Idk, this might be kind of crazy but what if I told you about my Movie star!Ethan Hunt and MI6 Agent!Benji Dunn Benthan AU?
In this life, Ethan Hunt never became a secret agent; his theater degree actually landed him in the attention of some Hollywood producer and he becomes a Tom Cruise level star in his career. He was also married to Julia, but like Tom Cruise himself, couldn’t balance a personal life and ended up divorced.
Let’s say Ethan is around the level of fame Tom Cruise was before he was dating Nicole Kidman: he’s successful, he’s a cultural icon, but he is quite divisive in the eyes of the public and is tired of playing solely dramatic/romance roles? He wants to do more stunts! He wants to do more action! He wants to be not just a hollywood star, but someone who helps move Hollywood forward — but no one really takes him seriously and his life is getting lonely as he focuses on his career. For the first time in his life, Ethan Hunt is stuck, and he doesn’t know what to do.
Let’s say in this life, Benji Dunn does somehow find himself working for an intelligent agency, except this time he didn’t join the IMF, but rather MI6? And let’s say that Benji, as talented as he is, takes a little longer to become a field agent — he’s a technical wizard but he is still very new to the field. One day during a mission to investigate potential enemy spies, he somehow ends up bumping into Ethan Hunt, who’s been filming a film in London for his upcoming movie. Of course, immediately, he is starstruck because holy shit that is Ethan Hunt, one of Benji‘s celebrity crushes!
Let’s say that immediately after they bump into each other, they hear someone shoot a gun towards them and Benji grabs Ethan and runs, trying to get away as fast as possible from those who want to kill him and now may also want to kill THE Ethan Hunt as well. God Benji really hates running and- damn, Ethan Hunt knows how to really run. Actually he’s super fit…wait he’s also nice and funny and actually knows how to handle a gun? Wait he manages to somehow trick the men running after Benji to go a different direction? His smile is just as beautiful in real life as it is on screen? (Benji’s heart is racing and it’s not just from exertion)
Let’s say that while this is all happening to Benji, Ethan is literally swept off his feet by this dashing blonde man who also really knows how to run, is running away from gunshots, and is smart enough to somehow have the entire map of London memorized in his head? Also he actually laughed at Ethan‘s jokes and seems to like talking to Ethan instead of At Ethan Hunt like everyone else does? And oh shit he’s hot while shooting a gun and he’s- wait, now he’s shielding Ethan with his own body to protect him? Oh…is this what it’s like to have someone protect you the way you ‘protect’ everyone else? (Ethan‘s heart is racing and that’s not just from the exertion)
And let’s say that even after Benji runs back into the shadows afterwards, they somehow keep bumping into each other because Ethan is still filming his movie in London and Benji‘s mission is still there as well. What if at some point while Benji is trying to follow a tail but loses them, he somehow manages to bump into Ethan Hunt, who is trying to get home after a long day at set, in the process? What if Ethan invites Benji over, saying that he was going to grab dinner first and he could get Benji something — when suddenly the tail Benji was chasing before starts chasing them back.
Let’s say that it isn’t until they get into Ethan‘s home do they manage to shake them off. What if Benji and Ethan start talking while cooking and eating dinner together? What if they say good night but can’t bear to move away from the table — where the other one is sitting — because they don’t want the moment to end? What if Ethan bites his lip, hoping for this handsome gentleman who’s saved his life twice to kiss him, blinks, and realizes that he already is?
Let’s say they have a morning after?
Let’s say the morning after, Ethan asks Benji if he wants to go out on a date sometime, and Benji says no because this is the second time he’s endangered Ethan‘s life — he won’t let there be a third. Let’s say that afterwards, they share one more night, before Benji leaves Ethan while he sleeps.
Let’s say that Solomon Lane sees all of this; Solomon Lane, who has been looking to take down MI6 Agent Benji Dunn at any cost and now knows exactly how to draw out Benji from the shadows. What if he kidnaps famed superstar Ethan Hunt from his set — causing international panic?
And let’s say that agent Benji Dunn is assigned a new mission: a mission to protect US-UK national diplomacy and save one of the most famous people on earth’s life — a man he had only met twice before — Ethan Hunt, from a rogue MI6 agent and learns that Ethan has been put into danger, kidnapped, all because of him? What if Benji goes to rescue Ethan and can only pray that it’s not too late? What if that’s how they meet a third time and what may be the last time? What if that’s the story of how they fell in love?
…
Ah so yeah…what if I told you about that Movie star!Ethan Hunt and MI6 Agents!Benji Dunn Benthan AU I have — do you think you’d like it? 
In like 3rd grade or some shit, me and a few of my classmate who were deemed the ‘fastest’ challenged our teacher to a race.
