Cereal Smell @buttchuggalo - Tumblr Blog

Ok the guy with the net fucking killed me, I’m sure my neighbors heard me laughing.

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“Captain. I have found the writings of a 21st Century human I have found to be quite inspiring. He was called WarriorMale. Truly, the blood of a Klingon flowed through this honorable man.”

“Worf, how many times do I have to tell you to shut your fucking mouth? You’re always talking about honor and Klingon culture and dying with honor and all that shit. You nearly died when an empty barrel landed on you. We all pretended it was full of heavy stuff just to help you save face, but everyone knew that shit was empty. It bounced off of your back twice when it landed on you. It was like ten pounds tops. Completely empty. And yet it somehow completely shattered your shitty little spine. And you begged for us to kill you because it would have been an ‘honorable death.’ You are the shittiest person on this ship and every time you open your mouth I want to die. Get off the bridge and go bother Barclay or something. He’s the only living thing on this ship that’s somehow more pathetic than you.”

“…k”

weeniebagel

“Captain, if I may? Your blatant disrespect towards Worf and his customs is highly unusual, and most unbecoming of a Starfleet captain. I can only assume this uncharacteristic outburst is the result of an unknown entity controlling you, which you have proven time and time again to be susceptible to. Perhaps you would feel better after Doctor Crusher examined you in the infirmary, and left the bridge in control of more capable hands. Commander Riker?”

“I agree with Data, Captain. You were way out of line with that and you know it. Have Crusher examine you in med bay, we’ll take it from here until you’re fit to represent the Federation again. Security, escort Captain Picard off the bridge. Data, change our heading towards Risa, warp seven. We’ve got some alien cooter to score.”

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paxamericana

debelice

ordinaryredtail

Ospreys have a very unique hunting structure, it’s really cool. Every other fishing raptor will skim the surface, snagging a fish off the top. An osprey folds it’s wings and dives into the water. They grip their fish with huge, zygodactyl feet like an owl.

They’re the only non-owl raptor with these feet.

Sometimes they snag a fish too big and they can’t release their grip. These birds are unfortunately dragged under to a watery grave.

neornithes

he fish too big for he god damn feet

reallyreallyreallytrying

cool bell dude. who does it toll for

paxamericana

pandyssian-deactivated20210112

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED

I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT

dameofspace

And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this:

heyaeya

THAT EXPLAINS WHY MEN GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE WHEN THEY PROPOSE

thevvinterbeard

OH MY GOD

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I will never not laugh at this.

commanderchrist-deactivated2017

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.

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auckie

When I was little I wanted to be Italian REALLT badly bc I loved the movie cars and specifically had a crush on this fucking THING

Which doesn’t speak English at all, all it’s line are in Italian and it’s name is GUIDO. And everyone knew I was obsessed with Italy in elementary school but they didn’t know why bc I, even as a young autistic child, had the sense to know this was a rightfully so, highly mockable thing. So I would read about cars on IMDB and then one day someone posted a crackfic on the message boards there and it was about this guy getting drunk and beating his wife, and it snapped me out of my fugue long enough to realize how absurd wanting to be Italian was, but then it made me cry really hard and my parents were like ‘hey what the fuck’ and I didn’t have the chutzpah to admit anything so I told them I saw a naked lady online and then they went into the computer and found all the weird south park midi songs I downloaded on lime wire and I thought they were literally going to kill me for about two weeks.

auckie

The reason I was downloading South Park episodes and songs on limewire and frostwire was because I was also obsessed with Kenny McCormick and for school we had to make a shitty little website about a world issue, so I found this free platform that doesn’t exist anymore but it was like a horrible little wix site from the mid aughts, and we based my groups theme on global warming. But when we were done with it I repurposed it as a perosnal site and lied about being a voluptuous blonde 19 year old woman who worked at a fictitious restaurant called the lunchbox, and I just wrote about how obsessed I was with Kenny McCormick and my sister found it and was like what the fuck is wrong with you. But she never told my parents. She also found this 80 page story I was writing about buddy the elf and all my weird skater ocs breaking into the moulin rouge, and at one point I was sick of buddy so I had a herd of buffalo trample him in the middle of a city and it was very tragic but jarring and unexpected. And she referenced a part of the story to me and it made me SO fucking paranoid that I wiped our entire, family shared packard bell computer and got in huge fucking trouble for it.