Late 20s. snz enthusiast. president of the Bill Cipher is hot fanclub . multi fandom.mostly a kink blog. Internet cryptid she/they , bisexual. AUDHD. smol and gay.
we say FUCK AI over at this blog. No AI slop. Put it all down. Only real art made by humans should exist!
Minors DNI
About me : Call me Ghost or Syd/Sydney
Age: late 20s
Pronouns : They/Them or She/Her
Bisexual
Canadian and Bilingual
AUDHD with hyperfixations galore , will update this from time to time. I like horror movies,cartoons , videogames and gamegrumps. Also have BPD and learning disabilities. Anxious depressed mess . Pls lobotomy my lil brain.
Mostly a sneeze fetish blog so don't follow if you're squeaked out by reblogs of that content. Might reblog some NSFW so don't follow if that isn't your thing. I'm a titty lover what can I say . So fuckin bi
Blitz kinnie
Some general artwork and nonsense will be reblogged too
Insomniac so will reblog at stupid hours oops
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My sneeze channel :
Sneeze content
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Fandoms , ships, fanfics and tags below more in depth
Fandoms/stuff I like:
-Skyrim
-Animal Crossing
-Cozy games
-Stardew Valley
-Undertale
-Amazing Digital Circus
-House MD + Stranger Things are some of my comfort shows
-Steven Universe
-Greys Anatomy
-Chicago Med
-Degrassi
-Marvel
-Owl House
-Adventure Time
-Marvel
-Heated Rivalry
-Blood & Ash
-Arcane
-Gravity Falls
-Hellaverse(HazbinHotel/Hellavaboss
-Gamegrumps
-FNAF
-Spyro The Dragon
-Psychonauts
-TWRP
-NSP
-kpop (mostly girl groups )
-The Pitt
-Wicked
-Sarah J Mass books
-im in so many fandoms so feel free to inquire
(purple is hyperfixations/things that are rotting my brain the most)
Some of my favorite ships
-Huskerdust(hazbin hotel)
-Polyvees(hazbin hotel)(Vel+Val+Vox)
-RadioApple(Hazbin Hotel)
-RadioStatic (Hazbin Hotel)
-StaticMoth(Hazbin Hotel)
-Steddie (Stranger things)
-Stucky (Steve+Bucky marvel)
-AdamsApple(Hazbin Hotel)
-M&M (Helluva Boss)
-Stolitz (Helluva Boss)
-Egobang(Gamegrumps)
-Fizzmodeus (Helluva Boss)
- open to other ships and understand if you don't agree with some of mine. Not every ship is gunna please everyone
My inbox is open so feel free to message, Im open to rp
Special interests : Spyro, Hellaverse,moths , rocks & crystals , frogs , guineapigs, most animals(even typically scary ones like spiders ), mushrooms , pins and stickers.
See #headcanons #snz headcanons #snz headcanon for my sneeze headcanons . Check out my #snz promps #sneeze fic #snz fic #snz wav #snz wav or #rambles
Four fics so far : Patient Zero Part 1 (The Ve/es) (Hazb/in Hot/el) (WIP, maybe will do a part 2)
Patient Zero prompt idea for you:
Val wakes up with a slightly runny nose that also feels congested. As the day goes on, he starts feeling
Shane Hollander was 4 years old when he started to be fascinated with the sunshine in his kindergarten class. He learned all about the sunshine then: that it warms the earth giving heat to animals, plants and people including little Shane. That the sunshine makes everyone cheerful, and during long winter days when there are only a few hours of sunshine, everyone is lonely and sad. When they had a school play, Shane was cast as the sun and it was the happiest day of his pre-school life.
Growing up, Shane would always seek out the sunshine not only for warmth but because it always makes him feel relaxed and happy. He was happiest when he started to learn how to skate outdoors with the sunshine on his face and the ice on his feet. It felt like home to him. When he started playing hockey in arenas, he missed having the sunshine warming him up. He ignored it as he focused on harnessing his skills.
