Self-promotion makes me incredibly uncomfortable. There’s probably some underlying psychological reasoning for that, and a few hefty insurance co-pays might help me uncover it, but for now here is some of the stuff I've been working on:
Ravenloft
Curse of Strahd - This is an on-going series of stories, all attached to the continuity of a Curse of Strahd campaign I DM’d a while back. Some narrate the campaign itself, others expand on the lore and NPCs:
An Unholy Wound
Status: Complete
Relationships: Ireena/Strahd
Summary: Ireena Kolyana’s first encounters with Strahd von Zarovich — in this life, at least.
Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5
A Wretched House
Status: Complete
Summary: Ismark Kolyanovich tries to prevent disaster after the untimely death of his father, the burgomaster. While struggling to pick up the pieces, he learns all about the horrors that had been plaguing his sister, Ireena. But justice for his father’s death is deferred when a handful of residents from his village find themselves trapped in a house of horrors.
Chapters: Prologue • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • Epilogue
The Fortunes of Ravenloft
Status: In-Progress
Summary: Ireena Kolyana is desperate to escape the attentions of Count Strahd von Zarovich, but the band of adventures her father hired failed to destroy the vampire. Now Ireena must rely on her neighbors in the village of Barovia to help her make the journey to possible sanctuary elsewhere.
Chapters: Prologue • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6
The Sojourn
Status: In-Progress
Relationships: Rahadin/OC
Summary: The chamberlain of Castle Ravenloft is charged with visiting the Abbey of Saint Markovia to observe the Abbot’s experiments. There, a cleric of the Morninglord endures a crisis of faith.
Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11
Baldur’s Gate 3
In His Name
Status: In-Progress
Relationships: The Emperor/Tav
Summary: She wanted the power more than anything, but more than that she wanted to share it with the one who was most deserving of her gratitude, her affection. Never one to deny herself, the adventurer saw no reason why her personal ambitions could not manifest alongside the desires of her heart.
“We can rule the world. Together.”
It was a grave and terrible calculation.
((Spoilers for Act 3))
Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5
My first thought was "RIP to all the 1988 babies who innocently made their e-mail address [email protected] or user name ________88" realising people have been thinking *maybe this is a Nazi?*... Then I realised it was about the scroll wheel to find year of birth, so yeah, also that.
why is there an upgrade button on gmail. why does twitter want me to scan my palm to get into my account. why is google a chatbot. why does the transit app make a transit app wrapped for me. why does youtube keep shoving its infinitely scrollable shortform content down my throat. why do my doctor and psychiatrist and therapist want to use an ai notetaker during our appointments. why do free trials want my credit card number. why are most scholarship websites just data brokers. how do i make capitalone stop sending me mail. why is my school making its own special chat gpt powered chatbot. why is every third video on instagram an undisclosed ad. why is nothing online real anymore. why is everything so FUCKING STUPID
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz
Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.
Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.
My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.
Called the county clerk.
Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.
Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?
Me: Yes, but he's a cat.
Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?
Me: He's a legal cat.
Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.
Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.
Clerk: You can file on his behalf.
Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."
Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."
Me: What's the medical reason?
Clerk: He's a cat.
Me: That's not a medical condition.
Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.
Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.
"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."
Took the letter to my vet.
Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.
Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?
Me: Excellent question. No good answer.
Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.
Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?
Vet: On what grounds?
Me: He's a cat.
Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."
Me: Perfect.
Sent it in. Got another rejection.
"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."
My roommate thought this was hilarious.
Roommate: Felix is going to jail.
Me: This is serious.
Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.
Decided that was actually the only option left.
Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.
Checked in at the courthouse.
Clerk: Name?
Me: Felix Martinez.
Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.
Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.
Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?
Me: I filed three. All rejected.
Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.
Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?
Me: Twice.
Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.
Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.
Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?
Me: You tell me.
Supervisor: This is a data error.
Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.
They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.
Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.
Me: Appreciate it.
Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?
Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.
Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.
For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.
Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.
Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.
Roommate: That's what they all say.
Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.
Fitting end to his legal career.
end id]
He didn't steal 10 million dollars. They made that number up as a loss, they never fucking had it. Rockstar has spent more than a billion fucking dollars on GTA VI and will likely make billions more when it gets released.
Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.
Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.
And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?
