Coming back to this 13 years later as a 30 yr old
I'm now a 30 year old Adult.
Dear N, It's the eve of your 30th birthday. You've freshly showered. Your husband has just brought back ramen and your favourite karaage from 3 Bowl Ramen, a local restaurant in Noo Yawk City, which coincidentally is the header of this very blog you created 13 years ago as a 'one day' idea. Your skin is clear, you just put some medicated cream, your hair is long but you will be cutting it short soon. You have plans tomorrow - hair cut, foot rub, massage, movie, skewers. The day is set.
You're 30 and are at peace with whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. You're 30 and make cha ching cha CHING money, having reached VP level (well, technically Group Director now) at work - something that you once idealistically mused over with your old roommates as you tried to chart out the trajectory of your old boss and mentor. You're 30 and have a semi good relationship with your parents and have practically zero secrets from them - a far cry from where you were 3 years ago, or 5 years ago, or hell even 10 years ago. You're 30 and have hosted 12+ events at your house in the past 2 years alone and have fed +100 hungry mouths with food you love. You enjoy going into every room in your house.
You're 30 and now considering motherhood, a big challenge that, at one point of life, you weren't entirely sure WAS for you in the first place, but now the idea feels scary... but doable. Plus it's also be nice to see Andy bloom to life in his role as a Dad, and God knows the world needs a few more Andy's in it right now. You're 30 and still have friends who have known you for more than 13 years. You just met up with Paloma and Janith from high school, you're going to hang with Diksha and Joanna at the beach this weekend, and will be doing a whole Broad City Manhattan Walk the weekend next with a bunch of unexpected friends who will be taking the trouble to hike all the way down Manhattan from end to end because they just want to spend time with you.
Life is good. Life has given you what you dreamed of at 16, and more.
The next 10 years are also posing to transformative.
With the decision of motherhood breathing down your neck, you will hopefully be a more patient, a more loving, and a more emotionally regulated mother than what you have experienced. With Andy by your side, you will hopefully have a more loving, generous relationship with your parents as they grow into their roles of being loving, patient and generous grandparents who continue to show up for you as parents, in whatever best form they can. You will go through some sort of career stall - unfortunately part of life of being a woman and a caregiver - but you will hopefully make it through, and come out of it a more humble, a more curious, and a more balanced person that people want to rely on.
As a 30 year old adult, I hope you also travel more. I hope you see more ends of the earth, experience more cultures and foods, and show new eyes and new hands different ways to appreciate the diversity. I hope you grow out of this (don't get me wrong, gorgeous) house too, and move into a space that not only feels your own, but feels your family's own too, where you won't feel uncertain about your futures. I hope you show Andy that you can adapt to life in other parts of the world too.
I hope your health journey continues. I hope you turn the image of you being old and fat, into Andy's image of being lithe and active even in your 30s. I hope your financial trajectory continues. It's no small blessing that you've reached this far and I hope it only compounds further as you grow more experienced in the work place and as Andy climbs the ranks.
It's reached a point where the writing voice in my head no longer is able to complete sentences so I'm going to stop this now.
But I hope you continue these letters to yourself in our 30s and return to this teenage blog I created.