But that all changed when Shane met Ilya Rozanov. Though the Russian was not known to be friendly, he was warm towards Shane. Not at first mind you, he practically ignored him when Shane told him he couldn’t smoke in that particular place. Maybe he got pissed for being told off. Or maybe he really considered Shane as his arch enemy. But there was something in the way Ilya looked at him that didn’t make Shane feel… hated. Just awkward at best, Shane believed that he was really an awkward person. When Team Canada lost to Team Russia, it was a pierce to his heart, but he looked forward to playing with Ilya again.
Being the 2nd pick at the Draft was another blow to Shane. And who was picked the first? Who else but Ilya Rozanov. Shane was frustrated but when he saw Ilya arrive at the gym while he was working out, Shane felt warm all over. Maybe he was biking really hard? But his heart felt lighter even when it was beating so fast from… exertion, was it? When they collapsed on the gym floor, and spent a few minutes together, Shane was warm all over and happy, and was… hard?
Then the CCM commercial came which was not a total surprise for Shane because everyone was talking about him even when he hadn't even started playing yet. Generational player, they said. Barely out of his teens. It didn’t surprise him when Ilya was also in the commercial. They were the top picks and their teams were long known to be rivals. They were even described as rivals to each other. What surprised Shane was the way Ilya smiled and laughed during the faux face off. It was so carefree and… warm… like a ray of sunshine.
Then the knock came in his room at 1410 and Shane realized he really never knew the meaning of warmth and tenderness till then. He seeked out, nay, he chased Ilya's warm hands, mouth and body. Even Ilya’s cöckk was perfect. He never had a dïckk in his mouth before but everything just felt right.
The following years, Shane would deny it to himself and to death that he was seeking, craving Ilya’s warmth. How could he when they were both at the top of their careers and everyone was homophobic. On ice, they have perfected the art of war, but behind closed doors, they gravitated towards each other, fitting perfectly in each other's arms (and legs).
When Ilya asked him to stay in his apartment in Boston, Shane panicked but he couldn’t resist especially when Ilya smiled softly at him. It was like a ray of sunshine. When Ilya prepared tuna melt with ginger ale, when they were chatting on the couch, when they were frotting, Shane felt like he was orbiting around the sun. But like a moth to a flame, Shane panicked and got burnt. When he left Ilya on the couch, Shane felt his world turn dark.
Shadows… Shane felt them everywhere when he cut off all communication with and stopped seeing Ilya. Shadows were lurking everywhere making Shane feel cold all over. Even Rose, who was brilliant, funny, kind and beautiful, couldn't banish those shadows away.
When Shane saw Ilya at the bar in Tampa, all the shadows disappeared. He was with his sunshine again and he was on a mission to never lose him. The All Stars Game with he and Ilya on the same team was beautiful… hockey and the sunshine always soothed Shane. When they talked in Room 1217, they cried together but Shane never felt any cold.
When Shane was injured and Ilya visited him, he was sure that he would get better immediately. Why? Because his sunshine was healing him as they held each other’s hand. While Shane watched the playoffs between Boston and New York, Shane could feel shadows lurking but he never let them take over his heart and soul because he knew his sunshine would come through.
And when Shane picked up Ilya at the airport and they stayed at the cottage? He was basked in the glory of his sunshine. He knew, he knew, before saying “I like you,” “Ya tebya lublyu” and “I love you,” that his Ilya, Boston Raiders’ Captain, his Russian with soft, golden curls, blue eyes, the warmest smile with a big, strong heart, the love of his life was his sunshine… his SOLNYSHKO.
Shane and Ilya are in Vegas and are with the Centaurs WAGs watching male dancers strip seductively onstage. The ladies start screaming their hearts out and Ilya is laughing, enjoying the show and watching the WAGs go crazy. But Shane is pouting.
Whats wrong Shaney? they ask.
My husband does this every night and he does it 100% better. I cant believe I had to pay to watch something so mediocre!
The ladies woot in laughter and so does Ilya. His husband leans in towards Shane and gives him a filthy kiss. Everyone turns to watch them and totally ignores the dancers. The husbands are banned from watching this kind of shows. 😁
Whoever invented the flight attendant call button is a genius.
