Baran is married to a woman called Zahra and they are still best friends with Baran’s ex-husband Zahid. The story of their shenanigans and bits of life In between. (Aka editing the lists on each SMAU was getting too long)
reading about the participation of children in rituals as a form of play in ancient greece and came across an incredibly charming story from julius pollux's onomasticon where a flood prevented the adults from reaching a sanctuary to sacrifice a ram to heracles, and the children solved the problem by....sticking a bunch of sticks in an apple to give it "legs" and "horns" and offering it as a sacrifice instead. it's such a charming thought and i can perfectly picture kids these days also pretending at sacrificing an apple "goat" at recess
Aww that’s really cute 🥺🥺🥺 I originally Misread it and was fully on board to sacrificing our child for ritual purposes. Maybe to a farm god, I feel they may be okay with that.
Summary: That night in the car had to have been one of the best nights of your life. So who are you to say no when Cassie picks you up later after your shift and brings you home to Baran?
Word count: 4.4k
Warnings: Smut, Brat!Tamer Baran (sort of), Sub!reader (like you're so down bad), Switch!Cassie, praising, begging, mocking, pet names (baby, sweetheart, sweetgirl, etc.), oral (r!receiving), reader is forced to sit in the cuck chair, strap use (Baran!receiving), scissoring (brief mention) between Cassie and Baran, masturbation, Baran being kinda mean, reader edges herself basically, Baran and Cassie sort of mock reader by laughing, aftercare (tell me if I missed anything because I probably did. Also, no beta reader)
🎵- All Mine
a/n: Part 2 of the Earned It Mcshimi one-shot!!! The idea for this part was taken from @captain-dinghy, so props to them for this. THANK YOUUUUUU, it was so fun to write, and there will probably be a part 3, not gonna lie LMAO. Also, I heard they're bringing McKay back with her reddish/ginger hair for next season. I'M SO PUMPED PLEASE LET THAT BE TRUE
You were pissed off.
The whole week, Baran and Cassie acted as though nothing had happened between the three of you. You knew that you needed to keep what happened on the down low, never mentioning it at work unless it was you talking to Cassie or Baran or both. You didn’t tell Trinity, who begged to know if anything happened that night when they saved you from being stranded at the hospital.
But they were acting just like before. Which, yes, you anticipated because they certainly didn’t want anything to get out, and you all needed to be professional. However, there wasn’t even a word to you this morning.
They would touch you, though. A warm hand on the small of your back whenever they guided you somewhere, hands squeezing your shoulders as you sat charting your patients; they would lean over your shoulder and whisper things in your ear, things that weren’t safe for work in the slightest.
By the end of the week, you were wound up and couldn’t keep still whenever they were near. But Cassie and Baran knew that and delighted in it, in fact. They liked watching you squirm when both of their attentions were directed solely to you, watching as you struggled to answer questions without getting hot and bothered. It was all a game to them.
So when Cassie came to pick you up later in her truck, you were crossing your arms and everything.
“You okay?” She asked, opening the passenger door for you and helping you up.
“Fine.” You answered, shrugging like it should be obvious to her.
“Okay, baby, just asking.” She hops inside as well after shutting your door and starts the truck. Her hand goes to your thigh once she’s on the main road, and you’re quick to turn your head towards the window.
You don’t exactly know when they started calling you that. ‘Baby’. They just loved to whisper it in your ear whenever walking by, and it always made you shiver in response. But right now, it’s just making you angrier.
You cross your arms over your chest, trying to get across to Cassie how you were feeling, how annoyed you were with both her and Baran. And she seems to get the hint because her hand is stopping its motions on your thigh.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asks, and you’re quick to nod. You don’t say any words; you just give her a nod. If you were to speak, it would come out rude and not like you. “Talk to me, what’s going on in that head of yours, hm?”
“Nothing.” You grit your teeth as the word comes out. Your arms are still crossed, head still turned and looking out the window. Rain drizzles outside, fat drops appearing and sliding down the glass. Your breath fogs up a small circle when Cassie’s phone suddenly pings. “Is that Baran?” you ask, knowing the answer already.
“How’d you know?” You can hear the smile in her voice, and she squeezes your thigh before taking it off and using it to type. Being a doctor, you think she’d know the risks of texting and driving, so you open your hand.
“Give me that. You’re not going to be texting while driving. You should know better.” You still aren’t looking at her as you feel the device being slipped into your hand.
“I should, shouldn’t I?” Again, she says it with a smile in her voice, and you have to refrain from rolling your eyes.
You sigh, finally taking your glance off the fogging glass, and now it’s on Cassie’s phone and the text messages popping up from Baran.
Did you pick up our girl yet? How is she?
Their girl. That nickname made you feel a little better, but the anger and annoyance are still there. You begin to type back, but it doesn’t feel enough like Cassie, so you delete it. Baran obviously sees it as she sends a prompt ‘?’ back.
You decide to just go with it and text her ‘Fuck you guys’ and send a small ‘-’ with your name attached. You don’t wait to see what she says. You turn it off and watch the screen fade to black before placing it in the empty cup holder. But you can soon hear one notification after the other.
“Jesus fuck, what did you send her?!” Cassie questions, looking at you with concern.
“I told her ‘fuck you guys’.” You have to smile a little bit because it is a little ridiculous that you’re so mad, but it’s so funny that they can both get worked up over a simple text message.
You hear Cassie giggle along with you, and you’re perplexed. “Why are you laughing?”
She shakes her head, amused smile on her lips. “You’re gonna be in big trouble.”
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, it means exactly what you think it means, honey. She’s going to be so mad when we get there.”
“Whatever.” Is all you could answer with. But you know Cassie is right. Baran is going to be so pissed you said that. You’re a little scared as Cassie’s truck pulls up to her and Baran’s house.
Their house is grand; it’s a beautiful two-story, possibly three-story house. The driveway curves up towards it, ivy taking over the front, moving over windows and such. The front door looms ahead, with potted flowers on either side of it.
It’s so beautiful you can’t take your eyes off of it. “Wow,” you say, leaning a bit forward in your seat.
You can tell Cassie is smiling beside you as she rolls up to the garage. She gets out first, and you wait patiently for her to open your passenger door. She helps you down, and before you know it, she’s leading you inside by her hand on the small of your back.
It’s just as nice inside. There’s a small entryway where their shoes are, which leads right into the kitchen. And it’s a big one at that. Pots and pans hang from a rack that hangs from a high ceiling. The kitchen island is below them, grand and marble. There’s a potted tree in one corner, and as you turn, you face the stove and ovens.
“Wow,” is all you can say again. Because that’s what it is. Wow. The two of you turn to go towards the living room, but you’re stopped dead in your tracks. Baran stands there, wearing an old Hollywood feather robe, untied, practically falling off of her.
The sight almost brought you to your knees.
“Hello.” She said, looking at the two of you. She walked slowly up to Cassie, kissing her first before turning her attention to you. “Do you still mean that, hm?” she asked, referring to your text from earlier.
You swallow, looking her over. “No.” You shake your head, and she mocks you by doing the same.
“No, of course you didn’t, baby.”
“I’m sorry.” It slips out of your mouth, and while you mean it, it’s more to just save yourself from the punishment that’s coming.
“Oh, I know, sweetheart. I know. And so does Cassie, hm?” Her big brown eyes flick to the woman behind you, Cassie already pressing her front to your back. “Yeah, she does.”
Her hands go to your face, her thumbs stroking your cheeks. “Why don’t we go to the bedroom and you can show us how sorry you are, hm? That sound good?” You absentmindedly nod along, and she cocks her head in the direction of their room. “C’mon, baby. Let’s go.”
Her hand takes yours, and they both lead you, with Cassie’s hands on your hips. You just walk; you don’t think. You couldn’t even think if you wanted to, actually. Their hands feel too good right now, after weeks of being pent up and needy.
You actively felt your brain short-circuiting as all three of you finally reached their bedroom. It was, of course, big and gorgeous. A nice king-sized bed in the room pushed up against the wall that faces the door. There was a desk in one corner with a chair, a few paintings on the walls between the long hanging curtains that were attached to wide windows.
The bed looks so soft, with a mountain of pillows resting against the headboards. The duvet is nice and fluffy, the cover of it looking far too soft to be real. You turn your head over your shoulder, watching as Baran pulls the chair from the desk now into the middle of the room to face the bed. You feel Cassie’s hands slide to your hips, directing you to sit in the chair.
You’re getting drunk off of their attention.
