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hollowbon3s

yr locked in a room alone with three adult men but you feel perfectly safe. who are they

I mean, I feel safe from them but I’m suddenly EXTREMELY worried about what shenanigans I’ve stumbled into

piedude

“These men mean me no harm”

“So you feel safe now?”

“Oh, absolutely not”

eatsleepcrap

THERE ARE FOUR KINDS OF FANFICTION

ANGST

FLUFF

CRACK

AND… *AHEM*

blueboxbeagle

By LabradoriteKing on Pinterest

fuckyeahdwarffortress

A handy guide for your Jewellers and Gem Cutters.

I accept payment in trillion-cut black diamonds.

Chop chop.

writing-prompt-s

Useful!

chaumas-deactivated20240115

When I am emperor, I will make everyone who refers to women’s leg hair removal as “basic hygiene” fight to the death in my coliseum.

eilooxara

finally it will be understood that I am doing it not for hygiene but for slut reasons

chaumas-deactivated20240115

sluts are welcome in my empire, be they hairy or smooth

chaumas-deactivated20240115

Confused, but cautiously willing to welcome these slippery people into my empire so long as I can put down some plastic drop clothes over the couches before they sit down, and provided they do not become evangelical or moralizing about their thigh slime. (Why stop at thighs? Why not emulate the valiant eel and opt for a full mucusoid coat?)

deathsmallcaps

This probably refers to people whose thighs touch and chafe when they’re wearing shorts or skirts

chaumas-deactivated20240115

Aww, and here I was planning an imperial holiday called Slime Fest, with mandatory public slimings.

Very well, anti-chafing measures are permissible. I want my subjects to be comfortable (when they are not fighting to the death obviously).

professionalchaoticdumbass

your highness can we still have slime fest?

chaumas-deactivated20240115

*imperial majesty thx

its-gremlin-time

Imperial majesty, can we still have the slime fest?

chaumas-deactivated20240115

hmmmmmm

no I’m too sad that the eel people don’t exist and I shall declare an Imperial Day of Sulking instead

all are welcome

realquickwhatshouldwecallyu

The imperial Majesty Sulking

chaumas-deactivated20240115

for three hours each day we will open the doors of the palace to the public so that my subjects may view their emperor sulking about the eel people from the royal observation chamber

there will be hors d'oeuvre

spandexinspace

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

foxgirlofficial

pov: you’ve been transported to the 17th century

uvradical

#in the article it says that the sailboat sailors were concerned because they could not be towed quickly because of the kind of boat#so they asked Götheborg what type of ship they were and warned that they would not be able to go above a certain speed#and götheborg went ' we are also a sailboat. 50 meters length. no worries :) '#and the poor sailboat sailors were just like ' That's not possible. they have to be messing with us' and then the ship Rolled Up (via bunjywunjy)

jung-koook

D-1, D-2 and D-3 ♡ (cr. @taee)

sugajimin

"If I say "soon", that feels like a lie. So let's see each other again in 2025. All right? Please wait a bit. 2025, let's see each other then. You did great. Bye!" - Yoongi, 230806, weverse live. (trans.ryuminating)

(trans cr.:ryuminating,Koo_Picasso,btsinthemoment)

beyoursledgehammer

My favorite things about the John Wick movies are:

So much world-building with zero information or justification of how it works. They just go 'the assassin economy is run on gold coins that have a wildly varying value and also there are sacred hotels for assassins in major cities'.

John throwing empty guns at enemies because even an empty gun can be a projectile weapon.

