[becherdireinen]

nobody talks about how exhausting it is to live in that space between "things will get better" and "i can't handle this anymore." it's like your emotions are constantly swinging. leaving you both hopeful and defeated in the same day.

[multiplikitties]

turned you into images to spare the dash but YES, ABSOLUTELY!

i wrote up a post a little while ago that i shelved that was similar to this. i genuinely do not believe that it is acceptable that we rely so much on ick factor to determine what is and isnt harmful and/or abusive.

like, the reason csa is bad is not because it is 'gross' or because it is illegal — these are judgements that have nothing to do with the child's experience except for the stigma and pressure they face as survivors. csa is bad because it it rape — it infringes on the autonomy of the child, treats them as less than a person, and causes them psychological and physical harm. this is, materially, what is happening to the child which thus effects them (i.e. what we should be concerned about), and therefore we should feel exactly the same about all other forms of harm that are materially identical, especially the kinds that are more pervasive, and often enabled.

we should hate all institutional and social abuse that demeans and distresses children for the gratification* of those who hold power over them. and that must include abuse that does not immediately read as sinister or perverted. not least because being raised by casual abuses sets you up for the more overt kinds later in life; also because, even just in concept, it is absurd we are ok with how children are treated, when we would never dream of seeing an adult treated the same way.

*not because of any moral judgement, but because if it leads to comfort or relief on the part of the abuser, it is that much more likely it will occur repeatedly.

at the end of the day, if the lesson you learn from being forced to kiss your auntie even though you hate her perfume is that you should learn to shut up, shut out your senses, and perform obligatory acts of affection, i dont need to explain what future experiences that conditions you towards (and i dont want to have to explain why it is fucked as an experience at all). we need child liberation, because the fact that controlling and forcing children — physically and emotionally and socially vulnerable human beings — to do what they dont like (or want or understand) in most areas of their life is such an innocuous and natural thought, is far more damaging and absurdly intrinsically abusive than most are prepared to think.

[kineticpenguin]

At the risk of sounding anti-intellectual, I think that college should be free and also not a requirement for employment outside of highly specialized career fields

[kineticpenguin]

At the risk of sounding like an effete intellectual, I do actually think you should be allowed to just take college courses indefinitely

[yourunderwaterskies]

technically you can, if you don't care about degrees.

Free Harvard courses. Free Courses from Stanford. Free Courses from MIT. Free courses from Yale. Free courses from Princeton.

Free courses on Coursera.

Free Courses on EDx Free Courses on Alison

For paid, there's The Great Courses+/Wonderium. 20$ a month for unlimited courses.

When searching, the phrases you're looking for are Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs), or you can do a general search of say, "free online college courses." Oh, and so you don't get surprised like I did, have an avoid: Hillsdale College is a conservative Christian site and not a valid MOOC place. Sign up with them and you will get things like THIS IS WHY THE LEFT IS TURNING YOUR KIDS TRANS AND GAY in your inbox.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere

[deathless-dreams]

Thank you for your partecipation.

[lawbutch]

you don't have to be scared of your suicidal friends. you don't have to be scared of your psychotic or delusional friends. you don't have to call the police every time someone says they feel like they want to die. you can say things like, "that sounds really hard" and "I'm going to bring you some food and you can tell me more about it"

[ivy-michaels]

the way teenagers are treated these days is wild. when i was a teenager we were all watching porn, jerking off, and going to horror movies with 3000 gallons of blood. Nowadays they make kids get a permission slip to watch anything darker than Barney the Dinosaur. Insane.

[ivy-michaels]

Every year we infantilize teenagers more and more and act surprised when they grow up to be terrified, angry, emotionally stunted adults.

[genderkoolaid]

& then for some reason people fixate more on "ugh these teenagers just want to be treated like babies!!! teenagers are to blame for the rise in puritanism!!!!!" than how this is a very obvious example of ageism and the increased control over a socially vulnerable and exploited group

[absolxguardian]

I think a commonly overlooked part of this coddling is that it teaches kids and teenagers to be afraid of things they don't need to be afraid of, which is exactly how they end up as "puriteens". I remember as a child being terrified to change the channel on the tv because I had ended up with the impression that seeing even seconds of an R rated movie or tv show would give me nightmares. And then as a tween every time I saw swearing I felt sick to my stomach because I had been taught such a thing is bad and harmful. I think I would have suffered less if I hadn't been raised with everyone around me acting like mature media was so bad. By the time I was a teenager I had figured out this was bunk, but understandably a lot of people don't. By making this whole system worse and stronger you have teens who have been told that seeing explicit or dark media Will Harm Them, and so they act in ways that would be appropriate if it really was the info-hazard it's implied to be.

