virtual pinboard covered with string

occasionally used side blog to show my therapist

[whyenn-reader]

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I really wish more ADHD mental health care told you WHY things like this matter to our quality of life.

The Hyperactivity in Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is NOT about being physically hyperactive, it's about having a "hyperactive central nervous system" because it's a form of inheritable dysautonomia. The problem with disautonomia, especially the ADHD kind, is that it makes boredom flag to your nervous system as a THREAT, triggering hyperactive and maladaptive central nervous system processes like fight or flight.

But dysautonomia kills you that way. Literally, part of the reason our average life spand increase on stimulents is that it helps manage risk-taking impulsivity that can get us killed by accident, but the other part is that stimulents can regulate a hyperactive CNS such that it is functionally (while impacted by the stimulent) NOT dysregulated anymore. And PHYSIOLOGICALLY that is essential because the physical outcomes of dysautonomia can reduce your life span by YEARS if not decades through self-perpetuating hypervigelence, endocrine disruption, and adrenal fatigue.

So when the ADHD brain goes stimulation-seeking and a doctor tells you to practice mindfulness, it feels like being told "hey go stand in a functioning boiler until you can stop thinking" rather than WHAT IT IS which is the process of re-teaching your body what is and isn't safe.

Standing outside making mindful, non-interpretive/moralized observation of the world helps your brain and body re-acclimate to the idea that absence of that frantic "busy" feeling isn't a threat or a risk to your safety, and gradually reduces the level of distress that just hanging out somewhere triggers for you.

Learning WHY this stuff was being suggested and understanding what it was actually supposed to do went a long way towards changing my relationship with my ADHD. I am FAR more functional now, far less prone to shame spirals and rejection sensitivity, hell, I can **sit physically still for near on an hour at a time** now without feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

So yeah. Go outside. Let the world narrow around you and take deep breaths until it stops feeling claustrophobic or like you need to climb walls. Learn how to let little sensations become big ones like the way the heat of the sun on your skin starts as a gentle warming and be omes a unique collection of sensory moments depending on how it lands on you. Listen for sounds under sounds and let them fade in and out as you move your focus from one sound to the next. Enjoy. Move on. Rinse and repeat.

When you no longer feel like the world is actively killing you, it's a lot easier to navigate it.

[whyenn-reader]

S++ tier addition to the post, thank you tumblr user butts bouncing on the beltway

[fierceawakening]

Not an ADHDer but: I have PTSD, and this sounds a lot like how exposure therapy works.

Like the real thing, not the bullies telling you to go trigger yourself on purpose thing.

The idea being if you expose yourself to a little bit of the uncomfortable thing, just enough to make it weird but not enough to flip your brain out, after a while you settle a bit and hey! You survived! It’s fine! And aren’t you a FUCKING BADASS for enduring the Scary!

[pixelartpeach]

Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

[cardentist]

generally speaking when it comes to mental and physical health, if you're asked "do you struggle with this" and your answer is "no, Because I Have A System," then your answer is actually yes

[ramshacklefey]

Also, for ADHD symptoms specifically, if they ask something like, "Do you have trouble waiting your turn in conversations?" and your answer is, "No I'm a grown up I don't interrupt people," but you are constantly finishing sentences for people in your head and have formulated three replies before they finish talking.... the answer is yes, yes you do.

And if you can stay in your seat but are constantly bouncing a leg, clicking a pen, tapping out a rhythm on your thigh, or otherwise fidgeting, the answer is, yes, you do have trouble staying in your seat.

Neurotypicals do not require iron clad self control and three coping techniques to sit still during a meeting.

[cursed--alien]

What if your answer is "No, I don't have trouble waiting my turn because I can't tell when it's my turn so I never take my turn."?

[cardentist]

*taps sign*

[thepeacefulgarden]

[naamahdarling]

Brb replacing "I should" with "I have the option/opportunity to" in my internal monologue re: beating myself up over shit that needs doing. Let's see if that works.

[naamahdarling]

It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.

[naamahdarling]

THE UNEXPECTED SEQUEL:

"I should go do something useful."

The flat statement offers no direction; it does not lead to action, only self-recrimination.

The implied judgment of yourself as not currently being "useful" is toxic. It tells you that you are being bad and lazy.

My mom died in 2006, but sometimes it's like I hear her voice.....

"Useful" is ill-defined and an easily-moved goalpost.

