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[braindamagedteen]

introduction ☆

my irl name is [???] but i go by kat online

i’m 3-5teen years old!!

☆ lesbian ☆

details abt me :

mental:

i struggle with s/h & binge eating, i also struggle with communication & controlling my emotions because i get riled up easily offline & online! i’m a self-proclaimed hikkikomori & i feel like i will rot in my room till i x___x

fandoms:

menhera-chan, butterfly soup, madoka magica, needy streamer overload, magical girl raising project

hobbies:

i enjoy writing poetry a lot, haven’t wrote since february though because i’ve been so drained recently TvT, i enjoy playing minecraft & coding different spacehey layouts!!

music:

ruru’s s☆★cide show on a livestream, s3rl, mitski, alex g, diskowarp, i threw glass at my friends eye and now i’m on probation, rebzyyx, my chemical romance & like a ton more i’m just bad at naming stuff on the spot!!!! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

fun facts:

i like cats a lot, i have 5 cats, i’ve been a hikki since 2020, i’m into cosplay, i’m a huge fashion nerd, i like the brand so so happy i think the mascots & clothing designs are cute!! ^______^

things i wanna learn:

i wanna learn how to sing, play the electric guitar, japanese + chinese & skateboard, i struggle with commitment so i probably won’t learn any of those but i think they’re cool if i ever get a burst of motivation i’ll maybe consider doing them!! >______<

[braindamagedteen]

hi question did you change ur username? if you did what was it before?

i did change my username! i actually don’t remember what it was before - i think it was menherachanx but that’s js an assumption based on my username on other stuff

[braindamagedteen]

i hate how i have a reliance on my friends for everything it’s so bad i hate it i hate it so much, i’m so selfish i think of them as like property & get upset if they’re not there because my brain thinks they’re mine & mine only! i can never sort out my own problems, if i’m crying i’m always thinking ‘well i need ___, they would fix it’ i have no responsibility at all and i’m so entitled whenever i hear people say ‘so many other people don’t like school’ i’m always thinking ‘but it’s different for me! i deserve to stay off i don’t deserve to be here! i feel worse compared to everyone else about school!’ it’s so stupid i’m so selfish! people suffer way more than i do but because i don’t like going to school i throw a tantrum abt everything, i don’t need accommodations i’m just selfish for trying ( and failing ) to get any, i hate crying every lesson, i hate how everything has to revolve around me, i know my friends have it worse than i do i’m so spoilt i hate this i hate this so much. my self harm doesn’t even compare to anyone i don’t even know if they can be classed as cat scratches they’re so tiny, i eat so much more than everyone else im so greedy i hate this i suck so muchh

[braindamagedteen]

HUYS I FEEL SICK IM SCARED SHELP BEFORE I CANYBTAKW IT ANYMORE PLEASE I CANT DO THIS HELPJELPHELPEHLEP PLEWSEEEE I FEEL SICK WNE LIGHTHEWAEEEDED MY HEHAART IS BEATIJTNTOOFAST IKNVSCAREED HELP MY ANDIIETY IS TOO BIT TODAYY HELPMEEOSOSOSO FAST PLEASE X_____X

[braindamagedteen]

someone blocked me on twt!! i think i might actually know them irl but idk what if i do that’s scary they type the exact same way & i said they reminded me of that person & then they responded & somewhere throughout then & now they blocked me!!! whaddaheck!!!! they’re so similar tho i think it was them but now i’m sad i brung it up they were cool i shouldn’t have done that cries silly me, now that i think abt it i think they were them i think i know it i don’t know why i think it’s them it’s my gut???? i don’t think it’s my gut tho i think they are them but that means they know it’s me!!!!!! nono cries help but then again they can’t see my posts but what if they can AAAAAAA OMG ANOTHER REALISATION ONE OF MY POSTS HAS MY IRL NAME IN IT WHAT IF THEY BLOCKED ME WHEN THEY SAW THAT SCREAMS CRIES NONOOOOOOOO THEN THEY 100% KNOW ME CRIES SOBS ( for info on why i’m worried it’s bcuz i’m on $h7w7 CRIESSS )

[braindamagedteen]

i feel like i 100% am a manipulative person even if i try not to be, i always end up subconsciously manipulative! i’m a compulsive liar and manipulator, i lie when it’s not necessary to make things more exaggerated or to make people feel bad for me and i pick up on people’s traits and what they usually would do to use that for my personal gain, i want things to go my way, i don’t wanna listen to other people i just want everything my way and my way only, i never listen to people when they’re giving solutions because i want it my way, i don’t wanna do that but it’s something i can’t control and something that’s engraved in my brain whenever something doesn’t go my way i try my best to manipulate and lie my way out of getting a punishment. i hate it i don’t wanna be manipulative but whenever i find myself not being as manipulative i’m always being manipulated i hate that i don’t wanna be like this anymore i hate my personality!!!! i just wanna be a sweet person, everyone i know calls me one i just wanna live up to their standards because i know deep down even if they can’t see it i’m not one i’m just using them and panicking whenever stuff doesn’t go my way!!!!!!! i may seem like a sweet person by complimenting u, overly apologising, writing poems about u, letting u ramble on and on about ur current fixations, and js being the nicest person ever but i can’t tell anymore if that’s actually me or it’s js some me i fabricated to make up for my real self!!!!

[braindamagedteen]

i hate when people ask what i wanna do with my life when i’m older & what job i want - i don’t know how to tell them that i just want to be a NEET who posts blogs on tumblr & twitter who bedrots and posts fit checks in cute outfits & cosplays! the only time i’d ever go outside would be for cosplay cons & to buy groceries, it’d be nice to have a girlfriend on top of that so that i could rest & cuddle her whilst she rids me of any responsibilities - the most ‘job’ thing i’d do is maybe be an influencer or make visual novels & art commissions! me and my girlfriend could cosplay together and just be so so cute & id let her do whatever as long as she’s happy even if it means that it’ll end up hurting me!

i know people might be like ‘why would u wanna be a NEET/hikki ’ it’s not really a want but i know that’s how i’m gonna end up, if u don’t include school i haven’t left my house in months & the only reason i AM leaving soon is for a cosplay convention, i don’t have motivation to do anything, the only reason i haven’t been slicing is because i don’t even have motivation to do that, my friends always congratulate me on staying clean but i know that there’s no need for that because if i even had an ounce of energy it’d go into doing that!!!!!!! my rooms a mess & i can’t even eat healthily, i only eat junk food & coca cola because it’s the only thing i can do!!!!!!!!!