Simply Me @claycolors - Tumblr Blog

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

whimsyprinx

Sir that’s my emotion support bad anime I hyperfixated on as a young lgbt youth in middle school

merelybeing

— You do drive like you’re being chased. — Yeah, that’s why I’m in the back seat. — Efficient driving.

anna-kendrick

‘It’s flattering. If a guy wants to fuck you, it’s like, congratulations, you have a vagina and a pulse. So if a girl wants to fuck me, I can actually feel pretty good about that.’ -Anna Kendrick

coldtongue

“you’re so polite!” thanks, I am afraid of you.

cassandrapentayaaaaas

Fic tag: slow burn

Me, cracking my knuckles: not if you read it fast enough

goonsoftheweb

huffymuffy-deactivated20210405

6thlovelanguage-deactivated2020

just the fact that there’s women out there with wives.

catchymemes

not-tumbling

mcsqu1bb

My autistic brother created a new family Christmas tradition

Okay, so last year, my mom bought this Christmas moose that she lovingly named Barry

This is him

Cute, right?

Well, for whatever reason only known to my brother, he decided that he wanted to put Barry in different rooms of our house and it usually scares the shit out of whomever happens upon Barry; usually the person who finds him is the person that my brother wanted to scare.

So far, Barry has been found

On our dining room table

On my dad's side of my parents' bed

In my parents' closet

Outside their bedroom door (at 5 in the morning and scared my mother shitless)

Near the kitchen door

Near my fucking bed

At the bottom of my sister's stairwell

In our bathroom

And down the hallway

This has gone on for 9 days and it doesn't seem to show signs of stopping. Most of the time we know who gets Barry because it's always followed with a very loud "FUCKING BARRY!!!!!"

My brother is the funniest fucking person I know.

mcsqu1bb

Update:

He found his way into my sister's room.

And my brother is cackling maniacally downstairs.

mcsqu1bb

Holy fuck this doll is creepy

mcsqu1bb

Another update:

The soft glow of the Christmas tree seems to quell his bloodlust

thesaltofcarthage

vote to replace the evil surveillance Elf on the Shelf with Barry the Chrismoose

annethecatdetective

Broke: Elf on the Shelf Woke: Moose on the Loose

bleakcreek

i would, can, and WILL die for sydnee mcelroy

thesylversmyth

FYI she’s not just harassing a faultless employee trying to make a living, Justin said she went in, asked for the owner’s contact info to leave a complaint about their advertising, and THEN the employee decided to Get Into It with her. So he really did get what was coming to him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

nyctosaurid

you know when u have to misgender a friend in front of ur parents and you can like physically taste copper

brerediddy

people who are saying “then don’t misgender them!!” are missing the sad reality of this post. they don’t realize that 99% of the time, when someone must misgender their friend to others, it is because the friend (aka the misgendered friend) has explicitly asked them to do so. especially to parents because people talk, word gets around. if they don’t want anyone to know, then you have to respect that.

galactimatic-deactivated2017070

^^^^^

holmes-at-the-helm

school is like if you do not have a mental illness one will be provided for you

not-safe-for-democracy

thepurelands-deactivated2021031

I don’t know who this bloke is, but I definitely think we should all start saying “thriving wage” until it becomes a thing

daywalker75

This makes me think of that line Hopper from A Bug’s Life and just the relationship shown between the grasshoppers and the ant colony:

In case you can’t see the quote very well, “Those puny ants outnumber us a hundred to one. And if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life. It’s not about food, it’s about keeping those ants in line.”