[agnes-nielsens]

they call me the information withholder for reasons i won't get into

[karmacamilleon]

they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

[karmacamilleon]

they call me a sleeper agent the way i. well. i shan’t say.

[todaysbird]

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it

[todaysbird]

despite never being reprimanded for getting sick if my dog throws up she will ‘tattle’ on herself and run over to me, show me the throw up, then hide and start shaking uncontrollably. nobody taught her to do this. she has decided that throwing up is a punishable offense until the end of time

[ajarofpickledtears]

[todaysbird]

my dog has decided that it’s solely on her shoulders to ensure there is peace in my house…if the cats fight she stands between them to ‘break it up’ and/or herds them away, if my rats have an argument she goes to the cage door and barks until they stop. not sure why she has decided she must carry the weight of the world but she has

[fauxcoral]

[ampervadasz]

[h-nry]

[feluka]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[everythingfox]

Discussing baby’s future

[melodiusfaux]

They are both doing the "I want" chitter. They very much want to get up, but they have a sleeping baby cuddling with them. They must endure, but they will not be silent about it

[pb-dot]

Well well well, kitties. Looks like you want to get up but there's a little cat on you so you can't. Very frustrating situation there, can't imagine the burden of being held down by a little adorable kittycat. Couldn't, as the kids say, be me.

[grippysockgangg-deactivated2024]

Till death do us part? Yea no you’re not getting out of this that easily

[red-pencil]

One more Yule cat for the road. Happy new year!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

momentos despues de escribir esto vi otro post con el misma chiste pero en frances joder mi estupida baka vida.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

bestie... el español es de europea...

[writing-prompt-s]

An adventuring party is in a cage suspended over acid the wizard clears his throat "I just sent a message to my wife she should be here to save us soon." "Wait your married?" Said the rouge "more importantly what is she gonna." The paladin is interrupted by a massive explosion.

[lyricwritesprose]

"Hang on, hang on, hang on. You're married to a dragon?"

"Half-dragons come from somewhere, you know!" Vrilthacar sounds defensive.

"And you've never told us?"

"Well, it's very important for married people to cultivate different hobbies, you know! You can't go and make someone else's interests your whole life, it isn't healthy. So she has her collection, and I have my adventuring and my dabbling in things man was not meant to know. Our friendship groups don't actually cross over too much, and that's fine."

"But—but pillaging gold from the countryside is something we're supposed to stop—"

"Well, first of all, dragons help fight inflation, especially inflation that would otherwise be caused by adventurers, and second of all, not all dragons collect treasure. That's a stereotype. Honeybee collects dolls. Which admittedly has gotten us into more troublesome situations than gold might, but so long as we provide the haunted ones with suitable enrichment it's usually all right."

"Honeybee."

"Her full name is two minutes long, Tasler. Listen, I'm going to need you to stop doing microaggressions before she rips the roof off the Elder Lich's citadel, all right? Because she has been known to respond with macroaggressions."

Tasler gulps and falls quiet as half the ceiling falls into the acid. "Sugar-pumpkin, are you all right?"

"Completely unhurt!" Vrilthacar calls out cheerfully.

The paladin mouths, sugar-pumpkin??? but very carefully doesn't say it.

[copepods]

leitmotifs never get old to me like holy shit dude there’s this melody that corresponds to this one guy and if you hear the melody it means the guy is there. holy shit. and sometimes it refers to ideas too not just guys. has anyone heard about this

[duckapus]

Sometimes something fucked up happens to the guy and their melody gets fucked up too. Sometimes the thing that fucked them up also has its own melody and when the first melody gets fucked up the second melody gets mixed in

[copepods]

no fucking way dude. are you serious

[lemonbubble]

me, eating a pile of nuts, cheese, and apple: mmmm tasty

the medieval peasant in my head watching me eat: thou knowst what would MAKETH this meal? dried fruits.

me, getting out the raisins: god damn, etheldred, you are SO right

the medieval peasant in my head: yet thou art still not heeding mine words regarding the blasphemy

[natequarter]

nosferatu? non. VOSferatu. c'est pas mon problème

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

WIZARD WRAPPED

You casted 1,039,627 spells this year

You pondered your orb for 985 hours

You targeted 109 spells at someone other than yourself - that’s in the top 6% of wizards!

You gained 5 familiars

Your favorite focus for spellcasting this year was a staff

Your cup size is H

Your most cast spell was Spontaneous Snack Generation and you used it 576 times this year.

Your most summoned object was Ketamine Ape at 69 summons

You trapped someone within an amulet for 10,000 years

You were unwittingly haunted by the evil skull twice

[pangur-and-grim]

please remember that I am a Canadian illustrator and it is fucking bizarre to come to me with medical questions

[arsnof]

Why would you limit yourself to drawing Canadians?

[pangur-and-grim]

everyone else unfollow me I want to be alone with arsnof

[dogray]

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

[inthefallofasparrow]

southern hemisphere babes, they're stealing our fucking daylight!

[taddymason]

Crystals study

i'm so tired

[k1ngtok1]

GO BACK IT’S A PAINTING