hey girls...

did you know... that uhm... amazon wants to surveil your weird dog?

[wormsslime]

"but you're so well-spoken!"

you mean well-written

you've fallen for my ruse. my expansive vocabulary is in fact a compensatory tactic to obfuscate my computational shortcomings

[nihilnovisubsole]

do you ever find yourself bedeviled by writing ideas that are the equivalent of finding a single carrot in your fridge. your brain goes "we should write a pirate story" or "we should write a parisian thief caper" and you ask, "all right, what do we cook with that, then?" and it says "no other ingredients (:"

[tetrameryxx]

Fursonas are too hard to decide; it's time for radish plantsona.

[theshotacon]

the Gov’t doesn’t just pay us for dissecting shotae we need to classify and categorize them As Well

[teathattast]

[ashenmind]

mimic girl…

[porcelain-dollbones]

snakes really make you appreciate how gross mammals really are. squamates are very dry and clean

[porcelain-dollbones]

a bird is a kind of reptile that has learned to be yucky.

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[sout999]

polite young man sitting on his balls

[astrotitang]

[n-lite]

TᕼE ᑭᖇOᖴIᒪE 

Made with WAAAVE_POOL video synthesizer and found footage output from a Panasonic Palmcorder PV-L354D camcorder.

[boringkate]

is there a point if I don't pass?

Nobody passes reliably. It's always contextual and conditional. Transvestigators think Margot Robbie is a brick. Is there a point to Margot Robbie's womanhood? Should she abandon it? And then what? Dress butch? Take testosterone? Get sweaty and cumbrained and swole? And she wears a strapon? And she makes you suck the strap? Is that the kind of world you want to live in? One where boymoder Margot Robbie makes you suck strap?

[vocalsynthtextposts]

never quite becoming human

[were--ralph]

im not a furry but recently ive been thinking about what if there was a global outbreak of a virus that transforms you into your fursona? so i made one just in case. not because im a furry (im not) but just ouf of safety if i need one in a pinch. he's very cute and fluffy btw

No yeah that makes sense like you always have to be prepared

[girls--complex]

Demon Prelest h/c

[elysiumheart]

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[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you

[hazelriver74]

Yes!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.

[fueles]

You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.

[perfectly-disfigured]

MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.