All Ilya has to do is press the little button above his seat and in a matter of seconds a beautiful man will come stand in front of Ilya and ask what he can do for him. A beautiful man with beautiful freckles and shining brown eyes and biceps that had flexed tantalizingly when he'd helped an older woman with her overhead luggage during boarding. And not Ilya, no. He'll ask what he can do for Mr. Rozanov.
It's honestly almost too much. (Almost.)
The first couple of calls had seemed innocent enough, and the flight attendant ("SHANE," his name tag helpfully provides) had been the picture of customer service as he arrived at Ilya's seat with a pasted-on pleasant smile and confidently strode up and down the aisle to bring him a hot towel, a snack, an extra blanket, and always "if there's anything else I can do, sir, please let me know." Ilya had never appreciated the phrase "hate to see them go, love to watch them leave" more.
By the fifth call in the space of an hour, Shane seems to be getting suspicious. His smile has taken on a wry edge as he approaches Ilya's seat, but Ilya maintains perfect innocence as he asks Shane if he can close his window shade.
Shane stops just short of rolling his eyes. "Mr. Rozanov, I have a feeling you're more than capable of closing a window shade on your own."
Ilya shrugs, eyes wide in put-upon bewilderment. "It's stuck! I cannot budge it."
Shane sighs as he braces one hand on Ilya's armrest leans across him to pull the shade down (easily, of course). Ilya tries not to be too obvious as he breathes Shane in, reveling in having him so close, but Shane must sense it anyway because he freezes as he starts to pull away, looking back at Ilya warily as if he's not quite sure what his game is.
"Ah, my hero," Ilya praises softly. "I knew you could do it."
Ilya watches Shane swallow hard before he straightens up. "Anything else I can do for you, Mr. Rozanov?" he asks, a slight waver in his voice.
"Not right now, thank you, Shane. But I'll let you know next time I need you." Ilya points to the button above his head and winks, smiling at the way it makes Shane flush before he hurries away.
Ilya decides not to press the button for over an hour after that, just to see, and the way it makes Shane slowly grow more and more antsy is simply delicious. Ilya can tell he's itching for Ilya's next call, nervously shifting his eyes over to Ilya as he assists other passengers.
After about forty-five minutes, Ilya is playing a game on his phone when he senses Shane next to him and looks up, where he's nervously biting his lip. "Mr. Rozanov, I just wanted to let you know that we'll be starting beverage service shortly. I'll be busy with the cart for a while, so if there's anything you might need..."
He's so beautifully nervous. He's being so wonderfully good. Ilya rewards him with an honest smile, one that seems to put Shane at ease. "Thank you, Shane. I will be fine."
Shane breathes out, returning Ilya's smile. "Ok, cool. I'll, uh, check on you later, ok?"
"Ok. Thank you."
When Shane comes with the beverage cart, he asks for Shane's number. He's never seen anyone flush more prettily as he writes it down on an airline cocktail napkin and signs it "xx Shane."
my headcanon is that people always assume ilya must be upset that none of his children look like him and that they're all the spitting image of shane, but ilya genuinely doesn't understand why anyone thinks that's a bad thing. his children have shane's freckles, shane's jet-black hair, shane's smile, and every time he looks at them, all he can see is the love of his life. he never wanted little copies of himself. if anything, he's grateful they all look like shane. every familiar feature feels like a gift, and sometimes he catches himself staring at them for a little too long because he's so overwhelmed by how much he loves them. somehow, he gets to see the face he fell in love with reflected in his children every single day, and he wouldn't have it any other way
Post TLG, Shane has a rare completely off night. He was awful and he knows it. When they get back to the locker room after the loss, Shane goes to apologize to the team. Before he can start, the team just pushes him out of the way and surrounds Ilya. They’re like “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? What’s your problem?” and Ilya is so confused as to why they’re upset with him because he played well despite losing. Someone is like “Cap, it’s your job to put out and you clearly haven’t been and that’s why Shane is playing like shit, so why are you not giving it up?”. Someone else explains that they figured out a while ago that Shane plays like a God when he’s getting laid regularly, and goes back to being a normal human when not, so they need to know why Ilya isn’t bending over and giving it up. They start assuming that something is medically wrong and Bood is like “Well if Ilya can’t take it then someone on the team has to step up” and Luca is immediately like “I’ll let Shane fuck me…I mean for the sake of team and everything…if I must…I’m not actually eager or anything…like I haven’t thought about this at all…ever!” Ilya starts yelling at the team, telling them that everything is fine, but they yell back and now everyone is arguing. Meanwhile, Shane is very amused by the fact that the team thinks he’s the top.
