In Debt and Indebted to: PA School Class of 2022
One of my earliest memories involves a take apart anatomical model. I was five and can remember the smell of shitty plastic that made up the clear woman whose organs you could remove. Iād take them out, scatter them across the coffee table, examine the cross sections, and try to put the pieces back into position.Ā
The last two years, Iāve spent most of my time recreating that in my life: taking apart the pieces of my life, trying to put them into place. It involved a lot of risk: accruing debt to take on an unpaid position to gain challenging clinical hours; finding a rare disease specialist via Twitter DM of all ways; moving to Tennessee; starting an experimental dose of medication and accruing medical debt for better quality of life. It also involved enormous reflection on why I had been rejected from all 12 schools for a second time, and why I had attached my self worth to an academic achievement rather than my inherent existence. Every second of that dissection was worth it:
I got into PA school. I got into freaking physician assistant school. 2022, I will be EB, PA-C.Ā
I have spent the last two weeks reflecting on everything that brought me to this point and how insurmountable it all seemed at times. Two thoracotomies, multiple full spinal fusions and revisions, chest tubes, countless days in infusion centers, the metaphorical detangling of DNA to discover a one-in-a-million PSTPIPI mutation, finding a specialist familiar with the mutation at Vanderbilt, applying repeatedly for expanded use for a medication that is single handedly shrinking my previously enlarged liver/spleen and drastically increasing my quality of life. I have been through hell andĀ I have fought like hell for this.
Maybe itās lame, but to get here truly feels like a testament of survival. The ultimate external validation that I have made decisions, put in work that is blissfully incongruent with that of my parentsā unhealthy legacy. That I did something more with my experiences of illness beyond resent it. But I couldnāt have done it without encouragement here, to not give up, encouraged to believe that healthcare professionals can embrace what it means to be human--and yes that includes disability.
I know I will be a better clinician for having one foot inside this weird patient world at all times.Ā
And so I am asking for your help as humbly as possible: I cannot afford my seat deposit. It is $750 and cannot be paid with a credit card, nor paid in installments. It has to be paid via check or money order in one lump sum. Unfortunately, my school is only able to extend the deadline to September 9th, which I have accepted. My seat in this program is considered unsecured until the deposit is paid. I do not have immediate family that is able or willing to helpĀ as many applicants do. No qualified and accepted student should be denied a chance solely because of a lack of privilege or financial indigence.Ā
I am $5k in debt from the application process alone, and it was worth the risk: I made it. So it seems absurd that something as simple as a seat deposit could cost me a life goal. The reality of the situation is that between working in wound care for $8.50/hr and an unpaid/per diem clinical internship at ~Southern Reproductive Clinic~, not to mention my current personal medical costs,Ā I need help.Ā
If you have been positively impacted by this blog or the work Iāve done here and feel so inclined, there is a gofundmeĀ
started by a friend on my behalf. I will post emails to verify everything Iāve just written is true and anything beyond the amount of the seat deposit will go towards medical bills and school-related expenses (Currently, I do not have a computer (using my partnerās) nor funds to prep for school physically), as well as fees GFM takes out.Ā
I am forever indebted to you, every single person who has read this blog between 2012 and now (halp I am old).Ā I would never have gotten here without help, without a support network, without friends who have become my family. I am indebted to all of you and promise I will pay it forward. Even if thereās only ~3 of you still here all these years later ;)Ā
Love,
Emily