Baran finally connects her lips with yours, and you can’t help the whine that slips out. Your hands gripping the hand rests move to touch Baran’s face, gently pushing her curls back a little over her shoulders. Then Cassie begins to attack your neck, which makes you break away from the woman in front of you to let out a soft sigh.
“Are you gonna be good for us?” Cassie asks, whispering the words into your ear.
You nod your head, eyes closed.
“You sure? Didn’t seem like it when you sent Baran that text.” She fires back almost immediately.
“Didn’t mean it.” You try to tell them. “I didn’t mean it, I promise.” “I think we’ll be the judges of that, okay?” Baran’s soft voice comes to your left, and you open your eyes to glance at her. She kisses you again, her tongue trying to push into your mouth. You accept it greedily, pushing yourself up out of the chair to meet her and suck her down.
“Baran got all the fun last time; let me have a go,” Cassie says, her hands using your shoulders to make you sit yourself back down into the chair.
“You both had fun with me.” You persist.
“Yeah, but last time Baran got to see how you tasted. Now I want a turn.”
“Always so competitive,” Baran tells her wife, smirking as Cassie lowers herself to the ground with a raised eyebrow. Your legs are already spread, but you still have your clothes on. The only person in this room slightly nude is still Baran.
You want to touch her. Both of them, actually. You hadn’t seen them naked the last time. It was partially Cassie, and that was it, when she pulled out her strap. But even then, you were so focused on cumming, you completely blacked out. Like concert amnesia. You are in the moment and purely enjoying the music, singing along, that you can’t remember how it was actually like. You have the video evidence, sure, but it seems like something estranged.
That’s what happened last time. This time, you want to remember everything. From the way they touch you to the way they smell. There might not be a next time of this.
“Please,” You mewl, not knowing what you’re asking for.
“Lift your hips for me, baby.” Cassie requests of you, and you automatically do it. Maybe that’s a little dangerous, just following their directions blindly. But it always ends up in pleasure, so where’s the harm?
She’s quick with getting your scrubs and underwear off, and Baran works on your top and undershirt, as well as your bra. You’re being moved around like a god damn rag doll in this chair.
When everything is finally off, she rubs the tops of your thighs with her thumbs before looking up at you, silently asking if you’re still comfortable with all of this. You give her the silent okay by squeezing her wrists, and she then puts your legs up and over onto her shoulders.
Cassie wastes no time making contact with your cunt, and since you’ve been so pent up these past weeks, it’s like heaven. Your head falls back against the chair, and Baran is there to capture your mouth. You reach for her, to just feel her. It doesn’t have to be any specific part of her; you just want to touch her.
You could almost cry as she caresses you, and at the same time, Cassie’s lips wrap around your clit. It all felt too good to be true. You break away from Baran to watch Cassie, sucking in your bottom lip as the two of you make eye contact. You can tell she’s smiling as your hands go to her red hair, trying to keep her against you.
“Sssshhhhhiiiiiittttt.” You whine, your head falling back again.
“Feel good, hm?” Baran eggs you.
“Yes.” You moan, your hips beginning to roll against Cassie’s mouth.
Baran hums as her hands slide down to cup your breasts, making you arch into her touch. You let out a broken whine as Cassie’s tongue licks right up from your hole to your clit, and you grip her hair, curling your toes.
“Fuck, Cassie!” You cry, your chest heaving. You try to push yourself up, as you had slid down quite far, but Cassie doesn’t let you. She keeps you right where you are, pressing her face closer against your pussy.
Your hips jump, making you hiss as her teeth knock against your clit. Your hand slams down on the hand rest of the chair, and Baran, as well as Cassie, just laugh.
Trying to muster up all the anger you have, you tell them, “Not funny,” but the words come out squeaky.
“No. We’re sorry, sweet girl. It’s not funny.” Baran says, petting your hair back from your face. You moan again as Cassie continues to lick and suck at you. Her fingers prod your entrance before she uses her mouth to coat her fingers in saliva, and then work them into you.
You sucked in a deep breath as her fingers curl inside you, slowly beginning to pump her wrist. Baran is there, kissing you again, your free hand coming up to tangle in her curls. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You mumble against her lips.
“Feel good?” She asks, keeping her mouth pressed against yours.
“Mhm.” You nod, trying not to cum too early. You want this to last as long as it can. After them winding you up these past weeks, you want them to draw it out. “Mmm too good. Stop, stop. ‘M’gunna cum.” You tell Cassie, trying to push her head away. However, she doesn’t let you. She instead wraps her arms around your thighs and licks faster, sucks harder.
You try to ‘fight’ against her, but it’s not really fighting. It’s gently trying to push her away, but the sensation of pleasure that courses through you after being left high and dry week after week is too good to pass up. You brace yourself against Cassie and the chair as you cum, your body feeling as though it’s consumed in fire. Heat floods through your body, making you shiver and gasp as your back arches a little. Baran’s lips on your skin only further the pleasure as you whine out both their names.
They help you come down from your high, and you sink into the chair, boneless. They leave you be, Baran moving around from behind you to in front of you now, and you watch as they press their lips together, tongues moving against one another’s.
You writhed in the chair, looking at them. Baran’s robe finally fell away from her shoulders as Cassie’s fingers pushed the thin fabric away. You always thought Baran was a good-looking woman. Hell, half of The Pitt thought that too. Trinity, Victoria, Mel, Cassie (but now you know why), Shen was inclined to agree sometimes as well as Parker and Abbot.
But looking at her now, without all her clothes on, without the cramped space and dark lighting of a car, she looks ten times more beautiful if that was even possible. Her long curls stopped midway down her back. Her body was lithe, and the stretch marks from carrying her son Kamyar shone against the bedroom light. Shiny marks across her stomach and tops of her thighs. You want to kiss all over them, each individually. Her brown eyes look into Cassie’s blue ones with such warmth it’s incredible.
Speaking of Cassie, you haven’t seen what she looks like, either. She’s still dressed. It’s just you and Baran who are naked now. You can feel yourself getting more wet with each kiss they spring on each other. Baran is attacking Cassie’s neck while Cassie’s hands play with her breasts, both of them letting out soft, breathy moans.
You go to stand up, to join them, but Cassie tells you to sit back down.
“Sit down, baby.” The words are quieter than you expected, but you do as you’re told. You make a small, albeit needy, whimper. And they both just chuckle.
“Do you need something?” Baran asks, raising an eyebrow.
“I want you. I want you and Cassie, please?” You dare to beg.
“But you just had us, sweetheart.”
“But I need more.” Your hips buck.
“You need? Or you want?” Baran comes to squat between your legs. Her hands travel up your thighs and settle on your hips.
“Want.” You mumble, and you feel her hands rub up and down your sides. “What was that?” She asks, looking up at you with her innocent big brown eyes.
“I-I want.” You say a little louder.
“But we already gave you what you wanted. And you got an orgasm out of it. What more do you need? Cassie and I are gonna have fun together now, and you can sit there and watch, okay?”
“But I-” You start to wiggle again as you try to argue back with her, but she’s standing up and backing away from you.
“No more arguing, sweetheart. You’re just going to stay there and watch.”
You’re gripping the armrests of the chair with white knuckles. This isn’t fair. They’ve left you hanging for days on end now, and this is the way they’re treating you? You’re getting angry again as they move to the bed, Cassie lying down on the mattress as Baran is on top.
She bends herself, ass in the air as she helps Cassie take off her shirt, and it takes everything inside you to stay put. You want to taste her like Cassie wanted to taste you. That’s it. That’s all you want. It could be just one lick of Baran’s cunt, that’s all it would take to satisfy you. Cassie’s too.
You whine again as Baran pulls Cassie’s pants off, as well as her underwear. They’re put in a pile on the floor next to the bed. You can’t really see them too well, either of them, at the angle they’re at, but it’s a show nonetheless, and a good one at that.
You listen as Baran laughs, using her mouth to get Cassie’s strap ready. She had been wearing it this whole time, and you didn’t even realize it. Too caught up in your own pleasure. Cassie swears under her breath, her hand fisting a clump of Baran’s hair.
“So good, baby. So, so good. Fuck.” Cassie says, and Baran hums in response. Suddenly, Baran is popping her mouth off and straddling Cassie, her legs on either side of the other woman. Cassie’s hands come to slide up Baran’s sides as she holds herself above Cassie’s cock.
You watch helplessly as she slides down onto it, hearing both of them let out moans and gasps for breath. Your hips begin to hump the chair, seeking friction anyway you can get it. Propping your legs up on the hand rests, your fingers slide in between to meet and gather the arousal of your cunt, your eyes zeroed in on the two of them.
