Illness, dharma, parenting

I'm chronically ill, a lesbian parent of two amazing teens, recovering from money and food addictions, a Buddhist, and finding lots of joy in this life. She/her pronouns, born in 1971.

[puppygirl-hornyposting2]

I hate this country

[lost-carcosa]

[sighinastorm]

“You don’t have to be that gung-ho on trans rights to realize that a world where girls’ genitals need to be inspected before they can play any sport is worse for girls than a world where once in a while there’s a trans girl on a girls’ team.” —Evan Urquhart

[bogleech]

There aren’t even any girls in America who have had transitional genital surgery that young, it doesn’t happen, that’s an invented concept and since everyone responsible for that law would have found that out at some point in the process, this isn’t ignorance but genuinely just 100% calculated to be something terrifying and upsetting they can blame trans people for “forcing” them to do. They’re not dumb, they’re just willing to sink so low as to have children legally abused, or at least put the threat of it on the books, to circuitously punish other people they hate.

[dabwax-deactivated20250410]

I really appreciate the OP of this thread mentioning that they’re looking for intersex traits. Yes, this is to try to hurt trans kids and will hurt cis perisex kids. But I really want people to internalize that they’re using bodies like mine explicitly - naturally intersex bodies that do not fit into a physical sex binary regardless of gender identity.

Please stand with intersex people. Please learn about intersexism. Please tag things like this with intersexism as well as transphobia. Please name our struggles along with your own when it applies. Please internalize that intersex people are the invisible evil awful boogeyman used in every conceivable way to justify harm to other people while we are systemically erased, abused, medically tortured, and then told we don’t belong in the queer community because we’re just sick, disordered freaks. People will see our bodies being used as an excuse to hurt other people and only think about the others being hurt and not us. We are not fucking rare and we have been screaming for visibility.

I was sexually assaulted by doctors as a fucking child because I am intersex and it makes me insane seeing shit like this being all about perisex kids suffering. I had a full pelvic and pap as a child because I am intersex and there was legitimately no medical need to do that. Please remember intersex people in these discussions. These are things we go through without sports law restrictions every single fucking day.

[3000s]

where we're going.... you won't need your kohls cash ever again

[3000s]

take my hand

[tjalexandernyc]

Please enjoy this picture of my mom's cat, Miso

[tjalexandernyc]

Important update

[tjalexandernyc]

I told my mom that lots of people on the internet were enjoying looking at Miso and she said "Miso doesn't need human approval but it's nice that she's getting it regardless" asgdhfdklgldlslajgaf

[fatliberation]

they have a point though. you wouldn't need everyone to accommodate you if you just lost weight, but you're too lazy to stick to a healthy diet and exercise. it's that simple. I'd like to see you back up your claims, but you have no proof. you have got to stop lying to yourselves and face the facts

Must I go through this again? Fine. FINE. You guys are working my nerves today. You want to talk about facing the facts? Let's face the fucking facts.

In 2022, the US market cap of the weight loss industry was $75 billion [1, 3]. In 2021, the global market cap of the weight loss industry was estimated at $224.27 billion [2]. 

In 2020, the market shrunk by about 25%, but rebounded and then some since then [1, 3] By 2030, the global weight loss industry is expected to be valued at $405.4 billion [2]. If diets really worked, this industry would fall overnight. 

1. LaRosa, J. March 10, 2022. "U.S. Weight Loss Market Shrinks by 25% in 2020 with Pandemic, but Rebounds in 2021." Market Research Blog. 2. Staff. February 09, 2023. "[Latest] Global Weight Loss and Weight Management Market Size/Share Worth." Facts and Factors Research. 3. LaRosa, J. March 27, 2023. "U.S. Weight Loss Market Partially Recovers from the Pandemic." Market Research Blog.

Over 50 years of research conclusively demonstrates that virtually everyone who intentionally loses weight by manipulating their eating and exercise habits will regain the weight they lost within 3-5 years. And 75% will actually regain more weight than they lost [4].