The idea of people needing to be "useful" is the voice of oppression. Lots of -isms hide there. Including (Tim Curry voice) capitalism.

No really, literally this is the voice of everyone who has ever guilt-tripped or browbeaten you for not meeting their standards. Every parent, every boss, every teacher, every gatekeeper. It is the voice that harmed them so much they had to pass it on rather than reckon with it.

"What could I do to help myself out later?"

Is a dialogue you can engage with. Open-ended.

Properly frames any action as being helpful to yourself. It is a kindness. Kindness is important.

Sets you up to appreciate what you did later on when you say "Dang, that folded towel was real nice, made me feel real good pulling it out of the laundry closet. Thanks, past me!" Reinforcement!!!

Doesn't put you on the spot right now. You could just as easily ask "What can I do an hour from now to help myself out later?" as "What can I do now?" You can give yourself that beautiful airlock time to mentally prepare.

Being helpful, even slightly, even to no-one but yourself, is better for the spirit than being "useful". Capitalism doesn't give a shit about helpful. It wants to use you, and it teaches you that if you are not being useful, you are by necessity, useless. Our culture, based on capitalism, implants this toxic mindset in us in myriad ways, and we carry it into our private lives where it does not belong and we weaponize it against ourselves. Never think that your value is determined by usefulness. Even when you can't do anything, you aren't useless. The concept of usefulness/uselessness is an idea that means a lot when applied to objects. It has zero meaning when applied to human beings. Expunge it from your vocabulary. Do not use it for yourself, or for others. Ever.

Fuck capitalism. Be a comrade to yourself.

Don't be my mom. (Dead but also a bitch.)

[naamahdarling]

Third revelation:

"I have to [blank]."

Not as good as:

"It is important that I [blank]."

"I have the opportunity to [blank]" sometimes isn't enough for tasks I truly hate and WILL avoid. How to overcome that? Certainly not by making it seem even worse by turning it into something I don't have a choice about!

I don't like scooping the cat litter or taking out the trash or brushing my teeth, but it is important that I do. "Have to" is not as helpful to me because it just says I have an obligation. Even if that is true, which it often is, I hate that phrase. "Have to." Ugh.

"It is important" reminds me of why I am doing it. So my cats have a clean potty. So my kitchen isn't stinky. So I get a good grade in Teeth.

I thought of this today and came to look and update this post. Now I see a couple people have mentioned something like this in comments. And a lot of folks are talking about the "shoulds" and their therapists and their personal growth or resolutions and it is so validating for me to see that.

I don't check notes ever, I had no idea this got so many of them. I'm very glad it did and I hope it continues to do so.

For everyone making the change, I'm proud of you.

For everyone who tried and kind of lapsed, here's your reminder: you can always dust yourself off and go back to applying this as best you can.

[gamebird]

This is such a good post because its something that actually worked for someone. So often this stuff is handled as 1) this is what the experts say/this is what my therapist said, or 2) this is what I think I ought to do/what I think would work.

But ... what happened here isn't exactly the scientific method (there's no control group, after all), but it is something someone thought of, tried, and then reported back on outcome. Which is way different than 'I think this will work' without trying it one's self, or reporting.

So Yay!

Also, it sounds like good advice. I will try some of it myself.

[anxious-and-in-pain]

it’s okay to do things that make your symptoms worse (as long as you’ll stay safe)

every once in a while you need to eat something yummy. or go on a walk. or a trip to the zoo. take a hot shower. cry your eyes out. dance. listen to music. draw for way to long. write. laugh. sit in a cafe with a friend. paint your nails. dye your hair. go on a run. pet a cat

sometimes you need to do things that are cathartic or make yourself feel alive. sometimes you need the reminder of why you’re fighting so hard to stay alive

this is your reminder that just because it makes your symptoms worse, it isn’t always the wrong thing to do. there can be value in these actions

[lifewithchronicpain]

If you think about it too, abled people do it all the time. Deciding to drink to excess at a party knowing they'll have a hangover. Going to a theme park knowing walking all day is going to hurt their feet by the end. We have the right to make those same decisions.

[ghostly-light]

This is called Dignity of Risk, and it's an important concept in disability justice.

Everyone weighs their physical and mental/emotional health against one another in constantly shifting balance; inevitably, there are times when we choose to accept consequences to one for the sake of the other.