[headspace-hotel]

^^ never heard anybody specifically talk about this but yeah. parents acting like sexual or any "dark" content in a story or show was going to put bad things in my head that were going to be there permanently just gave me a deeply distressing sort of contamination anxiety

[the-eccentric-eclectic]

Hey kid, look at me.

I want you to T-pose. Turn your right thumb up and your left thumb doen and look at your right thumb. Move your arms up and down a bit until you feel a nerve running from your armpit to your palm. Now turn your right thumb down and your left thumb up, and look at your left thumb. Keep your chest facing forward and your shoulders back. Move your arms again until you feel that nerve again. Keep alternating between these two for a minute, or look at each thumb thirty times each.

Now sit down. Put your left hand firmly under your left buttock, palm down. Keep your shoulders back and put your right hand over the crown of your head, very gently pulling it to the right. Do this for thirty seconds, then do it again but with your right hand under your right buttock.

These are stretches for the nerves in your arms, and are very good for people who sit behind a computer a lot, or fibre artists, or you name it. Do them daily. They will hurt in the beginning, but keep doing them, even after the pain has gone, or it will return and you'll have to start all over.

[informationsorter]

In therapy, the patient sets the tone.

Just a quick reminder that in therapy (and other healthcare), the patient sets the tone.

If you feel more comfortable with direct language, you can straight up say “Hey, I feel most comfortable with clear and direct language, so when there is something you feel you need to say, please say it directly rather than using subtext.”

If you feel uncomfortable with direct language and would rather your therapist couch things gently and ‘beat around the bush’ (allude to things rather than stating them outright), you can set that tone simply by talking the way you want them to talk, or you can choose to address it directly.

For your first therapy session or two, your therapist may seem hesitant, trying to pick up what method of communication makes you the most comfortable.

As time goes on and you get to know each other, your therapist will become better at communicating in your preferred way.

If you find a therapist that you like, and that you think will be good for you, but the only problem you have with them is their communication style… It’s perfectly ok for you to bring that up with them and start a conversation about how communication works for you, and anything they do that makes you feel uncomfortable, confused, or that you just want them to change.

This includes (but is not limited to): language/words used, tone of voice, volume, speed of speech, length of time spent on a single topic, body language and/or facial expressions.

For instance, my therapist smiles often, especially when disagreeing with something I’ve said - because that is an important way for me to know that I am not 'in trouble’. This would undoubtedly be bad for some people, but a good therapist will adapt to their patients individually rather than treating all patients the same way.

My therapist knows that I need firm direct answers when I’m voicing uncertainty about something.

But she also knows that certain topics should be spoken about in less direct language - for instance she knows that I feel uncomfortable when discussing sex, so if it comes up she will use soft euphemisms such as 'intimacy’, and allude to it in other ways.

Your therapist should be working with you. Your therapist should be acting in your best interests, which can include adapting their communication style rather than trying to force you to adapt to theirs. You always have the right to speak up about any concerns (even if they seem silly or minor to you).

Click here for more about: - What to expect in therapy and how to act. - How can I find a therapist that’s right for me? - What to do if a therapist is ignoring your therapy goals.

[despazito]

[ladyreadalot]

[Image ID: A screencap of a news article by “The Daily Tism.” The headline reads “Missing! ‘Autistic Sense of Justice Nowhere to be Found When It’s Time to Talk About Race.” A blonde white woman, dressed in a long-sleeved pink shirt with darker pink-rimmed round glasses stares shocked at a computer screen. End ID.]

