neuroticspice

also all-round spice but mostly neurotic

[closetohonest]

So like I felt like a mental breakdown was coming and booom I reached that borderline-psychotic state of mind and the suicidal thoughts made a dramatic entrance, the intrusive thoughts/pictures of cutting myself open from heart to stomach because kept coming and I felt like my many good days are a lie and I don't know if it's true and then my bf gave me a Xanax and he held me and then I fucked him and was super concious and connected and came close to an orgasm which doesn't happen often due to too many bad experiences. This recovery thing is so confusing tbh

[fathippyfeminist-deactivated201]

[closetohonest]

Yes u do know, Jacob

[tastemyvalidation]

Thanks brain 👍

[bpdshitposts]

I should join acrobatics, because I seem to be really good at Splitting

* really old laugh track from 1950’s *

[closetohonest]

I don't really know whether I'm practicing self care by pressuring myself to do much more than I feel capable of in order to end up having a "normal" life..... or if I'm just spiralling in some sort of manic break to inevitably end up as depressed and suicidal and unable to to litteraly anything as I've been for 22 1/2 out of 23 years

[dissociationdays]

Distraction Grounding SOS

1. Scream as loud as you can 

2. Punch a pillow 

3. Throw a cushion against a wall 

4. Kick a football against a wall 

5. Squeeze ice really hard

6. Tear up newspaper or a telephone directory

7. Draw on the place you want to cut or harm 

8. Play loud music and dance

9. Write words on yourself in pen 

10. Do some exercise: walk, swim, jog etc. 

11. Write a list of your achievements 

12. Write a letter 

13. Make a wish list 

14. Make a gratitude list 

15. Call a helpline

16. Allow yourself to cry 

17. draw, paint, finger paint, sculpt how you feel

18. Write a poem/story/diary

19. Scribble a word again and again graffiti it

20. Deface a magazine 

21. Draw yourself on paint

22. Photoshop an image

23. Take some photos 

24. Play an instrument/sing

25. Make a memory box/scrapbook

26. Write a different ending to a story 

27. Watch a foreign language channel and make up your own words or interpretations

28. Create a secret code 

29. Create your own cartoon character or superhero 

30. Have a nice bath

31. Wrap yourself up in your duvet

32. Use aromatherapy oils

33. Eat your favourite meal 

34. Buy something special 

35. Massage your arms/hands/feet

36. Stroke a pet 

37. Have a cigarette 

38. Paint your nails 

39. Yoga/Meditation (You can get smartphone apps for these!) 

40. Watch TV or a DVD 

41. Play on the computer 

42. Browse the web 

43. Learn a new skill (Knitting, sewing, crochet etc.) 

44. Make jewellery 

45. Go through a photo album 

46. Design your dream house 

47. Have a debate

48. Build a house of cards 

49. Make a paper chain of how many days you are clean

50. Make a t-shirt 

51. Look for pictures in the clouds 

52.Do some gardening 

53. Wash the car

54. Go for a drive 

55. Go to an arcade 

56. Make a kite 

57. Go shopping 

58. Look at the stars 

59. Catch up on some DIY/Housework 

60. Rearrange your room

61. Redecorate your room 

62. Give your pets a bath 

63. Do some volunteering 

64. Read 

65. Study 

66. Think about what you would like to change about your life and set goals and make a plan 

* I know many of these are repeats but you never know when you might need reminding of things to do to ground/distract!! <3 

[bitterdollie]

me: feels emotion related to trauma brain: D I S S O C I A T E 

[bean-pd]

when you dissociate so hard you gotta remind the Host Body it needs to breathe

[chamomile-bpd]

my personality became a disorder before it could be an actual personality

[bpdisfun]

Anyone else feel like they’re just procrastinating their suicide

[bitterdollie]

I don’t feel like a real person. I just feel like a collection of what people want me to be and various mental disorders.

[bpdeviant]

Types Of BPD

According to field expert Theodore Melton, there are four different types of borderline personality disorder:

Discouraged borderline

Impulsive borderline

Petulant borderline

Self-destructive borderline

Someone suffering from BPD may or may not fall into one of these subcategories, and some may even fall into more than one category. Over time, these symptoms can change and manifest differently as well.

The discouraged borderline exhibits clingy and codependent behavior, tending to follow along in a group setting although seeming dejected. They are usually brimming with disappointment and anger under the surface directed at those around them. Discouraged borderlines are more likely to engage in self-mutilation and even suicide. They seek approval but also tend to avoid people, feel unworthy, and can trend toward depression.

