Dont Know What My Title Should Be

[elisecairo]

[xsugarxglass]

This is some Scooby Doo shit XD

[kazieka]

was outside earlier and a bird Came Up, squatted down, fluttered it’s wings at me and opened its mouth like a hatchling begging for food (it was a grown female) so I went and checked the seed cube in the feeder and the thing was completely covered in mold. this is one of the weirdest things that’s ever happened to me. how did she know im the one in charge of the birdseed. How Did She Know To Pantomime Hunger At Me. Hello.

[kazieka]

i have spent my afternoon confusedly getting dressed, driving to the store, purchasing a new seed block, driving home, washing the cage, and getting the feeder set back up. i don’t take this much care for my Own nutrition. ive been bullied into a grocery store run by a tufted titmouse. i feel so loved

[psychotic-gerard]

listening to a man break up with his partner on the train and the first sentence I heard was "I just don't appreciate you cheating on me six different times, once with my own father."

[noah-wyles]

[hawt-me33]

Coming into a fandom late

[baxterdamus-deactivated20130513]

Coming into a fandom early and watching it become an angry clusterfuck

[valorious]

Being in a dormant fandom that suddenly comes alive again after a new book/movie

[leatherpatches-deactivated20150]

Don’t forget about those who come in the midst of a fandom war. 

[fauxmoux]

Accuracy at its best

[street-of-mercy]

Being in a fandom and not even knowing there’s a war going on…

[my-reylo]

all of this shit…lol

[nerdsagainstfandomracism]

When You’re Not In The Fandom But You’re Nosy AF

[not-so-secret-nerd]

When you get into a fandom only to discover it’s dead

[jupiter235]

This gets better every time I see it. 

[sageblackrose95]

@fuboos-mess

[inverted-mind-inc-sideblog-deac]

Being in a dead fandom…

[illogicalarchive]

Or being in such a tiny fandom that it feels like youre the only one

[erilias]

The accuracy hurts.

[fanfic-yes-please]

Being in a fandom that had a shit ending.

[it-is-bugs]

When you’ve been fangirling long enough, you’ve experienced all of the above.

[sweetferalbaby]

Being in a fandom meant for kids.

[teaganvamp]

This just gets better..

[hamboj2]

@mi-kleos

[thatcrazysonicchick]

When you realize that joining the fandom has ruined you

[knightofbloodcancer]

Fandom hell in general

[morathavictoria]

Yes.

[marvelanimelover]

This^^^ just… ALL OF THIS.

[stop-talking-babe-deactivated20]

Being in so many fandoms that you don’t even know what’s going on

[raise-cain-archived]

THIS IS THE SKULDUGGERY FUCKING PLEASANT FANDOM IN ONE POST!!

[crochanblackbeak]

Trying to recruit people to your fandom

[kateriverameliawolfe]

Annnnnnndddd it’s back

[ishipwhatiship247]

Being in a fandom which has so many antis

[ravenhilarious]

I’ve probably reblogged this before, but that was before these great additions.

[swanqueen-author]

Being in a fandom that actually works together

[commanderunhingedmongoose]

Why is this so true? All of it.

[pillowprincesslexa]

being in a fanbase but all your mutuals suddenly turn into Kpop blogs

[hangingfire]

I always enjoy it when a good post comes around again and has been improved by the reblogs like the years for a fine wine.

[priory-of-stars]

Being in a fandom when shit goes down and everyone has different opinions

[marianagmt]

When you are in a fandom and don’t care for others people opinion…..even if they are right…(believe me, I have met several of those)

[batbyte-alghul]

Being in a fandom you never meant to join

[tirnel-sutcliff-spears]

I love this. and it’s gotten better

[cartoonjessie]

After abandoning a fandom you’re still a little bit emotionally invested in….

[brit-is-bookish]

All of these are me. Lol

[thehikingastronomer]

Being in a fandom on Tumblr

[julietsemophase]

And it reached its epic conclusion

[isa-ghost]

I CHOKED ON FUNDIP

[van-arts]

HISTORY HAS BEEN ENGRAVED INTO THIS POST

[airinyourtires]

If you’re pining you need to stop and pick a different tree. You know, spruce it up a little

[airinyourtires]

I’m still proud of this post. It’s evergreen

[musicalhell]

It's not my thing, but I'm not going to be a birch about it.

