation when Ilya walks calmly to him in the cottage and kisses the talk of wells right out of his mouth. Don’t think about him smiling and staring adoringly at Ilya beneath him on the couch, relaxing with him. Don’t think about him being determined to take his time, to not rush and fall into old habits. Don’t think about him settling in and stroking Ilya’s face, avoiding putting pressure on Ilya’s bruised ribs. Don’t think about him phrasing his idea to be honest with each other as this spontaneous revelation, rather than something he’s been thinking about and wanting. Because that’s it right? Yes he loves Ilya for who he is, but he also wants to know more, he wants it to be real. He doesn’t want a performance. He doesn’t want Ilya to just do what he thinks Shane wants. He wants to fall in love, and yes, they already are to a point, but Shane wants to do it right now, properly, in this space between the hectic hours they’ve spent together. He wants to relax with him. For once. Don’t think about it!!!

[1410-1221-dec2008]

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge