2021-10-29: The Final Showdown (Part 2, Extra Final Extended Director’s Cut)
September 27 (post eclipse)
It's the final installment of the campaign, and we're picking up where we left off in the heated battle. Mobs of maw demons that were too far away for the mass suggestion to take effect are taking bites out of Hilaria and Die Cornelius. Norm, from his aerial vantage point bestowed by his wings of flying, activates the Cube of Force. He chooses the ability where no living matter can pass through the cube, because he also has a Secret Plan to help secure victory.
Yula's similarly flying around on his leathery-feathery wings, taking pot shots with their crossbow. Tony Bear Androgeno the pegasus, is also attacking while flying and misses an aerial trample. Spleenifer attempts to smite from on horseback, but also misses. What is up with everyone missing their attacks right now? Oh, it's the festering stink lingering in the air. Luckily, Die Cornelius avoids getting sickened long enough to use his trusty warhammer for some "percussive adjustments" on Norozogaan.
By now, Hilaria is almost reunited with Lucky, but there are still plenty more maw demons to cut down. She gets within throwing distance and hurls an axe into Norozogaan. Take that you, sickly sack of crap! Norozogaan leaps from the narrow passage the demon lord was cornered on but gets smited by Spleenifer's divine smite once becoming airborne. The demon lord lands on Lucky's stone bridge, but the weight is too much and part of the bridge cracks and falls away. The bridge is still traversable, though!
Tweazle's water elemental that he summoned earlier gets lashed by Norozogaan's pseudopods alongside Tony Androgeno and Hilaria. Norozogaan then splits back into several pseudopods that begin moving independently. A slipperly slime forms under the embiggened Anaxilas's feet and sends him dangling dangerously over the edge of a cliff, but the crystal is now in position to test Anaxilas's theory. Jamie casts Dancing Lights through the crystal, focusing the lights on Norozogaan. Surprise! The lowly utility cantrip known as Dancing Lights starts doing some damage and sizzling Norozogaan's flesh (or whatever passes for flesh on Norozogaan). Jamie celebrates their successful test by giving Anaxilas a little bardic inspiration in the form of a rousing song.
Lucky grabs the water elemental and thundersteps over to the cliff to help yank Anaxilas away from the danger zone of the cliff. Tweazle does another Steel Wind Strike and manages to slash every one of the pseudopods and a Flatulant. One more of Norozogaan's pseudopods is down for the count, as well as the flatulant. The air quality improves a tiny bit with the flatulant's demise. Lucky gets another wild magic surge that sees an invincible strip of toilet paper get affixed to her shoe. And also the toilet paper has echolocation powers, you know, like regular toilet paper does. Meanwhile the water elemental and Melboarne do their part to slap and stomp their way to victory.
The crystal needs to be stabilized again, but Das Cornelius is up for the challenge. The other Cornelii keep smashing the flatulants to keep improving the air quality. Norm puts the folding boat inside the cube of force and activates the small boat form. YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT BOAT IS COMING OUT TO SOLVE ONE LAST PROBLEM! Anyway, Norm drops the cube/boat combo on two of the pseudopods lurking on the bridge. The extra weight from the boat hits the pseudopods like a very heavy tofu press, and leaves a big hole in the bridge as part of the bridge becomes impassable.
Spleenifer unleashes a destructive wave that nearly finishes off Norozogaan, setting things up for Hilaria. Hilaria slashes her way through the last pseudopod and is finally reunited with Lucky... Just as Norozogaan's layer of the abyss begins to collapse around the party. Everyone needs a way to get out fast, and Lucky has a clever solution to the problem. She casts banishment on the party, though there are so many people involved that she has to cast it twice. A toy boat now appears on top of the arrow that's pointing left above her head, and she ends up covered in soft, luxurious fur. Spleenifer ended up in the second batch of banishment, as she needed to grab a souvenir tithe before ending up back on the material plane.
There's someone waiting to greet the party upon their arrival back in Brownstone. It's a face that the party has never seen before, but the voice is familiar. Is that the toilet paper ghost... but as a dwarf? It is! The bearded dwarf introduces herself as Aeigh Albearda Brownstone, and she was the person responsible for Norozogaan's initial banishment. She made a deal with an arch devil to seal away Norozogaan and develop a sewer system capable of keeping the filth contained, but the terms of the bargain meant that no one would know her face or name as the one who saved the town as long as Norozogaan still existed (slumbering, rampaging, or banished to another plane, it didn't matter as long as Norozogaan existed somewhere). But since Norozogaan has been completely destroyed, the curse is no longer in effect. Aeigh thanks the heroes for their service and their ability to free her from a curse that was nearly impossible to end.
Elsewhere in the city, all the filth that was covering the streets is rapidly receding as it is drawn into the sewers built hundreds of years ago by Aeigh and her team. Everyone cheers as the heroes of Brownstone walk past. The townsfolk decide that Zaribeth is not fit to hold office because way more serious disasters befell the town during her administration, plus crime was up. Maybe they should ask "that other guy" to come back into office? At least he didn't destroy the town as much as the current mayor!