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

this is a perfect example of why the autistic trait commonly described as a ‘strong sense of justice’ should be instead described as strong or even inflexible moral convictions. because autistic people can be wrong. we are people, and sometimes people are wrong about stuff, including morality and justice. autistic people hold strong to our personal beliefs, but does that mean we all have strong moral compasses and a sense of justice?? i don’t really think so. in actual reality, it just means it’s often hard to change our minds about morality, and nearly impossible to convince us to act against whatever we personally think is morally correct, not that we are actually correct about morality (which is subjective, or at best situational, anyway)

white autistic people can be great in fighting racism, but only if they believe it’s a big deal, and that is nowhere near a universal truth

[pingintech]

and we all hold internal biases related to the society weve been raised in

i think similarly ppl with moral ocd are not correct about morality in fact important to helping fight the compulsions related to moral ocd is recognizing that there is not A correct set of morals for every situation and that no one person has it all figured out no one is a worse person because of that either

[bakwaaas]

You gotta understand that some people never really grow. They never learn their lesson. They never recognise their mistakes, they never acknowledge their faults, they never admit they were in the wrong. You will never receive an apology from them, and you will never see their behaviour change.

[lilybee]

if you’re in the notes saying “this is wrong and cruel because everyone is capable of growth” you’re not understanding the post.

yes, everyone is CAPABLE of growth and change. everyone has the RIGHT to growth and change. but no, not everyone will CHOOSE growth and change. some people are not interested in and cannot be made interested in self-improvement or self-reflection. some people will go their entire lives refusing to admit they might be wrong or examine their own behaviors. some people will never, ever accept responsibility for the effects they have on people and the world around them. humans are varied; some are just always gonna be like this.

it is VITAL to understand this if you’re the kind of person who tends to pour energy into helping others, especially if there are already people knowingly hurting you who consistently show absolutely no interest in changing that behavior. you can’t forcibly make them want to change who they are. you aren’t going to find a way to convince them to suddenly care that their behavior is hurting someone.

the motivation to change and grow comes from within. others may inspire us, but WE have to decide we want to be better and work towards that. until they decide that for themselves, nobody else can do it for them. and they might never. people are mortal. we are a finite series of choices. it is entirely possible to make mostly selfish ones.

everyone CAN grow, but not everyone will. not everyone wants to, and nobody can force the desire to grow as a person on someone else.

[theweirdwideweb]

[rimonoroni2]

unfortunately very true. Doing Better does not always mean never being upset or never being triggered or never having trouble. often Doing Better means experiencing those things and being able to keep going/cope healthily/move on. if you’re in a bubble with no sensation, if you’re numbing yourself out, that’s not what recovering really is. it won’t help you have a happier life it’ll just make your world smaller and smaller until you can’t fit anywhere anymore. gotta learn to make peace with the hard stuff too, that’s the only way to keep going

[what-even-is-thiss]

I wonder if sometimes people are afraid to have certain talks with their kids because it feels like they need to protect other people from their kids.

I think it’s hard for a lot of people to accept that their family could possibly be a problem. My kid wouldn’t have unprotected sex so I don’t need to get them that shot. My kid wouldn’t sexually assault someone so I don’t need to have that talk with them. My kid wouldn’t get arrested so I don’t need to tell them how to survive a confrontation with the cops.

Problem is though that a lot less of these things are intuitive than you’d think and you and your family are not immune to making stupid decisions.

[weepingchoir]

Almost every thinkpiece, advice etc framing social media as "addiction" belies the fact that the internet is the entirety of human communication in the palm of your hand. it's a miracle that anyone at all can resist falling to their knees in rapture when faced with The Device That Contains All Humanity. jesus, it even jacks you off.

[astrangergivingthestrangewelcome]

I know this isn't new, but now I'm a few years out of college and into the workforce it's really sinking how much of a mindfuck being middle class is. You have savings, be it 5k or 25k or 100k that could provide absolutely life changing amounts of security to folks who are forced to live paycheck to paycheck or worse, and it is simultaneously true that truly. You are just a bad year away from losing it all. You can go from poverty to middle class with a reasonable job, sound judgement, and a little luck. It is nearly impossible to go from middle class to actually rich. The gulf even from upper middle class to rich is so so much wider than the gulf from upper middle class to homeless. None of this is new, but it takes a few years of the workforce for that to sink in. Middle class affords a LOT more financial security than being impoverished, but you're just so acutely aware that you will never actually truly be untouchable.