“Please,” You beg from your chair, fingers sliding in and out of your hole. “Please, can I join? This isn-isn’t fair.”
“How isn’t it fair, honey?” Cassie is the one to ask you, her voice coming out in more grunts than anything as Baran moves her hips up and down the silicone.
“You two ha-have been working me up for weeks and you give me one orgasm, and that’s it? Not fai-fair.” You whimper as they look at you. Cassie picks her head up from the bed, and Baran glances over her shoulder. Their eyes roam over your state, at your legs propped up on the armrests and your head resting against your shoulder, mouth agape and fingers rubbing fast over your clit.
“Just keep touching yourself. You’ll give yourself another orgasm eventually.” Baran chimes in with an evil little grin on her mouth. Your head rolls back as a moan finds its way out, before you’re slipping your fingers back inside yourself.
But your fingers can’t give the same pleasure Baran’s can. That night in their car, they worked you like you’ve never felt before. And now they’re leaving you to your own devices, or rather fingers, and it’s not the same. Baran’s fingers are slimmer, sliding in and out effortlessly, and Cassie’s fingers are longer, reaching places you never thought were possible.
Your chest heaves with pleasure but also frustration. Baran resumes moving on top of Cassie, but now, the strap has come off, and they’re just grinding against each other. You can’t help the ‘holy fuck’ that slips out. Your fingers move faster, trying to bring yourself to an orgasm as quickly as you could.
“Please, Cass. Please? Baran? Please. I-I can just put my mouth on you; it doesn’t have to be anything more. Both of you, please? I just want to taste you.” You beg, desperately and pathetically.
They just laugh, ignoring you.
Just laugh.
And you let out an angry groan. This was getting ridiculous. Why did they invite you over to just give you one orgasm and then fuck each other and have you watch? It made no sense.
It didn’t make sense to you.
You wanted both of them so bad, and just watching them without you in the middle was basically torture. “C-Can I just join you on the bed? I won’t touch, I promise. I’ll just watch, like you told me to.” You try again, and again, they ignore you.
Your eyes are glued to them. Bodies moving in tandem and looking so fucking good doing it. Breathy moans and whines escape both their mouths. Baran is playing with Cassie’s gold chain as Cassie’s hands play with Baran’s chest.
They’re moving fast against one another, both reaching their high or trying to. From where you were seated, you could see the small pinch between Cassie’s eyebrows as she worked herself over the edge. Baran’s body had begun to shake, and her head fell back between her shoulder blades, mouth agape as whines flowed.
Both of them cum, swallowing each other’s moans and whines with kisses and tongues. You, however, don’t join them in their peaks. You take your fingers out of you and suck them clean. Your legs, now almost numb, are off the armrests and back on the ground. You were exhausted, and you hadn’t even done anything.
So once again, you’re left edged. They are all smiles and content sighs; meanwhile, you’re all frowns and discouraged sighs. They both sit up after a few minutes, looking at your dissatisfied state.
“Poor baby.” Baran pouts, coming to your aid. You stand in her arms, head buried in the crook of her neck. Her hands rub up and down your back. “So mean, aren’t we?”
You nod, letting out a whine as Cassie comes to engulf you too. Her hands are on your neck, pulling you gently towards her so she can plant a kiss on your mouth.
“Do you want to spend the night or have me drive you home?” She asks. “If you want to stay, you should know we’re not going to do anything else tonight, okay?”
“I want to stay. With you guys. Wanna stay.”
“Are you sure? Cassie and I can drive you home.” Baran’s voice is soft now. Not so sharp as before. Not so mean.
Her question has you nodding again. “I’m sure. I want to stay.”
Cassie kisses the back of your head. “Okay, sweet girl. C’mon. Let’s go to the bathroom.”
“You guys are still mean, and I still mean what I said.” You utter boldly, and they both chuckle a little before you feel Baran slap your ass; meanwhile, Cassie leads you to the en suite bathroom.
“Don’t be a brat. It’s not a good character to have.” She scolds you as Cassie has you lean against the sink counter. She starts the shower as Baran’s lips pepper your shoulder. The constant stream of water sounds heavenly, even if you’re still worked up. Just cuddling with them will be okay for you tonight. “Did you at least get yourself off in that chair?”
You obviously did not, but they don’t know that. So you just lie and say yeah. Because honestly, you’re tired. You want to lie down in that gorgeous, soft-looking bed and fall asleep sandwiched between them. “Yeah, yeah, I did.” You nod before Cassie and Baran push and pull you into the nice big shower.
“Good.” Cassie kisses your temple as she massages soap into your hair. Baran does the same to Cassie, and then you go to do the same to Baran, but she stops you.
“Mmm.” She shakes her head while saying it. “Let us take care of you.”
“But you guys-”
“Just let us,” Cassie says from behind you, so you deflate and let them do just that. Their fingers work your scalp, and they use a net sponge to cleanse your body. They let you relax on the bench they have inside the shower as they wash themselves and do their hair, before rinsing everything off.
They gave you towels and all of that before wrapping themselves up. Baran fished out a shirt you could wear while Cassie looked for some pants. While they did that, you took the time to dry off, lather your skin with some nice lotion, and run a comb through your hair.
They came back dressed with a shirt and pants for you, and you helped Cassie change the sheets while Baran did her whole hair care thing. Once everything and everyone was settled, you crawled into bed in the middle, intent on quickly falling asleep.
Cassie lay down on your right side, and Baran on your left. Your back is to the mattress and your face towards the ceiling as your eyes begin to drift shut.
“We’ll make it up to you. Promise.” Cassie whispers, lips brushing the fabric of the t-shirt right above your collarbone. Baran turns her head and snuggles closer to you.
“M’kay.” You respond, tired. Both of their arms settle around your middle, and you don’t think you could be any happier.
I love tumblr more than IG bc IG feels like I’m posting looking for a job but on here it’s like I already lost the job and my wife and the house and I’m just sitting on the curb talking to myself
Congrats to every reply like this for failing to understand the fundamental definition of an accent. Of course you think you sound normal! It's the way you speak!
No one can place my accent :( which I get Because I moved a lot as a kid but literally have had different ends of the scale posh accent (I’m English so RP I’m assuming) then I’ve had Scottish and American, I figured if I was to have any it would be a notts accent because that’s where my grandad is from and his accent but apparently not. Identity crisis
Warnings:infertility talks, blood(is the ER), insults, depression.
Summary:you were not expecting, that the person that the hospital sent to replace your brother while he was away, was your ex wife. Now you had to get used to the idea of seeing her every day even if it broke your heart all over again.
Type:hurt/confort/family/short (for what I usually post)
AN:I'm watching the Pitt and I really want to write about them, specially Baran, Dana and Cassie so if you want, you can send requests about them!
Also if you want to be tagged on this or all of them, you can let me know!
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At the next day you had the morning shift, you thanked yourself for picking the previous night shift and helping you avoid Baran's first shift and interaction and giving you a whole day to feel your feelings and to somehow rest a little bit more.
