1.21 Jigawatts of Random Silliness

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

art by Curtis Lanaghan

[savedtiktoksofcats]

[exuberantocean]

That boy is going places.

[trickstertime]

[doing-90mph-in-central-london]

if he was still alive I know in my heart that Terry Pratchett would have done a bit about Igors and Igorinas doing gender confirmation surgery by now. going into a lab full of bubbling vials and picking out a penis from a tank the way you pick a lobster. that one, please. you gotta be careful though because they'll really try to upsell you into getting two or three installed. people going to the clinic as pairs and just having parts swapped out for a discounted rate. maybe you actually just trade brains, that's even easier. Igorth have already been doing that thurgery for thenturieth.

[heallbeecat]

#one day an igor forgets the lock the cage and a pack of penises escapes into ankh-morpork#the watch spends the next three weeks rounding them up

how DARE you leave this in the tags (affectionate)

[pycnanthemum]

Everyone knew it was best not to look too closely at Igor's jars.

Vimes was beginning to wish he had looked more closely at the most recent additions before Igor came lurching up the stairs to inform him:

"They have ethcaped, thir."

"Escaped. What has escaped, Igor."

"Thome of my.. appendageth, thir."

"Appendages."

"Yeth, thir. Of the... intimate variety."

"Of the intimate..." Vimes trailed off as the dawning horror overwhelmed his vocal cords.

He rallied. "Igor. HOW have they escaped? They are not known for their... perambulatory abilities."

"Really, thir? I've alwayth found them to have a mind of their own at timeth."

Vimes was staying calm. Yes. That was it. He was staying very calm. Definitely NOT thinking AT ALL about how Vetinari and... Good lord, The Times, would react to marauding pack of penises. Would it be a pack? Or would they go off on their own?

"I wath exthperimenting with cuthtom grown oneth, you know. For thothe who cannot grow their own."

"Err... what? Of course you were. I mean. Very good."

[jewishpangolin]

Pictured: An Igor harvesting appendages

[carpe-mamilia]

#[a loud crash is heard from the lab] #[another igor runs past with a giant butterfly net. stopping briefly at the door to shriek 'THE VULVATHS''] (via @the-wave-finally-broke)

[the-tao-of-fandom]

It turns out to be a brilliant feat of advertisement, as the people too shy or uncertain to go visit Igor rightaway effectively get a chance to discretely window-shop in public.

[elodieunderglass]

An unfortunate side effect being that a small girl, denied of her rightful need to be a Horse Girl by the limitations of being a native Ankh-Morpork child[1], would have adopted one of the larger Appendages of the pack and named it Free Willy. Her insistence that she could understand her pet through a bond of mutual sympathy was both touching and troubling, as was her announcement that Free Willy did not want to be attached to a governing body and forced into service, saddled with clothing, or made to perform tricks for audiences. With no Igor having the heart [2] to take it from her, the child was allowed to keep Free Willy, who lived for five healthy years in her family’s pigeon loft and eventually passed away from natural causes after a battle with another fighting cock. The child went on to write a well-acclaimed children’s book, The Willy that Would Be Free, which was, necessarily, a pop-up book.

[1] where an ordinary working class child CAN form a magical bond with a horse, in the form of a pie, labeled as beef.

[2] ha

[prettysurethisworks]

Look, it got longer.

[elodieunderglass]

So did Free Willy.

[discworld-heritage-posts]

Discworld Heritage Post

[fu-boss]

Real life Road Runner

[sahonithereadwolf]

Looney Tunes is real and happening outside.

[dancing-crow]

good lord its feet really do spin around in a circle when going fast

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Meep meep! (I really hope this isn’t AI)

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Contemplating mortality and so forth, wondering where I’d want my ashes spread. Every place I could think of felt like purgatory. And I’m like… that’s a new anxiety, I wonder why every imaginable resting place makes me feel like crap… wait am I hungry?

So yeah, that’s a new symptom of low blood sugar unlocked.

[alienantichrist]

Why does this look like a family photo but Spock is their emo son

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

This is the picture that comes up when you search “stable polyamorous triad”.

Edit: I thought that was Christine Chapel, but it’s Janice Rand. My bad.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

A British writer? 

PTERRY THE BRITISH WRITER?!

[stophelping]

To explain! if you were fortunate enough to attend a Discworld convention while Sir Pterry graced this plane, you would receive an explanatory pamphlet with a picture of the gentleman up top. Said pamphlet explained that, while this gentleman looked very similar to our Guest of Honor, he was in fact a completely different person named Silas T. Firefly. You could easily tell him from Terry Pratchett by his lack of Mr. Pratchett’s signature hat. Silas was a private person who would appreciate being left alone as he attended the convention, like every other fan.

Anyway watching Pterry wander around the convention pretending to be incognito and graciously chatting up all the attendees was easily the highlight of my decade.

[fred-erick-frankenstein]

[ID 1: a photo of writer Terry Pratchett without a hat.

ID 2: a photo of writer Terry Pratchett with a hat. /end ID].

[seananmcguire]

I truly wish the rest of us could pull off this level of grace and delicate handling of the “just a person”/“kinda famous” divide.