What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.
have now made the rest of the discord cry about this little boy who had multi-coloured ducks sewn onto a tunic that he loved so much he wore it to a Very Important Event because he was EIGHT and have you SEEN my DUCKS
sorry no i’m not done i’m gonna make you all cry some more i’m bringing you down with me
there was once a little boy.
he is born disabled. his body hurts, and he can’t walk properly the way the other children do. he doesn’t understand why. he’s a little boy. but he plays with wooden boats and pulls toys on a string.
somebody makes him a tunic. they sew ducks onto it in red and green and yellow and blue. the bright colours of a child.
the little boy is eight years old, and he’s going to be king now. there’s a big ceremony about it. he doesn’t really fully understand what’s going on, because he’s eight, but he wears the tunic with the brightly coloured ducks for the occasion because he loves it. look at his ducks! aren’t they great?
he is a child. the adults around him manipulate and coax him to gain more power for themselves. he still plays with toys.
as a teenager, not yet an adult, he fathers children. they do not survive. he’s not even old enough to have full agency in his job and is still being manipulated, but he had babies and they died.
he does not make it to his twenties. at eighteen or nineteen years old he dies, and is buried. his babies, so tiny, are buried with him.
and so is his tunic with the little ducks that he loved so much he kept it long after it no longer fit.
yeah i think that like. especially with historical figures in your mind people who were kings and queens or important nobles were adults. even if you know how old they were it doesn’t really click. it doesn’t seem real
but then you get something like a little tunic with brightly coloured ducks on it and it hits you like a fucking truck that this really was a little kid and no matter how far removed you are a little kid is still a little kid. their brains didn’t develop any quicker back then. he was just as developed/mature mentally as any 8 year old now. he had cartoonish animals on his clothes and he played with toy boats and probably terrorised the local cat population.
tutankhamun was a child and he didn’t make it to adulthood because he was unfortunate enough to be a very important child
his dad died when he was 8. he saw his own babies die when he was still just a boy himself.
but he had brightly coloured little ducks on his favourite shirt, and he kept it.
tutankhamun had a little pair of sandals with ducks on them. he had earrings decorated with ducks. he kept those, and other items of childhood clothing. some toys. keepsakes. things he loved, and treasured. he kept them all in a little wooden chest. the chest… was carved with ducks.
and that little duck chest, filled with things he kept from his childhood, was buried with him. maybe he was keeping them for the little babies who did not make it. maybe they just reminded him of good days and fun times.
but he was a little boy who thought ducks were just the best
Ok but this is how to teach history. This is how you get people to pay attention, to care. Find something small and make it personal, then zoom out to the wider context. History is best taught as a story, with people who lived their lives in ways that came together to create something remarkable that we still talk about today, but who were still just human at the end of the day. They kissed, argued, cried, and dreamed just like we do. And sometimes they really liked ducks.
Thanks to ultrasounds, the genders can be assigned before birth. The people are so excited to conform they throw “Gender reveal parties” to make sure their offspring exist in a strict binary since before they can even form thoughts.
That video of Alex Hirsch reading S&P notes for Gravity Falls conveys a few things to me:
1) the U.S. entertainment industry (especially animation) is run by older conservative types who make up offensive terms and get really mad about them.
2) the people who run Disney would be the first to fall in line with a fascist regime.
3) most of the media we consume is tailor-made and watered-down to appeal to the tastes of older, deeply religious conservative audiences.
4) conservatism, not the left, is and always has been the biggest voice of censorship in American culture.
J. Michael Straczynski, creator of Babylon 5, was before that a producer and writer for a number of cartoons in the late ‘80s/early ‘90s (The Real Ghostbusters and the original She-Ra, most notably). After a few years of dealing with the censors and their obsession with finding Satanism (or at least looking for Satanism to further political agendas) he wrote an article about the whole corrupt and bullshit system.
And published it in Penthouse, to force those same censors to buy a skin mag. The editor there asked, why Penthouse?
That one is from his autobiography, Becoming Superman. See also:
(As he goes on to say, he’s never worked in animation again–he’s effectively been blacklisted by the cartoon industry.)
Every time something like this comes up, I remember two stories about making media. The first is about movies, and comes from Quentin “Feet Man” Tarantino.
