This is a blog that is dedicated to talking about our experiences with a cdd as well as our experiences with other disorders including: MDD, ADHD, GAD, OCD, as well as possibly bipolar and schizoaffective disorder bipolar type (which I am being medicated for). We are also physically disabled and we have some chronic illnesses which we might talk about too!
I wont always post negative things on this blog, I like to have fun too!
You might notice that my blog always wasnt like this, please respect my decision to "rebrand" in a way and no longer use this blog in that way.
DNI
Radqueers, racists, endos, willos, tulpas (not the religious practice), etc (i dont want a lot of syscourse on this blog), beleivers in [disorder] abuse, other general DNI criteria
Sideblog
We have a recoin blog called @zygard-recoins! Check it out!
Reminder that alters can only split from trauma. Alters are highly complex dissociative compartmentalizations of traumatic memory that are reliant on PTSD in order to exist on a neuropsychological level. Your brain cannot compartmentalize a trauma memory if there is no trauma memory to compartmentalize.
Alters and the self-states that make up PTSD develop from the same process, just on different levels of complexity. If it were possible to split alters without trauma it would also have to be possible to develop PTSD without trauma, which it obviously isn't.
And importantly, splitting because of stress is not an exception to this.
The development of alters and PTSD is tied to a person's integrative capacity, which is made up of their mental energy and mental efficacy (ability to use that energy effectively).
When both of these are high, the person will easily be able to integrate their experiences even if those experiences are stressful or frightening. When both are low, the person will lose their ability to engage in more high level integrative actions, making them more vulnerable to structural dissociation until their integrative capacity recovers.
Chronic stress lowers a person's integrative capacity and prevents it from regenerating, and as a result people who have experienced complex trauma (which is required for the development of DID) tend to be stuck in a constant state of low mental energy and efficacy.
As such, if you have already been severely traumatized over and over, you are much more vulnerable to being traumatized again, even in response to things that a non-traumatized person would likely be able to cope with. This is what people commonly refer to as the "window of tolerance".
However, when that threshold is crossed, it is still a trauma response even if we wouldn't traditionally call the event that caused it "trauma". Neuropsychologically speaking, the exact same process of developing PTSD for the first time is happening when you split because of stress. Trauma is still trauma to your body and mind even if you're choosing not to label it that way.
Saying that alters can split without trauma because of stress is misinformation, because the entire point of the window of tolerance is that it is easier to become traumatized when in a state of chronic stress.
So how many times did we get traumatized if we have fragments in the billions just hanging out here
I’m wondering if this means splitting a new identified alter or if this has anything to do with fragmentation of if it’s a different thing entirely
Because I don’t know, it was OEA so many we did split billions of times. Makes sense to me.
I saw someone say in a study dissociation causes it too. How is dissociation traumatizing? Isn’t that the coping mechanism? So I’m curious on your thoughts on that
In short: a single traumatic event can cause a person to split more than once if the event is severe enough and the person's distress tolerance is low.
The majority of parts in people with high fragment counts are what's called parallel and sequential parts. These develop when a traumatic event is so distressing and overwhelming that a single EP cannot contain all aspects of the event, and so multiple form instead.
Parallel parts refer to multiple EPs that hold different "sides" of the same traumatic event. The most common form of this are observing and experiencing EPs, where one part remembers the visual and auditory components of the event but is severely emotional disconnected from it, and another part vividly remembers the physical sensations and emotions of the event but lacks logical understanding of the event.
Parallel structural dissociation can be more complex than this as well, such as splitting one part for the sights, one for the sounds, one for the physical sensations and one for the emotions. Potentially even more if these different "sub-aspects" of the event are traumatic enough.
In addition to this, there is also sequential parts that hold different "stages" of the event. For example one part for the beginning, one for the "peak" of the trauma, and one for recovering after the fact. You can also have parallel and sequential structural dissociation occurring at the same time, and therefore split multiple sets of EPs for different aspects of the event at multiple different stages of the event.