[rainymeadows]

idk this post isn't really what i'm aspen for

[blackfoxsposts]

Maybe you need to branch out

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

[liquidstar]

Same guys btw. So they did turn out good yeah

[demonic0angel]

~An idea I had about Jazz being a forensic scientist~

*in the batcave at the end of reporting a lack of evidence for a case*

Bruce: I'll have to confer with the GCPD forensics.

Tim: uh, B, maybe we should wait for Cass to get back from the trip with Steph and Babs before we do that.

Bruce: Hnn

Jason: Why do we need to wait for Cass?

Dick: Cause Duke is off duty for finals and Damian is on a mission for the titans? Cass is the best option at the moment.

Jason: that doesn't answer my question.

Everyone: .....

Tim: Do you not know the situation with Dr. Nightingale?

Jason: I don't even know who that is

Dick: She's the newest head forensics who B pissed off enough that she perma-banned Batman from her lab.

Bruce: Hmm

Jason: so... B got everyone on this Dr Nightingale's shit list

Dick: It used to be only B, but after I nicked a detonater from the bombing incident 6 months ago I haven't been welcomed back; and Babs been on thin ice from trying to hack into Dr. Nightingale work computer

Jason: what about Replacement

Tim: She won't let me or Steph set foot in the building. I dont know why. We haven't done anything yet, but everytime she meets us at what ever entrance were using, hands us a file of the case's forensic data, and then closes the door, window, whatever.

Tim grumbling under his breath: But she adores Damian. Serving him drinks, giving him fudge, answering questions, letting him take whatever evidence he asks for

Dick bemoaning: do you have to mention the fudge

Jason: whats up with the fudge

Dick: it's Alfred cookie tier

(Wait, I love this sm)

Jason: What? Now I HAVE to go check this out

Tim: Uh. Wait, Jason—

Jason: See ya!

Hours later

Jason:

Batfam: ….

Batfam: So how was your visit?

Jason: Kinda odd but surprisingly pleasant.

Bruce: 

Bruce: Elaborate?

Jason: She took one look at me, pulled me inside her lab, and then asked me a whole bunch of random questions. We talked for several hours and then she said nothing else while she gave me the reports for the last few cases and a pan of fudge before she pushed me out the door. 

Dick: … what questions did Dr. Nightingale ask?

Jason: She asked me where I was d when I was 15 to 16, then my favorite flavor of dessert and food, and then she asked about my favorite book. Then we talked about Shakespeare for a few hours and it somehow turned into a conversation about my activities as the Red Hood…

Jason: Btw, you never told me she was hot

Tim: … we’re more focused on getting our reports from her, since she’s the best at gaining clues from the victims amongst her colleagues at the GCPD.

Jason: Fair enough.

Bruce: Was that all she said to you?

Jason: She also told me to share the fudge with Damian and to come by next week for the next report on the new body.

Tim:

Bruce: 

Dick:

The Batfam:

Tim: Did we just witness the birth of an unholy union between a crime lord and a forensic pathologist?

[demonic0angel]

Read this part of WW and Danny https://www.tumblr.com/demonic0angel/821229147661697024/imagine-if-danny-and-wonder-woman-get-married?source=share

And now I do wonder if she has a Ghostly outfit for summons like people hc that Danny has his King regalia for summons 🫪

Also I love many of your AUs and your art 🥺

Context

Something like this? :3 (not sure if I understood the ask lmao)

I almost didn’t color Danny lmaoooo

[demonic0angel]

Could we see more of the black butler au? The idea of Danny being a care taker and butler for Damian is just really sweet 🖤🫖

Damian wheezed softly. Danny watched him whine and writhe in bed, his face flushed and hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

"Danny? Would you like any help?" Jazz asked softly.

Danny didn't respond as he dipped a towel in cold water and wrung it out before placing it on Damian's forehead. He finally turned and said, “It’s fine. Can you please ask Dan to make something easily digestible for Young Master Damian? Don’t tell him I ordered it.”

Jazz gave a light chuckle. If Dan ever heard a command from Danny, he’d deliberately botch it up just to watch him clean after him. “I understand. Dani might come in soon with some tea.”

Danny gave a slight sigh but only said, “Thank you.”

The door closed and Danny continued watching Damian sleep.

The boy was young, sometimes startlingly so. Even though he was now alone, orphaned and abandoned through great loss, he had still gained the strength to keep on going and survive to take revenge.

