Coffee Beans and Change

T Day - 9/10/2016. Pronouns are they/them or he/him. 40 y/o. Proper pronouns aren't preferred, they're required. Just a transgender individual looking to document my thoughts and transition.

[transsexual-experiences]

reading progressive sex ed caricatures with accurate and detailed and realistic diagrams of sexual organs + shows their variation, but all i can think about is how there is no discussion of what srs is besides the fact that it exists

[transsexual-experiences]

how may people know the before and afters of vaginoplasty? phalloplasty? meta? how it works at all?

[transsexual-experiences]

this one has been passed around recently from the mayo clinic and that actually makes me so happy because how many of transfeminine people are aware of what their options even look like?

there’s a diagram for phallo and meta from springer link(i believe) and. honestly i’d never seen these before and i dont think i’ve ever seen any diagrams. i know vaguely because of reading papers or listening to people talk about their experience but i’ve never seen it, yk? it makes me more confident in my choice to get meta when i’m older

[yooleebird]

There’s a website called Transbucket that has a whole archive of before and after photos, surgery costs, surgeon names and locations, and general feedback on complications, sensation, everything. It’s been around for at least a decade, and there are photos of some folks five or eight years down the line. It’s organized by procedure, and it’s very comprehensive. It’s NSFW of course but it’s an amazing resource!!!

Are you considering or have had transition care? | Transbucket.com

[catboybiologist]

Demystify transition! Break irrational medical fear!

[virtualgirladvance]

remember: if it was truely bad then haters wouldn't try so hard to make you not to, they don't have your best interests in mind

[the-mikey-way]

“we need more weird queers!” you guys can barely handle a hairy woman

[the-mikey-way]

and frankly? some of you struggle with hairy men.

[coffeebeansandchange]

Dang. In May this blog turned 10. As of Sept 2026, I will have been on HRT for a decade.

[coffeebeansandchange]

I love you and I hope youre happy.

Hey Nonny-non!

Uhm, thank you? I am quite happy. :) This blog just reached 10 years old as of may, so that's a thing!

[coffeebeansandchange]

Holy shit!

I forgot to post on my T anniversary--9 years!!!

[coffeebeansandchange]

Shout out to a buddy of mine. Seriously, school tormenter of my youth is now one of my sweetest friends.

He saw it in a second-hand clothing store and thought of me. He messaged me but I didn't get back to him because my phone is always on silent SO

He hid the shirt so he could go back and get it for me.

The Front:

The back:

And without a beat: "S'pretty spicy, yeah!?'

Made my day and it isn't even noon!

[coffeebeansandchange]

Today I learned that a dear friend of mine passed on Jan 10th, 2025.

My partner and I both knew them in high school. My partner knew them more than I did in high school, but I remember them so vividly.

I really became friends with them while working with them. I remember hearing their voice on my local radio before I worked with them and they were always a big cornerstone of the LGBTQIA community in my municipality.

Jakah you are forever missed. May your memory be a blessing.

[coffeebeansandchange]

Holy shit!

Eight (8) years on HRT. I am a bit late on my celebrations, and on my online blogging.

Didn't do everything expected, but have to follow the guidelines. Because tittles (even if you are trans masc) are against the rules.

So much has happened!

Covid, for one--As an NDP supporter in Canada, watching US politics with Trump? Seeing in real time Roe V Wade be overturned and the spike of far-right gain foothold is terrifying.

I am now a Jew in Progress. I have started my conversion. It will personally take me years. I started before Oct 7, 2023. With my work I have had to field questions from Jews who have family affected.

It has been a year. My spouse and I cannot really talk about it because they see something different. I am converting bit I have had to have a crash course because this is the biggest attack on The Jewish People since The Shoah.

They said I need therapy for heavy stuff they are not qualified for. A spouse is not your therapist.

They love me. It will be 20 years in January.

I definitely need therapy. Mental health is important as fuck.

It has been a hard year.

[coffeebeansandchange]

HOLY SHIT

It is official! My name and gender are fully changed!

I did it! I'm finally a real lad!

[coffeebeansandchange]

Holy fucking shit.

7 years.

7 years since I was able to start my HRT. I still have my tits, still want them gone but I have a more "enh, you're here" relationship with them.

I am lucky in the fact that I had one bad interaction with someone who had interacted with me 'from before', but my spouse had my back, as did the employees of the fast food joint we were in.