I believe deep in my bones that Ilya and Shane both indulge in private romantic fantasies but they're polar opposites. Ilya is daydreaming about kissing under the stars and holding hands and wearing each other's hoodies while traveling the world together. Meanwhile Shane has constructed an elaborate cohesive ongoing narrative where he single-handedly saves Ilya from certain death. In his daydreams that man is running into burning buildings, escaping tsunamis, taking down shooters, and fighting stalkers. He's walking through hurricanes, wrestling wild animals, and engaging in deadly highspeed car chases. Just the most insane intense shit you can imagine. And Ilya is lying there next to him like Yay I love cuddling my boring husband :) while Shane vividly fantasizes about Ilya calling him a smart good brave boy for saving him from psychological thriller villains. Do u see the vision. Because Shane does.
thinking about chubby hollanov on fathers day spending the day with their kids at the cottage. like sending the kids on down to the lake (let’s say the kids are old enough to swim unsupervised) so they can take their time slathering each others’ big bodies with plenty of sunscreen. then eventually ilya dries off to grill a massive spread for his family. the kids think nothing of how many burgers their dads can throw down especially after a day of sweating outside and throwing each other off the dock. then once everyone’s in bed, they get to give each other their fathers’ day presents *insert fave chubby hollanov hc here*
The craziest thing about this whole situation is that Ilya thinks in Russian and in Russian ‘lovers’ LITTERAL TRANSLATION is ‘возлюбленные’. Which ACTUALLY MEANS ‘people who feel love and attraction towards each other’. MY BOY WAS CONFESSING HIS LOVE TO SHANE AND LOST IN TRANSLATION GAME. HE WAS SO PURE ABOUT IT AND ONLY GOT ‘No, Ilya, that’s gross’. MY SWEET LOVERBOY.
love that ilya is actually kinda confused when he meets shane for the first time but then as soon as shane goes for the SECOND handshake in a 2 minutes interaction his whole body language changes and hes like oh. OH hes flirting with me,, and he was !! ! (sighs) shane hollander youre so cute and lovable. ilya didnt stand a chance
married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. and of course ilya is fully capable of speaking english. he has been since he was a teenager. but it also won't stop him from giving shane the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.
ilya definitely loves flexing things shane bought for him to the centaurs; “thank you shane bought it for me” “have you seen these shane bought them for me” “yeah shane thought i would like this so he bought it for me” - and he’s trying to be super causal (not successful at all)
y'all think shane had those little glow in the dark stars on his ceiling? y'all thing david helped him put them up? y'all think they're still there? y'all think ilya saw them the first time he saw shane's childhood bedroom, there on the ceiling still just like all the hockey posters were still on the walls and the trophies were still on the shelves? y'all think ilya teared up a little thinking about tiny shane? y'all think he thought about how his own childhood bedroom was bare as a jail cell, if not more sparse? y'all think shane smiled at him a little and said they reminded him of ilya's moles? do y'all think that? idk.
Ilya was currently half asleep in bed with a sick Shane tucked into his side. Their relationship was so advanced, yet Ilya couldn't bear to tell Shane about a certain fetish of his. Even now, when the scenario was starting him in the face. Fuck, he was such a pussy. Papa was right.
Shane coughed at his side, reaching out for his phone that was on his bedside. Ilya allowed him the privacy, keeping his eyes on the ceiling as he heard the pads of Shane's thumbs beat against his phone screen.
"Sndff! Sveta's coming. That okay?"
Ilya raised his brows, looking down at the man tucked into his side. "Oh? She texted you?"
Shane nodded, producing another soft sniffle as his eyes stayed on his phone. "Mm. She doesn't want to be alone, she's also sick."
