who am I?

life's full of the unexpected, it's what we learn from it that matters. call me blue

[blueflamessss]

First day back to school... Kinda nervous.

[blueflamessss]

I had to get work boots for school (trade program) and it's like my first time wearing them, and my dad had to tie them for me. I was just smiling the whole time cuz this is the first time my dad has tied my shoes since I was little ofc.

And I don't know, it just made me feel like a little kid again. And it made me happy that my dad is here to help me with things and has always supported me.

I love you dad.

[cranberrylimes]

The left image as a rug and the right image as a ceiling poster

[desaturate-worlds]

this on the bedspread

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

This as every wallpaper

[cranberrylimes]

Wow guys, we’ve really come together to make this House MD into a Home MD 💙

[blueflamessss]

i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy i wanna be a boy

[blueflamessss]

wwwoaahhhh life didn't feel real there for a second.

[blueflamessss]

low-key who wanna trade parts? why did i get the bleeding once a month card and not the weiner card. life is so unfair..

[freakoutgirl]

Everything is so hard all the time has anyone else noticed that

[loveridden1999]

[highonlife22-deactivated2026021]

i bet positive thinking goes so hard when youre a normal person

[stlamb]

on the count of 3 we are all going to wake up and it was just a bad dream are you ready

[kosmogrl]

don’t talk to me if I’m overstimulated and sweating and it’s way too hot for me to even breathe cause I’ll kill you

[woofykill]

if the world doesnt end in a few years we should all go get burgers together

[marisatomay]

It’s so infuriating that teen smoking rates were at an all time low in the US and we were on track to basically eradicate smoking and nicotine addiction in teens like it was flat out uncool to smoke and then They came out with nicotine injector flash drives that light up and taste like cotton candy. And have lead in them.

[blueflamessss]

Yap session because I feel like shit <3

This is super long and honestly you don't gotta read it. I just need it out. It also is stupid and I didn't reread it cuz like I said--i just wanted it out.

I love my idea of wanting to be in public safety (emt/firefighter/paramedic--thst stuff, not cops <3) but it honestly also sucks. I want to go into trade, while all of my friends have their whole life's planned out, how they are gonna go get these crazy degrees and spend all this money on uni and shit.

And I can't help but feel ashamed. I am finally happy with something in my future. I found want I want to do, but everyone else is just... Better. I'm going to help people, but my friends are going to have massive degrees and get six figures.

When we talk about what we're gonna do after highschool, I listen intently to their ideas and their plans. Listen to their step by step plan. Listen to then talk about how excited they are for dorms and classes.

And then they turn to me.

"what do you wanna do?"

And I freeze. What I want to do is cook and something I'm excited about. *To me.* To everyone else, to my friends, I'm sure it looks lazy. I've heard their opinions on trade. They always say it doesn't apply to me, because what I want to do is different.

But doesn't it? I am going into trade. I am. So all those things you disagree with about trade suddenly fly out the window when it's me?

I don't believe it. I feel as though everyone is disappointed. And it hurts, because I found what I want to do.

I've found my purpose.

But I think I'm letting others down.

I've always been smart. Always had As and Bs, the occasional Cs when I wasn't feeling it. I came from a good family, I'm good at writing.

Everyone, my whole life, has shoved college down my throat. And there are times where I want that. I've always wanted to live in a dorm. Always wanted to get a degree. But it just doesn't seem like anything I want now.

Anytime I thought about what I'd want to be when I'm older, going the college route, I froze up and couldn't think. I'd change too quickly, wouldn't pick something. Because with college it's a lot of money and time, money my family doesn't have.

I barely can get new clothes and good food. How can I expect my family to pay for college? I don't need college anyway. I found my calling.

I've always wanted to help. I am a helper. I wanted to be a doctor for a while. But I feel as though being a first responder is more up my alley.

I know this. I know it's what I want. And what I want is all that matters.

But I also don't want my friends to think im weird. I hate talking about what I want to do. Because after hearing their beautiful plans on how many AP classes they are taking the dual credit for colleges . It makes me looks stupid.

I'm going to willingly walk into fires :3, like what? I don't have a plan. I don't have a step by step, or anything.

I have my trade program where I can get certs straight out of hs. And that makes me happy.

But I still have that voice in my head. The one that tells me I suck. That I aren't like my friends. That they are going to do cool things and get cool friends and party and all the other cool things uni kids do. And I'm not gonna be there.

I think what I want to do is pretty cool. But do they think so too?

Why should I care. None of this matters anyway.

We're all going to be dead soon.

So why worry?

-blue

[blueflamessss]

i hate myself and wish to die.

[sandmandaddy69]

[kosmogrl]