Mimosa?
Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?
I have no idea
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Mimosa?
Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?
I have no idea
Stickers and prints available in my store!
just hallucinated only the bottom right panel and started giggling and decided i wanted to find the real thing to laugh about it again. and i couodnt so i had to go into my boyfriends dms and ask them if "do you have truckparts"
gonna be so real i did not realize the bottom was about purchasing and shipping automobile parts. I thought they were straight up intending to kill and dismantle the UPS truck like some auto mechanic apex predator.
babe wake up...i need to tell you multiple thoughts that don't corelate at all that i had in the span of five minutes..
like whack a mole
official they can't win against us all post
notice how they pause instead of all-out running? rat want grab-toss. they are playing a game! and pausing to make sure human has time to grab them and gently toss like the football!
If I was a rat I would enjoy this too
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
Love the moment of Stratt calling Grace out for wanting to be a teacher essentially just so that he can always be the smartest person in the room.
Like, I don't think that's his actual motivation. When we see him in the classroom, he's clearly keen to have the kids share their own knowledge. He mentally compliments Abby on being “smart as a whip”, like he clearly enjoys seeing the kids learning and growing.
Equally though, Stratt is right in that children can be easier than adults.
Especially since Grace, in the book at least (can't remember if they clarified this is the movie) is straight up bribing them. Like he's offering prizes to the kids who work hard and give the best answers.
Not a bad teaching tool to drive engagement, but it says something that he's living in a small flat, he's cycling for work “and it's not for exercise”, but his classroom is well decorated and he's handing out prizes.
Like some of his fellow teachers definitely hate him.
Because they get stuck with “why can't we have fun prizes like Mr Grace's class? Mr Grace let's his class play games!” and like the answer likely is a combination of “because Mr Grace has a different teaching style to me”, “because I can’t afford to spend as much money as Mr Grace apparently can” and, quite possibly, “because Mr Grace's class is SUPER LOUD and REALLY CHAOTIC and I literally would die of sensory overload if I had to teach in that environment, I don't know how he does it” but you can't tell that to the kids.
Equally, if literally any of his 'prizes' make a noise, make a mess or cause arguments between different kids then teachers from other subjects likely hate him.
I still hold murderer in my heart for the one science teacher who taught a class of year 8s how to make 'slime' and then sent them to my English lesson with it contained in fucking open plastic cups.
(Like have them collect it at the end of the day if you can’t get them a closed container! How are you a fucking science teacher and don't understand that objects in open ended containers will fall out? Are all those bunsen burner fumes going to your fucking head???)
Teaching gets valorised as a profession, which means people tend to think of it as not being a real job. Yes, Grace is going all out for the adorable little kiddies. But also Grace is like the equivalent of the person who struggles to pay their student loans but also buys communal supplies of tea and coffee for the office and constantly brings in treats because he desperately wants people to like him.
Yeah Grace is everyone's favourite teacher. But he's probably not universally beloved by his coworkers, and some of the coworkers who do like him have probably suggested before that he should maybe dial it back a bit because he's doing too much. Like dude, I promise your kids won't hate you if you give them slightly fewer stickers, and also you might actually be able to afford a bus fare.
Remember, this is a guy for whom one of his major character flaws is that he avoids adult relationships (platonic or otherwise) because he's afraid. The papier mache solar system and complicated lesson plans are definitely a symptom of that avoidance.
Like to understand Grace as a teacher, you kind of have to step away from the automatic thing that a lot of people do of imagining what it would be like to be a student in his class. This is a job. It's not a calling. None of us took holy orders. When Grace is a teacher Grace is at work, and when Grace is at work Grace is clearly working overtime and spending his own money on luxuries so that the children he works with will like him best.
Again, he's a great teacher. He clearly loves the job and cares deeply for his students. But there are self-destructive elements to his work as a teacher on Earth.
He crashed and burned out of academia because he couldn't take working in an environment where he a) wasn't The Smartest Person, and b) he had to manage friendships and social interactions with adult peers. He then went on to construct an incredibly safe environment in his classroom where he would always be the Smartest and where the kids would always love him because he's the fun teacher who gives them prizes and plays games.
And this is kind of managed on the Vat. Like he isn't on easy mode anymore, but Grace is the world leading expert on astrophage (literally named them) which means he doesn't have to deal with people questioning him a lot, and he's second in command to the Dictator Of The World, which means people are predisposed to be nice to him.
When they aren't, like Lokken, he tends to struggle with keeping it professional. (Admittedly Lokken is clearly also being unprofessional here.)
This also plays into when he gets told he has to die to save the world.
I do think that his immediate fear response is understandable (not sure I'd have reacted differently) but also he takes it way too personally. Dude leaves the room, in the book, thinking that “all my friends got together and decided that they want me to die”.
Dude is very obsessed with whether people like him and is terrified of not being liked.
But this is significant because this is actually one of the things about Grace that changes.
Grace is very well aware that Rocky is smarter than him. In fact Rocky has to be the one to disagree with him when he tries to claim that Eridians as a whole are just smarter than humans.
Eridians have better memory and can instinctively do complex mathematics in their heads (carapaces?). Rocky is hugely impressed by Grace's scientific skills, but he also regularly calls him stupid and has zero patience for him spiralling into anxiety or neglecting self-care for the sake of the mission.