Infantilsing us by undermining our agency in the name of "protection" or "care" is yet another way that we are disabled by society.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I think people get mixed up a lot about what is fun and what is rewarding. These are two very different kinds of pleasure. You need to be able to tell them apart because if you don't have a balanced diet of both then it will fuck you up, and I mean that in a "known cause of persistent clinical depression" kind of way.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

When people say they enjoy things, they usually mean one of two things. The first is that these things are fun; that is, they satisfy immediate emotional needs or desires for pleasure. Candy Crush is fun, for people who are into that sort of thing; waterslides are fun, watching TV is fun. Fun, in the way I'm defining it for this post, is the party food of pleasure; immediately and usually temporarily satisfying, and after that, mostly satisfying only as a happy memory (although some of these activities, like watching a TV show, can generate further opportunities for pleasure down the line like daydreaming, discussion, and making fanart). Like party food, this kind of fun is a good thing to have, and someone who doesn't get enough of it is at high risk of stress-related health concerns. Also burnout. A lack of fun is a major contributor to burnout.

The second kind of pleasure that most people talk about is rewarding activity. The lack of rewarding activity in one's life is a major contributor to depression. It creates a sense of purposelessness and worthlessness and generates a low attention span, sapping the ability to feel long-term motivation or pleasure. People usually try to pick themselves up with the first kind of fun, which is a band-aid but not a very sticky one; the lack of rewarding activity grows and festers over time. Rewarding pleasure involves working on something long-term that feels worthwhile. There are usually also spots of fun (or you wouldn't have gotten into the activity enough for it to become rewarding), but there also tends to be long slogs that aren't that fun. Nevertheless, when people report on doing said activity, they will speak about it with great enjoyment and remember it being enjoyable and claim they like it. (I like being a writer. Writing can sometimes be boring as shit.) (Look into Csíkszentmihályi's work on experience sampling and flow states for more info on this, it is FASCINATING.)

In Reality is Broken, Jane McGonigal sums up what she thinks are the most important contributing factors to rewarding activity. These are not the only factors, but I agree that they're a good baseline of the critical ones. I'm going to paraphrase them using different language. The four big contributors are:

Satisfying work. This is the vaguest one because different people find different things satisfying. Basically, the task itself should feel productive, and you should not feel bad about doing it to the point where it causes you distress. Satisfying work involves clear goals with actionable steps and a clear product, preferably something that you can see, touch or use. A clean house, a new high score, a freshly built table, a happy child.

Mastery. Rewarding pleasure is often something that you can get better at. There are things to learn, practice, improve. Improving your ability to solve tricky code problems, getting better at painting landscapes, figuring out fun new strategies in Magic: The Gathering, being able to build computers better or faster or cheaper. Mastery does not require becoming the best at something (although some people enjoy that specifically also), merely seeing progress in yourself and being able to take pride int he fact that you are better than you were.

Social connection. Rewarding pleasure often involves social or community connection. A long-term social group that discusses fan theories of their favourite show. Your weekly tabletop rpg. Teaching a room full of kids who to make leather belts. Working at a small bookshop and making small talk with all the tourists. Some people find social activity to be fun in the 'immediate pleasure' kind of way, some don't, but it is a critical factor in mental health and in the long-term... rewardingness (?)... of a hobby. Animals can also partially fill this niche, but be warned, they are far, far less effective than people. Your cat might be able to stop you from committing suicide today. You cat alone will not make your life satisfying.

Contribution. Humans are community animals and have a need to be something larger than ourselves or, more specifically to be of service to something larger than ourselves. Looking after kids, cooking big meals for others, creating art or physical products for others. Teaching the next generation how to read. Serving your God. Saving a species of small fish from extinction. Volunteering at your local charity shop or soup kitchen. Being a member of a crowd to reach the Guinness World Record for "most people fit into a storage crate". Making useful tutorial videos, being an entertainer, joining your local queer support group or political organisation. Humans fucking love to be part of something bigger than their own brain and they fucking love to help people.