4. Mann, T., Tomiyama, A.J., Westling, E., Lew, A.M., Samuels, B., Chatman, J. (2007). "Medicare’s Search For Effective Obesity Treatments: Diets Are Not The Answer." The American Psychologist, 62, 220-233. U.S. National Library of Medicine, Apr. 2007.

The annual odds of a fat person attaining a so-called “normal” weight and maintaining that for 5 years is approximately 1 in 1000 [5].

5. Fildes, A., Charlton, J., Rudisill, C., Littlejohns, P., Prevost, A.T., & Gulliford, M.C. (2015). “Probability of an Obese Person Attaining Normal Body Weight: Cohort Study Using Electronic Health Records.” American Journal of Public Health, July 16, 2015: e1–e6.

Doctors became so desperate that they resorted to amputating parts of the digestive tract (bariatric surgery) in the hopes that it might finally result in long-term weight-loss. Except that doesn’t work either. [6] And it turns out it causes death [7],  addiction [8], malnutrition [9], and suicide [7].

6. Magro, Daniéla Oliviera, et al. “Long-Term Weight Regain after Gastric Bypass: A 5-Year Prospective Study - Obesity Surgery.” SpringerLink, 8 Apr. 2008. 7. Omalu, Bennet I, et al. “Death Rates and Causes of Death After Bariatric Surgery for Pennsylvania Residents, 1995 to 2004.” Jama Network, 1 Oct. 2007.  8. King, Wendy C., et al. “Prevalence of Alcohol Use Disorders Before and After Bariatric Surgery.” Jama Network, 20 June 2012.  9. Gletsu-Miller, Nana, and Breanne N. Wright. “Mineral Malnutrition Following Bariatric Surgery.” Advances In Nutrition: An International Review Journal, Sept. 2013.

Evidence suggests that repeatedly losing and gaining weight is linked to cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes and altered immune function [10].

10. Tomiyama, A Janet, et al. “Long‐term Effects of Dieting: Is Weight Loss Related to Health?” Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6 July 2017.

Prescribed weight loss is the leading predictor of eating disorders [11].

11. Patton, GC, et al. “Onset of Adolescent Eating Disorders: Population Based Cohort Study over 3 Years.” BMJ (Clinical Research Ed.), 20 Mar. 1999.

The idea that “obesity” is unhealthy and can cause or exacerbate illnesses is a biased misrepresentation of the scientific literature that is informed more by bigotry than credible science [12]. 

12. Medvedyuk, Stella, et al. “Ideology, Obesity and the Social Determinants of Health: A Critical Analysis of the Obesity and Health Relationship” Taylor & Francis Online, 7 June 2017.

“Obesity” has no proven causative role in the onset of any chronic condition [13, 14] and its appearance may be a protective response to the onset of numerous chronic conditions generated from currently unknown causes [15, 16, 17, 18].

13. Kahn, BB, and JS Flier. “Obesity and Insulin Resistance.” The Journal of Clinical Investigation, Aug. 2000. 14. Cofield, Stacey S, et al. “Use of Causal Language in Observational Studies of Obesity and Nutrition.” Obesity Facts, 3 Dec. 2010.  15. Lavie, Carl J, et al. “Obesity and Cardiovascular Disease: Risk Factor, Paradox, and Impact of Weight Loss.” Journal of the American College of Cardiology, 26 May 2009.  16. Uretsky, Seth, et al. “Obesity Paradox in Patients with Hypertension and Coronary Artery Disease.” The American Journal of Medicine, Oct. 2007.  17. Mullen, John T, et al. “The Obesity Paradox: Body Mass Index and Outcomes in Patients Undergoing Nonbariatric General Surgery.” Annals of Surgery, July 2005. 18. Tseng, Chin-Hsiao. “Obesity Paradox: Differential Effects on Cancer and Noncancer Mortality in Patients with Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus.” Atherosclerosis, Jan. 2013.

Fatness was associated with only 1/3 the associated deaths that previous research estimated and being “overweight” conferred no increased risk at all, and may even be a protective factor against all-causes mortality relative to lower weight categories [19].