When you got early at your shift you went straight to your locker, the room was completely empty, a single flower hang from the lock of your locker, your favorite flower, you grabbed it and look the tiny paper attached on it
-"Sorry. 'B'"-you signed and wrinkled the note in your hand pressing your teeth together. The door opened and her perfume hit your nose before her voice did, somehow that pissed you more
-"Good morning..."-she whispered and her eyes went to the flower on your hand. Before she could process it, your hand was against her chest pressing the flower between your hand and her chest, you were pissed, you were pressing with so much force that her back hit the wall with a soft huf
-"Put this flower where the sun doesn't shine next time" - you said between tight teeth. She had heard you say that before to someone else, she knew you meant her ass. Her eyes looked directly at yours, and even if you were pissed, those were still the same eyes that she loved. Before she could think about it, her eyes dropped to your hand, it was still against her chest, when you realized you tried to pull your hand back but her hand closed against your wrist holding you there
-"Hi..."-her voice came barely as a whisper, her hand was warm against your wrist, she was always warm. She saw the exact moment your anger turned to sadness
-"What are you doing here?" - you murmured with a unstable voice, you swallowed trying to ease the lump in your throat
-"I don't know..."-she whispered looking at your eyes-"I... Was in a plane as soon as I heard the hospital name" - she confessed and you signed, she let your hand go and it slumped by your side as if you had no strength at all to hold it
-"If you were the one walking away, why did you had to come back to change my life again?" - you asked dropping your eyes, it hurt to look at her, but it hurt more realizing that you still missed her
-"I'm sorry for everything..."-she didn't knew what to say, only asking for forgiveness as many times as it was necessary
-"If I never looked for you, never bother you when you decided to leave, you were not supposed to come back... it's not fair... it's not fair to have to forget you for a second time when the first time was so hard Baran!" - you yelled pissed and push her with both hands on her shoulders against the wall, her back hit the lockers with a dull metallic clang. She was taller and stronger, you knew that, but she was not going to fight you back, she deserve it, all of it. She didn't raise her hands. Didn't step away. Didn't stop you. She just looked at you. Your breathing was ragged, your shoulders shaking with every word. Outside the locker room, the emergency department buzzed to life. Somewhere a trauma pager went off. Someone laughed in the hallway. Inside, it felt like the whole world had narrowed to the few feet between you-"It's not fair" -you repeated, your voice cracking-"I buried us...Long ago" -
Baran's eyes filled-"I know"-
-"I buried the future we planned" -
-"I know"-she repeated
-"I packed the nursery because you couldn't even look at it anymore"-The words landed like a punch. Baran's face crumpled. You kept going-"I donated the crib"-She stopped breathing-"The little clothes"-Her eyes squeezed shut-"The books"-A tear escaped despite her trying to stop it. Your voice was more angrier and hurt every time you added an item to the list-"The stupid giraffe you won at the fair because you said every kid needed an ugly stuffed animal" -Her head bowed-"I couldn't keep any of it"-
-"I know..."-she said looking at the floor, she couldn't look at you
-"No!"-Your voice rose again-"You don't know! You weren't there!" -You hit her shoulder with the flat of your palm. Not to hurt her. Just because the grief had nowhere else to go-"You weren't there when strangers walked into our house and carried away everything we'd dreamed about" -Another shove-"You weren't there when I sat on the nursery floor because I couldn't figure out which box our failed future fit into" -Another-"You weren't there!" -
-"I know"-
-"You weren't there!"-now your fist hit her shoulder
-"I KNOW!"-The words burst out of Baran before she could stop them. The room fell silent. Her chest heaved-"I know I wasn't there"-Tears streamed freely now-"I know exactly where I wasn't" -Her voice broke so completely it barely sounded like her anymore-"I wasn't beside you as I promise in our wedding. I wasn't holding you. I wasn't the person I promised I'd be" -She covered her face for a second, dragging a trembling hand down over it-"I hated myself every single day for that" -You stared at her. She took a shaky breath-"I couldn't walk into that room. I couldn't hear another doctor tell us 'I'm sorry.' I couldn't watch you smile at me after every failed cycle because I knew you were trying to keep me together when you were breaking too" -She looked up again, tears clinging to her lashes-"So I ran" - The confession hung in the air-"I ran because every time I looked at you..."-Her voice disappeared-"...I saw everything we were losing" -
Your own tears spilled over-"And you thought I didn't?"-She flinched-"I looked at you" -you whispered-"and I saw my wife... I didn't see failure. I didn't see empty cribs. I saw you" -Your lips trembled-"You were enough for me..."-
Baran let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a gasp-"I know that now" -
You laughed bitterly through your tears-"Now?"-
-"Yes" -
-"Now"- you repeated.
She nodded helplessly-"It took losing you to understand that I wasn't running from infertility"-Another tear slid down her cheek-"I was running from my own grief"-
Your shoulders slumped-"So you left me alone with mine... I blame myself for not being able to have a family... And I blamed myself because I wasn't reason enough, or worth it enough to keep you by my side... For you to fight for me as I was fighting for you... For us"-you whispered the last part. Neither of you spoke. Because there wasn't anything she could say that would make that sentence less true.
A long moment passed before Baran finally whispered-"I would give anything..."-She swallowed hard-"...Anything...to go back and be brave enough to stay" -
You closed your eyes. For one impossible heartbeat, you could almost picture it. The apartment. The coffee. The two of you growing older together despite everything. Then you opened your eyes again. Reality rushed back in. Your voice came out barely above a whisper-"...But you didn't"-
Baran's chin quivered-"No"-
-"You left... You decided to leave" -
-"...Yes"-
-"And I had to learn how to survive without you" - you said with a broken voice
She nodded once-"I know"-
You took one slow step backward. Then another. Creating space where your hands had been on her only moments before. A trauma alert blared overhead-"Level One Trauma. ETA three minutes"-The hospital didn't care that hearts were breaking in the locker room. Patients still needed doctors.
You wiped roughly at your face with the heel of your hand and put your glasses on. When you spoke again, your voice had taken on the steady, practiced tone you used with difficult cases-"Shift starts in three minutes, Dr. Al-Hashimi"-The use of her title made her flinch more than any shove had. You reached for your locker, grabbed your stethoscope, and looked at the flower crushed between the two of you. Then you walked out, leaving the flower to slide silently to the floor between her feet.
Fours hours after, you stopped for two minutes at the nurse station, your fingers massaging the place where your glasses rested and always marked your nose
-"D... I need a coffee, a strong with a lot of sugar... Can you please pretend you don't know where I am if anybody asks... I need 10 minutes"-Dana looked up from the chart she was reviewing. She didn't answer right away. She simply studied your face. The slight redness around your eyes. The way your shoulders sagged despite your best efforts to stand straight. The tiny crease between your eyebrows that only appeared when you were carrying more than you could say out loud.
-"...Kiddo" - You gave her a tired smile that fooled absolutely no one
-"I'm okay"-she nodded-"I'm serious"-she nodded again-"I just need coffee"-
-"You need therapy"-
-"I already have therapy"-you murmured
-"You need another therapist"-
That earned the faintest puff of laughter-"Look who is talking"-you murmured
-"There you are kiddo"-Dana murmured-"I was wondering where your sarcasm went"-
-"Maybe it went on vacation like my brother" -You rubbed your eyes beneath your glasses-"So..."-
-"You want ten minutes"-
-"Please"-
Dana glanced toward the board-"You've cleared your patients" -you nodded-"I can cover" -
-"Thanks" - you sighined
She leaned a little closer, lowering her voice-"...She's been looking for you"-Your jaw flexed-"She asked if you'd eaten"-
You let out a dry laugh-"That's rich" -Dana didn't defend Baran. Didn't criticize her either. She just watched you-"I don't want to talk to her"-you murmured
-"I know"-the blond nodded
-"I don't have anything left to say today"-she just stared at you-"I just..."-You searched for the words-"...I need ten minutes where nobody needs anything from me"-
Dana's expression softened immediately. Not because of Baran. Because of that sentence. She reached over and squeezed your forearm-"Go"-You blinked-"If anyone asks I'll tell them you're helping me with inventory"-
You smiled weakly-"I've never helped with inventory, no one will belive that"-
She shrugged-"Neither is me voluntarily organizing supply closets, yet somehow administration keeps buying it"-That drew a real laugh from you. Tiny. But real. Dana smiled. You nodded your thanks and slipped away from the nurses' station, taking the back hallway that led to the staff lounge.
The break room was empty. Mercifully. The fluorescent lights hummed overhead. The vending machine rattled softly. You dropped into one of the plastic chairs with a sigh that seemed to come from somewhere much deeper than your lungs. The coffee machine sputtered as it filled a paper cup. Black. Then sugar. One packet. Two. Three. You stared at the cup. Added a fourth.
-"...Still trying to kill your pancreas"-The words were quiet. Not teasing. Just... familiar. She have seen you prepare sugar with a few drops of coffee for a few years now on difficult days. You closed your eyes. You hadn't heard the door open. Baran stood in the doorway, one hand still resting on the handle. She looked almost apologetic for existing in the same room-"I asked Dana where you were"-You gave a humorless smile without looking at her-"And she lied"-
-"She tried-You picked up your coffee -"...Guess she needs more practice"-Baran remained by the door. She didn't come closer this time. She'd learned that much already.