I have had and survived Covid (the lesser variant). I have fucking lived through a pandemic.

I am in the process of converting to Judaism. Finally! (And loving it, even with the heartaches)

My younger self never would have thought it possible.

I am so fucking happy.

[anderswasrightt]

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

[femmefurina-deactivated20240814]

It may be weird to encounter because it's not the trans narrative that the media sells to us as 'the only valid way to be trans', but the 'I always knew I was x' is not all-encompassing.

Anon there are more people than you think who were girls who grew up into men, or boys who grew up into women, or girls or boys who grew up to be nonbinary. There is a rather obscure theory that girl and boy are distinct genders from man and woman and while the most common trajectory is that boys grow into men and girls grow into women it's not the rule.

Let people define themselves.

[phoenixtawnyflower]

also if you think genderfluid people are real and you're not just humoring us, you by definition have to allow that gender can change over time. I was a girl once. I am not a girl now.

[theleakypen]

Chiming in with solidarity to OP.

I feel very protective of my former identity BECAUSE there's so little room in the Mainstream Trans Narrative ™️ for allowing gender to change.

I was a girl. Now I'm genderqueer. Maybe later I will find different words for myself.

There has to be room for all of us in the trans community or there's no point to any of this.

[mirrepp]

Ive been here long enough to see words like ftm/mtf, afab/amab, transmale/female, trans man/woman all go through the cycle of ppl telling you to “Dont use X word its out dated. Now use this Y word”. Only for a year or two pass and suddenly “Y word is outdated. Now use Z word” like yall this is exhausting. Just because a word is old doesn’t automatically make it a slur or offensive.

[harperhug]

Words don’t matter as much as people.

[coffeebeansandchange]

Hey. You‐-yes you

I have not updated this in forever. I do not know where you live, but I know anti-trans is rearing its ugly-ass head.

There is nothing wrong with being trans.

We have always been through many names. Cultures. Histories.

You aren't wrong and neither am I

[coffeebeansandchange]

January 2023 Update

Rare update to this blog, but I have some good news despite the rough couple of weeks. January 7th marked my 18 year anniversary with my spouse.  We had a wonderful time away and I am so thankful and grateful that I get to spend my life with someone as amazing as they. We’ve come a long way from when we first started being an item, but I truly cannot imagine my life without them. Once home, however, I had some bad news--my Nanna was in the hospital and then on Friday, the 13th, she passed away peacefully with my aunt and uncle by her side while my mother was flying home, hoping to make it in time.  She’s no longer at peace, and with the love of her life and her middle daughter.  Then, shortly after, one of my nephews got hit while walking home from a friend’s place. He’s fine, recovering and they know who did it; so there will be consequences.  So now onto the good news as well:  Finally have my money order so I can mail everything in and finally update my paperwork and name. :)

[dykebluejay]

shoutout to all the lesbians/transmascs who went to the hairstylist at 12-14 asking for dyke/masc short hair and came home looking like karen from the HOA

[the-wolf-emoji]

Shout out to all the transfems and gnc guys who tried to grow out their hair without knowing how to care for it and ended up looking like the front man of a Christian rock band

[coffeebeansandchange]

I feel this on so many levels

TLDR

(Fuck I forgot how to do the read more)

Idk where I am on this weird grading system, but as a trans man/dude I managed to get my Anglican grandma to agree to let me cut my hair short and spike it (as it was the Thing To Do for dudes in late 90's and early Aught's/ 00's )and also agree to dye it green (never came to pass)

I say this because my cheapest haircuts were from a school for hair stylists?

Back then, I knew I wanted the short, spikey hair. Will say she hated it, she let me do it.

She also bought me my first leather jacket. It was from a yard sale and she legit said "saw it and thought you would like it"

Fuck yes. Most thoughtful present she gave me.

When I came out as Trans? She said "knew you were a boy on the inside".

I do not know if it was a way of her negating my queerness, but she has tried so much more than my Dad (her son).

[makingqueerhistory]

Join Laura from Making Queer History for this in house presentation on some of the history and backstory to various cultures and transgender history!

[coffeebeansandchange]

I know this blog has been quiet for a bit now, life n' Covid years and all that; but a couple days ago I didn't expect to get a call from my pharmacy telling me that the company that makes the Androderm patches just...

Stopped making them?

So now I switched over to the gel, which the same company does make and it is my second day on it so far..

And not as itchy as the patches.

[positivity-in-pain]

Grogu says you are good enough.