People with high fragment counts also tend to have a higher number of ANPs as well, due them to the traumatic nature of their lives leading to them compartmentalizing the functions of daily life into much smaller fragments. This occurs in a similar to fashion to what's described above, with multiple ANP fragments fronting at the same time or in quick succession.
As for "dissociation causing it", dissociation is the mechanism behind splitting if that's what you mean. You can't split if you don't dissociate. Dissociation also makes a person more vulnerable to being traumatized, due to it involving constantly low levels of mental energy and efficacy that prevents otherwise allow healthy processing of distressing events.
The chronic flashbacks and internal conflicts experienced by those with structural dissociation may also build up to trauma in some cases, especially combined when with other stressors.
Reminder that alters can only split from trauma. Alters are highly complex dissociative compartmentalizations of traumatic memory that are reliant on PTSD in order to exist on a neuropsychological level. Your brain cannot compartmentalize a trauma memory if there is no trauma memory to compartmentalize.
Alters and the self-states that make up PTSD develop from the same process, just on different levels of complexity. If it were possible to split alters without trauma it would also have to be possible to develop PTSD without trauma, which it obviously isn't.
And importantly, splitting because of stress is not an exception to this.
The development of alters and PTSD is tied to a person's integrative capacity, which is made up of their mental energy and mental efficacy (ability to use that energy effectively).
When both of these are high, the person will easily be able to integrate their experiences even if those experiences are stressful or frightening. When both are low, the person will lose their ability to engage in more high level integrative actions, making them more vulnerable to structural dissociation until their integrative capacity recovers.
Chronic stress lowers a person's integrative capacity and prevents it from regenerating, and as a result people who have experienced complex trauma (which is required for the development of DID) tend to be stuck in a constant state of low mental energy and efficacy.
As such, if you have already been severely traumatized over and over, you are much more vulnerable to being traumatized again, even in response to things that a non-traumatized person would likely be able to cope with. This is what people commonly refer to as the "window of tolerance".
However, when that threshold is crossed, it is still a trauma response even if we wouldn't traditionally call the event that caused it "trauma". Neuropsychologically speaking, the exact same process of developing PTSD for the first time is happening when you split because of stress. Trauma is still trauma to your body and mind even if you're choosing not to label it that way.
Saying that alters can split without trauma because of stress is misinformation, because the entire point of the window of tolerance is that it is easier to become traumatized when in a state of chronic stress.
funfact; the human mind is not supposed to be stressed constantly, that is a falsehood peddled by the 1% to keep the poors working beyond our stress thresholds. You are not supposed to feel scared, anxious, or stretched thin all the time.
Links to studies about different presentations of DID, including different alter types, childhood and adolescent DID, and DID across different cultures.
General DID Presentations
Formation and Functions of Alter Personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Theoretical and Clinical Elaboration
Lived experiences of men with dissociative identity disorder
The Phenomenology and Treatment of Extremely Complex MPD
Symptom patterns in dissociative identity disorder patients and the general population
Differences Between Men and Women With Multiple Personality Disorder (not open access)
The clinical phenomenology of males with MPD: A report of 21 cases
Analysis of demographic and clinical characteristics of patients with dissociative identity disorder
Possession experiences in dissociative identity disorder: a preliminary study (not open access)
Alter Types
Therapeutic Hazards of Treating Child Alters as Real Children in Dissociative Identity Disorder
Therapeutic Alliance with Abuser Alters in Dissociative Identity Disorder
Internal self helpers of persons with multiple personality disorder
Issues in consultation for treatments with distressed activated abuser/protector self-states in dissociative identity disorder (not open access)
Animal alters: case reports
Introjection and dissociative identity disorder: a case report
Introject and identity: Structural-interpersonal analysis and psychological assessment of multiple personality disorder (not open access)
Opposite-gender identity states in Dissociative Identity Disorder: psychodynamic insights into a subset of same-sex behavior and attractions (not open access)
Childhood & Adolescent DID
Outpatient Treatment of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Allied forms of Dissociative Disorder not Otherwise Specified in Children and Adolescents
