The Darkest Thoughts Have The Brightest Words

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[collectively-lost]

“Do you still come here?

Do you read between my lines and know instantly...

That they’re all about you?”

Quinn Torres // written: January 2, 2021 2:15am

[collectively-lost]

“You thought I loved oceans

But

Now I’m drowning.”

-Quinn Torres(excerpt from “Liquor and Honey,” a book in the making.)

[collectively-lost]

To erode with someone, into a state of static friction, is a luxury… this all that I truly know.

qt // book in the making

[collectively-lost]

“You were always a mixture of the best times and the worst, never just one.”

-Written Goodbyes //

[collectively-lost]

“I’d like to meet you again.

Maybe under better circumstances;

in a local owned coffee shop

In an under-crowded city

With streets lit up by those same small, dangling Christmas lights that you’d hang in your room year round

Because you thought they were pretty

Maybe under better circumstances;

In a room full of strangers

At your favorite art museum

We’d see each other through rose tinted glasses

We’d ignore the warning signs;

Pretend we couldn’t see ‘em

Maybe under better circumstances;

I would have noticed

All these “maybes” were a reality

But I lost my focus “

-Nicole Torres ( snippets of “The What Ifs”)

[collectively-lost]

“ She's resting her head on her knees, arm outstretched, dangling the last cigarette of her pack in between her fingers.

The smoke curling around her face is picturesque, to say the least, and I snap out of my brief enchantment when I hear her clear her throat.

“What are you staring at?” Her expression is curiously accusatory, with raised eyebrows.

I'm feeling bittersweet, as my stomach tightens and my heart drops. I hate that she does this to me.

Flashing her a crooked smile, I reply. “I was expecting you to have a little more of a smart ass comment. But since today is full of surprises...”

I lean over her and snag the cigarette.

She smacks me(I knew she would), but without missing a beat, I continue.

“Even your cigarettes blush when your lips touch them." “

—Nicole Torres // Cigarette Daydreams Excerpt( I really want to get into making this a book. I have two long excerpts and a bunch of small ones based around it.)

[collectively-lost]

“My deepest regret has eyes that

held me like a sunset;

It was

“too soft

and

too warm”

I’d say.

Unfortunate, for me,

because now I can’t stare at the sky-

Without longing for your colors.”

-Nicole Torres // excerpt from a book I’ll never write #something

[collectively-lost]

“Oh dear,

These bodies line up almost as fast as the drinks do;

They taught me that vodka goes well with their cherry stained lips-

Even though I don't know who they belong to.

And, still, my mind wanders back to you.”

-Nicole Torres //Losing Count- how much vodka and how many women?

[collectively-lost]

I promise, you don’t want to be a writer.

It teaches you everything you didn’t want to know about yourself.

-Nicole Torres

[collectively-lost]

“A lost cause; isn’t that what we are? The space between us grows faster than we do, after all. And in the hopes that we somehow become ‘fixed’, we just constantly go in circles.”

—Nicole Torres//Circles// excerpt.

[collectively-lost]

“I'm made of brittle, old bones. The kind that ache when I think of you, the kind that break when I let myself miss you.”

-Nicole Torres// excerpt from a sad story

[collectively-lost]

“I really believe the light is your best friend, or at the very least, an unrequited lover.

It always falls into your eyes, dancing with the colors. And while you're asleep in the early morning, it makes itself comfortable on every part of your skin. At night too, it finds a way to you through the street lamps.

Even your laugh highlights the air around you, as if it lives inside your lungs.

And I can't think of anything

I've adored more,

than simply looking at you,

being adored by the light.”

-Nicole Torres // light

[collectively-lost]

“I bet people would kill to be touched

the same way you let your hands linger on me.

You came out of nowhere; a wave going upswing,

And swallowed me whole.

A cliché of one of those "beautiful disasters,"

like an ocean taking over everything.”

-Nicole Torres //her

[collectively-lost]

“I'll look at you and want so desperately to utter "I miss you,"

But instead I'll force a smile-

Like the ones you said you loved,

And I'll fall apart on the inside.”

-Nicole Torres // an excerpt

[collectively-lost]

“Last night,

I swear I felt your lips on mine

And your body shaped against me

Like a ghost, you were;

You stayed for all of 32 seconds

I counted this time.

Last night,

I spent it trying to bury us,

But the grave wasn’t deep enough.

It wasn’t pretty enough-

No flowers, no headstone.

I told myself that you would’ve loved a single rose, atleast;

And I felt my heart break

Piece by piece,

32 places in 32 seconds

I counted this time.”

-Nicole Torres // She lasted 32 seconds

[collectively-lost]

”I used to assume I was subtle shades of blue-

Simple hues,

Unprepared for complexity.

But oh god,

I turn red when you look at me

And I catch your eyes lingering longer than you'd like to admit.

As if you're a wanderlust traveller discovering borderlines

I turn red

When your finger tips

start to imitate this ocean of sheets;

curling around me and pulling me underneath

I turn red

When your lips trail embers onto my skin

And light me up like I’m the burning end

Of all your cigarettes

But do you inhale me the same way?

Darling, do I live in your lungs longer than a few seconds

Or do you just like seeing the color red?”

-Nicole Torres

[collectively-lost]

This isn’t the first time

I let the smoke cloud my room;

Take over my mind

But nothing ever changes,

I still think about you even when I can’t think straight

-Nicole Torres