For the most part, authors are really only Rock Stars under certain very specific circumstances. And those circumstances can be shocking and overwhelming, and since most of us became authors because we liked to read (and probably liked the genres we wound up writing), we want to wander around and look at things and be People, not Rock Stars. But it’s also nice to be a Rock Star sometimes. It feeds the brain weasels.

So having a “Rock Star now” indicator that is generally acknowledged and honored by the community is amazing.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRs1pjDU/

Now I’m picturing a high charisma paladin being called to deal with a dangerous dragon.

Paladin: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem.”

Dragon: Immediately switches from threatening to intrigued

Paladin (internally): Ok, now we got a whole new problem, but at least she stopped breathing fire.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Be the benevolent race of superbings you want to see in the galaxy.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Seriously has no one yet written a spoof of Remember remember the 5th of November based on the Supernatural finale? I only know about this through Tumbler going bonkers over the 2nd anniversary, and this is just an obvious missed opportunity.

[aquilacalvitium]

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

[lizluvscupcakes]

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

[aquilacalvitium]

By Talos this can't be happening

[oysters-aint-for-me]

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

[genuine-possum]

@thedragonemperess I'm gonna hate scrolling past this but do your thing

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

spell of way too many followers activate

[gothiccharmschool]

Yes. Do the thing.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Bwahahahahah, have a big heaping helping of love and kindness from internet weirdos my dude! 🤗🤪🤣😈

[talesfromtreatment]

These are the strongest nursing ear twitches I've ever seen.

She also looks evil and determined when nursing, clearly using this time to plot her takeover of the world

I, for one, welcome our future feline overlord.

[talesfromtreatment]

And then there's the other one....

This is how I actually tell them apart: mastermind vs. mess.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Pinky and The Brain reboot is looking amazing 😻😂

[zack-creeper]

Ok so we all know about humans being deathworlds/space orcs as well as some people saying humans are space dogs or humans are space cats or humans are space fae.

My I present to to you...

Humans Are Space Badgers

I have no idea if this has bin done but humans are a lot like badgers and even though badgers don't pack bond they are tough little shits that no one real wants to mess with as, if you try and take one down you now damn well they are not leaving this world with out biting and scratching the hell out of you as much they can, and doing enough damage that it will have a lasting mark on you. You may live to tell the tail but you will never attack one again, and if you don't live well let's just say anybody who witnessed it will say they tore you limb from limb and sprawled your insides, out onto the ground. Also we can look very cute and fluffy.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Taking this idea and running a little further with it: Humans are Space Mongooses. Very similar in several crucial ways to badgers, but they do pack bond.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Ok so in a human-are-space-orcs setting, humans are also going to be weirdly (or terrifyingly, depending on your point of view) good at booby traps: improvisational engineering, breaking rules, defending their homes/pack bonded crewmates/pack bonded ships, general mayhem and chaos, and sheer bloody-mindedness. Imagine the how aliens would react to Home Alone, Tom and Jerry, Roadrunner and Coyote, etc. “This is entertainment for their young!? This is training for guerrilla warfare!” “When attempting to capture a human ship or settlement, be extremely warry of anything that appears abandoned, or defended only by ‘unarmed’ ‘non-combatants’. There is no such thing as an unarmed human. There are only humans who have done a better job of concealing their improvised weapons. See files “Jackie Chan” and “Kevin McCallister”

[bambamramfan]

Enter Sandman

Long and short of it: If you've read the comics, skip the series as it's a bad adaptation that adds very little. If you haven't read the c...

If you’ve read the comics, skip the Netflix series as it’s a bad adaptation that adds very little.

If you haven’t read the comics, this is probably the best television all year because you’ve never seen writing like this. Watch it.

Spoilers and many thoughts at the link.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

If you’ve read the comics, watch the Netfilx series IMMEDIATELY, since it fixes a ton of unnecessarily-edgy-for-the-sake-of-seeing-if-they-could things about the comics, adapts the best parts of the comics brilliantly, and is definitely the best television all year. The writing is excellent, but the writer has had 30 more years to improve his craft, and learn how to make television to boot.

[nokiabae]

I got the Top 4.47% on this English Vocabulary test

[verrader-is-dutch-for-traitor]

Top 6,57%

[neil-gaiman]

That was actually fun. And when you are old, as I am, and you worry that your vocabulary is a thing of the past, actually quite reassuring.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

Just 131 points shy of Mr. Gaiman’s score? I’ll take it!

https://www.arealme.com/vocabulary-size-test/en/14126533

[fulgurite-and-petrichor]

Can someone help me find a specific funny video?

It's a group of those like... dinosaur toys on sticks that grip things and you can find them in zoo and museum gift shops. And one of them says something like "ok, so one of us is secretly an owl" and another responds "who?" The first one starts saying "well that's the thing, we don't know" but does the most glorious double take I've ever seen.

[captainpoorimpulsecontrol]

@fulgurite-and-petrichor it was shark toys I think? This one? https://youtube.com/shorts/LtHpkrlJjUw?feature=share

One of us is an owl

One of us is an owl