Danny's eyes peered through the layers of his skin, muscles, and sinew, past his lungs and heart to peer into his very soul, which glowed with a brilliance that he was sure would be absolutely delicious to devour. A soul of innocence and resilience, covered in a layer of vengeful darkness and sin, a most worthy meal.

A clawed finger brushed against Damian's cheek, a sharp point digging briefly into heated, tender flesh.

It would be so easy to just eat his fill now...

The door opened and Dani strode in. Although she was quiet about it, the noise still made Damian whimper and turn his face away.

Danny turned to her slowly and raised a finger to his lips. "Shhh... he's still resting."

Dani nodded. "I have the tea," she whispered. "I picked the ones that I thought were best for colds."

"Our little master has pneumonia," Danny said, wondering how he'd change the tea if it turned out she accidentally chose a poisonous blend. "We must be quiet if we want him to recover well."

Dani nodded again, faster and more eager. She pillowed her chin on her arms as she knelt at Damian's side, peering at him with gentle, slitted eyes.

"He's so small," she murmured.

Danny nodded. "He is."

"I hope he gets better soon. It's no fun without him around."

Danny opened his mouth to tell her that they were all simply doing their duties, serving him until their deal was complete and his soul would be owned by them. But as he looked at his little sister, who gazed at Damian with soft, pitying eyes that were unlike a demon looking at a meal, he couldn't help but sigh and remain silent.

Regardless, the outcome would not change. Even if his siblings hated him for it, he would not change his plans.

Danny was doing it for them, after all.

[demonic0angel]

I haz an hurt/comfort anger management idea

Jazz and Jason meet and start dating when they're 14/15 at an summer camp

They both still live in their respective cities as teens and make long distance work with phone calls, letters, and occasional vists

They fell for each other hard

The Joker event happens when Jason is 16

Jason revives 6 months after his death but never reached out to Jazz about being alive

Jazz started to call Jason's teen cellphone with in the first month after his death. The first few calls where her wanting to hear his voice (his voice mail recording) and it eventually turned into her using the calls as an audio diary

Bruce is aware of Jazz's phone calls. He answered once when Jazz keep calling that first month. That conversation lead to Jazz begging him to keep Jason's phone. Bruce will never get rid of Jason's phone or number. Jazz can call that number for how long or as many times she wants/needs.

Sometime after Redhood makes his appearance and Jason is at a place where he can comfortably hang out at the manor, he finds his old cell.

He charges the thing, curious if it will still work

It does

It rings

Jason answers.

It's Jazz

Jason flounders in making small talk- cause what the heck do you say to the girl who you thought you'd marry but didn't cause you died, came back, and never told her you came back- before gently asking her why she called

Her answer "I had an accident and bonked my head pretty good. The last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital is falling asleep while we were making plans to visit arkham for additional research for my psychology class's final."

(First of all, love this idea, but I have a question 🙋 is it imperative that Jason is 16 when he dies...??)

Jason froze.

"You.... lost your memories?"

There was a quiet on the other end before that gentle voice came back and hesitantly said, "I think so? The doctors are saying that it's just temporary amnesia and it doesn't seem to affect my everyday life very much. The memories will come back to me eventually."

Jason frowned. "I see."

What could he even say to that? If it had been before, he would've gladly helped her recover her memories by taking her to the places they always went to, guiding her through old experiences, and stayed with her the entire way as they rediscovered old memories together.

But this wasn't before.

He wasn't that young teen anymore.

He was a murderer. An anti-hero at best, and a serial killer at worst. He had died and come back to life for the sole purpose of vengeance.

There was no way he could be that innocent, sweet boy that loved Jazz Fenton so wholeheartedly again.

"Jay?" Jazz called. "So?"

He blinked. "Err. Sorry, I was distracted. Say again?"

She gave that petulant sigh that he would never admit was adorable. He could almost hear the pout on the other end as she repeated, "We made plans to go to Arkham Asylum, remember? I'm already out of school according to my siblings, but they told me that I never went. They never told me why but I... I still want to go with you. If you want."

Jason blinked. When did Jazz ever have more than 1 sibling?

But he focused more on her last words. He bit into his lip as he thought about it.

This was a terrible idea. Not only was the Joker there, but a Bat, a civilian, and Arkham? It was a guaranteed recipe for a disaster.