19. Flegal, Katherine M. “The Obesity Wars and the Education of a Researcher: A Personal Account.” Progress in Cardiovascular Diseases, 15 June 2021.

Studies have observed that about 30% of so-called “normal weight” people are “unhealthy” whereas about 50% of so-called “overweight” people are “healthy”. Thus, using the BMI as an indicator of health results in the misclassification of some 75 million people in the United States alone [20]. 

20. Rey-López, JP, et al. “The Prevalence of Metabolically Healthy Obesity: A Systematic Review and Critical Evaluation of the Definitions Used.” Obesity Reviews : An Official Journal of the International Association for the Study of Obesity, 15 Oct. 2014.

While epidemiologists use BMI to calculate national obesity rates (nearly 35% for adults and 18% for kids), the distinctions can be arbitrary. In 1998, the National Institutes of Health lowered the overweight threshold from 27.8 to 25—branding roughly 29 million Americans as fat overnight—to match international guidelines. But critics noted that those guidelines were drafted in part by the International Obesity Task Force, whose two principal funders were companies making weight loss drugs [21].

21. Butler, Kiera. “Why BMI Is a Big Fat Scam.” Mother Jones, 25 Aug. 2014. 

Body size is largely determined by genetics [22].

22. Wardle, J. Carnell, C. Haworth, R. Plomin. “Evidence for a strong genetic influence on childhood adiposity despite the force of the obesogenic environment” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition Vol. 87, No. 2, Pages 398-404, February 2008.

Healthy lifestyle habits are associated with a significant decrease in mortality regardless of baseline body mass index [23].  

23. Matheson, Eric M, et al. “Healthy Lifestyle Habits and Mortality in Overweight and Obese Individuals.” Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine : JABFM, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 25 Feb. 2012.

Weight stigma itself is deadly. Research shows that weight-based discrimination increases risk of death by 60% [24].

24. Sutin, Angela R., et al. “Weight Discrimination and Risk of Mortality .” Association for Psychological Science, 25 Sept. 2015.

Fat stigma in the medical establishment [25] and society at large arguably [26] kills more fat people than fat does [27, 28, 29].

25. Puhl, Rebecca, and Kelly D. Bronwell. “Bias, Discrimination, and Obesity.” Obesity Research, 6 Sept. 2012. 26. Engber, Daniel. “Glutton Intolerance: What If a War on Obesity Only Makes the Problem Worse?” Slate, 5 Oct. 2009.  27. Teachman, B. A., Gapinski, K. D., Brownell, K. D., Rawlins, M., & Jeyaram, S. (2003). Demonstrations of implicit anti-fat bias: The impact of providing causal information and evoking empathy. Health Psychology, 22(1), 68–78. 28. Chastain, Ragen. “So My Doctor Tried to Kill Me.” Dances With Fat, 15 Dec. 2009. 29. Sutin, Angelina R, Yannick Stephan, and Antonio Terraciano. “Weight Discrimination and Risk of Mortality.” Psychological Science, 26 Nov. 2015.

There's my "proof." Where is yours?

[vaspider]

I have told this story over and over again, but it bears repeating:

In 2011 or so, I started having intense pain in my legs and feet. I was sent to an orthopedic surgeon. He said, "This pain is because you are fat. Go on this diet and lose weight."

I went on the diet. I ate 1300 calories a day. I exercised until I literally couldn't stand up.

1300 calories a day is what a healthy toddler should eat. I was 34 years old. I was starving, in excruciating pain. I was angry and hungry and hurting. I really don't envy anyone who had to deal with me.

Oh yeah: and I didn't lose any real weight, no matter how hard I worked and how scrupulously I followed the diet.

By 2013, when - shockingly - I had ruined my muscle tone and was still in incredible pain, I got to a point where I couldn't walk to the bathroom at work without help. I missed my kid's chorus concerts bc I couldn't sit in uncomfortable chairs after suffering all day. And I still hadn't lost any real weight.

"Isn't there anything else this could be?" I asked.

He refused to run other tests. "You just need to lose the weight."

Two years this had gone on, and I was still in pain. Still missing out on my life. Still missing out on Cat's life, on moments I couldn't ever get back.