When he was making Pulp Fiction, he was worried that the MPAA would object to the high level of violence in the film, so he shot a bunch of extra-gory stuff that he didn’t actually want in the film, and added it in before submitting it to the MPAA. Predictibly, they asked him to cut most of it (without even commenting on some of the things that had him worried, like the bits of Marvin’s skull that lodge in Samuel L. Jackson’s hairpiece). The resultant cuts were actually more permissive than he’d expected, so he cut a little more and submitted it, and it got passed with an R.
The second story is about that artist on Morrowind whose name escapes me (I’m not a big ES fan tbh) who figured out that if he made two creature designs, one weird and what he wanted, and one even weirder, he could get Todd Howard to agree to just about anything by showing him the whopper first, then going back and “working” for another few hours on a second, “toned-down” version, and it worked every time.
The reason I bring these up is that the thing that drives censors isn’t some extant physical rubrick of what is and isn’t acceptable, it’s the idea that they can have absolute power over someone else’s creative work. It’s about the social dominance of the interaction.
There is nothing so innocent, so clean, that a censor will not find some fault with it. Because they must find something wrong with it to justify their existence, and because it makes them feel powerful.
Update began June 15 and will no longer allow you to share your login info.
The email requirement doesn’t apply to profiles designated as belonging to a child.
Still, some users are complaining online. Some complaints come from families that often use different Netflix profiles on the same device, such as a living room TV.
Other complaints argue that Netflix doesn’t truly needthis information and is merely seeking more ways to track viewers and share information with advertisers. Notably, Netflix’s privacy policy says Netflix may share users’ email addresses with marketing and advertising companies.
More immediately, sharing his email with Netflix meant my dad automatically started receiving advertisements for Netflix programming in his inbox (though he can unsubscribe from them).
So this is not a plea for money. This is something that surprised me, and chatting with people on discord, they were unaware of as well.
Discovered last year I couldn’t look at my 2015 MacBook Air without it triggering nausea and migraines, and figured the screen died. Have been getting by on my phone, but concluded I really need a laptop again.
Saved up, realised I could afford a brand new MacBook Neo, and got one.
-And I couldn’t spend more than five minutes looking at the screen without massive eye strain, nausea, vertigo, and if I pushed it, I-need-to-lie-down-in-a-dark-room-for-hours migraines.
Looking up MacBook and Eyestrain explained what is going on. The liquid retina displays that Apple currently has uses Pulse Width Modulation or PWM. In order to give the screens a deeper depth of colour and contrast, PWM flickers between several hundred to thousand times a second.
And there is currently no way to turn it off. There are settings and apps to reduce it, but there is no way to stop the screen from flickering. Checked Apple forums, called Apple Support, and the time I could look at the screen kept shrinking. Got the laptop Tuesday, returned it Friday, today is Sunday and I’m still dealing with a vertigo migraine.
For MacBooks, it seems to vary on the computer model and the software it uses. In retrospect, the issue with my MacBook Air started after a major software update.
And it’s not just an Apple thing. Current Windows and Android screens do the same thing. There’s even a Reddit for people who are sensitive to PWM flickers to help find computers and screens that won’t trigger eyestrain and headaches.
So, yeah. This week has been a learning experience. But for those who are prone to headaches and migraines, this may be something to be aware of, cause I was not.
One time when I was a kid a group of girls and I had to treat another student for hypothermia by ourselves because she had so many invisible health issues that the adults we asked for help didn't believe us. The student in question was actively hallucinating. When I finally ran for help the people I grabbed were slow as shit to respond, casually joking about how "dramatic" the person in question was.
The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.
Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.
I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.
Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.
"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."
"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."
"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"
Sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart- as someone who isn't physically disabled but hears this shit all the time- fuck off
white ppl will steal every aesthetic from black culture and then call it something so stupid like bo derek braids instead of box braids or hasbin hotel core instead of black southern dandism. yall will bend over backwards to call my culture barbaric/scary just to drool over the aesthetic the moment no actual black people are involved (21 pilots vs actual reggae). And if ur white/nonblack reading this just reblog. I dont need any comments talking about how not racist you are + speaking up over actual black people.
This game's a lot of things all at once and I think it's fairest to take a look at each facet separately.
As an adaptation, it's poor. It has lost track of the meaning and intent of FF7, which is the most important thing for an adaptation to capture. You cannot play this game alone and have a different but equivalent experience. In fact, you probably shouldn't play this game at all if you haven't played OG.