He should refuse.

"... Jazz, I—"

"Please?" Jazz said, her voice turning all soft and sweet, a gentle little lilt to her tone. "Please, Jay? You promised me, remember? 6 years ago?"

Jason swallowed.

"Sure, we'll go."

As Jazz cheered, audibly jumping up and down on the other end of the phone, Jason could only hold his forehead and bemoan his lack of spine around Jazz.

He was totally screwed.

[asmeesh]

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

[shit-show-no-go]

Can you swap their heads ?

[asmeesh]

omg you can

[asmeesh]

Their meeting was foretold in the ancient texts

[theinvisiblespoon]

[batsandbirdbrains]

Bruce Wayne at the circus, seeing a shocked eight year old little boy kneel on the ground in a puddle of his parents’ blood, and rushing from the stands to wrap him in his coat and carry him away. Bruce Wayne tucking the boy’s face into his shoulder and whispering as calmly as he can, “Don’t look. You’re going to be okay, I promise you’re going to be okay, just don’t look.”

Detective Gordon, watching as he walks by, being transported to twenty years prior when he was a rookie cop first on the scene for the Wayne murders and finding a shocked eight year old little boy standing in a puddle of his parents’ blood. Remembering how he wrapped his jacket around him and carried him away in a hurry, tucking his face into his shoulder and whispering, “Don’t look. You’re going to be okay, I promise you’re going to be okay, just don’t look.”

Gordon watching as the supposed playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne does everything he can to comfort Dick Grayson, this little boy from the circus he’s never even met before, because he knows exactly the kind of pain he’s going through in this moment.

Gordon realizing that his moment of panic when trying to get little Bruce Wayne away from his parents’ dead bodies had more of an impact than he ever could have imagined.

[batsandbirdbrains]

Rookie cop Jim Gordon carrying a shocked eight year old Bruce Wayne to his cruiser, rushing to get him away from the crime scene of his parents’ dead bodies. Bruce not letting go of him even when Jim tries to have him sit in the backseat. Bruce coming out of his shock with a shaking, rattling breath and a choked back cry. Jim whispering to him, “It’s okay if you cry. You can cry as much as you want, kid, I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to be okay.”

Eight year old Bruce letting out the most distressed sounding sob Jim has ever heard. Bruce gripping the shoulder of Jim’s shirt, crying out, “Mommy!” while Jim holds him tighter. Bruce trying to look back towards the alley, still calling for his parents, but Jim tucking his face back into his shoulder so he doesn’t see their bodies.

“Just don’t look,” Jim whispers.

Twenty years later, Bruce carries a shocked eight year old Dick Grayson out of the circus tent, rushing to get him away the sight of his parents’ dead bodies. Dick not letting go of him even as Bruce tries to set him down on a bench. Dick coming out of his shock with a shaking, rattling breath and a choked back cry. Bruce whispering to him, “It’s okay if you cry. You can cry as much as you want, chum, I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to be okay.”

Dick letting out the most distressed sounding sob Bruce has ever heard. Dick gripping the shoulder of Bruce’s shirt, crying out, “Mommy!” while Bruce holds him tighter. Dick trying to look back towards the tent, still calling for his parents, but Bruce tucking his face back into his shoulder so he doesn’t see their bodies.

“Just don’t look,” Bruce whispers.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 83 (masterpost here)

Bruce: -need to tail them while you download the contents of the server, and Red Robin you contact the authorities. i'll see you soon.

Damian: on it.

Tim: so i'm just the phone guy now, huh?

Dick: i told you to come over to Diamond District and run with me for the night, Red. weapons dealings are always boring.

Bruce, tired: just do your jobs, please.

*connecting ping*

Jason: where's my favourite boy?

Dick: ...that could mean any of us, Hood.

Damian: i'm here.

Jason: THERE YOU ARE!

Tim: *loud snort* how insecure you feeling right now, Nightwing?

Dick: i don't want to talk about it.

Jason: ok baby boy, i need you over in the alley toot-sweet.

Damian: i'm kinda busy on a case right now, akhi.

Bruce: Hood, are you in need of back up?

Jason: no- why do you always assume everybody needs back up all the time? do you not have any trust in your children to handle themselves at any point in their lives??

Bruce: well maybe it's just because my children never contact me unless they need back up and i've learnt to expect it?