neil-gaiman

“My friend told me a story he hadn’t told anyone for years. When he used to tell it years ago people would laugh and say, ‘Who’d believe that? How can that be true? That’s daft.’ So he didn’t tell it again for ages. But for some reason, last night, he knew it would be just the kind of story I would love. When he was a kid, he said, they didn’t use the word autism, they just said ‘shy’, or ‘isn’t very good at being around strangers or lots of people.’ But that’s what he was, and is, and he doesn’t mind telling anyone. It’s just a matter of fact with him, and sometimes it makes him sound a little and act different, but that’s okay. Anyway, when he was a kid it was the middle of the 1980s and they were still saying ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ rather than ‘autistic’. He went to London with his mother to see a special screening of a new film he really loved. He must have won a competition or something, I think. Some of the details he can’t quite remember, but he thinks it must have been London they went to, and the film…! Well, the film is one of my all-time favourites, too. It’s a dark, mysterious fantasy movie. Every single frame is crammed with puppets and goblins. There are silly songs and a goblin king who wears clingy silver tights and who kidnaps a baby and this is what kickstarts the whole adventure. It was ‘Labyrinth’, of course, and the star was David Bowie, and he was there to meet the children who had come to see this special screening. ‘I met David Bowie once,’ was the thing that my friend said, that caught my attention. ‘You did? When was this?’ I was amazed, and surprised, too, at the casual way he brought this revelation out. Almost anyone else I know would have told the tale a million times already. He seemed surprised I would want to know, and he told me the whole thing, all out of order, and I eked the details out of him. He told the story as if it was he’d been on an adventure back then, and he wasn’t quite allowed to tell the story. Like there was a pact, or a magic spell surrounding it. As if something profound and peculiar would occur if he broke the confidence. It was thirty years ago and all us kids who’d loved Labyrinth then, and who still love it now, are all middle-aged. Saddest of all, the Goblin King is dead. Does the magic still exist? I asked him what happened on his adventure. ‘I was withdrawn, more withdrawn than the other kids. We all got a signed poster. Because I was so shy, they put me in a separate room, to one side, and so I got to meet him alone. He’d heard I was shy and it was his idea. He spent thirty minutes with me. ‘He gave me this mask. This one. Look. ‘He said: ‘This is an invisible mask, you see? ‘He took it off his own face and looked around like he was scared and uncomfortable all of a sudden. He passed me his invisible mask. ‘Put it on,’ he told me. ‘It’s magic.’ ‘And so I did. ‘Then he told me, ‘I always feel afraid, just the same as you. But I wear this mask every single day. And it doesn’t take the fear away, but it makes it feel a bit better. I feel brave enough then to face the whole world and all the people. And now you will, too. ‘I sat there in his magic mask, looking through the eyes at David Bowie and it was true, I did feel better. ‘Then I watched as he made another magic mask. He spun it out of thin air, out of nothing at all. He finished it and smiled and then he put it on. And he looked so relieved and pleased. He smiled at me. ‘'Now we’ve both got invisible masks. We can both see through them perfectly well and no one would know we’re even wearing them,’ he said. ‘So, I felt incredibly comfortable. It was the first time I felt safe in my whole life. ‘It was magic. He was a wizard. He was a goblin king, grinning at me. ‘I still keep the mask, of course. This is it, now. Look.’ I kept asking my friend questions, amazed by his story. I loved it and wanted all the details. How many other kids? Did they have puppets from the film there, as well? What was David Bowie wearing? I imagined him in his lilac suit from Live Aid. Or maybe he was dressed as the Goblin King in lacy ruffles and cobwebs and glitter. What was the last thing he said to you, when you had to say goodbye? ‘David Bowie said, ‘I’m always afraid as well. But this is how you can feel brave in the world.’ And then it was over. I’ve never forgotten it. And years later I cried when I heard he had passed.’ My friend was surprised I was delighted by this tale. ‘The normal reaction is: that’s just a stupid story. Fancy believing in an invisible mask.’ But I do. I really believe in it. And it’s the best story I’ve heard all year.”

— Paul Magrs (via yourfluffiestnightmare)

dollopheadsandclotpoles

The Ealdor episode is so fucking wild. Like, Merlin hears his village is in trouble and his mom is having a tough time so he’s like ok bye I’m going home forever and Arthur is like…. wait you're never coming back? So his besotted ass just follows him there. Like he's the ONLY heir to the throne and he says nothing to his father, just leaves in the middle of the night to go to some random village that isn't even a part of his kingdom. He goes up against a bunch of ruthless bandits with a village full of utterly untrained fighters just cause he wants to bring Merlin home I'M

thatgaywizardoverthere

When you have a single brain cell and it’s GAY

writing-prompt-s

You’ve been summoned as a hero of legend to save a medieval fantasy world from evil. Same old, same old. However, it very quickly dawns on you that a medieval world’s idea of “evil” is quite incompatible with what you, a modern person, would consider evil.

kckenobi

oh. my god I was just writing a fic and I was about to say "he grimaced as if he'd bitten into a lemon" when it occurred to me, hang on, are there lemons in Star Wars? Or are they called something else? Despite the fact that it literally does not matter sksjs I went to google it and I typed in "Star Wars lemons" FORGETTING, in my brief naivety WHAT LEMONS USED TO MEAN

so you can imagine what came up

aqueerkettleofish

I am kind of surprised that "D&D: Honor Among Thieves" isn't getting as much [tumblr] love as it deserves. This is my contribution:

Everyone involved-- writer, actor, director, wardrobe, camera, EVERYONE-- understood the assignment.

There is no attempt to apologize for the fact that it's an ensemble fantasy comedy-adventure movie.

The plot is clever without being Too Clever. All of the major twists are well-telegraphed, and while it surprises you in a couple of places, it doesn't try to shock you.

Given that the archetypes of the fantasy genre came to us from Tolkein, Dungeons & Dragons, and Tolken-by-way-of-D&D, you will not need any context for the game and the lore that is not provided by the film itself. If you aren't familiar with the lore, there are no jokes or plot points you will miss.

If you are familiar with the Lore, there are references galore, but they're not fan service, they're the byproduct of the fact that the movie is set in a known location in a richly developed world. For example, despite that the fact that it's set in Neverwinter, at no point do any characters utter the phrase "Neverwinter Nights".

If there must be a negative comparison to the game, it's that no Dungeon Master alive could get a party to stick to the plot that well. They'd have gotten off track at the battlefield and the bard would have tried to seduce the Red Witch. Or everyone would have tried to adopt Themberchaud.

seananmcguire

My mother, who understands D&D only as that loud nerd event which takes over the dining room four nights a month, loved the movie.

ssv-normandy

when people casually mention something you’re completely obsessed with and it takes every fuckin ounce of your self control not to propel yourself into the stars and scream for the rest of eternity about how much you love the thing