My partner finally got fed up and dragged me to another doctor. Dragged me back to our family doctor and told her what was going on.

She took one look at me - literally, she touched my feet once - and said, "This guy is an idiot."

Two days later, an MRI found a 2.5 cm mass adhered to the sheath of my spinal cord, compressing my spinal cord against the inside of my spine. Three days after that, I was told it was most likely malignant.

It wasn't. I was lucky. It was a benign mass, removed May 9th, 2013.

Since then, I've been diagnosed with diabetes and celiac disease, both of which my doctors think come from the bodily trauma that this all put me through - that genetic predisposition got kicked into overdrive by either the trauma of starving myself for two years or surgery. We can't be sure if it's the starvation or the surgery that did it.

We can, however, be very, very sure that the disordered eating that I have struggled with for the last 12 years comes directly from a doctor who looked at me and said, "You should starve yourself," and only saw fat, not a person.

I'm very, very lucky that it wasn't actually cancer. I know more than one person who wasn't that lucky. Some of them (z''l) have died.

Medical fatphobia fucking kills.

[vitariesocks]

On COVID, propaganda, and the normalization of mass death and disability by themme_fatale

[tjalexandernyc]

My next book is out today!

Second Chances in New Port Stephen is...the book I think I'm the proudest of so far. If you are queer or gay or trans or questioning or an elder millennial or Floridian or a single dad or a washed up comedian or a fan of manatees--this one's for you.

[chronicdharma]

#2023bestbook

[liberalsarecool]

People who defend capitalism have no clue. It literally monetizes your misery.

[wilwheaton]

(via)

[behaviornerdwithahat]

Participating in a little meme therapy after my appointment today. I understand this is how medicine works sometimes but this is how it feels from the patent side of things.

[throwtime]

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

[throwtime]

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

[thedragonflywarrior]

This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.

[fightsinlipstick]

I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.

[abrandnewtomorrow]

I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.

[leaper182]

This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.

[science-geek]

I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead

[profanejane]

I need artwork for this. 

[bumblebeerror]

Hard truth that I’ve had to confront that I’m honestly not proud of:

Constantly voicing your abandonment issues lead to more people abandoning you.

I do not mean in Serious Conversations about what you need in a relationship or anything like that - I mean when your friend plays a video game with a different friend for a few days and you feel like your world is crumbling, that is not the time to talk about them.

I understand the fear that someone will decide they are done with you. I live that fear every single day, but here’s the rub.

If you tell people “you’ll probably leave me anyway” or similar things every time you feel that fear, people will leave you.

Not because they don’t want to be your friend, your partner, your roommate, whatever. Not because you aren’t deserving of friends (you are), but because it is exhausting to be constantly told by someone you like/love to go away.

Because that is how it feels on the other end. I don’t say this to make it worse, or to make you feel like you’re at fault. Your brain is hurting you, and it’s okay to feel things. But if you find that it’s hard to keep people around you, then you need to hear that outside of things like conversations about boundaries and triggers and such, it would be to your benefit to change your language.

Instead of telling people “you probably don’t like me”, try asking. “You like me? It’s much easier for them to reassure you when you don’t start with a negative, because it puts your brain in a different mindset, one that finds it easier to believe their response.

Sit with your issues. Parent them. And when they’re done screaming, hold their little hands and dry their little faces and try to remember that you are worth being loved. I won’t say it’s easy, because it’s really fucking not. I won’t say you’ll get it the first time, or that you’ll never fuck up. I still do. But you deserve friends and partners and love, it’s just that so do they.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Another thing about this is that you are waving a red flag.

Because here's the thing.

When your friend plays a video game with a different friend for a few days, and you talk about how that hurt you? You've just created a situation where you've placed the onus of your emotions on your friend, who did nothing wrong. Now your friend has to worry about what other perfectly reasonable activities are going to get them accused of hurting you, which is what you were doing whether you meant to or not.

And here's the other thing.