The heroes defeated the great evil that would lay waste to their world, but what happens now? We have so many loose ends to tie up! Don't worry, though, we're about to take care of a bunch of them with the magic of NARRATIVE STRUCTURE and also WISH FULFILLMENT! There's a lot here and a lot of time to cover, so we're just gonna make a big bulleted list for it.
All the Cornelii get together and are eventually merged into a single "normal" non-corn gnomish version of Cornelius (whatever that counts for).
Jamie hangs around Brownstone until their money and the dating pool runs out, then skips off to another place to earn some coin. They still come back for weddings, which will be important in a moment.
Spleenifer uses the Infernal Generals cards to summon Asmodeus's trusted generals. But instead of commanding them to fight and trick and betray, the generals are tasked with rebuilding Brownstone to peak health. Once the reconstruction is complete, she retires to her stables and has a grand gay duck wedding with an army of waddling groomsmen. She even breaks out a special magic spell to summon a spirit guardian for the occasion. At the wedding, Spleenifer tries alcohol for the first time and does a wicked lawnmower. She eventually becomes a pastor of the Church of Lathander and steals away all the members of the Reformed Church of the Dragon. Additionally, Stinky Calypso, the baby otyugh inhabiting Brother Clifton's outhouse grows up to become a psychic preacher in Spleenifer's church.
Lucky catches the bouquet at Spleenifer's duck wedding completely by accident when a drink gets knocked of Lucky's hand. Anyway, next thing you know, she and Hilaria get married and Spleenifer invites Trashpit to the wedding as her plus one.
Tweazle leaves town to find adventures elsewhere, but eventually returns when he realizes that the most adventuring he ever did was in and around Brownstone. Tweazle ends up married to Melboarne strictly for tax purposes, and Melboarne wears the wedding dress for the rest of her natural life.
Norm manages to collect the entire My Little Beholder collection and eventually meets the creator of the My Little Beholder franchise. The two of them hit it off, and they end up getting married on Norm's folding boat... On the water!
Anaxilas and Norbert have a fabulous gay wedding, though it's technically a renewal of vows since the original wedding had to be conducted in secret. Jamie has been spending a lot of time avoiding catching the bouquet at all the weddings they are attending, and Gigi Hardcastle is pretty conflicted about Anaxilas officially putting a ring on it because it might mean fewer flirty shirtless pictures for the rest of the fans.
Robin Stormblossom continues tending their farm and it grows to care for many more individuals, orphans and animal alike. Porkchop, the T-Rex living at the ranch, becomes a mother and hatches a bunch of baby T-Rexes. They all have -chop names like Lambchop, Karate Chop, Slapchop, and Muttonchop, and those heroes of Brownstone that pass Robin's adoption screening are allowed to adopt the little dinos. Elsewhere on the ranch, King Chonk the rotund raccoon finds an absolutely epic trash pile at Robin's ranch and lives in opulent comfort for the rest of his days.
Erky also has a wedding, and it's not to the stupid juice or the outhouse friend! They managed to patch things up with their love interest at the Brownstone Bugle.
Jangles' estate is settled and a "completely different, but related" person is declared to inherit the estate. Hooray, their magic shop can operate and/or explode openly again!
Curtis Hanover grows up to be a fine upstanding person who is free of a criminal record.
Nick Forrester (the stalker) becomes relegated to the coffee errand boy for the Muscle Mountain Anaxilas Fan Club.
Mayor Dungwall serves another term as mayor but eventually retires to the country to become a cattle farmer and rural sphere collector. Cornelius somehow succeeds Dungwall as mayor and Mayor von Tinkelwasser earns the distinction of being the town's most eventful mayor. Not in a good or bad way, just an eventful one, and that's saying something after the events of the previous few mayors.
Yula tries unsuccessfully to drag Tweazle back to the Nine Hells, and the attempt ends in a convoluted scheme where Tweazle manages to outsmart the rakshasa and Yula winds up married to an elephant.
We're not quite done with the weddings yet! There's still the people whose jobs are to keep the wedding running smoothly. The lizardfolk performed the catering for all these weddings and made enough money to buy The Hole, which is where Turalisoth first won the eating contest by consuming "The Hole Thing." Granny Agatha, everyone's favorite anarchist, baked all the wedding cakes, and her animated skeleton, Tandy, is able to live openly as the Special Ambassador for the Ethical Undead. Dave and Silas attended every one of these weddings, and awkwardly dad-danced together. It was a thing of a beauty and at least one tear was shed. Lastly, Miss Mavis Buchannan becomes famous for discovering a long-lasting type of wild magic surge that causes a weddings to happen. It's completely coincidental and not at all related to all the weddings that just happened. We think.