Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Love Begins
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Cosmic Funnies
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@certifiedslug
me: it’s okay if people dislike my favorite character. everyone is entitled to their own opinion
person: *dislikes my favorite character*
me:
imagine my shock finishing well of ascension and getting on tumblr, knowing nothing about the cosmere fandom and hoping for zane venture content only to find he’s deeply despised by the entire fandom
I decided to make a list of mentions of curly or wavy hair in the Stormlight Archive, because I mean, why not. Side characters have been mostly omitted.
Kaladin:
“His black Alethi hair was shoulder-length and wavy, his eyes a dark brown. He also had knots of white cord on the shoulders of his jerkin, marking him as a squadleader.” — TWOK: 1
“Not Sadeas at all. A young man with a strong face and long, curling black hair. He carried a spear.” — TWOK: 68
“Dalinar’s guards had very few lighteyes among them. That was odd. And did that one man at the door look familiar? The tall darkeyed man with the blue coat that went down to his knees. The man with the shoulder-length hair, curling slightly…” — WOR: 36
“Kaladin saw himself reflected in a pan hanging beside the brick oven. Long hair with a curl to it, the tips resting against his shoulders.” — OB: 6
“He could feel her, like a gust of wind, move up his sleeve then out his collar, into his hair. The long curls hid her, they’d determined, well enough.” — OB: 31
“Shallan glanced at him. There was something about that wavy dark hair, that grim expression.” — OB: 39
“The light resolved into a man with shoulder-length wavy hair, a blue uniform, and a silvery spear in his hand.” — OB: 119
““Tall for a human, with wavy black hair worn to the shoulders. Clean shaven, he has a slave’s brand on his forehead.”” — ROW: 1
“Kaladin was tall, and Lirin was short. The younger man had that unruly hair falling in a natural curl.” — ROW: 3
““Tall male,” the Regal said. “Shoulder-length wavy hair. Slave brands.”” — ROW: 53
“As she was thinking on this, someone entered the small tent at the edge of the dome, where they were waiting. Kaladin, with his blue uniform and shoulder-length hair with a faint curl to it.” — WAT: 13
The Kholins:
“She wore part of it up, wrapped around a small, scroll-shaped golden ornament with two long hairpins holding it in place. The rest tumbled down behind her neck in small, tight curls. Even twisted and curled as it was, it came down to Jasnah’s shoulders—if left unbound, it would be as long as Shallan’s hair, reaching past the middle of her back.” — Jasnah, TWOK: 5
“She sat at his writing desk now, hair bound up in curls and crossed with four hair-spikes.” — Navani, TWOK: 52
“His dark hair curled to his shoulders, and was matched by a fine beard.” — Gavilar, OB: 36
“The flaps burst apart, revealing a man with fine clothing and wavy hair. Sadeas gaped, then stumbled to the side, holding the flap for Dalinar, who did not break stride.” — Dalinar, OB: 75
“He stared toward eternity, crown on his head, the curls of his beard and hair preserved delicately in the stone.” — Gavilar, OB: 105
Sadeas:
“At the pavilion, Sadeas walked out into the night. He had removed his helm, revealing a head of thick black hair that curled and tumbled around his shoulders.” — TWOK: 15
“This Sadeas was a different creature entirely, with that round face, curly hair, and lofty expression.” — TWOK: 17
“Sadeas stood ahead. The treacherous highprince waited with arms folded, still wearing his Shardplate, curly black hair blowing in the breeze.” — TWOK: 69
“He turned to leave, and stopped short. Someone stood behind him—a stout man with a bulbous face and black curly hair.” — WOR: 37
Other characters:
““Yeah,” said Leyten, a tall, stout man with curly hair. “That’s right.”” — TWOK: 14
“A short woman in a fine dress stood on the manor’s steps, hands on her hips. She had curly dark hair. From northern Alethkar, then?” — Palona, WOR: 40
“Balat ran a hand through his curling hair.” — WOR: 45
“Her hair had dried, but she tended to keep it long and straight down her back, with only its natural curl to give it body. The Alethi women favored intricate braids instead.” — Shallan, WOR: 47
“His hair was growing far too long; the tight black curls had a tendency to stick straight out.” — Sigzil, OB: 35
hoid:
had a dream last night that one of my fics gained traction and I had a flood of new comments but then when I actually woke up I realized it wasn’t real and I did not, in fact, have a bunch of new comments. then I almost got sad until I remembered I don’t write for comments I write bc I want Elhokar to get railed by Wit and no one but me is gonna do it. so I reread one of my favorite chapters of them instead of being sad 😌
finally got to the dog and dragon and “you will be warm again”
I’m planning a new fic where Hoid shows up as Gavilar’s Wit a few weeks before the assassination, so he and Elhokar meet much earlier and fall in love immediately.
Since he loves cartography in canon, young Elhokar will be teaching himself to draw in secret. So I fucked around and made a couple of pages of his sketchbook notebook. Safe to say I’m a bit obsessed, since I’m actually posting them for people to see 😅
References for Sunraiser and Kholinar were all found on the 17th Shard.