-"I wasn't looking for a fight"-she said. You took a sip of the coffee. It was too hot. Too sweet. Perfect-"I'm fresh out of those"-Silence settled between you once more. The kind that used to be comfortable. Now it only felt crowded with ghosts
-"Look doctor Al-Hashimi"-you said with your back turned to her, you heard her shaky breathing at your voice, you signed and turned around-"Baran... It was always easy asume that between us two I would be the one to go looking for you... I never thought it would be the other way around... And I never prepared for this situation...And I'm mad at you, and I'm mad at myself for not being more upset at you, because you deserve it, you deserve that I ignore you... -Baran didn't interrupt. She stood in the doorway with both hands hanging uselessly at her sides, listening. You rubbed the coffee cup between your palms before continuing-"...You deserve that I walk past you like you're just another doctor"-Your eyes met hers-"You deserve that I don't answer when you say my name" -A tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't wipe it away-"But every time you look for me..."-You laughed bitterly, shaking your head-"...some stupid part of me still notices"-Your voice cracked-"It notices that you're tired. It notices you skipped breakfast. It notices you still bite the inside of your cheek when you're anxious"-Baran's lips parted, but no words came-"I hate that" -You swallowed hard-"I hate that after everything... my first instinct is still to ask if you're okay" -Silence. She was crying openly now-"I don't want to love you anymore"-The sentence left your mouth so quietly it almost disappeared beneath the hum of the vending machine-"...But I don't know how to stop"-Baran's breath hitched so sharply it hurt to hear. She took one hesitant step forward. Then stopped herself.
-"I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't expect another chance. I don't expect..."-Her voice broke-"...anything"-
You nodded-"Good" -Not cruel. Just tired-"So... what do you want from me?"-
She stared at you. Really stared. As if she'd been asking herself the same question since stepping off the plane. Finally, she whispered-"I think..."-She looked down at the floor-"...I just needed you to know that leaving wasn't the same as stopping loving you"-
You closed your eyes. A tear escaped despite your best effort to stop it-"...That's the worst part"-
She frowned-"What?"-
-"If you'd stopped loving me..."-You opened your eyes again-"...I'd know where to put my anger"-The words hit her harder than anything else you had said-"But instead..."-You shrugged helplessly-"...You loved me. And you left. And somehow those two things have had to live in my head together for years"-
Baran covered her mouth, trying to hold back another sob-"I know"-
-"No"-You shook your head-"You don't"-Your gaze drifted to the floor for a moment-"When you left..."-Your voice became almost painfully soft-"...I spent months wondering what was wrong with me"-She froze-"I kept thinking..."-You gave a hollow laugh-"...If I were prettier...If I were stronger...If I'd smiled more...If I hadn't wanted children so much... If my fucking ovaries worked properly! ...Maybe you would've stayed"-
Baran looked as if the air had been ripped from her lungs-"No..."-
You nodded anyway-"I had to deal with the lost of our desire to have babies and I had to deal with the lost of the love of my life. That's what heartbreak does. It rewrites the story until you're the villain" - She was crying too hard to speak-"I know now none of that was true" -You looked back at her-"But knowing it..."-Your hand rested briefly against your own chest-"...doesn't erase the version of me that believed it"-
Baran shook her head over and over-"I never..."-
-"I know" -You cut her off gently-"I know you never wanted me to think that" - Another silence. Long. Heavy.
Finally after the agonizing silence she whispered-"...Can I tell you one thing?"-You didn't answer for several seconds. Then, with all the exhaustion of someone who had been carrying grief for years, you gave the smallest nod
-"One thing"-
She took a careful breath-"There wasn't a single day..."-Her voice trembled-"...Not one...that I didn't love you" -The words hung between you. Beautiful. True. And devastating. Because they changed absolutely nothing.
You signed leaving your mug at the table and took a package of cookies from your pocket and push it against her chest, just like you did with the flower earlier. The package of cookies hit her chest with a soft thump. Baran caught it automatically making her lost balance for a second
-"Eat" - you murmured-"and let me have ten minutes by myself without having to deal with the thoughts of you being back on my fucking life" - you murmured leaving the cafeteria.
For a second she just stared at it. The exact same brand. The same ones she'd used to steal from your locker because she claimed they tasted better when they belonged to someone else. Her fingers tightened around the plastic wrapper. "Eat" you said. The word wasn't gentle. It wasn't affectionate. It was an order. The kind doctors gave patients who hadn't taken care of themselves. The kind you used to give her.
For a long moment, Baran didn't move. The break room hummed quietly around her. Coffee machine. Vending machine. Fluorescent lights. Ordinary sounds. But her chest felt too tight. Because despite everything you'd said... Despite the anger. The hurt. The years. You'd noticed she hadn't eaten. Again. You'd been furious with her. You'd practically told her to get out of your life. And somehow...You'd still remembered to take care of her.
Baran looked down at the cookies. Then slowly sat in the chair you'd just abandoned. Your coffee cup was still there. Half empty. Four sugar packets torn open beside it. A habit unchanged by time.
Her throat tightened. She remembered sitting across from you at three in the morning after back-to-back shifts. You stealing her fries. Her complaining. You stealing more just because it annoyed her. The memory arrived so vividly that for half a second she expected to look up and see you there. Instead she found an empty chair. An empty room. And a package of cookies in her hand.
Baran let out a shaky breath. Then she opened them. Because you'd told her to. And because some part of her had always listened when it was you.
Five minutes later, Dana walked into the break room carrying a chart. She stopped. Baran was sitting alone at the table. Eating cookies. Crying. Dana blinked.
-"...That's a new one"-Baran laughed through her tears. A pathetic little sound. Dana's eyes landed on the cookie wrapper. Recognition flashed immediately - "She gave you those?"-Baran nodded. Dana sighed-"Jesus"-
-"What?"-
Dana pulled out a chair and sat down across from her-"You really don't get it" -
Baran looked exhausted-"Get what?"-
Dana gestured toward the cookies-"That's how she loves people" - Baran stared at the package. Confused. Dana continued-"She'll yell at you. She'll call you an idiot. She'll threaten to shove flowers up your ass"-Despite herself, Baran laughed once, a wet, broken laugh-"But if she notices you skipped lunch..."-Dana pointed at the cookies, and she pulled a wrapper of the same cookies off her pocket-"...this happens"-The room fell quiet. Baran looked down. At the crinkled package. At the cookies she'd been too distracted to buy for herself. At the tiny act of care hidden inside a moment of anger. Dana's voice softened-"You know what scares me?"-
Baran looked up-"What?"-
Dana leaned back in her chair-"The fact that she's this angry..."-A pause-"...and she's still taking care of you anyway"-The realization hit like a freight train. Because Dana was right. If you truly didn't care... You wouldn't have noticed. You wouldn't have remembered. You wouldn't have shoved cookies into her chest and barked at her to eat. You would've walked away. Instead... You'd done exactly what you'd always done. Taken care of her. Even while your own heart was breaking. And somehow that hurt Baran more than if you'd hated her.
Summary:you were not expecting, that the person that the hospital sent to replace your brother while he was away, was your ex wife.
Warnings:infertility talks, blood(is the ER), insults, depression.
Type:hurt/confort/family/short (for what I usually post)
AN:I'm watching the Pitt and I really want to write about them, specially Baran, Dana and Cassie so if you want, you can send requests about them!
Also if someone wants to be tagged on the Pitt stories you can tell me 💕
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You were with both of your headphones on, eyes closed and your head moving softly side to side, your leg bouncing lightly off the floor of the break room
-"So bye bye miss American Pie..."-the song lightly flooded your mind, it was a song you always listened to when you were a bit stressed. The night had been complete chaos, well the usual chaos of the ER, you just needed a moment to breath and finish your juice box.
A light tap on the tip of your nose made you open your eyes, you smiled softly seeing Dana in front of you
-"Hey Kiddo, you still with us?" - she asked dropping the nicotine gum she was chewing on the trash can and getting a new pot of coffee ready
-"Hey D, I still have two more hours left..."-you murmured taking off one of the headphones-"Did my brother arrived?" - you asked. You were on the night shift just for today, and as always, the last hours were torture
-"I don't think so, I haven't heard a 'death trap' arrive so that means that he is not here yet" - she said and you laughed softly
-"I have a bike too, you know?" - you murmured putting your headphones on the case and slipping them on your pocket
-"And I still think it's stupid for both of you" - she smiled and grabbed your showlders as you both exited the room back to the ER
-"Maybe I will go crazy like him and take a sabbatical to drive my bike all around America" - you teased and she slapped your shoulder
-"One Robinavitch out at a time please, my heart can't handle being worried about both of you at the same time" - she joked placing the coffe on her station and you put your glasses on smiling
-"Fair, I will wait for him to come back and then I will be the one making your heart race" - you teased-"I hope his replacement it's a bit less grumpy that my brother, and less stubborn too" - you said
-"I think you are asking for a miracle" - she joked
-"Yeah, but the least I can do is dream" - you smiled-"Where do I go?" - you asked looking at the screen and waiting for her instructions. Dana snorted, shaking her head as she pointed to a room
-"Trauma Two. Guy with two fingers detached from his dominant right hand. He swears he 'barely touched' the saw"-
You sighed dramatically- "They always barely touch it" - You laughed under your breath, adjusting your glasses as you started toward Trauma Two.