Now she was a former track athlete, not that we knew that at the time, and she left us all in the dust. Kinda opened my eyes to the fact I underestimated her simply because of age. But also I was like 8 or something so I didn’t do much critical thinking
——
The bat kids all know Bruce is getting older, even if he doesn’t visibly look it. He groans and grunts as he sits down and gets up from chairs, he’s using his reading glasses more, on days where he doesn’t have patrol he goes to bed early
He’s old
So naturally they challenge him to a race. Just like how they used to when they were little kiddies
None of them have even beaten Bruce in a race, but since he’s so much older and has had so much damage done to his body over the years, they figure they have a pretty overwhelmingly good chance
They’re a little cocky, taunting Bruce and ribbing him. (Bruce chuckles and laughs at all his kids getting along, even if it is to beat him)
They all line up, the finish line is pretty far away, but they’re not worried. Kids figure they’ll start off with a light jog beside Bruce and make him think he’s winning before sprinting to the finish line and leaving the old man in the dust
The moment Alfred yells ‘Go!’ Bruce is off like a fucking bullet, sprinting full out immediately.
The kids are shocked but the shoot off after him, expecting him to start slowing down soon. But he doesn’t, Bruce just powers on and continues sprinting. In fact, you could say that he’s gaining speed the longer that he runs.
Bruce sprints the entirety of 900 yards without a moment of pause, barely out of breath or sweating when he crosses the finish line.
To their credit, his kids weren’t that far behind but they’re out of breath and wheezing.
Bruce immediately feels bad for crushing them so mercilessly so he thinks up at workout plan for their stamina while he’s handing out their water bottles.
Narcissa: How are you ever going to marry a nice man like Lucius?
Bellatrix: Which is it, Cissy? Marry a nice man, or someone like Lucius?
Lucius: ...If you were my wife, I'd put poison in your tea.
Bellatrix: If you were my husband, I'd drink it.
“Now, you’ve been kidnapped by nasty Gryffindors—”
“But your mum said my parents were Gryffindors.”
“Well, don’t worry, you’re safe with us now.”
“I don’t think—”
“Anyway. You can be the princess in the tower. I’m the dragon who comes to rescue you.”
“Last time you said I could be the flying gargoyle…or the silver soldier. He’s cool.”
“Don’t be silly. Why would you want to be a soldier? Look, it’s easy. All you have to do is sit in your tower.”
“Are you going to lock me up and make me sweep the floors?”
“No! That’s your evil stepfamily…hmph. You’re much fussier to play with than Dobby.”
“Probably because I’m not a house-elf.”
“You are a scrawny thing with big sad eyes...”
“The princess is pale and pointy, like you. And you’re all pink in the face, too.”
“Don’t be rude. I want to be the dragon! You’re my future wife, you’re supposed to indulge me.”
“No I’m not, because I’m not a girl. And I didn’t even agree to that!”
“I know you’re not a girl, calm down. But we’re still going to marry. Father said you have to.”
“…Mr Malfoy said I have to indulge you because I’m your ‘wife’, did he?”
“…don’t you dare tell Mum I said that. I mean it.”
“Let me be something else, and I won’t.”
“Fine! At least I know relationships are all about colonising.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s when I let you do what you want so you’ll stop whingeing.”
“Er. When’ve you ever done that?”
“Just now!”
“I was the princess the last two times we played!”
“Exactly. It’s supposed to be best of three, but I’ve decided to colonise. Here, you can be the wizard who’s about to fall to his death from the Astronomy Tower. Don’t look so outraged, you should know better than to bargain with flimsy terms.”
“Why am I always trapped in a tower?!”
“Because the handsome dragon needs to come and fly you to safety.”
“I don’t need to be flown to safety. I can escape by myself!”
“Oh really? How?”
BANG!
“…oops.”
“Now look what you’ve done! You’ve blown yourself up with your temper…what’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a—”
CRACK—“Young masters, Mistress is coming!”—CRACK.
“Boys, what on earth is going on? Draco!”
“It’s nothing, Mother. We were just building a gingerbread Hogwarts.”
“In the library?”
“…it didn’t start off as a gingerbread Hogwarts?”
“Goodness, the state of Harry’s hair…”
“Mum, stop fussing! He doesn’t like it. You need to colonise.”
“…I beg your pardon, darling?”
. . .
“—and then Master Draco is telling Mistress he is responsible for exploding the castle!” Miffy cries, wiping her eyes.
Harry leans into Draco’s side and murmurs, “Do they really have to reenact this story every year?”
“Come on, it’s a classic. You know they love doing the voices.”
“…all because Master Harry is not used to having a family. He is being scared that Mistress is to be sending him away,” Dobby sniffles.