Dick: ooooh~

Jason, without missing a beat: not true, i hit you up for money like last week.

Bruce, dry: yes, i stand corrected.

Damian: what do you need from me in the alley? Red is being pretty useless tonight, he could go in my place.

Jason: no i need a child your age. i'm gonna go fight this woman in my neighbourhood, and if she brings out her kid to help her in the fight then i need you to take care of him.

*a beat*

Bruce: what?

Damian: is this the Caroline woman that banned you from your HOA?

Bruce: ...what?

Dick: oh my god, that's still going on?!

Jason: she called the cops on me for being 'too loud' despite the fact that she doesn't even live in my building and the night she called to complain i wasn't even fuckin' home because i was in Bludhaven with Dick.

Dick: *cackling* dude this woman hates you-!

Tim: what did the cops say?!

Jason: the cops work for me, Timmers. like, half the local precinct are on Red Hood's payroll and have been around me enough that they've gotten an inkling that 'Todd Peters from apartment 3B' is probably their boss in civilian form. they sent me a heads up that Carol was up to her usual shit and then told me to have a good night.

Tim: man, i really need to get my own territory so i can get dirty cops on my side.

Dick: *sympathetic click* not gonna happen while you're living under B's roof, i'm afraid.

Damian: yeah i tried to accept a bribe from a dirty cop once; Father hit me.

Bruce: i did not hit you, i lightly smacked you upside the head- you really need to stop telling people that i hit you. and can we get back to Hood and this Caroline woman? what's going on, i thought you said you didn't need back up?

Dick: oh he doesn't, Caroline isn't like. a rogue or anything.

Jason, bitterly mumbling: fuckin' might as well be, once i'm done with her.

Tim: Hood's in a civilian battle with a bunch of PTA moms in his neighbourhood that don't like him.

Bruce, slightly hopeful: they have an issue with the way Red Hood runs the alley?

Jason: *cackle* nope, sorry B! they love Hood, they just don't know i am Hood.

Dick: they sent out a Facebook warning about Jason because some kid broke into his house and got hurt in the security measures and they blamed him for it.

Jason: yeah- admittedly hearting the post from the Batman Facebook account probably wasn't a great plan; now they've gotten a massive ego boost and are trying to get an audience with the Red Hood to campaign that i run myself out of the alley.

Bruce: ...all this is because her child broke into your house?

Jason: YEAH IT'S FUCKED UP. WE HAVE A WHOLE-ASS TURF WAR GOING ON OVER HERE. ME AND MY GIRLS AND THE GAY COUPLE THAT LIVES ABOVE ME AGAINST THE ENTIRE HOA AND THIS BITCH'S ASSHOLE SON.

Damian: why are you fighting her tonight?

Jason: well, we figured out a way to attempt to 'settle our differences'. so i'm going to one of the evening HOA meetings with a bunch of my neighbours and me and Carol are going to attempt to have a friendly but public debate about the issue,

Tim: *snort*

Jason: and you know, i figured; hey, Damian's a mean kid.

Dick: *wheezes*

Bruce, sighing: Hood, don't say things like that about your brother.

Jason: NO IN A- IN A NICE WAY! i want him to back me in this debate so that he can put his skills to use and mentally eviscerate these middle-aged women while i grin in the background and drink wine straight from the bottle.

Damian: god- i- i wanna do that so bad- that's my dream way to spend an evening,

Tim: you're an odd child.

Jason: ok so get over here, the meeting starts in thirty minutes!

Damian: ok hold on-

Bruce: excuse me, Robin, you cannot just run off in the middle of a case like this. especially not to go bully civilians.

Damian: oh come on, Red can cover for me!

Tim, dryly: but then who will handle the phones?

Dick: *snickering*

Bruce: no, i'm not signing off on this. Robin, you're staying with me for the night, and that's final.

*seven seconds of silence*

Tim: *sudden wheeze*

Bruce, tired: ...what's going on over there?

Damian: you can't stop me if you have no car to catch me with.

*disconnecting ping*

Bruce: what did he-

Tim, still laughing: he took off in the Batmobile.

Dick: *cackles*

Jason, proud: i love that child.

Bruce: oh for- he knows i can track that car,

Jason: AH AH AH- YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T FOLLOW HIM, IT'S DANGEROUS TO HIS IDENTITY. if you bust in as Batman when he's in civilian form talking about the fucking Batmobile, it puts unnecessary strain on your secret identities! for safety, you have to let Damian attend!