Ilya's heart sped up in his chest as he took a breath. Shane and Svetlana. At the same time. "Ah, okey. I'll take care of you both."
Shane hummed happily, sending a reply back to Svetlana and discarding his phone back on his bedside table. Shane tucked his face back into Ilya's armpit without another word.
Ilya gave Shane's hair a kiss, taking a whiff of the man's shampoo. "She is sleeping over tonight?"
"Think so," Shane stretched a little, drooping a leg over Ilya. "The guest bedroom is all ready, so."
Shane's phone dinged again, which made him peel away from Ilya for a second time to answer the message. Shane sat up from bed, rubbing at his eyes as he sniffled. He sounded so congested.
"Where you going?" Ilya mumbled, giving Shane's back a rub where he could manage to reach.
"I'm going to let her in," Shane responded, getting up from bed in just his boxers with another little stretch before padding out of their room. Ilya wanted to follow, but he was pretty sleepy. 5 more minutes of being horizontal should be enough time to be able to work again.
Shane soon returned with Svetlana, opening their bedroom door for her. Svetlana was wearing a baggy black Adidas sweatshirt with a pair of blue shorts. She looked beautiful, but obviously under the weather. Ilya never saw Svetlana in such clothing whenever she was healthy.
"Привет!" Sveta greeted Ilya, her voice quite stuffy as she waved at Ilya from across the room.
"Sveta," Ilya smiled, sitting up against his and Shane's headboard. Shane padded in behind Svetlana, crawling back into bed in his prior position against Ilya. "You aren't well?"
Svetlana shook her head, leaving her purse on the door handle and walking over to the bed. Ilya raised a brow.
Sveta eyed Shane with a little smile. "May I join? Please?"
"Course," Shane sniffled, rubbing his nose against Ilya's clothed pec. "Bed's nice 'n warm."
Svetlana got into bed on Ilya's right side, mirroring Shane as she curled up to Ilya. Ilya frowned at the warmth surrounding him. "Wait, you both have fevers? I have to get medicine."
"No!" Shane mumbled, grabbing onto Ilya's arm. "Just — stay. We just got comfortable, Ilya."
"Hm," Ilya held Shane and Sveta, lapping his lips. "Fine. Later, then. Before we sleep."
Shane mumbled something under his breath, his body starting to stiffen up. "Hh! Hh'rRSHu!" Shane brought up his fist, pressing it into his nose as he shook with a startling sneeze.
"Bless you!" Sveta was the first to say, sitting up so she could see Shane over Ilya's pecs.
"God bless," Ilya mumbled, using all of his mental strength not to pop a boner. Not even Sveta knew about his fetish. He hoped that not telling anyone would make it disappear. Instead, it only seemed to grow over the years.
"Hh'RSHHOO!" Shane barked out another one, yet again smushing his fist against his nose. Shane couldn't stifle to save his fucking life.
"God damn!" Sveta's voice pitched. "He sneezes so loud, Ilyush! I expected little kitten sneezes."
Ilya breathed out a small scoff, running a thumb over Shane's furrowed brows. "Oh, I know so. Surprised me too."
Shane weakly shoved at Ilya, sitting himself up in bed. "Fuck, can you pass me that box?" Shane pointed to the box of tissues, the ones closest to Svetlana.
Sveta nodded, passing Shane the box without hesitation.
Shane took the box with a little 'thanks', plucking out a couple to swipe at his nose with. Don't get hard. Just don't.
"Eeshiu! He'ieeishu!" Sveta suddenly curled into Ilya's side, spraying her hand as she shook with each sneeze.
"Oh, bless you," Shane frowned, offering the box back over to Sveta.
Don't get hard! Don't. Stop. Think of anything else.
Sveta sniffled miserably, reaching over and taking the box from Shane with a shy smile. "Thank you."
Shane nodded, staying seated on his heel as he reached out for Ilya's hand.
"You aren't going to bless me, Ilyusha?" Svetlana mumbled, voice tainted by the tissues currently bundled to her nose. Fuck.
