contrarian

[bartfargo]

How would you like to have to walk around Hell telling the other demons that you serve this guy?

[segamascott]

[luntfontanne]

dearly departed fung wah bus may she rest in POWER 🫡 obsessed with ayo's go-to bit in her last press cycle being the great molasses flood and this time around it's the fung wah bus. real bostonian representation 🙂‍↕️

now you gotta pay like $35 for a bus to new york and it STILL will probably break down and leave you stranded at an ihop in connecticut :(

[luntfontanne]

imagine this 💭: open your eyes 🫵 CLOSE 'EM 🙂‍↕️ now open your MENTAL EYE 👁️ right? you are in a BUS DEPOT 🚏🚌 in the DEPTHS of boston chinatown 🏮🌆 you get the opportunity to take a $10-15 💸 bus that will take you to new york 🗽 in UNDER four hours ⏱️ sometimes THREE 🏃💨 it's like the concorde of buses ✈️ this thing's going a hundred miles— BIG bus, too🫸↔️🫷not a small bus 🤏 BIG ol' bus 🙌💪 HUNDRED miles an hour 💯 on the speedway 🛣️ sometimes? catching fire 🔥🧯 don't sit in the back 👈 don't sit in the front 👉 you will hit things 🧳⚠️ and things will hit you 🤕🔨 the bus? might explode 💥💥💥 THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS ✋ your business is GETTING TO NEW YORK 🫡 and then you do :)

[hauntedhotel]

Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Library!

For When Not Even God Can Help You!

[gnomic-sans]

Lapsed Christian and ALA-accredited MLIS-holder here, in absolute agreement that smartphones are outside the sight and scope of the Lord, and that sometimes when there was only one set of footprints, you were carried by a librarian

[scorpionlafemme]

[ironelkarchive]

Today my art history professor gave some words of wisdom:

Nude is when your clothes are off. Naked is when your clothes are off and you’re up to something 

[cozcat]

[maxxie-or-smth]

i am an unreliable narrator both because i do not remember and also i love to lie

[truetgirl]

Car Trunk vs Car Boot: A clear win for US English, trunk was already a thing in which you stored items, frequently for transport.

Crisps vs Chips: I gotta admit, the Brits have this one. They're thin slices of potato that have been made crispy. No chipping of any materials involved.

Car Park vs Parking Lot: Equally matched. What's a car park? A place to park cars. What's a parking lot? An otherwise empty lot where you can park.

Elevator vs Lift: Both equally fail to address that the damn thing also goes down.

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[beardedmrbean]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

[chimaerakitten]

Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The whole reason anyone let you be plastic is so you could go in the wash. If you're gonna pull this shit then what's even the point.

[astrotheyge]

"The hearts of men are easily corrupted." Wake Up Dead Man (2025) & Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Bonus for @mykingdomforasong:

[reallyunluckyrunaway]

....intentional parallels??

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

I love that zone between Christmas and New Years where you have no damn clue what day it is.

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

[uncle-beanbag]

In the middle of this zone I exist. I am exactly between.

[thecheatinghomunculus]

new reaction image

[rural-panoptes]

[saintjosie]

[damnpharos]

[captain-price-unofficially]

[deerkibble]

[sneakyspades]

[neraiutsuze]

[depsidase]

[damejoansutherland]

i think malala should get to do whatever she wants forever

[damejoansutherland]

lot of people online who were not shot in the head by the taliban at age fifteen for insisting on their right to go to school while being a girl have a lot of opinions about the woman who was shot in the head by the taliban at age fifteen for insisting on her right to go to school while being a girl

[romanceyourdemons]

funniest moment in moby dick is when they meet another captain who lost a limb to the white whale and ahab goes like “and dost thy blood not boil, aye, and the very marrow of thy bones too, to know that the wretched creature and very devil of the sea that harmed us both still draws breath??” and the ship captain is like no i’m fine, it wasn’t the whale’s fault or anything. i mean imagine actually holding a grudge against a fish lmao that’s actually the funniest thing i’ve ever heard and ahab goes you don’t know what the FUCK you’re talking about. and stamps his foot so hard he breaks his ivory leg

[nentuaby]

Love it when a tragedy introduces another character who's having basically the same terrible day and making even one (1) less Bad Decision about it. Just looking straight at the audience and saying "also don't you DARE fucking say he was a victim of circumstance. This is what circumstance could have made him if he wasn't Like That."

[mortimermcmirestinks]

see also: Fortinbras, the guy who shows up in Hamlet to say "oh yeah that same shit happened to me over in norway or something lmao I killed them all and I'm the king now" or some shit