When you tell someone "everyone always leaves me", they wonder why. And it's very possible that they've dealt with someone who complained about this, then proceeded to demonstrate why. There is a particular kind of social parasite that will completely use up their friend group, then move on to new friends while shit-talking how they were treated by the last friend group.

[socialistexan]

The phrase, "everyone except workers" reminds me of that one poll that said AOC was unpopular with "everyone except women, poc, young people, and LGBTQ people." Like such a circuitous to say they think older cishet white men are the default everyone, with all else being an abberation.

Like "everyone except workers" is just bosses, executives, and investors. Aka people that profit off of work without actually doing it, which is a far smaller group than workers are.

"The people that don't actually do the work don't like this thing that makes the lives of the people that actually do the work better," is probably a less appealing headline to the readers of Fortune Magazine.

[myalgicencephalomyelitiscfstom]

M.E. = Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

From Kornelia Paulsen

Twitter link: https://twitter.com/korneliapaulsen/status/1537080399049940992

She is also on Instagram: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/illustrating_me/ Image description: A cartoon by Kornelia Paulsen titled The Burden of M.E. A person lays on the ground being crushed by a pile of large rocks that have symptoms of CFS/ME written on them: Post exertional malaise, pain, nausea, orthostatic intolerance, BP dropp, dizziness, tinnitus, brain fog, fatigue, hypersensitivity, isolation, grief, no cure, financial issues, shortness of breath, loss of relationships, high pulse, motor disturbances, sore throat, IBS, sleep dysfunction, loss of hobbies, blurry vision. 3 hands and 1 more implied are tossing more rocks onto the pile reading: neglect, stigma, harmful treatments, disbelief]

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that we’ve consumed more resources in the last 50 years than the whole of humanity before us (x)

[yesterdayiwrote]

I’m thinking today about Savita Halappanavar, an Indian dentist living in Ireland, who in 2012 suffered a partial miscarriage of her first pregnancy. Doctors refused to perform an abortion to expel the foetus as it still had a detectable heartbeat. She developed sepsis and died. She was 31.

About Agnieszka T, a Polish woman who was pregnant with twins. She miscarried one foetus but was refused an abortive procedure. 6 days later her second foetus died. She had to wait 2 further days to be given a termination. She died 3 weeks later of septic shock. She had a husband and 3 other children. She was 37.

About Izabela, a Polish woman whose foetus was found to have several abnormalities, but who was determined to carry to term. When her waters broke in the 22nd week of pregnancy she was told she had to wait until her foetus had no heartbeat before they could induce her or perform a c-section. She died leaving behind a husband and nine year old daughter. She was 30.

About Andrea Prudente, an American woman on a ‘babymoon’ in Malta where she suffered an incomplete miscarriage. Due to Malta’s complete ban on abortion, she was denied an abortion that would save her life. She asked her husband to punch her in the stomach as hard as he could to either induce labour or stop the foetal heartbeat. She was medically evacuated to Spain where they safely performed the procedure needed to end her pregnancy and save her life. This happened on Thursday.

Restrictive abortion bans harm anybody who can get pregnant. They harm planned pregnancies, as much as unplanned ones. They harm residents and non residents. If you’re reading what’s happening in America and thinking ‘Well at least it’s not my country’, sorry to say there’s every chance you could still end up affected one day. Abortion is basic healthcare, and basic healthcare is a basic human right. All these women were denied theirs, and these are just the tip of the iceberg. The last 3 all happened within the last year. Rather than these women being a sign of the past, instead they’re now very much a sign of what’s to come in America and that’s terrifying.

[rabbits-habits]

Idk what disabled person needs to hear this but you have to learn to say “my illness ruined this situation” instead of “I ruined this situation”

Because you are not at fault. You did nothing wrong. You were looking out for your own health, and if that fun thing was cut short or cancelled because of that, then that’s not on you. You didn’t chose to be sick, it’s not like you’d willingly back out of doing something you were excited about doing unless you had to.

Whether it be because of anxiety, or a flare came up, or you’re just not feeling up to it, or whatever it may be. Those are all completely valid reasons to “ruin” a fun time. It sucks ass, but you can’t blame yourself for it, as it is not something you can control.