Bruce: Hood, you can't just-

Jason: yes i can.

Bruce: Hood.

Jason, quickly: love you Dad.

*shocked silence*

Bruce: w-

*disconnecting ping*

Bruce: WH-???

Dick: ...genius move by Jason there, gotta admit.

Tim: that's the biggest get out of jail free card i think... in existence. he really wanted to see Damian argue with these neighbourhood moms.

Dick: i mean can you blame him? you saw the kid make that lawyer cry.

*a beat*

Tim: B, you ok there? kinda quiet.

*silence*

Dick: yeah i'm gonna head over to your guys' area-

Tim: -might have to take over for Batman tonight, i think.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 82 (masterpost here)

Jason: i'm just gonna say it; making a map of all food trucks that own liquor licenses in Gotham was the best thing we've done this year. i cannot believe that the best chocolate martini i've ever had was served to me in a paper bag from a van.

Dick: gotta love Gotham. like, Bludhaven is my home and all, but there's no beating the creativity and entrepreneurship consistently spat out by money-hungry Gothamites on random week nights.

Jason: *bag crinkling* *satisfied grunt*

Dick: *hum* ok, i have another one.

Jason: shoot.

Dick: if you hadn't been taken in by B, what kind of person do you think you'd be today? like, do you think you'd be more likely to end up a good member of society or do you think you would have gone criminal?

Jason: ooh, ok, that's a good one. i- *considering hum* ...i dunno. on one hand, i like to think i was quite well behaved before i died, so i think if i hadn't been taken in by B then i wouldn't have ended up being resurrected and becoming... this. i probably would have been more traditionally 'good'.

Dick: fair.

Jason: -on the other hand, i met B because i was jacking cars and nicking tires at ten years old. so it's not like i was a fuckin' angel.

Dick: it's interesting you said you wouldn't have been resurrected, not wouldn't have died. do you think the Joker would have still gotten you even if you weren't Robin?

Jason: oh, no, i don't- i don't think the Joker would have killed me, but- but Dick? hey, Dick? *snort* i was never living past sixteen on the streets,

Dick: *wheezes* you don't think you would have made it??

Jason, drawing out: nyooooo,

Dick: *laughing*

Jason: like i said, i was fuckin- i was ten years old, thinkin' i could take on Batman. i had nobody in my corner during that period of time. i firmly believe that if i hadn't been swept up by Bruce then i would have ended up accidentally challenging Two-Face to a fist fight and dying within a year. that's my prediction.

Dick: so you think being Robin saved you?

*pause*

Dick: *cackle*

Jason: lets not- *wheeze* lets not go that far,

Dick: -shut up! *amused* come on, you know what i mean. you think without Robin you wouldn't have reached twenty?

Jason: yeah, that's probably more accurate. what about you? if you hadn't become the first boy wonder, where do you think you would have ended up?

*bag crinkling*

Dick, grave: jail.

Jason: *abrupt choke* *coughing, laughing* w-hat?

Dick, casually: -for either assaulting a police officer, verbal abuse, or second degree murder. attempted or successful, i dunno.

Jason, still struggling to clear his airways: *through laughter* what the fuck?

Dick: *amused* look man, i was an angry kid. you forget i was the fucker that made B think there was a good reason to let children go around beating up criminals; i was bad enough that he figured this was the best option.

Jason: ok- ok fair enough, no, yeah, you were definitely a piece of work when i met you, that's for sure.

Dick: yeah- and that was after the ten or so years of B's version of physical therapy. people always think i was so bubbly and happy when i was Robin, but i think it was actually the adrenaline of fighting people all night--basically got me high.

Jason: oh ok, so you weren't happy, you were just a sociopath in his dream environment?

Dick: no no, B had me tested. just a lot of anger issues and probable unmedicated OCD or ADHD.

Jason, crowing in glee: he had you tested-!

Dick, also laughing: shut up! honestly, that's probably why i didn't like you so much at first, y'know?

Jason: what, because you wanted to kill me?

Dick: no- *bursts out laughing*

Jason: *snickering*

Dick: no- because i thought you were gonna be just like me. B told me he brought in some kid off the streets and i was like, 'fuck great, now there's gonna be another violent little shit in the house'.

