#autistic vent

[obscurix]

i feel so left out. like everyone around me knows how to be a human and i don’t.

[autisticautonomy]

When allistics are less emotionally affected by something than Autistics, that is a sign that they are healthy, rational, and more capable than us.

When Autistic people are less emotionally affected by something than allistics, that is a sign that we are cold, uncaring, and emotionally stunted.

When allistics are more emotionally affected by something than Autistics, that is a sign that they are deep thinkers, are good people, and are in touch with their humanity.

When Autistics are more emotionally affected by something than allistics, that is a sign that we are irrational, easy to set off, and unstable.

Everything about our culture and society is oriented around how allistics experience emotion. Their emotional needs are normal, rational, human. Autistic emotional needs are treated like a disease.

We aren't taken seriously, we aren't given support, we are just left to suffer alone. We don't even have the language to name our emotions. We are taught to hate ourselves, and that self hatred envelopes every part of our life. We hate ourselves for not suffering enough, for feeling too much joy at the wrong thing.

And when Autistic people inevitably struggle more with emotional processing, because we have none of the tools that allistic people have, it is blamed on us for being "defective".

And so the vicious cycle continues.

Autism acceptance is not just a buzzword. Autism acceptance is not just the "polite" version of autism awareness. Autism acceptance means radical systemic change for Autistic people. It means a complete restructuring of society around Autistic needs, abilities and differences. It means loving and appreciating Autistics as Autistics, not as broken allistics. It means unlearning everything you've been taught to hate about yourself. It means examining the systemic barriers that Autistic people face. We don't have to live like this. We deserve better.

[thesaddesttoothless]

i really wish autism acceptance included autistic people who have traits/symptoms that aren't palatable to the general public. like, yes, you accept the guy who really likes that one show and acts a little awkward sometimes but what about the person who can't understand social cues and asks intrusive questions bcuz they don't understand which things are okay or not okay to say? what about the girl who acts like a child and throws tantrums even though shes 32? what about the guy who brings a stuffed animal with him everywhere and genuinely believes it's a living creature? what about the person who acts "cringy" and "weird" all the time and runs around on all fours? what about the girl who gets really mad and says very mean things without meaning to when she's overstimulated? what about the guy who tells everyone he's the devil and genuinely believes it? what about the person who can't act presentable in public and makes weird jokes a bit too loud?

why do you only accept us when we're quiet and "normal"? if you only accept those of us who are palatable then you don't actually accept autistic people you just want people to think you're a good person.

[cheesymcbriz]

I will forever mourn the fact that I will never truly know or feel what it is to be normal. I will never have or understand a true baseline because I am all that I will ever know. There are likely many struggles I have that have gone ignored and unnoticed because it is all I know. I will never truly grasp my abnormalities because in order to know what is abnormal I must have a normal to compare it to. And my normal will never be normal.

[0bscvr1ty]

I wish I could wear the style of outfits I envision myself in. The ones that'd actually match and represent my personality.

But autism sensory issues.

[rabid-goblin-freak]

Have you ever, as fellow autistic people, ever try to help a non autistic person? Like you were just trying to be helpful because you know what to do, but instead you get snapped at?

Yeah, that just happened to me again. Now I feel awful about myself. Like I'm annoying and just get in the way. I'm trying my hardest not to cry, because if I do they'll know I'm weaker. Then they'll pounce on me like wild dogs.

[leonismylove]

This is gross but everyone’s sugarcoating autism so I’m gonna be real with you

Brushing my teeth is a big struggle for me. It’s a struggle I’ve always had. And I’ve always heard “oh, you’re too lazy to brush your teeth?” When the truth is that it is NOT due to laziness at all. I do stuff daily that requires more action than brushing my fucking teeth. It wouldn’t be some near impossible task if it weren’t for my crippling sensory processing issues.

I keep thinking that if I’d maybe had someone around to understand me and help me manage it when I was a child, instead of parents who literally didn’t even believe autism was a real thing, life would be easier now. But that’s not what happened.

More stuff my sensory issues do that affects my teeth, is my seemingly endless addiction to soda. It’s not that I want to drink soda, I have to drink soda when eating certain foods because if the sharp carbonation isn’t there to dull the texture of the food I’m eating, I will have a complete mental breakdown.

I have never been able to drink water without gagging. I drink things like organic apple juice as substitute, not with food, but to hydrate me after—I don’t think I have ever been able to down over half of a bottle of water without getting physically sick.

Due to all of this, I have developed a paralyzing fear of the dentist. I have experienced root canals, crowns, fillings of all kinds. I’d say the only dental issue I’ve never had was the need for braces. I have such a large history of poor dental health, that I’m supposed to go twice, sometimes three times, a year. I try, I really do—but 9 times out of 10 I just end up rescheduling, putting months between the time I was originally supposed to go and when I actually do.

When I was about 7, I had my first root canal. And I felt all of it. They had given me the wrong amount of lidocaine.

That tooth, and the entire area surrounding it, hurt every single time I ate for YEARS until the tooth finally fell out. It genuinely seemed like whatever they’d done that day only made the original issue worse. This is the core reason of WHY I have such a fear of the dentist. I can handle fillings, sure. But due to what happened that day, my WORST FEAR, above all else, is finding out that I have to have another root canal. That is why I reschedule my appointments.

This is extremely embarrassing, but in order to be able to ask for any sort of help, I want to be entirely honest about my situation. That, and I want to give people like me a place to know that they aren’t so alone.

I developed agoraphobia because I would isolate myself for so long, due to how bad I knew my oral hygiene was. I used to wear masks when I did finally have to go out in public. I have rotted 80% of the enamel off of my teeth. I can’t eat candy without sharp pain. I have stopped smiling in pictures, and stopped laughing with my friends, because I’m worried about my breath—even if I brushed my teeth before the event.

I want to fix it.

So, I’m on here asking for help. My family will not listen to me, because like I said, they do not believe in high functioning autism. They berate me and torment me about my situation, because in their eyes, it’s laziness. A pure lack of character. So if anyone has ANY sort of suggestions for a toothpaste I could try, or really ANYTHING that could make my life a little bit easier, I welcome it. Right now I’m using Crest sensitive toothpaste, and I can’t stand the spicy feeling of the mint. Sensitive, because like I said, I hardly have any enamel.

Someone PLEASE help, offer advice, suggestions, anything—or if you have none, even support, or at best, understanding—would be greatly appreciated. I am really struggling and I have been my whole life. I’m angry and hurt that nobody was there to help me as a kid but now that I have a voice I am going to use it to the best of my ability

If you’re like me, or even just going through something similar, I want to be the one to tell you that you are never truly alone. Autism is a struggle that nobody will ever truly understand if they are not on the spectrum themselves. If nothing else, the least we could do is be present for each other, the way nobody was for there for most of us when we so badly needed them to be.

[rat-rambles]

Black and white thinking when applied to your self is the actual worse. No brain I am not tje worst or best ever thoughs are both not fucking possible. Stupid lizard brain.