“Yes, yes. Master Harry is so grateful to Master Draco, he is promising never to complain about being his princess again!”
“I didn’t—” Harry begins loudly.
“Oh, shush. Let them have their fun.”
“…in honour of the Great Gingerbread Bombarda of 1988—let the annual rebuilding festivities begin!”
. . .
“Sirius, stop trying to eat our common room!”
“Sore loser. Remember the strop he threw when you Sorted Slytherin?”
“Of course I threw a strop. Imagine you’ve just got out of Azkaban to find old Lucy here has gone and soul-bonded your godson to his son! How was I supposed to know the whole story—”
“Why, you ungrateful—! Have you forgotten why I did that?”
“Master Lucius! You should know the rules. That is a tale for Samhain, not Yule. It is bad enough that we is having to put Mister Black and Mister Snape on a rota.”
“That was Snivel—sorry, sorry!—Snape’s fault.”
“You two have got to learn to compromise.”
“Don’t you mean colonise—alright, Draco, stop! You were a very eloquent seven-year-old.”
“Don’t tease, I’ll lock you up in your tower again.”
“Oh, you wish.”
summer bingo squares: kid fic, dialogue-only (does it count that the first and last scenes are dialogue-only? 😅)
Random fic idea #73: Alfred Pennyworth isn’t just Bruce’s guardian after the Waynes die, he’s their “heir” temporarily until Bruce reaches adulthood, at least for the purposes of high society. He has to go to the events in their honor, shake hands, wear the fancy clothes and dazzle investors in their stead, all the while teaching Bruce how to navigate the waters of such a complicated world. Alfred becomes a socialite in Thomas and Martha’s stead, at their request, and this protects Bruce from undue attention before he reaches the age of majority. A “growing up in royal court” AU but for modern Gotham, as a “lowly servant” finds himself thrust into a glittering world with an innocent, traumatized child at his side and a legacy he must uphold for the next decade.
-----and one night at the gala of the year, Alfred is thrust into conversation with a wealthy businessman from overseas. A witty individual, Alfred finds himself actually enjoying the company, in no small part because the man recognizes Alfred from his theatre days, being a lover of the arts, and because the man's daughter is one of the few people Bruce will willingly interact with.
A one minutre greeting turns into an hour-long conversation, and becomes an arrangement to meet outside the gala under the pretext of the children interacting. . . Thus beginning Alfred's short fling with Ra's Al Ghul, the only man to catch his interest after Thomas and Martha's passing.
It should've been a sweet love story, but Alfred's affection crumpled to ash after Ra's revealed his plans to train Bruce a successor for the league of shadows via kidnapping the child to take to Nanda Parbat.
Thus the scandalous butler/ecoterrorist love story becomes lover to enemies toxic yaoi, the way God intended.
You can’t tell me that Batdad himself Bruce Wayne isn’t secretly so fucking pleased when a major event happens in Gotham and all of his kids ends up in the Cave one way or the other, even the ones he’s fighting with (Jason) and the ones who should be asleep/etc (Duke and Barbara) like yes there’s a crisis but everyone is here!! Alfred is setting out food and coffee as fast as he can and keeps hiding a smile. Bruce will not look away from his monitors once for fear of scaring them all off. Which he doesn’t need to worry about, frankly, because they’re all too busy puffing up like angry cats and yelling “constructive feedback” about possible plans at each other to try and coerce Bruce into finally cutting in (it works every single goddamned time)
I wanted to add a couple of the ones that are Literal Brooding Hen Batman trapping his chicks and BatBlob with all his babies under his cape, but apparently I reblog them a million but didn't save them?
i love how we've all agreed that draco holds an endless grudge against harry all because harry refused his offer of friendship in first year. we've all agreed that draco really is that petty bitch
just saw a video on tiktok of a girl who could actually trace out where the orthopedic surgeon held her leg while operating on her knee because there were five perfect bruises on her calf, and someone in the comments mentioned how being strong enough to hold limbs up for long times is an important skill for orthopedic surgeons so of course now I’m thinking about a night where Leslie Thompkins is called into the Cave to do some sort of emergency surgery on Robin that they can’t risk going to a hospital for (reducing a compound fracture in the leg or something gnarly) and Bruce’s job is to hold the leg. that’s his whole job. he’s a billionaire vigilante with the equivalent of like five doctorates and a master martial artist twice over who runs the literal Justice League but tonight his job is Holding The Leg while Alfred helps Leslie operate. he is strong and can do this for HOURS and so he Holds The Leg.
(and then Dick wakes up the next day drugged up but fine while Bruce stares in horror at his leg because there are five perfect fingerprint bruises on his calf in the shape of Bruce’s hand)
theartofmadeline
dededos
baratheonpilled
areudirty
titsay
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