I finally got to use these drawings I finished weeks ago 🥹
anyway, if you wanna read the fluff that goes along with artist!Elhokar, chapter 2 has been posted 💞
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
It’s 5am and I just got home from dropping my wife off at the airport. I will now be in Waiting Mode™️ until I pick her up again on Sunday. There are only two good things that come from her being gone: I can isolate myself and write fanfiction until my eyesight goes blurry and my back hurts, and our cat might actually pay attention to me because my wife is the favorite parent (understandable) and her absence means Julie will be forced to get love and pets from the Secondary Human.
Cat tax: Julie sitting in the bathroom doorway when I got home, staring at the bedroom door and meowing because Mother left with Father but didn’t return with him
Therapist: okay so each of you can put something that makes you happy into the box.
Shallan: can I put Adolin into the box?
Therapist: no you cannot put Adolin into the box.
Kaladin: can I put Adolin into the box?
Therapist: no.
Renarin: can I put Adolin into the box?
Therapist: stop asking that. No.
Dalinar: Can I—
Therapist: No! No one is putting Adolin into the box!
Adolin: Awwwwww :(
pitch for a fantasy book that will never interest me: "look at this cool person who can do cool things."
pitch for a fantasy book that at least has a chance: "look at this weird dog that explains its philosophy to you."
the pitch my friend gave me for Mistborn while reading WoA: I just met your favorite character. he’s a tall, dark haired psychopath who’s obsessively infatuated with the main character.
I think it’s fairly obvious that it worked.
Patiently waiting for the day that the Cosmere reaches 4000 fics on ao3. So far, we're at 3,898. We are so close, guys. So close.
A bit over a month later, and we're at 3,985 !!!
if I locked in and wrote all the one shots I have in my notes we’d nearly be there… and my wife will be out of town this week so my life will have no meaning for four days.
guess I know what I’ll be doing the next few days
Every time I re-read Words of Radiance I remember why I ship Kaladin/Dalinar so hard, there's just so many excellent scenes 😩
Dalinar running the entire way down the instant he hears that Kaladin DID survive the trek back through the chasms. Kaladin realizing that the worst thing he can think of isn't, y'know, dying, it's disappointing Dalinar
Both of them hoping so hard that the other is what he needs/wants/believes and then he is
I'm chewing on the fucking walls again I can't
listening to rhythm of war is slow going since we only listen a couple hours a week at work, but we finally got to Jasnah fighting in her shardplate and I have to say I’m exceptionally disappointed that I can’t find a single piece of art of her jumping through literal fire in Plate like ??? what are we doing here
looks like I’m gonna have to learn to draw and/or paint to make it a reality 😭
I love Bridge Four so much 🤲🏻
and Rlainarin of course
It seems writing something you’re extremely excited about is much more intimidating than just writing something for fun. Anyway, I’m finally starting the fic I’ve been planning since April… if anyone feels so inclined as to check it out 🫶
Summary:
Gavilar returns from an expedition with a new King's Wit, and Elhokar finds himself falling love for the first time - until his life falls apart the night the Assassin in White comes for his father.
Years later on the Shattered Plains, Elhokar has grown into a bitter king, far from the kindhearted prince he had been before. Now he has to face the truth about his father, and deal with Wit's unexpected return.
OR:
When Hoid comes to Roshar to be Gavilar's Wit, he and Elhokar fall in love, and find themselves in an extended situationship.
Cosmere Characters Argue About The Best Way to Flirt with Hoid
Cosmere characters flirting with Hoid requested by anon. :)
Sigzil: Now, I'm not saying I ever have or ever would flirt with Hoid...
Sigzil: But if I did, I'd ask him to tell me the tale of Salamander the Bold, a story about a Worldsinger apprentice who seduces his master and then there are 10-15 verses (depending on the version) of their lovemaking.
Sigzil: Very well-known seduction technique in the Worldsinger community.
Rock: That is so....suspiciously specific for someone who has never seduced Hoid.
Sigzil: Y-You're suspiciously specific!!
Rock: See me? I know that "Hoid" is one of the gods. And there is only one right way to seduce a god.
Rock: You don't.
Rock: Bad idea.
Harmony: ...
Harmony: Well anyway, I think it works to just keep asking Hoid to come around on various excuses.
Harmony: "Oh Hoid, I need your help saving the Cosmere." "Oh Hoid, I need your advice on something." "Hoid, can you help me get in touch with Valor?"
Harmony: That man LOVES to be asked for things.
Kelsier: That's not-- Look, NONE of you know what flirting even is!
Kelsier: I've successfully flirted with Hoid, and you know what works?
Kelsier: Punching. Him. In. The. Face.
Jasnah: ...
Jasnah: You are bold to claim that others do not know what flirting is.
Jansah: I find that all you need to do is tell Hoid what to do.
Jasnah: I tell him to "insult that man harder" and the next thing you know, we're in bed.