Dissociative Identity Disorder Among Adolescents: Prevalence in a University Psychiatric Outpatient Unit
The Scientific Status of Childhood Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Review of Published Research (not open access but you can find a PDF of it if you look it up on Google Scholar)
Child abuse and dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorder: the documentation of childhood maltreatment and the corroboration of symptoms
Held in mind, out of awareness. Perspectives on the continuum of dissociated experience, culminating in dissociative identity disorder in children (not open access)
Dissociative disorders in children: Behavioral profiles and problems (not open access)
Diagnostic evaluation of the child with dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorder
Clinical phenomenology of child and adolescent dissociative disorders
Confirmation of childhood abuse in child and adolescent cases of multiple personality disorder and dissociative disorder not otherwise specified
High psychiatric comorbidity in adolescents with dissociative disorders
Long-term outcome and prognosis of dissociative disorder with onset in childhood or adolescence
Treatment for childhood and adolescent dissociation: A systematic review
Adolescent inpatients' history of abuse and dissociative identity disorder (not open access)
DID Across Cultures
Gender and Racial Variability of Dissociative Identity Disorder Symptoms in an International Sample
Prevalence of dissociative identity disorder among psychiatric outpatients in different cultural groups
A Schema Therapy approach to complex dissociative disorder in a cross-cultural setting: a single case study
The Scope of Dissociative Disorders: An International Perspective
Structured interview data on 35 cases of dissociative identity disorder in Turkey (not open access)
Dissociative Identity Disorders in Korea: Two Recent Cases
Trauma and dissociation in a Chinese-American sample
Working with Chinese trauma survivors with dissociation: Lessons from two cases in Macao (not open access)
Current status of multiple personality disorder in India (not open access)
Multiple personality disorder - A case report from Northern India
Multiple personality disorder in the Netherlands: A clinical investigation of 71 patients
Dissociative disorders in black South Africans: A report on five cases
Dissociative disorders in Japan: A pilot study with the dissociative experience scale and a semi-structured interview
Multiple personality disorder in Puerto Rico: analysis of fifteen cases
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.
#this both makes things more fun and also is a really good analogy#because there are four types of system maintenance and that makes the term much more exact than the nebulous ''self-care''#and therefore much more helpful to those of us who uhhh struggle with nebulosity#for anyone curious the four types are:#1. corrective (to fix current problems)#2. preventative (to avoid future problems)#3. adaptative (to re-adjust to any changes)#4. perfective (to work towards a better system)#I really like this idea I'm gonna make a checklist
I think im gonna leave the awv. Im not gonna delete this account and im gonna keep my @zygard-recoins account, but im gonna step away from the awv.
Theres just been so much drama and infighting and its been causing way too much stress for me and my system.
I am going to continue to talk about my experiences with having a cdd as well as dealing with other disorders, I might even just rename this blog so I dont have to change much. I just dont want to have to keep dealing with and associating myself with so much drama and fighting when I cant handle it.
Again, im not gonna stop talking about my experiences and such. Im just gonna not focus so much on (pro)endos and everything surrounding that, and focus more on making a place where someone may find something relatable, or feel less alone.
Im not entirely sure how im gonna go about tagging my posts from now on so it'll be a little rocky at the start but that hopefully wont last long
uuugghh im so fucking overwhelmed and stressed over this stupid ass infighting and drama shit. I'm gonna take another break from Tumblr. MAYBE only posting on @zygard-recoins if I have an idea or smth
if you're queer YOU HAVE to support contradictory labels i am no longer asking.
they do not do anything to harm you. the trans man that lives in Yemen doesn't care you don't think lesbian trans men cannot be possible.
lesbian man, mspec lesbian, gaybian, gay girl, and all of that doesn't need YOU to see them as possible to be able to exist. you cannot try to make yourself look good while policing people's identities
Seriously though, as someone who is in love with linguistics and etymology: support contradictory labels.
Yes, words absolutely mean things. Meaning changes. Language changes. Hell, Bisexual used to be the word for Bigender/Genderfluid! People identified in categories we could only dream of today! But I cannot stress enough that telling someone their own labels that they have picked for themselves are wrong goes against everything the LGBT+ community stands for.