"Bless.. you. Будьте здоровы," Ilya mumbled, forcing his voice to sound more confident than he felt.
Sveta cocked her head with a sarcastic beaming smile, sniffling up her excess mess as she placed her tissue off to the side. Svetlana placed the box on Ilya's chest for easy access between her and Shane.
Shane coughed into his elbow, turning away from the two. Sveta moved to sit up, patting at Shane's back over Ilya. "Hey, it's okay."
Shane soon calmed, nodding in appreciation. Ilya just stared at the two, his lungs itching for an anxious cigarette.
Sveta groaned a little, prodding at her nose. "All I've been doing today is sneezing! So annoying. Can't sleep."
Shane frowned, his empathetic heart not being able to hear her words. "That sucks. Have you tried.. a neti pot or something? I don't know."
Sveta raised a brow. "A what? Pot? No, I don't smoke that anymore."
Shane smiled a little. "No — nevermind. Sndff. Have you taken some medicine?"
Svetlana nodded, continuing to prod at her nose with the back of her wrist. "Nothing works. American colds are crazy."
Shane hummed in agreement, his expression turning a little hazy. Ilya's brain felt dizzy with the sight. This was like a porno.
Shane ducked down, sneezing into his lap. "Hh'rRShuu! H'eRRsHH! Fuck, excuse me. Those ones got away from me."
Sveta giggled a little, eyeing Ilya. "He's so cute."
Ilya adjusted the quilt over his crotch subtly, nodding his head against the headboard. "Mm. Bless you, Shane."
Shane's brow furrowed, eyeing Ilya as he shifted on their bed. "You've been calling me sweet names all day, now it's Shane?"
Ilya spluttered, his eyes flickering between Shane and Sveta. "I — that is your name. You are my baby, you know this."
Shane scoffed, plucking out some tissues from the box on Ilya's chest so he could wipe his nose. "You're being weird."
Ilya frowned, scratching at the stubble on his chin. "I'm being weird? No. I am fine. You're weird."
Shane sent a look of disbelief over to Sveta, to which she mirrored. "Be nice to your boy, Ilyusha."
Ilya swallowed, feeling his skin start to prickle with an unfamiliar sense of shame. They were ganging up on him! "I didn't even — "
"He didn't even bless you a minute ago, right? You had to ask," Shane interrupted, subconsciously leaning over to Sveta as he spoke to her.
She nodded in disappointment, raising her brows. "Yes. I don't know what's up with him today.."
Shane hummed in agreement, reaching over to pluck out another tissue. His hand came out empty. "Ugh, shit. We're out."
Ilya worried at his lower lip, looking into the box at his chest. It sure was empty.
Sveta whined a little, pulling her sleeves over her knuckles. "But I really need one."
Shane raised his brows at Ilya, as if he was expecting something. "Give her your shirt, Ilya. Don't be rude."
Ilya obeyed, tugging his shirt over his head before anyone else could speak. He felt out of his body with the situation at hand.
Sveta took the grey shirt from Ilya's hands, immediately moving it to her nose. "Eeishhyu! EEISHIU! Shhu!" Sveta used the shirt, wiping herself off with it once she felt she was done.
Ilya squeezed his thighs together underneath the sheets, taking measured breaths. This was not fucking happening right now.
Before Ilya had time to calm himself down, Shane was also frantically grasping for the shirt in Svetlana's hands. She handed it over, keeping a hand on Shane's knee for support. Shane buckled into the shirt, barely cupping it over his face in time. "hHR'sHOugh! Fuck—! HRrshuoo! hHSHhue! SHHue! Sndff!"
Ilya's lips parted at the sight, an unmistakable bulge forming in the sheet that covered his crotch. Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.
"Bless you!" Sveta sniffled, squeezing Shane's thigh with a soft pout on her lips.
Shane snuffled into the shirt, blowing his nose weakly. He nodded, mopping up his nose. "Mm, thank you. You too."
Ilya whined a little, clamping a hand over his own lips as his voice box threatened another one. Both Shane and Sveta's heads whipped to him.
Shane grinned. "Oh, fuck. Are you getting off to this? Seriously?"