The world is full of rewarding activities, and not all of them rate high in all four categories. The woman working in the charity shop warehouse and chatting with her coworkers isn't necessarily all that interested in mastery of her job (although I've worked in these places and some people do take pride in learning to be as efficient as possible), the musical hermit training to become the best violinist in the world might not be all that interested in social connection or how the audience actually feels about him. You might have noticed that I've listed hobbies, jobs, and non-employed but important life work (volunteering and childrearing) as possible rewarding activities; you can find rewarding activities everywhere. (In fact the lack of rewarding pleasure in our work lives is a very serious problem that companies keep trying to condescendingly band-aid over. The late David Graeber had a lot to say about this and I highly recommend his work, particularly Bullshit Jobs, which is a book specifically discussing the lack of above points 1 and 4 (satisfying work and sense of contribution) in so many modern workplaces and its distressing psychological ramifications). Rewarding activities are not 'fun' all the time; in fact, Csíkszentmihályi's work found that many of them are quite unfun most of the time. They do, however, create long term pleasure, and are emotionally and psychologically critical.

One final point: research shows that computer stuff counts less. This isn't a 'hurr durr edison was a witch get off your damn computers and get a real job' point; plenty of people do most of their rewarding activity on computers, because the supply cost is so low (most of us already own some kind of computer) and it's so much easier to find an existing community. But it does, psychologically speaking, count less; your brain isn't very good at seeing computers stuff as as 'real', on a primitive sensory level, as things you can touch with your hands or people that are right in front of you. Your massive community of fellow fans on the internet are less effective at filling your social needs than the crochet club at your local library, even if you like the people on the internet much more. It doesn't have to be everything, but ideally you should have at least one physical meatspace social club and at least one physical meatspace hobby, craft, or volunteer job. (They can be the same thing. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen for both.) They don't have to be the most important thing -- I care way more about my writing (electronic) than my crochet (meatspace) and I do the writing a lot more -- but the meatspace thing should exist, if you can manage it.

[batmanego]

my pain scale invention. it goes from 0-16. you fill it out like this:

i made this because i find pain to be a multifaceted thing that influences me in different ways. i can accomplish lots of small tasks while in pain but that doesnt mean i can move around or even think clearly. its name is the goldstein expanded pain index or gepi. you can use it if you want. or not.

[selectivechaos]

[ID: first image is a diagram, which is a circle split into four quadrants, each with four sections going outwards. The top left is labelled: “intensity of pain”. The top right is labelled: “difficulty thinking / communicating”. The bottom left is labelled: “difficulty moving around”. The bottom right is labelled: “difficulty accomplishing tasks”.

The second image is a filled in version of this diagram. Each quadrant has a number of sections coloured in pink, depending on the intensity of the symptom. The quadrant labelled “intensity of pain” is coloured on just 1 section. The “difficulty thinking / communicating” is coloured on 2 sections. The “difficulty moving around” quadrant is coloured on 3 sections. The “difficulty accomplishing tasks” is coloured in on just 1 section.

[aforlorngazeintoyesterday-deact]

ok but genuinely actually here’s a helpful tip for people struggling to gauge how bad their physical symptoms are: ask yourself if you would be concerned if someone else told you they were experiencing the same thing. if the answer is yes then yeah. you should apply that same care and concern for yourself. you’re a person too, if it would be a cause for concern for a friend, it should be for you too.

[cptsdwillgraham-deactivated2019]

beep beep sometimes when you have been in survival mode for a long time the parts of you dedicated to Wanting Things atrophy and you forget how to envision a future that feels rewarding because you are busy with the business of staying alive, and it can seem like your life must be pointless because you can’t imagine any long term goals. sometimes even when you leave survival mode you can’t remember how to Want Things. that doesn’t mean you need to give up on having a good and fulfilling life, it just means that Wanting Things is a muscle you need to gradually strengthen. the part of you that has dreams and aspirations is still there, it just fell asleep, but if you wiggle it enough it can and will regain feeling. it’s okay to start small

[the-alleged-mr-uncle]

#okay but how

I’m going to speak on this even though I’m not OP because survival mode stripped me of everything “non-essential” and I’ve put in a lot of work, so here’s what I got:

You probably know people who have desires and plans. Buddy system the fuck out of those relationships. Ask about their gardens, projects, and the new recipes they are trying out. If they are thinking about painting a room, volunteer to help them. Go to the hardware store, let them talk about this and that shade. While you are preparing the room to be painted, think about how the new paint color will look in the morning sun, or at sunset. 

Go to places where others have invested and planned. Community gardens that need watering volunteers. Neighborhood associations looking to fill potholes. Pet rescue centers that need blankets washed. Libraries looking for bodies to hand out summer reading rewards and T-Shirts. Hang out there, watch people care. Maybe lend a hand if you are able.