Jason: boy did i break the mold,

Dick: yeah turns out you were the complete fucking opposite to me, at first.

Jason: 'at first' *laughing* 'cause i mutated into the violence eventually.

Dick: well yeah, i was right eventually.

Jason: but if you didn't like the idea of me being problematic as a kid, how come you still hated me even when i was so well behaved and quiet?

Dick: *snort* well see- see that was the other issue, in that you being a good kid--which you did to piss me off-

Jason, conceding: -which i did to piss you off,

Dick: -right, but you being a good kid then brought up a different issue for me, because that meant you were blowing up my fucking spot.

Jason, amused: i was what?

Dick: well listen- B had no experience with kids before me, and he sure as hell didn't know what parenting was supposed to be like. i was able to set the fucking curve and tell him that i was normal. you fucking- coming in with all your homework and thank yous and eternal gratitude and fucking Cindy-Lou who personality bullshit,

Jason: *cackling loudly* CINDY-LOU WHO,

Dick: you blew up my spot! you let B know i was part of the fucking problem! you snitched on me for being a problem-child!

Jason, still laughing: *wheeze* oh god, i'm so sorry, i had no idea!

Dick, indignant: YEAH.

Jason: *wheezes again* i get it, fuck i get that. that's what i was like with Tim at first.

Dick: you- right!?! so you know what i mean!

Jason: fuck, yeah man. Bruce's whole thing with me was that i was the Robin that didn't fucking listen to him; i kept ignoring orders and doing my own thing and it got me benched. then i die, come back, and we have the fucking- the military disciplined soldier that Timothy Jackson Drake provided, we have him in my uniform, and i'm watching him through my binoculars like... fuck.

Dick: EXAC- god, he was so good at listening to orders back in the day. it was almost robotic, used to piss me off.

Jason: i was like, 'fuck he's better than me'.

Dick: *wheeze*

Jason, starting to laugh: luckily- luckily it turns out- *slight snort* turns out he sucks too,

Dick: *wheezes even harder*

Jason: dude, when he- when Tim started acting out as Robin, i felt the biggest burst of euphoria known to man.

Dick: *still wheezing*

Jason: like-, i never had to worry about Damian, you know? i raised that kid. i've seen the shit he does. i've watched him try to lie to my face about whether or not he stole and used my katana while holding his bleeding arm. i always had faith that Damian was going to be a little bitch. but Tim?! i turned up to him being like that and i was like... fuck. he's gonna make us all look shit, isn't he?

Dick: i know, it really- it was a good day for the Wayne children when we realised Tim was just as much a dickhead as we all are. a true miracle.

Jason: *humming casually* and then he tried to commit genocide in the league of assassins and we were like shit fuck no wait too much not like that-

Dick: *wheezes*

*distant burglar alarm*

Jason and Dick: *instant groans*

Dick: god-DAMMIT, can't they see we're on BREAK?

Jason: *limbs clicking* *tired grunt* alright, alright, let's get this over with. you good to- can you walk? you had more van-cocktails than me.

Dick: *also grunting* what am i, a pussy? oh- woah-

Jason: woah- hold on, let me- hold my arm. *snickering* god this fight is gonna be so funny.

Dick: i'll walk it off, let's go.

[fibfoolingart]

a visitor on the biodome!!

[burgerdotcom]

reblogs were off

[neonnewsfeed]

Scene: First Contact (a.k.a. This Could Have Been Avoided)

Crime Alley is too quiet.

Jason doesn’t like that.

It’s the kind of quiet that means people are watching. Waiting. Holding their breath.

For him.

Or—

Jason’s grip tightens on his helmet.

—for the idiot currently standing in the middle of the street, arguing with a broken vending machine.

“…I know you have snacks in there,” the guy says, jabbing a finger at the glass. “Don’t play with me. I can hear them.”

Jason stares.

That’s him.

Danny Fenton.

The so-called “civilian.”

The one who’s been getting shot at for weeks and somehow not dying.

The one Crime Alley refuses to talk about.

The one everyone’s protecting.

The one wearing—

Jason squints.

—is that a NASA hoodie?

Jason has questions.

A lot of questions.

None of them include whatever the hell this is.

“Turn around.”

The words cut clean through the alley.

Danny freezes.

Slowly—slowly—he turns.

His eyes flick up.

Take in the helmet. The stance. The guns.

Recognition flashes.