-"You know" -Dana called after you-"if you're lucky, Robby'll get here before shift change" -
-"Lucky? Lucky will be if I manage to slip out before I see his grumpy face"-you teased
-"If you see him, he can take over the paperwork"-
-"Now that's a miracle"-
Dana pointed a finger at you-"Don't get cocky, Kiddo" -Before you could answer, the familiar hiss of the ambulance bay doors echoed through the ER. Someone at the front desk looked up.
-"Day shift's here"-The department shifted almost imperceptibly. Fresh scrubs. New faces filtering in. Night staff exchanging tired nods with the people relieving them. You barely paid attention. Until Dana did. She was halfway through scribbling something on a chart when her pen stopped.
-"...Well" -
You frowned-"What?"-Dana didn't answer immediately. Instead, her eyes stayed fixed on the entrance. The smile she'd been wearing a second ago faded into something... cautious. You followed her gaze. Robby had just walked in, helmet tucked under one arm, already arguing with one of the paramedics before he'd even reached the desk. You smiled instinctively-"There's my pain in the ass"-Dana didn't laugh. Your smile faltered confused until you saw someone else exit one of the bays. Standing a few feet behind your brother, removing her gloves with practiced ease, was a woman you knew so well that your heart recognized her before your mind allowed itself to. Dark curls pulled back. Hospital ID clipped neatly to fresh black scrubs. She was speaking with charge, nodding as if she'd always belong there. As if years hadn't passed.
Dr. Al-Hashimi. Your lungs forgot how to work. No. No, she was supposed to be hundreds of miles away. She wasn't supposed to be here. Nobody told you. Nobody warned you. Your fingers tightened unconsciously around the little juice box still in your hand until the cardboard crinkled. Dana looked at you immediately.
-"...Kiddo"-You couldn't answer, only frown. Across the ER, Al-Hashimi accepted a patient's chart from one of the residents. She turned. Her eyes drifted across the department without really seeing anyone. Then they landed on you.
Everything stopped. Not the monitors. Not the overhead pages. Not the nurses weaving around stretchers. Just the two of you. Recognition hit her like she'd walked into a wall. The color drained from her face. For one impossible second, neither of you moved. You just tightened your jaw.
She looked exactly as you remembered. Just... older around the eyes. More tired. She opened her mouth, almost imperceptibly.
Then the patient on the bay two chose that exact moment to scream. That shattered the silence between you. You flinched. Someone called your name from Trauma Two. The spell broke.
Al-Hashimi lowered her gaze first, swallowing hard before turning back to the nurse with a professionalism so practiced it almost looked effortless. Almost. Dana stepped a little closer to you, her voice low enough that only you could hear.
-"...They didn't tell you, did they?"-she whispered
-"Does it look like they told me?" - you asked pissed
-"Jesus, you and your brother have the same charm" - she teased you and patted you back as you entered bay two, she watched you disappear behind the curtain before letting out a quiet breath-"...Yeah" -she muttered to herself-"Definitely siblings"-
The patient was pale, sweating, clutching his right wrist with his left hand while a paramedic held a blood-soaked towel over what was left of two fingers
-"Good morning, my name is doctor Robinavitch, I will be assisting you today, let's see what we have here" - you said sitting on the chair next to his hand
-"I barely touched the saw"- the man insisted through gritted teeth
You didn't even look up from pulling on gloves-"They always barely touch the saw"-The paramedic snorted
-"It kicked back"-the patient insisted
-"Of course it did"-You peeled the towel away carefully. The room immediately smelled sharper. Blood. Bone. Fresh-cut tissue. Your brain welcomed it. Medicine was easy. Medicine had protocols.
Medicine didn't suddenly walk back into your life wearing black scrubs and the same wedding band she used to spin around her finger whenever she was thinking. No. She wasn't wearing it anymore. Neither were you.
-"Doctor?"-You blinked. The nurse was looking at you.
-"Sorry"-You reached for the detached fingers resting in a sterile bag of ice-"How long ago?"-
-"Twenty-three minutes"-
"Good"-You nodded once-"Page plastics. Keep the hand elevated. Pain meds. Flush the fingers with saline. Let's see if we can give this guy his fingers back."-
The patient looked at you hopefully-"Can you?"-
You offered the practiced smile every ER doctor learned-"We're going to do everything we can"-It wasn't a promise. You'd stopped making promises years ago.
Across the department. Al-Hashimi wasn't hearing a single word the charge nurse was saying-"...You'll be in Trauma Four with Dr...Dr. Al-Hashimi?"-
She blinked-"I'm sorry?"-
-"I said you'll be with Dr. Collins until orientation's finished"-
-"Right" -Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears-"...Of course"-She signed the paperwork automatically.
-"...You okay?"-the nurse asked. She almost answered yes. Instead, her eyes drifted, almost involuntarily, toward the curtain where you'd disappeared.
-"...Who's in Trauma Two?"-
The nurse glanced over-"Robby's sister... They call her 'Ro' because another 'Robby' would be confusing..." - she explained
-"I know" -The words escaped before she could stop them. The nurse frowned.
-"You two know each other?"-
Al-Hashimi swallowed-"...We used to work together in another hospital..."-
Twenty minutes later. The fingers had been wrapped. Plastics had arrived. The patient was headed upstairs. You stripped off your gloves, rubbing sanitizer into your hands harder than necessary.
-"Nice save" -the plastics fellow said.
-"Thanks" -
-"You heading home?"-
-"After I finish charting" - you let out a humorless laugh
-"You look exhausted" - he murdered
-"I am" - He smiled sympathetically before disappearing down the hallway. You leaned both palms against the workstation. Just breathe. Two hours. Just survive two more hours. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard completing your charts.
Then a voice. Quiet. Careful. Like speaking too loudly might shatter glass.
-"...You still drink those."-You froze. There it was. That voice. You hadn't heard it in years. Not in person. Not since the night she'd packed the last box into her car. You didn't turn around. Your eyes stayed fixed on the chart in front of you. The little juice box still sat beside the keyboard. Your grip tightened around the mouse. Silence. You heard her shift her weight-"I didn't know you still worked nights"-
-"I don't.-Another silence. Long enough for a monitor somewhere to alarm twice-"I just picked one up"-
-"...I see"-Nothing. Neither of you knew where to put the years. Finally, she spoke again-"...You look..."-She stopped herself. You let out a humorless laugh
-"Don't"-
-"I'm just..."-she mumbled
-"Don't tell me I look good" - you said without looking at her
Her throat tightened-"I wasn't going to"-
-"What are you doing here doctor?"-you murmured. That almost hurt more, you couldn't even say her name or look at her
-"I got called to replace your brother while he was out..." - she explained, you knew that
-"I mean what are you doing talking to me..."-You finally turned. The distance between you couldn't have been more than six feet. It felt like another country. She looked at you fully now. The tiny scar above your eyebrow. The glasses she'd always teased you about, that she loved seeing you in those. The exhaustion you hid from everyone else
-"I wanted to see if we could get along while we work together" - she said with those big brown shiny eyes that used to own your heart
-"Just stay out of my way and we will be okey" - you murmured passing beside her bumping your shoulder against her to be able to walk away. Your shoulder clipped hers. Not hard. Just enough that she had to take half a step back. She didn't stop you. Didn't reach for your arm. Didn't say your name. She just stood there, watching you disappear into the current of stretchers, nurses, and monitors. For a long moment, she didn't move. Then she closed her eyes.
-"...Yeah" -she whispered to no one-"I deserved that"-
You didn't look back. You refused. If you looked back, you might remember too much.
The tiny apartment with the yellow kitchen light.
Her stealing your hoodies because they smelled like you.
The way she'd rest her head on your shoulder after thirty-hour shifts and mumble, "Five more minutes."
The nursery. God... The nursery. You'd painted it yourselves. Soft sage green. One wall had tiny stars because she'd insisted babies needed something to look at. You'd spent an entire Saturday arguing over whether the crib should face the window.
It had never held a baby. When the last IVF cycle failed... You'd come home carrying takeout because neither of you had the energy to cook. She'd walked into that room. Stared at the empty crib. Then quietly closed the door. After that... She stopped talking. Not overnight. Little by little.