Allow yourself to be curious. Curiosity is the spark that leads to investment, and planning, and passion. “I wonder what hyenas sounds like” - “Huh, has anyone ever used hyena noises in music?” - “How does a person go about doing that?” - “Could I do that?” It is okay if the curiosity is easily satisfied. You are encouraging yourself to be interested, I promise that eventually you’ll hit on things that then interest you.

Buy candy bars in flavors you haven’t tried and are dubious about. Chips with unholy flavor combos. If it is tasty, share it with a friend. If it is awful, share it with a friend. Put sesame oil in milk to taste, like I did two weeks ago. Because I was curious, because it sounded disgusting but what if it wasn’t, because my friend laughed when I said I would. 

I keep a journal, more of a bulleted list collection. At the end of every day I write down things that I liked, or things I accomplished, or a simple pleasant moment. On my worst days I usually can still find something. Often it is “saw a bird” or “tea”. Just to write down anything, anything other than “survived”. I saw a bird today, so there must be something more to life, maybe.

[stkateri-deactivated20260526]

[whentherewerebicycles]

saw this on twitter and wanted to save it here

[trapny]

Another for the collection.

[kerink]

i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad

[themythicalcodfish]

OP this is EXCELLENT

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

I started developing chronic muscle tension at age 14 and was told it’s just because I have scoliosis…

If only someone had told me about “armoring”: the muscular rigidity that is the protective response to living in emotionally repressive/hostile environments.

Wilhelm Reich, a major contributor to the body-mind sciences of the early 20th century, stated, “Armoring is the condition that results when energy is bound by muscular contraction and does not flow through the body” (1936). He saw that there existed character armoring which he defined as “the sum total of typical character attitudes, which an individual develops as a blocking against their emotional excitations, resulting in rigidity in the body, and lack of emotional contact”. He defined muscular armoring as “the sum total of muscular (chronic muscular spasms) which an individual develops as a block against the breakthrough of emotions and organ sensations, particularly anxiety, rage..”  

Functions of muscular armor:

Keeps potentially explosive emotions contained

Acts as a protective coping mechanism resulting from the fight or flight impulse being continually inhibited into a state of freeze often experienced in victims of abuse. 

Wards off the emotions of others and provide a physical barrier to external stress or threat like a protective container.

Creates a sense of physical safety and containment as a coping mechanism to deal with chronic stressful life events

Body armor and character armor are essentially the same. Their function is trying to protect yourself against the pain of not expressing things that society says you may not express. Muscular armor is character armor expressed in body, muscular rigidity.

Character armor is the sum total of all the years of the muscular attitudes that have also been incorporated in the person’s character through a more stimulated habitual nervous system response.

An armored person doesn’t feel their armor because it develops over time and, as such, we wouldn’t notice the accumulation of muscular tension, fascial adhesions and blocks.  What is body armor made of?  Hypertonic fascia.  We accumulate denser connective tissue (that is, fascia) when we engage in body armoring.

http://urbanfitt.com/the-bodybraid-somatic-healing-and-body-armoring/

Armoring can be defined as chronic patterns of involuntary tension in the body that dampen or block emotional expression, alter perception of both the outer and the inner psychological world, diminish or eliminate kinesthetic awareness and other sensations, and resist range of motion and movement (Greene and Goodrich-Dunn).

Body armoring is different from waking up with a crick in your neck or creating tension in your low back from raking leaves. It has a chronic and resistant nature that reflects the psychological defenses from which it originates. To protect itself from perceived threat, the body takes a defensive, tight, tense stance; bracing itself for what is coming. The body doesn’t differentiate between bracing for a car accident, a wounding word from a bully, or the absence of presence from our caretakers as children.

Body armoring can disconnect different parts of the body from awareness, may cause a person to experience the body as anesthetized, or even have the sense that they are invisible, thereby cutting us off from our full range of life experience.

When we are disconnected from our felt sense because of the effects of body armoring, there is a direct breakdown in our ability to know who we are, what we want and need, resulting in difficulty determining what our direction in life should be.

The converse is also true. Body armoring can create a heightened or hyper awareness of sensation creating a constant experience of pain. We may become flooded with awareness of a certain area of the body, or generalized pain, limiting our capacity to take in our life experience. These neural tension patterns are automatic and the contraction/restriction in the soft tissue is triggered when we respond to stress in our current situation.