Furthermore, it literally does not concern you what other people call themselves (in this scenario). The only time it does concern you is if you're looking to get involved romantically or sexually. And you know what most decent people do when they are romantically or sexually interested in someone? They ask for more information and clarity. They explore with that person.
Back all the way the fuck off and stop with the infighting.
a topic that remains under-discussed in system spaces, despite the DSM-5-TR mentioning it, is the comorbidity between CDDs and eating disorders. even less discussed are what disordered eating behaviors look like and how to address them from a harm reduction standpoint due to the stigma associated with eating disorders. meanwhile, research suggests that up to half of people diagnosed with DID also struggle with disordered eating.
if we talk openly and honestly about disordered eating behaviors through the lens of harm reduction, we can help people live healthier, safer lives no matter what stage of recovery they are in.
warning!! the next section discusses specific disordered behaviors, not to glorify or romanticize, but because details are important when it comes to health. if this will be too triggering for you, take care of yourself and don't read on!
here are some basics for harm reduction if you are struggling with bulimia nervosa (BN):
if you purge by vomiting:
gently rinse your mouth afterwards to wash out the bile. wait to brush your teeth for at least an hour, as brushing immediately after throwing up can damage your teeth's enamel.
rehydrate with water and extra electrolytes. vomiting leads to a loss of fluid and electrolytes, so make sure you get extra.
eat something non-triggering and gentle on your stomach. vomiting can cause a drop in blood sugar, and eating afterward can help counteract this.
if you misuse laxatives:
eat food that contains dietary fiber like wholegrain bread, brown rice, beans, fruit and vegetables.
make sure you are drinking enough water as laxatives will cause you to lose fluids.
if you over exercise:
similarly to the other two, you will need to replenish your fluids and electrolytes, so make sure to get plenty of both.
allow yourself time to rest and recover.
eat a meal that contains all the important macros (protein, carbs, fat, vitamins) to help your body recover.
if you are struggling with bulimia, you're not alone. you can reach out to your primary physician for help finding recovery resources, you can call the National Alliance for Eating Disorders or sign up for one of their support groups, or you can even message Love, A Stranger to receive support via text.
take care of yourselves, be compassionate with yourselves, and be safe.
The statements “it is possible to have a developing opinion on endogenic systems, not hold an opinion, or have differing beliefs between alters in your cdd system” and “most self proclaimed endo neutrals and syscourse unaligned people regurgitate pro endo rhetoric and beliefs, so it’s difficult to trust that anybody who uses that label is actually neutral or unaligned” can and do co-exist.
For example, while most of my system does not believe in non cdd systemhood, my focus is on wether or not “all origin safe” spaces are actually CDD friendly, dismantling endo-centric viewpoints, and figuring out ways that the endogenic community could move away from it’s origins as an anti-cdd group. Therefore, if there ever is a time in which all forms of non CDD systemhood are proven indisputably true, I can interact with them safely.
happy disability pride month to mean cripples, nasty addicts, people with down syndrome who arent nice and talk constant shit, wheelchair users that WILL run you over, autists that dont care and arent about to pretend to, people who lie to their psychiatrists, people that sit on the floor in public places with no benches, amputees that lie profusely about "what happened"; to the "noncompliant", the "drug seeking", the "mean", the "difficult" and the "undeserving", and so on and so forth, i love us all and we deserve the world actually mwah mwah
Hello! Welcome to @madsys-official , this blog is inspired by @sysfreak-official my system and I wanted to create a tag and label SPECIFICALLY for systems who are very mad pride. Now I know sysfreak likely already includes this, but theres literally no harm in creating an offshoot term for systems who wanna get super specific.
Madsys and sysfreak are NOT to be compared to one another, my term is not better than sysfreak and sysfreak is not better than mine. This tag was fr self indulgent largely because mad pride is a cultural-political identity and movement and I know a lot of systems (including myself) like to include their political stances in their identities.