She picked up extra shifts.
Then conferences.
Then research.
You'd wake up alone.
Go to bed alone.
Eat dinner alone.
Until one night she'd admitted, without even looking at you - "I don't know how to be here anymore"-
You'd asked if she still loved you. She'd cried. She never answered. A month later... She was gone.
-"You good?"-You blinked coming back to the present. Dana was handing you another chart-"You've been staring at that blood pressure for a full minute" -
You looked down. 128/76. Right-"I'm good"-
She didn't buy it for a second-"You want me to switch assignments?"-
-"No" - you quickly answer
-"You sure?"-Dana studied your face-"...You don't have to prove anything"-
-"I know"-you stole her pen to sing some prescriptions
-"But you're going to anyway" - You gave the tiniest shrug.
-"I'm already here... Besides I was here first, I won't hide to avoid her, she is the guest here, not me" - you said frowning
She sighed-"Robinavitch stubbornness" -
-"It's genetic" - you replied
-"Unfortunately" - That earned the ghost of a smile. Just enough that Dana relaxed a inch.
Across the department, Al-Hashimi was reviewing imaging when Robby wandered over, helmet hair still refusing to obey gravity. He glanced between her and the spot where you'd disappeared
-"...That went well" -She didn't answer-"You know" -he continued-"when she says 'okay,' that's usually the polite version of 'fuck you' because we are at the ER"-he said
-"I noticed" - she didn't looked at him. He crossed his arms.
-"I almost didn't recognize you"-She looked at him-"You've got more gray" -
-"So do you... And more depressed"-A dry laugh escaped both of them. It lasted all of two seconds.
Then Robby's expression settled into something more serious-"I didn't know they were hiring you..."-
-"I know" - she said. Silence. Finally, he asked the question he'd been carrying since she walked through the doors
-"...Why'd you come back?"-She looked across the ER. Not at him. At you. You were laughing politely at something a nurse had said, though anyone who knew you well could tell it wasn't reaching your eyes. Her own softened with something painfully close to regret.
-"I told myself it was for the job"-Robby didn't say anything. She swallowed-"...I'm starting to think I lied to myself"-
Robby let that sit between them. Then, in a voice that was calm but unmistakably protective, he said-"Whatever you're hoping for..."-She looked at him-"...Don't expect her to make this easy."-
A bitter smile tugged at her lips-"I don't" -
-"No" -he said quietly-"You really don't"-He'd been there after she left. He'd watched his little sister pack away a nursery she'd never gotten to use. He'd sat on the floor of her apartment eating cold pizza because it was the only thing he could convince you to swallow. He'd watched you learn how to laugh again. It had taken years. And he wasn't about to let anyone, no matter how much he'd once cared for them, underestimate the cost of putting those pieces back together.
After two successful hours of avoiding being in the same room with Baran, you went to your brother with your backpack on one shoulder and the helmet on your hand
-"Mikey"-you said and your brother turned around frowning, he didn't liked when you called him that at the hospital, and that was enough reason to call him that on every opportunity
-"What?"-he crossed his arms
-"I'm leaving" - you opened your arms and he pushed you away with a finger in your forehead
-"Why do you want to hug me?" - he asked doing a weird face
-"Because is your last day" - you said laughing at his face
-"But you will see me at your place before I leave... So don't be annoying" - he said and grabbed your arm pulling you apart to the locker room-"Do you want me to stay? I can still cancel... If I stay maybe they will send her back, I'm not so sure..."-he asked worried and you smiled softly
-"It's Okey, I can handle her... And you need a vacation, I prefer having to see her here that seeing you having another panic attack because you need to be away from here" - you murmured, his expression softened again.
-"You don't owe her a conversation."-
-"I know" - you nodded
-"You don't owe her forgiveness" - he said softly
-"I know" -
-"You don't owe her another chance" -
You swallowed-"I know"-He reached over and bumped your shoulder with his. The gentlest version of a hug he'd ever admit to giving in the hospital
-"But..."-You looked at him-"...Don't spend the next three months pretending she doesn't exist if it's only going to tear you apart every shift" -
You let out a slow breath-"I'll survive" -
Robby looked at you for a long moment. Then, very quietly, he said-"I know you will" - His voice caught almost imperceptibly-"...You always do"-And somehow, hearing your big brother say that didn't feel like praise. It felt like the loneliest sentence in the world. You punched his arm, because God forbid the Robinavitch's siblings to have real feelings for more than five minutes
-"Come on Mikey don't go sentimental on me, you have a reputation to maintain" - you teased him and he rolled his eyes
-"See you at home" - he said and you left, you said bye to Dana and the rest
-"Be careful!" - Dana yelled at you, she hated that you had a bike and that you drove tired on it
-"Yes mom! See you tomorrow!" - you yelled back teasing, at that moment the elevator door opened and Baran was in front of you, she dropped her eyes to your helmet
-"Drive safe" - she murmured and you passed by her side not even saying goodbye. The elevator doors slid shut between you. Baran didn't move. She stood there staring at the polished steel doors long after they had closed, your reflection already gone-"...Bye"-The words felt ridiculous now. Too small. Too late. Dana watched the exchange from the nurses station. She sighed under her breath-"She hates me" - Baran murmured for herself walking to the nurse station. Then Dana looked at her carefully.
-"You left"-She said. There wasn't any accusation in her voice. Which somehow made it worse. Dana helped you moved too, she was there when your brother couldn't, they never left you alone specially when you were having depressive episodes
-"I know" -Baran said
-"No"-Dana shook her head-"I don't think you do"-
Baran's shoulders stiffened. Dana rarely involved herself in other people's relationships. But she'd watched the two of you when you visited your brother. Watched the way you looked at each other, they way your brother teased you about it. Watched Baran warm your hands after winter motorcycle rides. Watched the day that you completely chanced and shut down too-"I watched her after you left"-
Baran closed her eyes-"...Dana..."-
-"No" -Her voice stayed calm-"You should hear this"-Baran didn't interrupt again-"She came to work. Every shift. Never late. Never complained. Never snapped at patients"-Dana folded her arms-"And then she'd go home. That's all she did. Work. Home. Sleep. Repeat" -Baran's breathing had become noticeably shallower. Dana noticed. She kept going anyway-"It took almost a year before I heard her laugh... Almost a year"-
Baran looked down at the floor-"I..."-
-"You don't need to explain yourself to me" - Dana's tone remained gentle-"I know why you left. I know infertility breaks people. I know grief makes strangers out of soulmates" -She sighed-"But grief doesn't stop hurting the person who gets left behind" -
Baran pressed her lips together so tightly they almost disappeared-"...I never wanted to hurt her... I just didn't knew hot to be with her anymore, every time I saw her I just saw what we couldn't have... And I felt I hurted her more if I was there than if I wasn't... I didn't mean to..."-
-"I believe you" -Dana answered immediately-"I really do"-
Another silence. Then, almost in a whisper, Baran asked-"...Is she happy?"-
Dana thought about it. About your apartment. About movie nights with Robby. About the way you'd slowly started smiling again. About the tiny juice boxes that still lived in the staff fridge because they somehow made stressful shifts more bearable. Finally she answered honestly-"...She learned how to be" -Baran closed her eyes. Learned. Not became. Learned. As if happiness had turned into another procedure. Something practiced until it became muscle memory. A nurse called Dana's name from across the department. She pushed herself away from the counter-"I've got patients" - She took a few steps before stopping. Without turning around, she added quietly-"For what it's worth..."-Baran looked up-"...She still defends you" -
Baran frowned-"What?"-
-"If anyone says you abandoned her..."-Dana glanced over her shoulder-"She shuts it down... 'She didn't leave because she stopped loving me,' she'll say... She left because staying hurt too much" - Baran felt every ounce of air leave her lungs. She hadn't known. Not once. Not in all these years. Dana offered one last sad smile before walking away to answer the call light. Baran remained where she was. Surrounded by the relentless rhythm of the emergency department. Monitors beeping. Phones ringing. Stretchers rolling by. And for the first time since returning to Pittsburgh...She understood that the hardest part wasn't that you'd stopped loving her. It was that somehow... You hadn't.
The fact that a head of lettuce ends up being thrown out so quickly in my house because I for get it exists and it goes soggy and the bastard thing still outlived a prime minister
[Image ID: The Destiel confession meme edited so that Dean answers 'JK Rowling posted upskirt photos of a woman on Twitter' to Cas 'I love you'. /End ID]
No one doing this should be allowed to call themselves a feminist.