“Oh,” Danny says.

Beat.

“…crap.”

Jason steps forward, boots heavy against pavement.

“Name.”

Danny blinks.

“Uh… Danny?”

“Last name.”

“…Fenton?”

Jason tilts his head.

Like he’s cataloguing.

Weighing.

Deciding.

“Funny,” he says flatly. “That’s not what people call you around here.”

Danny frowns.

“…What do people call me?”

Jason raises a gun.

Not firing.

Just—there.

A statement.

“Red Hood.”

Danny stares.

Then laughs.

Actually laughs.

“Okay—no. No, that’s—that’s funny. Good joke. Solid delivery. Little threatening, but—”

“I’m not joking.”

Danny stops.

The smile drops.

“…you’re serious.”

Jason doesn’t move.

“Why are you using my name.”

There’s a beat.

A long one.

Danny looks at him.

Then points at himself.

“…your name?”

Jason cocks the gun.

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m not playing—what are you talking about??”

“The name. The territory. The pattern.”

Jason steps closer.

“You show up when I do. You take the same fights. You protect the same people.”

Another step.

“You shoot like me.”

Danny looks deeply offended.

“Okay first of all—rude. I shoot better than you, I just don’t brag about it.”

Jason pauses.

That was not the response he expected.

“…you what.”

Danny waves a hand.

“That’s not the point! What do you mean your name?? I’ve never called myself Red Hood in my life!”

Jason goes very still.

“…you expect me to believe that.”

“Yes?? Because it’s true??”

Danny gestures wildly.

“I don’t even have a name thing! I just—exist!”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Well it should be!”

Jason lowers the gun a fraction.

Not enough to be safe.

Enough to be thinking.

“…then why are people treating you like you are.”

Danny opens his mouth.

Closes it.

“…okay, see, that’s been bothering me too.”

Jason stares.

Danny throws his hands up.

“I thought it was, like, a ghost thing! You know—wrong place, wrong time, spooky vibes, maybe I accidentally offended a cult—”

“You’re being targeted by assassins.”

“I noticed!”

“They’re not using anti-meta weapons.”

“I NOTICED THAT TOO!”

Danny points at him accusingly.

“That’s the weird part! Where’s the theme?? Where’s the consistency?? If you’re gonna try to kill me, at least commit to the aesthetic!”

Jason blinks.

Once.

“…the aesthetic.”

“Yes!”

Danny paces now, animated.

“I’m used to ghosts, okay? There’s rules. Drama. Personal vendettas. These guys? Just—bang bang, die. No personality!”

Jason is… re-evaluating.

Everything.

“…you’re telling me,” he says slowly, “you’re not Red Hood.”

“Yes!”

“And you don’t know why people think you are.”

“YES.”

“And you don’t know why you’re being targeted.”

“EXACTLY.”

Jason studies him.

Hard.

The stance.

The breathing.

The eyes.

No flinch.

No fear.

Just frustration.

“…you got shot yesterday,” Jason says.

Danny shrugs.

“Yeah, and? I got better.”

Jason’s grip tightens.

“You what.”

“I mean, not like—” Danny gestures vaguely. “—better better. Just, you know. Walked it off.”

“You walked off a bullet wound.”

“Yeah?”

“…how.”

Danny freezes.

Oh.

Oh no.

“…uh.”

Jason steps forward.

Slow.

Dangerous.

“Explain.”

Danny smiles.

Badly.

“Well! You see! Funny story—”

A shot rings out.

Both of them move.

Jason turns, firing twice—precise, controlled.

Danny—

vanishes.

Not ducks.

Not dodges.

Gone.

Jason whips back around.

Nothing.

Then—

“Behind you.”

Jason spins—

Danny’s there.

Completely fine.

No blood.

No wound.

No anything.

Jason stares.

“…you didn’t move.”

“I did.”

“You disappeared.”

Danny winces.

“…define disappeared.”

Jason raises the gun again.

Slower this time.

More careful.

More certain.

“You’re not human.”

Danny exhales.

“…okay, wow, rude.”

“Answer the question.”

Danny hesitates.

Looks at the gun.

Looks at Jason.

Then—

“…I mean,” he says carefully, “define human.”

Jason goes very, very still.

Somewhere in the distance, another gunshot echoes.

Neither of them reacts.

Because suddenly—

That’s not the problem anymore.