Ilya bit at his hand, shaking his head. Please no.
Shane eyed Sveta with his lips parted into a smile, keeping the shirt in his hands. Svetlana scoffed, looking down at Ilya. "What the fuck, Ilyusha? He's so hard, look!"
Shane looked down to the space of which Svetlana pointed at, eyeing the obvious bulge.
Shane's wrist came up to his mouth to hide a smile, his eyes now on Ilya. "Oh, wow. He is."
Ilya moved to close his legs but Shane was faster, grabbing both of his thighs and pulling them back apart. "Ah, ah! We've seen it now. Don't hide."
Ilya grumbled out of pure humiliation, rubbing at his forehead. Had he broke a sweat?
Sveta giggled to herself, her expression soon beginning to crumble as her chest swelled. Ilya clamped his eyes shut, feeling his ears get uncomfortably warm under both of their gazes.
"Ee'eishhiu!"
Ilya's heart skipped a beat. Instead of reaching for the shirt, Sveta must have forgotten about it. He felt specks of spray hit his stomach.
Ilya's eyes snapped open, his stomach swirling with arousal. "Eeishu! Eeyyishu!" Sveta continued, leaning over to wet Ilya's stomach as her lips parted over and over. What the fuck? No, what the fuck? Was he concussed?
Shane rubbed at Sveta's arm. "Bless you, bless you. It's okay, he likes that. Fucking clearly."
Ilya frowned, glaring at Shane as his cheeks matched the same shade as Shane and Sveta's noses.
Svetlana sighed as she was done with her fit, using Ilya's shirt to dab at her nose with. "Mmh, too right. He is weird like that."
"I don't like it!" Ilya mumbled, his voice gruff as he kept his brow furrowed. His balls were definitely blue by now.
Shane gasped in mock offence, triggering his own nose as he froze up again. Shane's head lulled back slightly, his hand coming up to his mouth. Sveta pulled Shane's hand back, not allowing the action.
"IIIRSHho'ou!" Shane ducked with his sneeze, spraying the other side of Ilya's tummy as he fell forward with the force of his sneeze. "HRR'shiiu! SHHuoo! HIH'RRSHoough!"
Ilya heard himself unwillingly moan, his hips rutting up into nothing like some rabid old mutt. He could feel the weight of both of their spray mixing on his tummy and it was driving him fucking insane. This must be a hoax or something. Shane got into his YouTube search history, right?
Shane panted with the aftermath of his fit, glancing over at Sveta. Svetlana was eyeing Ilya with a look of amusement, sitting back on her heels. "Bless you!"
Shane sniffled, pawing at his nose to quench the itch. "Ah — thank you. Ilya? No blessings for us?"
Ilya tried to get his voice to work, but it wouldn't. His throat felt tight, his skin on fire as he just slumped there.
Ilya whined. He audibly whined through closed lips as his eyes fell cloudy. "Sh'ne.."
"Tissues can't talk," Shane repeated, now looking at Ilya. "Well, good ones at least. Only the bad ones talk. We don't use those ones."
Ilya felt close to sobbing. He was good. He was so good.
Sveta sniffled, the familiar sounds of hitching hitting his ears once more. God, not again. He was going to explode out of his dick and potentially die.
Sveta tilted her head forward as she stayed where she was, her hand blindly reaching for Shane's as she curled up with a sneeze accidentally aimed at Shane's lap. "Eeh! Eeishuu! EeiShOou! Oh, fuck! Sorry, Shane! Did I get you?"
Shane held her hand, fixing Svetlana's hair that had fallen out of place. "That's okay. Bless you.. oh, you look so ill," he mumbled, swiping his thumb against Sveta's cheek to catch her now running mascara.
"Stop!" Ilya managed to whine out, his dick pulsing beneath the sheets. "I can't! I will come! I can't, I can't.. oh my god..!"
Shane pursed his lips at the outburst, eyeing the man who was begging so prettily.
"Nobody said you couldn't touch yourself, baby," Shane reassured, his voice ever so soothing.