The wealthy author escalated a social media spat that resulted in posting a photo from a 2023 event at the Institute of Economic Affairs in
Let's not beat around the bush: Children's author JK Rowling sexually harassed a woman. In some jurisdictions, this would count as sexual abuse. JK Rowling has committed a sex crime against a woman and fell back on the old rape apologist standby of "she was asking for it".
there's a delicate balance between "seeing something on my dash so often i end up caring about it unexpectedly" and "seeing something on my dash so often that it gets added to the blocked list with extreme prejudice"
Imagine being a year and 3 months old and Nature goes "yeah you can make and raise another one of you. Here is a giant lunatic with insane muscles who fights trees and dirt all day to crawl on top of you."
And you're INTO IT.
We kill most of them around 6 when they stop being profitable. But this animal can naturally make it to 20 or 30 if it gets the opportunity.
I guess when you're living in a herd on open pastureland, your chances of not getting downed by wolves or lions depends on you getting big and aggro as fast as you possibly can.
One of my new moms reblogged my cow-sex trivia post. This makes up for that time she suggested sacrificing me to get credit for being a farmer from vague Internet entities.
something something earning love, literally torturing, real messed up shit, fuck might even make you live in a windowless room for the remainder of the month, you know *•Just Parenting Things•*
You’re not too old to be grounded 😡😡😡 if we need to sell you for the sake of this farm we have come to inhabit so we can have more cute house furries and more cows then so be it! Be grateful we let you out on a leash once a month so you don’t die from vitamin D deficiency.
1. ...I don't think either one of you has a clear idea of what a "farm" is or how it works.
2. This all sounds pretty bad for me, but keep in mind I don't have to get a job, and I never left the house before this. They're actually forcing me to be healthier, honestly.
😨 I resent that! I passed my livestock module thank you very much! I could keep cows or sheep alive (not pigs, fuck pigs)
I’ve changed my mind! Your punishment is manual labour on the farm, you bet your ass you’re on lambing/ calving watch! As well as combine and harvest duty when the season comes, you’ll be up at 4 and bed by 6 everyday forever! So tired you dream of cows
Yeah… I think we might but we’re gonna have to crate and rotate cow kid so they don’t give another person rabies, the lawsuit was too expensive last time, we nearly went bust
Imagine being a year and 3 months old and Nature goes "yeah you can make and raise another one of you. Here is a giant lunatic with insane muscles who fights trees and dirt all day to crawl on top of you."
And you're INTO IT.
We kill most of them around 6 when they stop being profitable. But this animal can naturally make it to 20 or 30 if it gets the opportunity.
I guess when you're living in a herd on open pastureland, your chances of not getting downed by wolves or lions depends on you getting big and aggro as fast as you possibly can.
One of my new moms reblogged my cow-sex trivia post. This makes up for that time she suggested sacrificing me to get credit for being a farmer from vague Internet entities.
something something earning love, literally torturing, real messed up shit, fuck might even make you live in a windowless room for the remainder of the month, you know *•Just Parenting Things•*
You’re not too old to be grounded 😡😡😡 if we need to sell you for the sake of this farm we have come to inhabit so we can have more cute house furries and more cows then so be it! Be grateful we let you out on a leash once a month so you don’t die from vitamin D deficiency.
1. ...I don't think either one of you has a clear idea of what a "farm" is or how it works.
2. This all sounds pretty bad for me, but keep in mind I don't have to get a job, and I never left the house before this. They're actually forcing me to be healthier, honestly.
😨 I resent that! I passed my livestock module thank you very much! I could keep cows or sheep alive (not pigs, fuck pigs)
I’ve changed my mind! Your punishment is manual labour on the farm, you bet your ass you’re on lambing/ calving watch! As well as combine and harvest duty when the season comes, you’ll be up at 4 and bed by 6 everyday forever! So tired you dream of cows
Imagine being a year and 3 months old and Nature goes "yeah you can make and raise another one of you. Here is a giant lunatic with insane muscles who fights trees and dirt all day to crawl on top of you."
And you're INTO IT.
We kill most of them around 6 when they stop being profitable. But this animal can naturally make it to 20 or 30 if it gets the opportunity.
I guess when you're living in a herd on open pastureland, your chances of not getting downed by wolves or lions depends on you getting big and aggro as fast as you possibly can.
One of my new moms reblogged my cow-sex trivia post. This makes up for that time she suggested sacrificing me to get credit for being a farmer from vague Internet entities.
something something earning love, literally torturing, real messed up shit, fuck might even make you live in a windowless room for the remainder of the month, you know *•Just Parenting Things•*
You’re not too old to be grounded 😡😡😡 if we need to sell you for the sake of this farm we have come to inhabit so we can have more cute house furries and more cows then so be it! Be grateful we let you out on a leash once a month so you don’t die from vitamin D deficiency.
1. ...I don't think either one of you has a clear idea of what a "farm" is or how it works.
2. This all sounds pretty bad for me, but keep in mind I don't have to get a job, and I never left the house before this. They're actually forcing me to be healthier, honestly.
😨 I resent that! I passed my livestock module thank you very much! I could keep cows or sheep alive (not pigs, fuck pigs)
I’ve changed my mind! Your punishment is manual labour on the farm, you bet your ass you’re on lambing/ calving watch! As well as combine and harvest duty when the season comes, you’ll be up at 4 and bed by 6 everyday forever! So tired you dream of cows
We’ll make accommodations, we’re evil not monsters 🙄🙄🙄
you’re not getting out of it that easy! Punishment is not supposed to be easy! That’s the point nor is it going to kill you, the aim is torture not kill, like all good parents should.
No, this is an American farm with American guns, I will destroy them before they can even set foot on the property, we’ll make something up about soil contamination or a rare species living on our land hell we’ll return the land to the local Native American tribe if we have to! Musk can suck toes and die
YAY! THE REVOLUTION BEGINS HERE! We're going to need ammo, jugs of purified water, and at least one meat-and-cheese party platter. Maybe get a veggie one two, mostly for the Ranch dip. Take me off my leash and I can go to the store, unless you want to Uber it.
You can’t distinguish between grandma and the grand emperor, the lead stays on. Lord knows how your brain is still functioning with the rabies, I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse
Imagine being a year and 3 months old and Nature goes "yeah you can make and raise another one of you. Here is a giant lunatic with insane muscles who fights trees and dirt all day to crawl on top of you."
And you're INTO IT.
We kill most of them around 6 when they stop being profitable. But this animal can naturally make it to 20 or 30 if it gets the opportunity.
I guess when you're living in a herd on open pastureland, your chances of not getting downed by wolves or lions depends on you getting big and aggro as fast as you possibly can.
One of my new moms reblogged my cow-sex trivia post. This makes up for that time she suggested sacrificing me to get credit for being a farmer from vague Internet entities.
something something earning love, literally torturing, real messed up shit, fuck might even make you live in a windowless room for the remainder of the month, you know *•Just Parenting Things•*
You’re not too old to be grounded 😡😡😡 if we need to sell you for the sake of this farm we have come to inhabit so we can have more cute house furries and more cows then so be it! Be grateful we let you out on a leash once a month so you don’t die from vitamin D deficiency.
1. ...I don't think either one of you has a clear idea of what a "farm" is or how it works.
2. This all sounds pretty bad for me, but keep in mind I don't have to get a job, and I never left the house before this. They're actually forcing me to be healthier, honestly.
😨 I resent that! I passed my livestock module thank you very much! I could keep cows or sheep alive (not pigs, fuck pigs)
I’ve changed my mind! Your punishment is manual labour on the farm, you bet your ass you’re on lambing/ calving watch! As well as combine and harvest duty when the season comes, you’ll be up at 4 and bed by 6 everyday forever! So tired you dream of cows
We’ll make accommodations, we’re evil not monsters 🙄🙄🙄
you’re not getting out of it that easy! Punishment is not supposed to be easy! That’s the point nor is it going to kill you, the aim is torture not kill, like all good parents should.
No, this is an American farm with American guns, I will destroy them before they can even set foot on the property, we’ll make something up about soil contamination or a rare species living on our land hell we’ll return the land to the local Native American tribe if we have to! Musk can suck toes and die
YAY! THE REVOLUTION BEGINS HERE! We're going to need ammo, jugs of purified water, and at least one meat-and-cheese party platter. Maybe get a veggie one two, mostly for the Ranch dip. Take me off my leash and I can go to the store, unless you want to Uber it.