I highly encourage that if you already use sysfreak as a tag that you CONTINUE to use said tag, just add mine on if you'd like to. (Like how you can tag sysfreak, dissociapunk and dissociafreak).
Below the cut you can find the official stances of madsys as well as flags i made ✂️
What is madsys all about?
Madsys is anti psychiatry HOWEVER, from researching it seems that we dont hold the same ideas that a lot of other anti psych people hold. So just...keep that in mind...
Here is what we specifically believe:
- we believe that mentally ill patients should ALWAYS be awarded bodily autonomy and should be allowed to choose any and every treatment they go through, if they go through treatment at all.
- we believe that it is important to acknowledge that the psych industry needs HEAVY reform in how it treats specific conditions, and especially how it treats more severe presentations of such. But also acknowledging that the research into psychiatric conditions has provided a lot of benefit to people in terms of being able to put a label to what they go through.
- we believe there needs to be HEAVY reform to any and all mental health legislation from all governing bodies internationally
- we believe that patients should be allowed to present self diagnoses to their care team and be allowed access to investigative care based on those diagnoses, as in patient says "I believe it have bipolar based on (evidence) I would like to look into that" and their care team will provide that care. We are aware that this does already happen but it doesn't not happen often enough.
- we believe that the mistreatment of mental health patients (including institutional abuse) should be considered as more of a serious crime by the justice system than it currently seems to be.
- we believe any and all individuals with mental disorders dederve the chance of recovery whether that be through 1:1 therapy or finding ways to help yourself instead. Including paraphilic disorders.
Disclaimer!!
Whilst we believe anyone should be able to display their mad pride #madsys is inherently against the endogenic / non traumagenic / natural multiple movement, as well as this we are against transIDs as these groups are inherently ableist and display behaviours designed to take advantage of vulnerable people. That being said we absolutely encourage the reclamation of terms and labels for the communities they should belong to, we welcome recoining blogs.
We also highly encourage education on the harm these groups do and HEAVILY DISCOURAGE harassment. You are not welcome here if you believe it is okay to harass ANYONE, including transIDs & endos & radqueers of any age and regardless of whether they have caused harm or not. Because of this madsys is not aligned with radnormal, cleanqueer, ethiqueer, moralqueer etc etc.
And the final disclaimer, I realise im making this tag when there is a rise of blankqueer labels and an increasing wave of harassment towards those with any paraphilic disorder and so I want to say that madsys is NOT a blankqueer label please DO NOT TREAT IT AS SUCH. madsys works similarly to sysfreak, pluralpunk, cripplepunk and other similar cultural-political identity terms.
Flags & symbols
We have two flags, and two symbols.
Flag & symbol set #1
This is the mad pride flag WITHOUT the Cheshire symbol, I am unsure who made the mad pride flag so I sadly cannot credit them right now but the lotus CDD symbol is a recoloured png of @aka-collective's anti endo CDD symbol
Flag & symbol set #2
This is the mad pride flag WITH the cheshire symbol, again i do not know who made this and it features another recoloured png of @aka-collective's anti endo CDD symbol
dormancy and fusion are normal parts of systemhood and should not be feared as much as they are.
this isn't an original thought, I know, but clearly people keep forgetting it. dormancy and fusion are not "death" and should not be viewed as such. they're signs of healing. they're signs of recovery.
and why do so many genuine systems fear it or feel the need to censor talk around it? endogenic rhetoric. endos always focus on the alters part of the disorder, so of course they prioritize having alters, and losing that is like losing a loved one to them.
the thing is, in regards to endos, they never had them to begin with. for them, there's nothing to lose.
I understand dormancy can be scary. fusion can feel depressing if you were close to the alter who fused. but ultimately it's a good thing.
alters are not natural. I cannot emphasize this enough. we are not meant to exist. if we were not traumatized as a child, I would not exist. I would not be writing this post.
dormancy and fusion are signs of healing. we need to start treating it as a good thing instead of the scariest thing you've ever heard of.
ChaosandMadnessColl @chaosandmadnesscoll - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
