Beni

Not pro, just coping and venting like a little bitch I am | I despise coaches | This blog involves triggering subjects concerning mental health so please ignore and block me if needed | DNI if under 20 years old | Kpop | Anime | Gaming | Literally just a loser nerd | She/Her | 2002 | 🏳️‍🌈 🇫🇮

[jiraikeibabes]

I didn't join the Jirai kei community for the fashion

I join because these people share common experiences I have struggling with my mental health

Jirai kei is more than a fashion

[what-iz-life]

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

[pain-neverends-blog]

It made me allow things I know I shouldn’t.

It made me unable to express my emotions.

It made me accept people into my life I should have ran from.

It made me think that I’ve always been the problem.

[emptyprescription]

[cigsterwmeat]

It seems tumblr doesn't let me post pictures and I don't know why...

I want to make a look update but I can't...

I hate my life...

I have become a borderline alcoholic...

Would anyone care to see updates on me? Like in another blog site or something?

I am not that important so why do I even bother...

[cigsterwmeat]

Why can't I post? Am I too triggering?

[midnight-depression]

[kyriaejiraiblog]

i’ve been getting fewer and fewer notes… am i not good enough anymore? please, give me love, i’ll do anything

[cigsterwmeat]

Too relatable, especially if I don't find friends unu

[cigsterwmeat]

I now have 107 people following me. Sorry for disappointing the ones who actually follow me for certain stuff...

My account is a mess.

I don't know what I want to do with this account because I think I have different kinds of followers.

Just a warning. I do tend to try new things that I haven't been able to before. I like trying out new styles and stuff like that.

My purple hair has faded quite a lot... It was so pretty at first... Now it's dark brown-ish but it still looks nice.

I want to cut my hair shorter. My boyfriend keeps laying on it.

[cigsterwmeat]

Henlo it me again (⁠ꏿ⁠﹏⁠ꏿ⁠;⁠)

Tried fake lashes for the first time. I feel like I can't live without em now (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

(btw I have huge dark eyes and I covered em with little bit pink concealer and tiiiiny ammount of liquid concelear. Plus I have a colour and blurring filter on. Not everything you see on the internet is real <3)

I've also started doing pilates at home.

I am done hating.

Today is love (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

[cigsterwmeat]

My way of selfharm is smoking.

That way my mom won't yell at me if she ever sees em.

Thank god I live alone now and my roommate doesn't care.

[cigsterwmeat]

Accidentally gave myself nicotine addiction when I bought disposable vapes (⁠*⁠・⁠～⁠・⁠*⁠)

Oh well I don't really care anymore.

I wish they sold flavours here.

[cigsterwmeat]

Meow (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ

Any mutuals? (⁠;⁠;⁠;⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠)

[cigsterwmeat]

Nobody likes me when I am doing good.

My fucking face ruins everything.

[cigsterwmeat]

New hair, who dis?

[cigsterwmeat]

Men say they can handle you and be there for you until you have delusions of everyone being against you which makes you ignore everyone including your boyfriend.

Then you realise that the only way you can get the attention you want is to just pretend to be dead so you start doing it often.

[cigsterwmeat]

One thing is for sure,

I hate literally everyone.

But oddly, I am not sure wheter I hate or love myself.

Because I keep thinking how I am the only one who does stuff for me.

But at the same time I think I am too weak and undeserving of anything.

It's like I am in an abusive relationship with myself.

Not like I can leave and ignore myself because I am literally me.

I can't sleep.

[cigsterwmeat]

Nobody cares about me.

I am never anyone's number one.

I want my bf to do stuff without having to ask.

It seems I don't matter anymore.