An impulsive borderline is often highly charismatic, energetic and engaging. They can be superficial, flirtatious and elusive, seeking thrills and becoming quickly bored. Impulsive borderlines thrive on attention and excitement and often get themselves into trouble after acting first and thinking later. This can lead to substance abuse and self-injurious behavior as they seek approval from those around them and seek to avoid disappointment and abandonment.

Unpredictability, irritability, defiance and impatience signify the petulant borderline. They tend to be stubborn, pessimistic and resentful as well. They teeter between extreme feelings of being unworthy and anger. They can explode with these episodes of anger. Petulant borderlines fear being disappointed by others but also can’t seem to help wanting to rely on them. They tend to be passive-aggressive and can display self-harming behavior to get attention.

The self-destructive borderline engages in self-destructive behavior. At times they may or may not even be aware of its destructive nature. They are bitter and self-loathing. They have no sense of self and are terrified of being abandoned. They may hurt themselves in an effort to feel something. A self-destructive borderline is most likely to engage in risky behavior like reckless driving and degrading sexual acts.

[closetohonest]

me: what if instead of doing literally anything i just slept all the time

me: thats a sign of depression

me:

me: ok we'll deal with that later but first we nap

[c-ptsdofficial]

The thing about being a self-aware borderline is that you’re a living contradiction.

It’s like “so, i’m completely aware of how irrational and clingy and stupid i sound and i know you don’t actually hate me, bUT DO YOU HATE ME?”

Or “yes, this was a very minor issue and i shouldn’t really be angry about bUT IM GONNA PUNCH A WALL BC RAGE”

And I think, in a way, being self-aware makes it very hard to talk about because you know how irrational you’re being and you know how other people will think you’re weird or wrong or unstable and it sucks.

[allthecoloursatonce]

Anyone else terrified that they are toxic and manipulative and just can’t see it? Or is that just me?

[esoteric-merit]

A lot of people who’ve been abused think this. It’s very common for abusers to try to convince their victims that they, in some small part, deserve the abuse. And a common way of doing that is to frame the defensive tactics of the victim as bad, manipulative things.

[setheverman]

quick question how does a human relax? i would like to try it

[asking-jude]

10 Tips to Deal with Low Self-Esteem

1. Start a compliment jar 

For an entire month, write down something you like about yourself every single day. From your ability to write well or how much you like your eye colour, any compliment that’s truly positive counts. At the end of the month, go through your positive thoughts and reflect on them. 

2. Start living for now 

Low self-esteem is often a problem of putting too much emphasis on things that can’t be changed or that are too far in the future to tell the outcome. I’m not talented enough, I’m going to fail–stop thinking these thoughts and live in the now. 

3. Keep a journal 

When you write down your feelings, you get them out in a healthy way. Once you release them through quick and freeform writing, close your journal for the day and don’t open it again until it’s time to write again. 

4. Become aware of your negativity 

When you catch yourself being negative, actively acknowledge it. When you recognize your negativity, you give yourself the chance to respond with positivity. 

5. Ask yourself “If…” 

“If someone else was in my position, would I make them feel negatively?” Sometimes looking objectively at yourself and your situation can make you feel more positive. 

6. Have conversations with yourself. 

Instead of falling back on verbal onslaughts with yourself, start talking to yourself like an adult. Converse with yourself. Why are you feeling like you do? How can you make it better? 

7. Stop judging yourself and others 

Normally those with low self-esteem are also very negative in other areas of their life. If you find yourself criticizing others, stop this practice. Be more positive in all areas of your life. 

8. Start meditation 

Doing something relaxing can help you become more positive with yourself. Try and let go of all your inner anxiety and breath for 15 minutes a day–or more. 

9. Learn to let it all go 

Disconnecting from what’s making you anxious can sometimes be the best thing for you. When you have low self-esteem, learn to not put so much investment into what you’re upset about yourself. 

10. Be an active participant in your life. 

Don’t be a backseat driver. When you let your emotions run your life, you aren’t truly in control. Start actively participating in your life to help develop a more positive attitude. 

7 in 10 girls have some kind of self-esteem problem. 

Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder. 

Common low self-esteem engagement activities include: 

cutting

eating disorders

bullying

smoking and/or drinking

Source from TherapyTribe