As a narrative-driven game, it's mediocre, poor by my standards. Most individual scenes are competent, but the whole does not hang together. New plotlines don't connect, and old plotlines are adapted in such a way that they don't really work anymore*. The tone is all over the place, and the best moments feel rushed. The pacing is abysmal, even if you rush the story and ignore the side content. Some folks have said they like this game for the camaraderie among the cast, but even that's pretty thin for me, especially in comparison to other character-driven JRPGs like Tales or Persona. Excepting perhaps Red, the characters don't really develop past where they began at the start of the story, and a lot of the writing is fluff. Remake did better on just about every front here - despite my dim view of it, it's a lot more coherent and careful.
As its own piece of art, it's empty. It's flashy, maximalist, and obviously afraid of getting too real. It refuses to let its most meaningful moments breathe lest they become bummers and it doesn't really have anything in particular to say - again, even less than Remake. It's entirely a piece of FF7 fanfiction/metafiction. The implications of the ideas that it does bring to the table are extremely tone-deaf, particularly the Shinra apologism.
As a sequel it's a worse story, but a better game. The battle system is much improved. Bosses and trash are a lot less spongy. The environment design is way more impressive (not to mention exhaustive) and there is a lot more of it to explore. It's clearly a lot more ambitious and it tried out many different things and stretched quite a lot. It is just more fun to play... as long as no one is talking.
As an open world game, it's so-so. On the positive side, I found the objectives well spaced out, so that if I was just running around the area I moved pretty freely from one to the next to the next. The rewards for your exploration points are always good and substantial, so it does feel rewarding. On the other hand, it's extremely repetitive and bloated. The maps are not very fulfilling to explore in terms of landmarks and interesting things of note outside of your map markers. Many of the areas are extremely difficult and frustrating to navigate. I was constantly in and out of my map trying to figure out where I had to go.
As a collection of minigames it's exceptional. There are so many minigames. I lost track. I think you'd need to play an MMO to find more variety in minigames really. There is so much Content here, I have never seen a game more ambitious about minigames. There is a part of me that feels bad for leaving it on the table when so much has gone into it.
As a piece of fanservice for compilation fans it's probably pretty good! All the locations are there and rendered in stunning detail for at least one good shot, the music is there and very hummable, unexpected fan favourites return, references are many. If all you really care about is seeing your blorbos you probably like this game.
As a compilation of FF7 entry it's about where Remake was, a little lesser. Better than most of the slop, nowhere near the original, different in very meaningful ways, and marching bravely forward towards a world state where the only person who has ever done anything wrong is Hojo.
And overall, this game felt like it was Cocomeloning me. It was long and bloated and over the top and afraid to give me any space to think about any of what was happening. It is also so long, and so bloated. I would say it is functionally a marvel movie. Good if you're in the mood for that, bad if you happen to really care about story or games or the source material.
I gave each segment grade ranks as I played through, they're under the cut if you're curious.
Rebirth Report Card
Plot/Location
Nibelheim Flashback: D
Kalm: B
Chocobo Ranch: B
Marshes: F
Mythril Mine: B
Under Junon: C
Upper Junon: F
Ship: D
Costa: B
Corel: C
Gold Saucer: F
Prison: F
Gongaga: D
Lifestream: F
Cosmo Canyon: C
Cave of the Gi: B
Nibelheim 2: C
Shinra Mansion: F. G, if I could put a G.
Gold Saucer 2: C
Temple of the Ancients: A. It's a generous A, but I felt they really stretched here.
City of the Ancients/Ending: F
Characters
Cloud: F
Barret: A
Aeris: B, and I'm probably playing favourites
Tifa: D
Red: God I hate that voice switch. But objectively there's nothing wrong here. C
Yuffie: B, but she has great potential.
Cait Sith: Too soon to call it, so C.
Cid: Who is this? This isn't Cid. He's fine but he isn't Cid.
Vincent: D. Does he take his iPad into the coffin with him?
Sephiroth: F. I've had enough of this guy.
FINAL GRADE: This apparently averages to a C but I'd put my final impression closer to a D. After a certain point, I just gave up on dinging it for the same bullshit repeatedly