Grace is awed by Rocky's engineering skills and basically spends the whole book admiring him every other sentence. Literally states that he would trust the guy to do open heart surgery on him.
Grace meets someone who, by his own standards, is better than him in every way (especially when he remembers how he got on the ship) and Grace still gets to be liked. Grace gets to be admired, and joked with, and told when he needs to stop being an idiot and go to bed, and it's got nothing to do with him being a Super Genius or the other person being a literal child.
Same goes for him being a teacher on Erid. Like I think that's a pretty big deal actually.
Yeah Grace is gonna be the Weird Alien Teacher, which will definitely help the kids warm up to him, but he's also gonna be significantly less good at maths and remembering things than his students. He's going to forget things, he's going to mess up calculations, he's going to miss stuff because his hearing isn't as good as theirs or because he is the person in the room least experienced in their planet's culture.
Grace deciding that he wants to teach again, is him deciding that he's okay putting himself in a situation where he's going to fuck up (a lot) and where he's not going to be able to have the same level of control over the situation that he would have had on Earth.
And he loves it. He's exactly where he wants to be. Grace is the worst mathematician and owner of the worst memory on Erid, is consistently dependent on other people to explain things to him and help him in his day to day life, and he fucking loves it.
Imagine Eva Stratt years after sending her favorite guy to boss around to space. Getting the logs and recordings and finding out that her guy made first contact with sapient alien life and it IMMEDIATELY started bossing him around too. Like what if you surrendered your dog and it got adopted by an alien instantly. Happened to my girl Eva Stratt
#yesssss i love him so much#number one follower for life#he loooooves being a henchman he just wants to be an obedient cog in the machine#biggest fight he put up in the flashbacks (besides begging for his life 😭) was when ppl called him number two#he was like me in a position of power? no way! definitely fake! i am a minion how dare you#more upset they implied he was making his way to the top than that he slept his way there#absolute puppdog of a man WHO LITERALLY CALLED HIMSELF HER LAPDOG#he was being tongue in cheek but also? he was completely seriously acting like it#and happy to do it!
stellar tags from moredifferentthanusual
also adding some of my fav comments on this post
made this into a gif bc i liked it so much. shark Denied
Your partner came back from the dead after being missing for decades. Every one of their friends who they went with ended up dying a horrible death.
Now, somehow, their entire mental health is based on the continued life and happiness of this fairground goldfish that they picked up.
Neither of you know the first thing about how to care for even a healthy fish. This fish has been poorly cared for, has multiple diseases and the person who handed it over explicitly didn't expect it to live nearly as long as it already has.
You're frantically googling how to set up a fish tank, where to buy fish food, can you even take a fish to the vet? Your partner wants you to know that they're happy they made it home and survived their horrific ordeal, but also that if anything happens to the fish then they're going to kill everyone on this planet and then themself.
You're honestly wondering if you're even helping the fish, or just prolonging its suffering, but your partner will only accept medical help for their many injuries or engage in basic self-care once they're confident that the fish is being looked after.
So you get a tank. You set up a filter and all that stuff. You learn way more than you ever wanted to know about water temperature and ph and nitrate levels. The fish is safe. You start to develop some affection for the little guy. Your partner begins to recover. The fish begins to recover.
Which is when you learn that in its 'healthy' state, the fish regularly refuses to sleep when tired, keeps begging for food that is obviously unhealthy for it (and struggling to eat the food that you do provide because “it tastes gross”), and continually tries to persuade your partner to take it out of its nice safe tank so it can go explore the wonderful world of Outside, where the slightest mishap will kill it instantly.
Your name is Adrian, and you kind of wants to strangle this fucking fish, statement.
what the hell is going on
i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.
Please god it would be so funny
there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.
for people out of the loop:
Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.
Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:
(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)
Anyway, in brief:
Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances
He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election
He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion
His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.
the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.
and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.
So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?
I've seen some people saying he would have to give up his title but it would seem that is no longer the case as of 1999; so, no, he can keep his ceremonial bin if he wishes.
Important to note also that Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian & political satirist Jon Harvey who seems to be an intelligent individual with reasonable politics. As I said no real downside.
The no hats rule clearly does not apply to him. He is not wearing a hat. It's a bin.
me: uses my sleeping kitten’s paw to navigate my smartphone
he woke up and retrieved his paw
you Used him
he’s on the bed and he won’t come near me
youve betrayed his trust………he Knows
good thing i got 13 more of these fluffs
second kitten also abandoned me and they both formed a coalition
their cause is gaining numbers
this is a revolution
i tried calling in the cavalry but they overwhelmed us quickly
we are….defeated.
you may have lost the battle but all I see is a winner with 14 kittens and a dog
According to fox entertainment this is who we should be afraid of. I didn't know who Francesca Hong was 10 minutes ago but thankfully now I'm aware of this monster and her monsterous policies
She's being so big and brave.
Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.
At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.
At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.
“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.
The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.
I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.
I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.
I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht.
I’m not worth the cost of a watch.
i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.
i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.
as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.
disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.
at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.
i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.
i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.
we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.