Catnip

idk man, i'm just human. 31 bi they https://linktr.ee/catnipghost31

[cilceon]

It’s extremely important that you listen to this video by averagedesignedwood with the sound on

[is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not]

[thoughtportal]

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous sign (apparently translates to "Sorry", in a sincere way)

[soul-of-a-ghost]

pathetic wet beast on the brink of tears

[ominous-signs]

OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THEM

[antimony-medusa]

Imagining my late bus in the frigid cold is saying this and holding like a protection against despair.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Where’s the YA protagonist teen girl and her two boyfriends that are supposed to save us from this mess anyways

[what-even-is-thiss]

The dystopia books lied. The teen throuples aren’t coming to save us.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Save me teen dystopia love triangle

[what-even-is-thiss]

Teen dystopia love triangle save me

[skatinginfinitelywithyourmom]

how to get up in the morning tutorial

[skatinginfinitelywithyourmom]

how to get up in the morning walkthrough

[skatinginfinitelywithyourmom]

how to get up in the morning tips and tricks

[noknowshame]

I know we’re all like lawless nonconformists but you really can’t be texting and driving. that’s one of the ones you’ve gotta listen to for real

[thepaisleyelf]

There’s a liquor store near my house that seems to be run exclusively by frat boys. They lovingly curate these bags, which I browsed today while “Oops I Did It Again” played through the store speakers. This is art to me, there is beauty everywhere for those with eyes to see it

[rozzed]

new favorite tweet

[horrorlesbion]

(from the author of fight club)

[sandersstudies]

Me: Okay guys remember that it’s important in improv to establish your characters at the beginning of the scene.

Students: ok

Student 1: Hello. I am the president of the United States.

Student 2: Hello madame president. I’m William Shakespeare and I’m here to assassinate you.

[haroldjaffe]

This is the best opening to a scene I've ever heard of

[sandersstudies]

Here’s how the scene actually went as nearly as I can remember.

Student 1: I’m the president of the United States. How can I help you?

Student 2: I’d like to make a complaint about the Vice President.

Student 1: Okay let me just get out my chalkboard where I tally complaints about the Vice President. Let’s see, that makes five… hundred! What’s your complaint?

Student 2: Well you see, I’m here to assassinate you, but I don’t think that guy should take over when you’re dead.

Student 1: Okay let me make some calls. Beep boop beep boop beep beep beep. Hello? I’m here with— What’s your name?

Student 2: I’m William Shakespeare.

Student 1: I’m here with William Shakespeare and he convinced me we need to replace the Vice President. When? Let me ask. — When were you planning to assassinate me?

Student 2: I mean I was thinking like, as soon as I was done talking to you.

Student 1: Okay sounds good. Yes we need to replace him right now, one moment. Beep beep boop beep. Hello? You’re fired. Bye. Ring, ring. Oh, it’s my assistant again. Hello? What’s that? Oh, they want to know if you’re the same William Shakespeare who wrote Romeo and Juliet.

Student 2: Yes, that’s me.

Student 1: What’s that? He’s been dead for four hundred years? Okay thank you goodbye. Sorry they said you’ve been dead for four hundred years so you can’t assassinate me.

[serial-unaliver-deactivated2024]

they hate us control freaks for making sure everyone else does things the correct way

[zeroatthebone]

[oleskyfm]

[brokenbythesirensound]

[redstonedust]

normalize being dogshit amateur at your special interests and hyperfocuses. no more autistic savants. yes i am very into that topic no i am not good at it. we exist <3

[veryberryskye]

yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-

did she just win.

[the-stew-goblin]

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

[veryberryskye]

wait wait wait stew goblin wait

[peachdelta]

get ready for the wedding

[crabs-and-bedbugs]

You can't convince me Canada is a real place

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

[caustic-pixie]

OP the tags!!

[mephistopheles]

some of yall need to go back to like preschool level 'girls can do anything boys can do' feminism bc we are regressing into feminine = frivolous = weak = nurturing and masculine = power = force = competence at the speed of fucking light

[mtf-the-gathering]

"gender is a social construct": fairly easy for leftists to understand

"race is a social construct": a bit harder to swallow for some but still reasonable

"mental illness is a social construct": this one gets you hate mail in your inbox

[thebookewyrme]

Gotta add previous tags on here, because this is gonna live rent free in my head from now on. The stars are real, constellations are not. Damn. Tags by @smoreofbabylon (if you don’t want me to put you on blast like this I’ll delete lol!)