A common expression of this is raising our shoulders when in a stressful situation. This is a primal impulse to protect ourselves by making us appear bigger, even though it may have no modern day impact on the computer screen that’s been hovering over us for 10 hours or the deadline that is breathing down our neck.  This involuntary response often leads to discomfort between the shoulder blades, neck pain and stiffness, and headaches that originate from the base of the skull. A consistent amount of stress will create a chronic experience of pain.

https://sarah-sherwood.com/the-body-tells-your-story-body-armoring-part-i/

[unwelcome-ozian]

[accessibleaesthetics]

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but intrusive thoughts are basically your brain’s (sometimes very upsetting) way of saying “If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?”

I’ve personally found that adding the “would that be fucked or what?” part in myself really helps put the more disturbing thoughts we sometimes get into perspective. Helps me say “yeah thar sure would be fucked up” and move on with my day.

It’s not not a secret desire, it’s not something that only occurs to you because you’re a bad person. It’s just your brain deciding to process the fact that it knows an uncomfortable thing exists in the world by feeding it to you in an absurd “what if” with you as the main character.

[accessibleaesthetics]

Words cannot describe how happy I am that this resonated with so many people.

[naamahdarling]

Brb replacing "I should" with "I have the option/opportunity to" in my internal monologue re: beating myself up over shit that needs doing. Let's see if that works.

[naamahdarling]

It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.

[naamahdarling]

THE UNEXPECTED SEQUEL:

"I should go do something useful."

The flat statement offers no direction; it does not lead to action, only self-recrimination.

The implied judgment of yourself as not currently being "useful" is toxic. It tells you that you are being bad and lazy.

My mom died in 2006, but sometimes it's like I hear her voice.....

"Useful" is ill-defined and an easily-moved goalpost.

The idea of people needing to be "useful" is the voice of oppression. Lots of -isms hide there. Including (Tim Curry voice) capitalism.

No really, literally this is the voice of everyone who has ever guilt-tripped or browbeaten you for not meeting their standards. Every parent, every boss, every teacher, every gatekeeper. It is the voice that harmed them so much they had to pass it on rather than reckon with it.

"What could I do to help myself out later?"

Is a dialogue you can engage with. Open-ended.

Properly frames any action as being helpful to yourself. It is a kindness. Kindness is important.

Sets you up to appreciate what you did later on when you say "Dang, that folded towel was real nice, made me feel real good pulling it out of the laundry closet. Thanks, past me!" Reinforcement!!!

Doesn't put you on the spot right now. You could just as easily ask "What can I do an hour from now to help myself out later?" as "What can I do now?" You can give yourself that beautiful airlock time to mentally prepare.

Being helpful, even slightly, even to no-one but yourself, is better for the spirit than being "useful". Capitalism doesn't give a shit about helpful. It wants to use you, and it teaches you that if you are not being useful, you are by necessity, useless. Our culture, based on capitalism, implants this toxic mindset in us in myriad ways, and we carry it into our private lives where it does not belong and we weaponize it against ourselves. Never think that your value is determined by usefulness. Even when you can't do anything, you aren't useless. The concept of usefulness/uselessness is an idea that means a lot when applied to objects. It has zero meaning when applied to human beings. Expunge it from your vocabulary. Do not use it for yourself, or for others. Ever.

Fuck capitalism. Be a comrade to yourself.

Don't be my mom. (Dead but also a bitch.)

[naamahdarling]

Third revelation:

"I have to [blank]."

Not as good as:

"It is important that I [blank]."

"I have the opportunity to [blank]" sometimes isn't enough for tasks I truly hate and WILL avoid. How to overcome that? Certainly not by making it seem even worse by turning it into something I don't have a choice about!

I don't like scooping the cat litter or taking out the trash or brushing my teeth, but it is important that I do. "Have to" is not as helpful to me because it just says I have an obligation. Even if that is true, which it often is, I hate that phrase. "Have to." Ugh.

"It is important" reminds me of why I am doing it. So my cats have a clean potty. So my kitchen isn't stinky. So I get a good grade in Teeth.

I thought of this today and came to look and update this post. Now I see a couple people have mentioned something like this in comments. And a lot of folks are talking about the "shoulds" and their therapists and their personal growth or resolutions and it is so validating for me to see that.

I don't check notes ever, I had no idea this got so many of them. I'm very glad it did and I hope it continues to do so.

For everyone making the change, I'm proud of you.

For everyone who tried and kind of lapsed, here's your reminder: you can always dust yourself off and go back to applying this as best you can.