Ilya bucked up again, his hands unable to move. Wait, why couldn't he move? If he didn't touch his dick in the next minute, they'd have to drive him to the emergency room. "F'ck! Can't.. baby, help. Pl'se.. help me..!"
Shane snickered softly, blinking down at Ilya as he held Svetlana's hand. "Wake up."
Ilya awoke with a desperate gasp, his lungs filling with air as he jolted up from bed. What the f —
"Baby?" Shane mumbled from his side, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was blinking up at Ilya was a concerned expression that made Ilya stop for a second.
Ilya panted, attempting to catch his breath. Shane too sat up, hand on Ilya's chest. "Ilya? Breathe. You're freaking me out.."
Ilya forced himself to breathe like a normal human being, his hand coming up over Shane's on his chest. "Oh my god, oh my god. О, нет."
"What happened?" Shane rubbed at Ilya's chest, the other hand on Ilya's back. "Oh, Ilya. Nightmare?"
Ilya frantically shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. "Fuck. Opposite."
"Opposite?" Shane parroted in a soft mumble. Shane scrunched up his brows in confusion, eyes drifting down. Oh. He was quite literally about to explode in the waking world, too.
"Right.. opposite," Shane let out a breathy laugh as he calmed at the sight. "Want to share with the class what you, uh.. dreamt about?"
Ilya groaned, subtly rubbing up into the quilt. "I am pervert. I need to wash brain. Need to see priest, Shane. Was crazy. Fucking insane. Ебать."
Shane couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried as he continued to hold Ilya. "C'mon, I won't judge. Talk to me."
Ilya let a whine slip as he shook his head, covering his face with his hands. "You.. and.. Svetlana."
"Oh?" Shane mumbled, placing a kiss to Ilya's shoulder. "Greedy."
Ilya laughed a little, leaning into Shane. "Fuck. I can't ever look at you two the same now. Fuck. Ugh."
"What happened?" Shane tried again, holding Ilya's wrists in attempt to see his boyfriend's face again. Ilya just sighed, curling into Shane.
"You both.. used me. That's all I'm saying."
Shane whistled lowly, nipping at Ilya's naked shoulder. "Whoa, okay. We used you? What, at the same time?"
Ilya nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. "I know, okey? Am man whore. Am greedy."
Shane hummed, placing his thumb over a mole on Ilya's wrist. "I didn't know you were into that kinda stuff."
Ilya just kept shaking his head, flopping back down into his prior position on their bed. "You both used me as a tissue, okay? There. I said it. Fuck."
Shane stared, raising a brow. "Wait, we wiped our asses on you? What — Ilya — "
"No!" Ilya spat out, almost choking on a laugh. "No no no — no, Shane. The achoo kind. I was used that way. You know?"
Shane wiped at his mouth with his wrist. "We.. sneezed on you?"
"Yes," Ilya hissed, curling up so his back was facing Shane.
Shane cooed a little, coming to spoon Ilya. "That isn't a big deal. Did it turn you on?"
"Obviously!" Ilya whined, turning around so that he was facing Shane on his side. "I am.. freak. You were both sick, and took advantage of me. I liked it."
Shane hummed, turning so Ilya could spoon him instead. "I'm just glad we didn't shit on you. That would have been — "
"Okey," Ilya mumbled, cutting Shane off before he could say any more. Ilya pressed into Shane, accidentally bucking his hips into the slot of Shane's clothed ass.
Shane breathed out, amused to see how worked up Ilya was. "Do tell me more, though. I'm curious."
Ilya sighed, resting a thigh over Shane's hips. "You.. I don't know. You guys laughed at me."
Shane hummed, pressing back into Ilya's bulge. "Poor baby."
David Hollander signs up for IG to post pictures of his hot wife but after Shane and Ilya are outted and married, his IG goes from being a Yuna Hollander fan page to a Yuna, Shane and Ilya fan page. He loves to post candid shots and videos of his three favorite people and his IG account blows up overnight. Millions of people follow his page to see the cute videos of them at brunch and a random photo of Shane carrying Ilya on his back. He turns down a number of brand deals because he just wants to keep the page about his family. He never tells Yuna that he turns down brand deals because he knows she’ll put him six feet under.