Jasnah: ...
Jasnah: Unfortunate, but it happens.
Design: Oh! I've flirted with Hod!
Design: I say things like "Hey! My boobs are down here!" and "Do you know why you made such a good coatrack? Because you're so hung."
Elhokar: Does he...like that?
Design: [giving two thumbs-ups]: He does NOT!
Elhokar: Well, I have a foolproof strategy that I may or may not have employed.
Elhokar: I would ask Wit to tell me tales of his verbal conquests.
Elhokar: This is happening in my room, by the way, and I'm on the couch.
Elhokar: And as he tells me about all of the wonderful insults he's doled out that day, I'm telling him how clever he is and I also happen to be gradually unbuttoning my jacket...
Elhokar: "Oh Hoid, you're so clever!" "What a smart thing to say!" "Wow, that man couldn't dream of going toe-to-toe with you!"
Elhokar: [noticing everyone staring at him]
Elhokar: Oh, you're all FOOLING yourselves if you think this wouldn't work!
Sadeas: One time Hoid was talking at me.
Sadeas: Saying something or other about how this rock he found on the ground should be the new Highprince of Information.
Sadeas: And I just looked at him and said, "Ooooh, insult me harder, daddy."
Sadeas: He just...walked away.
Sadeas: Flirting? Perfect way to get rid of him.
Shallan: I think Hoid would be seduced by puns.
Shallan: ...
Shallan: He just seems like the type.
Frost: All of you humans seem to believe that Hoid can be seduced by vulgar flirting and mediocre worldplay.
Shallan: Hey! My wordplay is never mediocre!
Frost (ignoring her): As a long-lived being who communicates with Hoid via letter, I would simply tell him to stop meddling in the Cosmere and start meddling with my dick.
Everybody stares
Frost: Obviously I'd dress it up more than that.
Kelsier: Ugh, all of you are so caught up on words when that man is only seduced by action!
Sigzil: He is literally a storyteller.
Shallan: Yeah, words are kind of his thing.
Elhokar: Which is why playing to his ego is the right call!
Jasnah: He has enough of an ego. He wants to be belittled.
Kelsier: Yes! Thank you!
Jasnah: Do not presume that I am agreeing with you.
Wax: ...
Wax: ....
Wax: ...
Wax: Why does everyone to seduce my coachman so bad?
Adolin Kholin is secretly a transgender man and I will die on this hill.
Evi taught him sewing and all those feminine Alethi arts and things, and when Adolin finally socially + medically transitioned, it just stuck with him because it was taught by his fricken mom (who he misses very much) and he didn’t see a point in trying to erase the things he likes to do in order to present/appear more masculine. Pre-T Adolin was def tackling his friends and whacking people with wood swords, (maybe Dalinar’s legs, whenever he was around) but primarily Evi’s or something. He wouldve been too scared to tackle Renarin, in fear of making him have a seizure or something.
And, to make it better, evb he fricken knew (family wise ig,) already saw it coming too. He comes out to Renarin first when he’s 14 or so, and says smth like, “I don’t feel like a girl. I don’t think I am one, Renarin. I feel like a man.” And Renarin is just like: “You stopped me from fidgeting with my tungsten cube for something I already knew?????”
Dalinar would raise a brow upon Adolin’s coming-out, but nevertheless accept him anyways. He’d probably say something along the lines of, “I’ve always wanted a son!!!” (He completely left Renarin out of the equation in this, then remembered later and was like “oooohhhh stooorrmmss.” Silly man!! You forgot your other son !!! Silly, silly Dalinar)
Also I can imagine pre-coming out Adolin hitting on lots of girls and being confused when they realize that he wasn’t born male. That’s why he couldn’t keep them. They find out he’s not born male and then they raise a brow and start to question themselves and everything they knew. Maybe Dalinar raised a brow too. He doesn’t understand what Adolin is at first (Adolin doesn’t know either, i’d like to imagine that he’s just existing) but accepts it for the way it is nevertheless. Dalinar would like Adolin’s manliness and I also feel like he’d put him in training and allat with shardplates and shardblades, even when Adolin was still identifying as a girl. Sadeas would give him stuff for it and he’d whack the man.
Anyways, this is just something sillyfun to think about. Im trans myself and my friend and I were talking about headcanoning characters as trans, and Adolin instantly popped up into my brain, and honest to fricken Honor bro I feel way more connected to Adolin now than I did before (Adolin was easily in my top five but he’s probably #2 for me now). I can’t stop thinking of trans Adolin now too. I might draw that soon or something, i need to see him with top surgery and phallo scars. I also might make more posts like this of my hc’s of silly things regarding Adolin, his transness and other stormlight characters
my wife and friends apparently coordinated on parts of my birthday presents, meaning I not only got a new water bottle but also Stormlight stickers to decorate it since I’m a very mature 29 year old teenager. and of course I promptly ran here to tumblr to show it them off.
unfortunately since these were all gifts I don’t know the artists, which is disappointing 😔💔
